Had a thought today that keeps nagging at me. As usual, it came to me while I was out pulling weeds and transplanting roses. Seems that is the time God chooses (or I allow) for some great conversation.
My question goes something like this....if we believe that God has allowed - for reasons that I cannot fathom -- for people to be the living incarnate, manifestation of Him and His love...That is my hands, my feet, my life are to be in service to allowing others to see Him more clearly..
And if I choose NOT TO DO THAT...through whatever means -- I take up stones and sticks instead of embracing others... I assume when I should ask more questions, I accuse when I should forgive...
What difference does it mean that God is a loving God? What difference does it mean if God is hovering in his little corner of heaven?
Ouch.
I can go around and say all day long, "God is a loving God. He LOVES you!" and that would be true, but if by MY actions this isn't shown, WHAT BLOODY DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?
I started mulling this over a bit over the weekend. A weekend where I was tucking in my father-in-law post surgery, I was running my kids to every conceivable activity known to man and my husband -- well, he's looking for a job.
And I was mulling this over because...no one seemed to care. No phone calls from church friends. No visits from neighbors. Everybody was doing what they do best -- which is to go on about their business.
So I had a big pity party. Poked fun at my little village of believers because they are all out beating their breasts over their most recent tent revival..."it was SOOO good..." "such great speakers..." "The Holy Spirit is really here!"
WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?
Until I realized that, like most accusations, the one pointing the finger has several more pointing back.
I know less and less the older I get. I thought it would be different somehow..that life's questions would suddenly unsnarl and it might be peaceful and easy sailing. Somehow that is just not how life is. I know less and less and frankly I have more and more questions. But this one thing I know...
If My God isn't a God that can be seen throught the toughests of time, if My God isn't a God that can withstand religious fads and fancies...if my God just can't have some flesh on Him from time to time and hold my hand when I cry and soothe my kids when they hurt...WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE that he might be a loving God?
None to me. None whatsoever to me.
I'm well past the age where a theoretical God is gonna cut it. Life's problems don't get any easier, just bigger and more messy. I can't just throw a few scriptures out in the morning, say a few religious sounding phrases and say, "well, that's done. God is so loving" and then I leave to unfurl my worst on those around me. To go blindly about my own life while others are hurting in theirs.
Nope, that isn't going to cut it. Not for me...and not for any of us.
I don't think I'm too different from most. I think that a loving God can be seen in many ways, but I know he must be seen in the lives of those who most call on His name.
And I've failed there -- big time. As have most of us.
God, help me to get past the desire I have for intellectual fantasies and just be practical...to just be a practical version of you. With a warm smile, an open embrace, a soft shoulder. God, help me SHOW in big and small ways that God's love DOES MATTER and that it is a practical love, an abiding love that You give. That others DO matter to you.
Help me encourage those who have lost hope. Help me encourage those who have reached their plans, seen their dreams to fruition -- and help me to be really happy for them, even when my own dreams have fallen short and I'm still miles away from where I had hoped.
Only in these ways can I live a life that matters, a life that is real.
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
More questions
Had a thought today that keeps nagging at me. As usual, it came to me while I was out pulling weeds and transplanting roses. Seems that is the time God chooses (or I allow) for some great conversation.
My question goes something like this....if we believe that God has allowed - for reasons that I cannot fathom -- for people to be the living incarnate, manifestation of Him and His love. That is my hands, my feet, my life are to be in service to allowing others to see Him more clearly..
And if I choose NOT TO DO THAT...through whatever means -- I take up stones and sticks instead of embracing others...
What difference does it mean that God is a loving God? What difference does it mean if God is hovering in his little corner of heaven?
Ouch.
I can go around and say all day long, "God is a loving God. He LOVES you!" and that would be true, but if by MY actions this isn't shown, WHAT BLOODY DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?
I started mulling this over a bit over the weekend. A weekend where I was tucking in my father-in-law post surgery, I was running my kids to every conceivable activity known to man and my husband -- well, he's looking for a job.
And I was mulling this over because...no one seemed to care. No phone calls from church friends. No visits from neighbors. Everybody was doing what they do best -- which is to go on about their business.
So I had a big pity party. Poked fun at my little village of believers because they are all out beating their breasts over their most recent tent revival..."it was SOOO good..." "such great speakers..." "The Holy Spirit is really here!"
WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?
Until I realized that, like most accusations, the one pointing the finger has several more pointing back.
I know less and less the older I get. I thought it would be different somehow..that life's questions would suddenly unsnarl and it might be peaceful and easy sailing. Somehow that is just not how life is. I know less and less and frankly I have more and more questions. But this one thing I know...
If My God isn't a God that can be seen throught the toughests of time, if My God isn't a God that can withstand religious fads and fancies...if my God just can't have some flesh on Him from time to time and hold my hand when I cry and soothe my kids when they hurt...WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE that he might be a loving God?
None to me. None whatsoever to me.
I'm well past the age where a theoretical God is gonna cut it. Life's problems don't get any easier, just bigger and more messy. I can't just throw a few scriptures out in the morning, say a few religious sounding phrases and say, "well, that's done. God is so loving" and then I leave to unfurl my worst on those around me. To go blindly about my own life while others are hurting in theirs.
Nope, that isn't going to cut it. Not for me...and not for any of us.
I don't think I'm too different from most. I think that a loving God can be seen in many ways, but I know he must be seen in the lives of those who most call on His name.
And I've failed there -- big time. As have most of us.
God, help me to get past the desire I have for intellectual fantasies and just be practical...to just be a practical version of you. With a warm smile, an open embrace, a soft shoulder. God, help me SHOW in big and small ways that God's love DOES MATTER and that it is a practical love, an abiding love that You give. That others DO matter to you.
Help me encourage those who have lost hope. Help me encourage those who have reached their plans, seen their dreams to fruition -- and help me to be really happy for them, even when my own dreams have fallen short and I'm still miles away from where I had hoped.
Only in these ways can I live a life that matters, a life that is real.
My question goes something like this....if we believe that God has allowed - for reasons that I cannot fathom -- for people to be the living incarnate, manifestation of Him and His love. That is my hands, my feet, my life are to be in service to allowing others to see Him more clearly..
And if I choose NOT TO DO THAT...through whatever means -- I take up stones and sticks instead of embracing others...
What difference does it mean that God is a loving God? What difference does it mean if God is hovering in his little corner of heaven?
Ouch.
I can go around and say all day long, "God is a loving God. He LOVES you!" and that would be true, but if by MY actions this isn't shown, WHAT BLOODY DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?
I started mulling this over a bit over the weekend. A weekend where I was tucking in my father-in-law post surgery, I was running my kids to every conceivable activity known to man and my husband -- well, he's looking for a job.
And I was mulling this over because...no one seemed to care. No phone calls from church friends. No visits from neighbors. Everybody was doing what they do best -- which is to go on about their business.
So I had a big pity party. Poked fun at my little village of believers because they are all out beating their breasts over their most recent tent revival..."it was SOOO good..." "such great speakers..." "The Holy Spirit is really here!"
WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?
Until I realized that, like most accusations, the one pointing the finger has several more pointing back.
I know less and less the older I get. I thought it would be different somehow..that life's questions would suddenly unsnarl and it might be peaceful and easy sailing. Somehow that is just not how life is. I know less and less and frankly I have more and more questions. But this one thing I know...
If My God isn't a God that can be seen throught the toughests of time, if My God isn't a God that can withstand religious fads and fancies...if my God just can't have some flesh on Him from time to time and hold my hand when I cry and soothe my kids when they hurt...WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE that he might be a loving God?
None to me. None whatsoever to me.
I'm well past the age where a theoretical God is gonna cut it. Life's problems don't get any easier, just bigger and more messy. I can't just throw a few scriptures out in the morning, say a few religious sounding phrases and say, "well, that's done. God is so loving" and then I leave to unfurl my worst on those around me. To go blindly about my own life while others are hurting in theirs.
Nope, that isn't going to cut it. Not for me...and not for any of us.
I don't think I'm too different from most. I think that a loving God can be seen in many ways, but I know he must be seen in the lives of those who most call on His name.
And I've failed there -- big time. As have most of us.
God, help me to get past the desire I have for intellectual fantasies and just be practical...to just be a practical version of you. With a warm smile, an open embrace, a soft shoulder. God, help me SHOW in big and small ways that God's love DOES MATTER and that it is a practical love, an abiding love that You give. That others DO matter to you.
Help me encourage those who have lost hope. Help me encourage those who have reached their plans, seen their dreams to fruition -- and help me to be really happy for them, even when my own dreams have fallen short and I'm still miles away from where I had hoped.
Only in these ways can I live a life that matters, a life that is real.
Monday, March 28, 2005
Summer Solstice
Today marked back to work for me after almost two weeks "off". I started the day in the garden with Dan...this is a highlight for both of us. Some people talk a lot about the flush of new love...for me, I'll take the constancy and comfort of aged love (now almost 20 years) anyday. There is a peace and a comfort found in just work alongside someone, often without having even to talk, and just "be". Dan is one of the most Godly men that walks the globe and I'm proud to call him my "best friend".
And today I saw God's faithfulness. If you work for yourself, you know that you don't just get back to the office and find work to do...often, you get the privilege to "create" that work, which is why I love working for myself. Today I was a big dismayed looking at rather SNOWY datebook...but the phone rang and my day was quickly consumed with new business and new starts. Again, the reassuring hand of God to comfort me today.
Finally, I got to talk to one of my little brothers today and we had a really good chat. Wierd how DNA works, though. I was talking to him on my cell phone while I drove into Sonic (not literally -- you know what I mean...) and was ordering my constant driving companion, a Sonic "Route 44 Iced Tea" . Come to find out..he orders the same thing... didn't know that. He gets his brains from me....
I'm considering having my first ever "Summer Solstice" Party this year. I've been reading up on this celebration and it sound like a lot of fun. I have some ideas that I'd like to try...anyway, a fun project to plan...here's a bit of what I've found...
People around the world have observed spiritual and religious seasonal days of celebration during the month of June. Most have been religious holy days which are linked in some way to the summer solstice. On this day, typically JUN-21, the daytime hours are at a maximum in the Northern hemisphere, and night time is at a minimum. It is officially the first day of summer. It is also referred to as Midsummer because it is roughly the middle of the growing season throughout much of Europe.
"Solstice" is derived from two Latin words: "sol" meaning sun, and "sistere," to cause to stand still. This is because, as the summer solstice approaches, the noonday sun rises higher and higher in the sky on each successive day. On the day of the solstice, it rises an imperceptible amount, compared to the day before. In this sense, it "stands still."
And today I saw God's faithfulness. If you work for yourself, you know that you don't just get back to the office and find work to do...often, you get the privilege to "create" that work, which is why I love working for myself. Today I was a big dismayed looking at rather SNOWY datebook...but the phone rang and my day was quickly consumed with new business and new starts. Again, the reassuring hand of God to comfort me today.
Finally, I got to talk to one of my little brothers today and we had a really good chat. Wierd how DNA works, though. I was talking to him on my cell phone while I drove into Sonic (not literally -- you know what I mean...) and was ordering my constant driving companion, a Sonic "Route 44 Iced Tea" . Come to find out..he orders the same thing... didn't know that. He gets his brains from me....
I'm considering having my first ever "Summer Solstice" Party this year. I've been reading up on this celebration and it sound like a lot of fun. I have some ideas that I'd like to try...anyway, a fun project to plan...here's a bit of what I've found...
People around the world have observed spiritual and religious seasonal days of celebration during the month of June. Most have been religious holy days which are linked in some way to the summer solstice. On this day, typically JUN-21, the daytime hours are at a maximum in the Northern hemisphere, and night time is at a minimum. It is officially the first day of summer. It is also referred to as Midsummer because it is roughly the middle of the growing season throughout much of Europe.
"Solstice" is derived from two Latin words: "sol" meaning sun, and "sistere," to cause to stand still. This is because, as the summer solstice approaches, the noonday sun rises higher and higher in the sky on each successive day. On the day of the solstice, it rises an imperceptible amount, compared to the day before. In this sense, it "stands still."
Sunday, March 27, 2005
David Sedaris: "Jesus Shaves"
I'm a huge fun of David Sedaris, humor essayist and all around funny guy. His writing is elegant while at the same time deceptively on-target..I often will laugh at one paragraph while weeping at the next. Below is an excerpt from one of his books, "Me Talk Pretty One Day" on the joy of Easter...
It was my second month of French class, and the teacher was leading us in an exercise deisgned to promote the use of one our latest personal pronoun..
Printed in our textbooks was a list of major holidays accompanied by a scattered arrangement of photographs depicting French people in the act of celebration. The object of the lesson was to match the holiday with the corresponding picture...We'd finished discussing Bastille Day, and the techer had moved on to Easter, which was represented in our textbooks by a black and white photograph of a chocolate bell lying upon a bed of palm fronds.
"And what does one do on Easter? Would anyone like to tell us?"
One students was attempting to answer the teacher's latest question when another student interrupted, shouting, "Excuse me, but what's an Easter?"
The teacher called upon the rest of us to explain.
"It is, said one student, "a party for the little boy of God who call his self Jesus and...She faltered and her fellow student came to her aid.
"He call his self Jesus and then he die one day on two...morsels of...lumber."
The rest of the class jumped in, offering bits of information that would have given the pope an aneurysm.
"He did one day and then he go above of my head to live with your father."
"He weared of himself the long hair and after he die, the first he come back here for to say hello to the peoples."
"He nice, the Jesus."
"He make the good things, and on the Easter we be sad because somebody makes him dead today."
Part of the problem had to do with our limited vocabulary. Simple nouns such as "cross" and "resurrection" were beyond our grasp let alone such complicated reflexive phrases as "to give of yourself your only begotten son." Faced with the challenge of explaining the cornerstone of Christianity, we did what any self-respecting group of people might do. We talked about food instead.
"Easter is a party for to eat of the lamb" one of the students explained. "One too may eat of the chocolate."
"And who brings the chocolate?" the teacher asked.
I knew the word, so I raised my hand, saying, "The rabbit of Easter. He bring of the chocolate."
"A rabbit?" The teacher, assuming I'd used the wrong word, positioned her index fingers on top of her head, wriggling them as though they were ears. "You mean one of these? A "rabbit" rabbit?"
"Well, sure," I said. "He come in the night when one sleep on a bed. With a hand he have a basket and foods."...
In communicating any religious belief, the operative word is "faith", a concept illustrated by our very presence in that classroom. Why bother struggling with the grammar lessons of a six-year-old if each of us didn't believe that, against all reason, we might eventually improve? If I could hope to one day carry on a fluent conversation, it was a relatively short leap to believing that a rabbit might visit my home in the middle of the night, leaving behind a handful of chocolate kisses and a carton of menthol cigarettes...
David Sedaris has written several books, including the one that this is taken from "Me Talk Pretty One Day". He is often heard on NPR.
It was my second month of French class, and the teacher was leading us in an exercise deisgned to promote the use of one our latest personal pronoun..
Printed in our textbooks was a list of major holidays accompanied by a scattered arrangement of photographs depicting French people in the act of celebration. The object of the lesson was to match the holiday with the corresponding picture...We'd finished discussing Bastille Day, and the techer had moved on to Easter, which was represented in our textbooks by a black and white photograph of a chocolate bell lying upon a bed of palm fronds.
"And what does one do on Easter? Would anyone like to tell us?"
One students was attempting to answer the teacher's latest question when another student interrupted, shouting, "Excuse me, but what's an Easter?"
The teacher called upon the rest of us to explain.
"It is, said one student, "a party for the little boy of God who call his self Jesus and...She faltered and her fellow student came to her aid.
"He call his self Jesus and then he die one day on two...morsels of...lumber."
The rest of the class jumped in, offering bits of information that would have given the pope an aneurysm.
"He did one day and then he go above of my head to live with your father."
"He weared of himself the long hair and after he die, the first he come back here for to say hello to the peoples."
"He nice, the Jesus."
"He make the good things, and on the Easter we be sad because somebody makes him dead today."
Part of the problem had to do with our limited vocabulary. Simple nouns such as "cross" and "resurrection" were beyond our grasp let alone such complicated reflexive phrases as "to give of yourself your only begotten son." Faced with the challenge of explaining the cornerstone of Christianity, we did what any self-respecting group of people might do. We talked about food instead.
"Easter is a party for to eat of the lamb" one of the students explained. "One too may eat of the chocolate."
"And who brings the chocolate?" the teacher asked.
I knew the word, so I raised my hand, saying, "The rabbit of Easter. He bring of the chocolate."
"A rabbit?" The teacher, assuming I'd used the wrong word, positioned her index fingers on top of her head, wriggling them as though they were ears. "You mean one of these? A "rabbit" rabbit?"
"Well, sure," I said. "He come in the night when one sleep on a bed. With a hand he have a basket and foods."...
In communicating any religious belief, the operative word is "faith", a concept illustrated by our very presence in that classroom. Why bother struggling with the grammar lessons of a six-year-old if each of us didn't believe that, against all reason, we might eventually improve? If I could hope to one day carry on a fluent conversation, it was a relatively short leap to believing that a rabbit might visit my home in the middle of the night, leaving behind a handful of chocolate kisses and a carton of menthol cigarettes...
David Sedaris has written several books, including the one that this is taken from "Me Talk Pretty One Day". He is often heard on NPR.
The Incredibles
We watched this tonight as a family...well done.
Forget about the Academy Award for animation...that may be, but the great part about this movie -- the dead on family dynamics. My favorite parts are the scenes with "Violet"...someone knows teenage girls...and middle aged moms.
Forget about the Academy Award for animation...that may be, but the great part about this movie -- the dead on family dynamics. My favorite parts are the scenes with "Violet"...someone knows teenage girls...and middle aged moms.
The Village Idiot Reports
AP PHOTOS -- 2027 A.D.
Congress is expected to pass on a 14. 9 trillion dollar measure they say will assist reduce the divorce rate.
The "Toilet Paper Shuttle" (TPS) bill has been argued for several weeks now and is expected to pass with unanimous support, especially among female congress members.
"This bill, allowing the installation of these services into our homes will reduce the divorce rate by 50% and cut down on teenage drug abuse" says one supporter of the bill.
Up until recently, most households were forced to purchase boxes of toilet paper for thier families use and then repurchase it time and time again. When the household ran out, then additional trips to the store were often in order.
Some families couldn't cope with the stress.
"It was the final straw", said one mother of 4 -- all teeangers -- who recently has sought counseling for child abuse. "There never was toilet paper when I needed it" she added tearfully.
Now, since the TPS has been created, this disruptive part of family life has been virtually eliminated. Storage cells, attractively built into walls hold up to 100 rolls of toilet paper and are re-stocked by the shuttle which has a variety of colors, scents in which to choose. These devices look much like the vending machines of the late 20th century. Deliveries are made routinely and families are billed for thier quarterly usage, just like a magazine or newspaper subscription.
Still, some naysayers feel that the government is overreaching. "I lugged 12 rolls of toilet paper in my day and I still do, " says one Congressman. "This is something in which the government should not be involved." When pressed however, he recanted saying, "OK, OK, my wife went to the store not me."
For others it has been a salvation.
"It has brought our family back together -- gave us hope." said one participant in a nation-wide study. The study indicated that marital stress has been significantly lowered since the installation of the TPS in many homes."
Congress is expected to vote later this week.
Congress is expected to pass on a 14. 9 trillion dollar measure they say will assist reduce the divorce rate.
The "Toilet Paper Shuttle" (TPS) bill has been argued for several weeks now and is expected to pass with unanimous support, especially among female congress members.
"This bill, allowing the installation of these services into our homes will reduce the divorce rate by 50% and cut down on teenage drug abuse" says one supporter of the bill.
Up until recently, most households were forced to purchase boxes of toilet paper for thier families use and then repurchase it time and time again. When the household ran out, then additional trips to the store were often in order.
Some families couldn't cope with the stress.
"It was the final straw", said one mother of 4 -- all teeangers -- who recently has sought counseling for child abuse. "There never was toilet paper when I needed it" she added tearfully.
Now, since the TPS has been created, this disruptive part of family life has been virtually eliminated. Storage cells, attractively built into walls hold up to 100 rolls of toilet paper and are re-stocked by the shuttle which has a variety of colors, scents in which to choose. These devices look much like the vending machines of the late 20th century. Deliveries are made routinely and families are billed for thier quarterly usage, just like a magazine or newspaper subscription.
Still, some naysayers feel that the government is overreaching. "I lugged 12 rolls of toilet paper in my day and I still do, " says one Congressman. "This is something in which the government should not be involved." When pressed however, he recanted saying, "OK, OK, my wife went to the store not me."
For others it has been a salvation.
"It has brought our family back together -- gave us hope." said one participant in a nation-wide study. The study indicated that marital stress has been significantly lowered since the installation of the TPS in many homes."
Congress is expected to vote later this week.
Saturday, March 26, 2005
Wrapping up Spring Break
I've taken almost an entire week, week and a half off work to handle household chores (garden, shopping, kids clothing) and will take the next day or so to get back ready for work.
I feel completely rested and revived! Bring on the last half of our fiscal year.
I watched an interview with Tennessee Women's BBall coach Pat Summit the other night on National News. I was really impressed with her and what she has created for the basketball program at Tennessee. She's someone I'd like to read or study more about. One comment that she shared was that she has a "hard time relating to lazy ball players". I relate to that -- not with the ball players part, but the part about anybody not wanting more for themselves.
Not "more" in the financial sense...but developing their mind, developing their talents, going beyond their meager beginnings wherever that may be. Sometimes, I think it is a tragedy that here in the United States, where women are given more opportunities for education and developing themselves than practically anywhere on the globe, so many women opt for so little in self development.
I enjoy being around people -- men or women -- that read, that think and that are willing to take risks in order to grow themselves physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. This past week was a time for me to do that in all these areas.
I feel completely rested and revived! Bring on the last half of our fiscal year.
I watched an interview with Tennessee Women's BBall coach Pat Summit the other night on National News. I was really impressed with her and what she has created for the basketball program at Tennessee. She's someone I'd like to read or study more about. One comment that she shared was that she has a "hard time relating to lazy ball players". I relate to that -- not with the ball players part, but the part about anybody not wanting more for themselves.
Not "more" in the financial sense...but developing their mind, developing their talents, going beyond their meager beginnings wherever that may be. Sometimes, I think it is a tragedy that here in the United States, where women are given more opportunities for education and developing themselves than practically anywhere on the globe, so many women opt for so little in self development.
I enjoy being around people -- men or women -- that read, that think and that are willing to take risks in order to grow themselves physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. This past week was a time for me to do that in all these areas.
Gardener's Journal - finished for now!
After almost 5 days of digging, digging and then digging some more, I've come to a brief respite with my garden. I've planted over a dozen heirloom roses including Intrigue (floribunda) Morden Ruby (regosa) along with a Peace climber. I've tried some new varieties for some added summer color.
I'm completely and utterly transfixed by roses. Once I figured out that the way to grow roses is to avoid completely the hybrid teas, I was a goner. I love going out in early morning and clipping mounds of dewey petals to bring into the house. This is a pure pleasure that summer holds for me.
There is still much to do. Retaining wall on street side, mulching all beds (after a few more rains) and still planting perennials. I've moved several shrubs, replanted them. Things are beginning to really take hold.
I'm probably "done" with re-doing beds for this season...but have new ideas ready for late fall and early spring for next year. These include a bamboo/japanese garden near back (Ellen is really excited about that idea after seeing some at the Dallas Arboretum) and a small shed/cottage with raised beds for back corner. Still, there is a pond to finish and the swimming pool that has been pushed back for later this year (again) until we get on equal footing. I've decided that my original intent for a pond/bridge and shrubs will win out over the famiily wanting to "plop" a swimming pool right off the back door. Reason? Because I don't want to look out and see a covered pool all winter! Even a winter pond is more pleasant on the eyes.
I think the pool should go out a bit...so we're working on that plan.
I'm going to rest my aching back and watch a few movies and enjoy my family for Easter. It's a joy to work hard in and around the house together and it teaches the kids that we take care of what has been given us. Also, the kids are both becoming more involved in the garden which holds a ton of life lessons that I enjoy sharing with them.
Final note on the roses: I thougth it appropriate to plant a "peace" rose as the final crown in my newly planted easter plan...I'll write more on this later.
I'm completely and utterly transfixed by roses. Once I figured out that the way to grow roses is to avoid completely the hybrid teas, I was a goner. I love going out in early morning and clipping mounds of dewey petals to bring into the house. This is a pure pleasure that summer holds for me.
There is still much to do. Retaining wall on street side, mulching all beds (after a few more rains) and still planting perennials. I've moved several shrubs, replanted them. Things are beginning to really take hold.
I'm probably "done" with re-doing beds for this season...but have new ideas ready for late fall and early spring for next year. These include a bamboo/japanese garden near back (Ellen is really excited about that idea after seeing some at the Dallas Arboretum) and a small shed/cottage with raised beds for back corner. Still, there is a pond to finish and the swimming pool that has been pushed back for later this year (again) until we get on equal footing. I've decided that my original intent for a pond/bridge and shrubs will win out over the famiily wanting to "plop" a swimming pool right off the back door. Reason? Because I don't want to look out and see a covered pool all winter! Even a winter pond is more pleasant on the eyes.
I think the pool should go out a bit...so we're working on that plan.
I'm going to rest my aching back and watch a few movies and enjoy my family for Easter. It's a joy to work hard in and around the house together and it teaches the kids that we take care of what has been given us. Also, the kids are both becoming more involved in the garden which holds a ton of life lessons that I enjoy sharing with them.
Final note on the roses: I thougth it appropriate to plant a "peace" rose as the final crown in my newly planted easter plan...I'll write more on this later.
Friday, March 25, 2005
Gardner's Journal
I've been considering peat moss this morning. Peat moss and forgiveness.
The two are quite the same, you know. Let me explain.
If you've ever driven through Oklahoma and witnessed our "red dirt" then you know that our dirt here is a bit different than most. It is hardly what one might call "dirt". Clay is more the word for it. Clay that is soggy in the rainy months, brittle and hard in the summer.
Very little grows in clay. Weeds, maybe. And ant farms. Lots of ant farms.
Kind of like some hearts I've known. Kind of like my heart, at times.
For the clay to yield anything good it needs a strong transfusion of things to incorporate air into it -- sand, topsoil and that sweet, sweet thing called peat moss.
This morning, I was ankle deep in mud from the storms that blew through my garden last night. Not run down your ankles mud...but mud that sticks, like glue, disallowing movement.
Like I said, kind of like my heart sometimes.
We christians are a strange lot. We run around this time of year, getting our pastel prints, donning our favorite clothes, making sure we have plenty to eat, rushing to meet deadlines and parents.
Yet we forget about the transfusion that we need -- that we must have -- to be vessels of life.
I remember once asking my grandmother about forgiveness. It was some scuffle that I had with one of my brothers. Being the only girl, I was often the butt of jokes, often left out. After one particularly difficult time, I remember tearfully asking, "So how am I suppose to forgive...just let them off the hook like that?"
I'll never forget her response. She looked me directly in the eye and replied, softly, "You don't. You don't let them off the hook. You let yourself off."
Loamy peat moss transforms the hard Oklahoma clay into something good, something that can sustain life, something that can bring forth beauty. The transfusion is hard work -- in a sense the clay gives up what it once was...it becomes something different entirely.
But without that transfusion -- that transformation, it is hard, brittle dry. Useless. Cold. Easily broken.
While on my knees this morning (which I why I believe there is a spiritual connection between gardening and people) I prayed for the grace to forgive those in my life -- and to be forgiven. To me, this is the essence of this season of renewal.
The two are quite the same, you know. Let me explain.
If you've ever driven through Oklahoma and witnessed our "red dirt" then you know that our dirt here is a bit different than most. It is hardly what one might call "dirt". Clay is more the word for it. Clay that is soggy in the rainy months, brittle and hard in the summer.
Very little grows in clay. Weeds, maybe. And ant farms. Lots of ant farms.
Kind of like some hearts I've known. Kind of like my heart, at times.
For the clay to yield anything good it needs a strong transfusion of things to incorporate air into it -- sand, topsoil and that sweet, sweet thing called peat moss.
This morning, I was ankle deep in mud from the storms that blew through my garden last night. Not run down your ankles mud...but mud that sticks, like glue, disallowing movement.
Like I said, kind of like my heart sometimes.
We christians are a strange lot. We run around this time of year, getting our pastel prints, donning our favorite clothes, making sure we have plenty to eat, rushing to meet deadlines and parents.
Yet we forget about the transfusion that we need -- that we must have -- to be vessels of life.
I remember once asking my grandmother about forgiveness. It was some scuffle that I had with one of my brothers. Being the only girl, I was often the butt of jokes, often left out. After one particularly difficult time, I remember tearfully asking, "So how am I suppose to forgive...just let them off the hook like that?"
I'll never forget her response. She looked me directly in the eye and replied, softly, "You don't. You don't let them off the hook. You let yourself off."
Loamy peat moss transforms the hard Oklahoma clay into something good, something that can sustain life, something that can bring forth beauty. The transfusion is hard work -- in a sense the clay gives up what it once was...it becomes something different entirely.
But without that transfusion -- that transformation, it is hard, brittle dry. Useless. Cold. Easily broken.
While on my knees this morning (which I why I believe there is a spiritual connection between gardening and people) I prayed for the grace to forgive those in my life -- and to be forgiven. To me, this is the essence of this season of renewal.
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Gardner's Journal
In spite of cold, rainy weather, I've been a busy bee. The beds in my garden are coming along nicely, with lots of new peat moss, top soil and other nutrients for the soil. My hands are chapped, my face already showing signs of sunburn, my knees stained from the dark wet soil that I've been kneeling upon.
Not to mention the ache in my shoulders. Hot tub would be great about now.
This is the work that is often overlooked in gardening. When I see the beds spread out in gardening magazine, what is NOT seen are the pounds and pounds of dirt, the hours spent on bended knee pulling out old weeds, roots.
Nor do I often notice the painstaking placement of pavers or the care put into the walkways. These are the foundations of any garden and the garden cannot exist without them.
One of the biggest mistakes I have made is being impatient...loading my truck up with color and not taking the steps needed for the new inhabitants of my garden. Too often I put a $20 plant into a $5 hole.
It's not the eye catching, sexy work that we like to think about when we think about gardening. But it's the most important work there is. Plants, like people, need a safe place to grow.
So its back to the garden store, for more sand, a few more pavers and gravel. Still no color yet. Still lots of prep work to do.
Not to mention the ache in my shoulders. Hot tub would be great about now.
This is the work that is often overlooked in gardening. When I see the beds spread out in gardening magazine, what is NOT seen are the pounds and pounds of dirt, the hours spent on bended knee pulling out old weeds, roots.
Nor do I often notice the painstaking placement of pavers or the care put into the walkways. These are the foundations of any garden and the garden cannot exist without them.
One of the biggest mistakes I have made is being impatient...loading my truck up with color and not taking the steps needed for the new inhabitants of my garden. Too often I put a $20 plant into a $5 hole.
It's not the eye catching, sexy work that we like to think about when we think about gardening. But it's the most important work there is. Plants, like people, need a safe place to grow.
So its back to the garden store, for more sand, a few more pavers and gravel. Still no color yet. Still lots of prep work to do.
Around the Bend
wip.warnerbros.com/aroundthebend
How does a family survive death? How does a family invoke rituals to meaningfully connect with future generations? How do we learn to forgive those that hurt us most, especially when those people are suppose to be our caretakers? How do we find those to which we belong -- our "tribe" in a world of heartbreak and brokenness.
These are the central themes of "Around the Bend", a movie starring Michael Caine, Christopher Walken, Josh Lucas as the Lair family.
I loved how the director of this movie is able to weave these themes around the family while keeping the tension between comedy and drama taunt and sparkling.
There are not many guidelines for those of us in Western culture on how to pass from one generation to the next. We suffer from a lack of rituals and connectedness that other cultures have seemed far better able to execute.
While there are not specific ideas given, the movie does provide some key ideas on how generations might connect and provide meaning to those circles of generations that encircle one another.
I love movies such as this that are rich in character development, provide a visual feast of "clues" to the movies themes along with a first rate class of actors. Seeing the movie on DVD also provides insight to the director's approach to his movie and the making of the movie itself.
How does a family survive death? How does a family invoke rituals to meaningfully connect with future generations? How do we learn to forgive those that hurt us most, especially when those people are suppose to be our caretakers? How do we find those to which we belong -- our "tribe" in a world of heartbreak and brokenness.
These are the central themes of "Around the Bend", a movie starring Michael Caine, Christopher Walken, Josh Lucas as the Lair family.
I loved how the director of this movie is able to weave these themes around the family while keeping the tension between comedy and drama taunt and sparkling.
There are not many guidelines for those of us in Western culture on how to pass from one generation to the next. We suffer from a lack of rituals and connectedness that other cultures have seemed far better able to execute.
While there are not specific ideas given, the movie does provide some key ideas on how generations might connect and provide meaning to those circles of generations that encircle one another.
I love movies such as this that are rich in character development, provide a visual feast of "clues" to the movies themes along with a first rate class of actors. Seeing the movie on DVD also provides insight to the director's approach to his movie and the making of the movie itself.
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Thoughtful quotes
“Every idea of God we form, he must in mercy shatter.”—CS Lewis
“The domain of morals is as chartless as the sea once was, and as treacherous as the sea still is. It is not too much to say that whoever wishes to become a truly moral human being (and let us not ask whether or not this is possible: I think that we must believe that it is possible) must first divorce himself from all the prohibitions, crimes, hypocrisies of the Christian Church. If the concept of God has any validity at all, it can only be to make us larger, freer, and more loving. If God cannot do this, then it is time we got rid of him.” —James Baldwin, The Fire Next Time
“Protestants argue about the Bible, doctrines, and moralisms, instead of following Jesus into new and risky places. The new para-churches love religious entertainment instead of loving peace or justice. Warlike heads of state can normally be assured of Christians’ total support–all in poor Jesus’ name. We all prefer our rituals to anything real or risky. Without some kind of disillusionment of forms, religious invariably becomes idolatry of forms. Ritual is risky business and religion is a dangerous business. . . .” —Richard Rohr, Adam’s Return, 2004, Crossroad, p. 104
“The domain of morals is as chartless as the sea once was, and as treacherous as the sea still is. It is not too much to say that whoever wishes to become a truly moral human being (and let us not ask whether or not this is possible: I think that we must believe that it is possible) must first divorce himself from all the prohibitions, crimes, hypocrisies of the Christian Church. If the concept of God has any validity at all, it can only be to make us larger, freer, and more loving. If God cannot do this, then it is time we got rid of him.” —James Baldwin, The Fire Next Time
“Protestants argue about the Bible, doctrines, and moralisms, instead of following Jesus into new and risky places. The new para-churches love religious entertainment instead of loving peace or justice. Warlike heads of state can normally be assured of Christians’ total support–all in poor Jesus’ name. We all prefer our rituals to anything real or risky. Without some kind of disillusionment of forms, religious invariably becomes idolatry of forms. Ritual is risky business and religion is a dangerous business. . . .” —Richard Rohr, Adam’s Return, 2004, Crossroad, p. 104
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Taxes and other diseases
Today, I created an empire.
Not really...just a corporation. After taking a beating on taxes the last few years, I finally made the move to incorporate.
I'm proud to be an American, but can be just as proud for half as much. And, since I don't look that great in orange, it's probably best that I work out some arrangement that can keep me and my family eating as well as keep me out of jail.
Today was also a red letter day for Nathan..we bought him his first suit. That is, suit, tie, the works. The last time he wore a suit -- he was about 3 and it was a red bowtie that I remember. He will be going to the prom along with other HS senior events so this seemed a better purchase than renting a tux. And I have to say, he's quite handsome in his new duds.
I've been reflecting a lot on life's passages lately...if the twenty-something's can yell into a "infinite abyss" (Garden State the movie) then I suspect that the best metaphor for us over 40 is bridging the infinite abyss...one hand on your parents, one arm stretched out to your teenage kids and you just hope that you can keep it together before one of them lets go.
Yep, I'll go with that.
You've already experienced the highs of low of a career, and know that there is much much more of interest outside making money and buying stuff. You've learned your lessons (hopefully) regarding your spouse -- and you know that even on bad days, starting over with someone else is just crazy. If Dan and I ever split up, I am not getting a man, but a whole team of experts to clean my house, drive me around..etc., etc,....that is what it would take to replace him.
By the time you're my age, you've quit watching sitcoms and started paying attention to the ads for prescription drugs and enjoying it more. You've quit worrying about what is fashionable and instead worry about what is comfortable. You've stopped thinking about your portfolio and you think more about how much longer you have with your growing kids.
You, in short, really start to live.
Not really...just a corporation. After taking a beating on taxes the last few years, I finally made the move to incorporate.
I'm proud to be an American, but can be just as proud for half as much. And, since I don't look that great in orange, it's probably best that I work out some arrangement that can keep me and my family eating as well as keep me out of jail.
Today was also a red letter day for Nathan..we bought him his first suit. That is, suit, tie, the works. The last time he wore a suit -- he was about 3 and it was a red bowtie that I remember. He will be going to the prom along with other HS senior events so this seemed a better purchase than renting a tux. And I have to say, he's quite handsome in his new duds.
I've been reflecting a lot on life's passages lately...if the twenty-something's can yell into a "infinite abyss" (Garden State the movie) then I suspect that the best metaphor for us over 40 is bridging the infinite abyss...one hand on your parents, one arm stretched out to your teenage kids and you just hope that you can keep it together before one of them lets go.
Yep, I'll go with that.
You've already experienced the highs of low of a career, and know that there is much much more of interest outside making money and buying stuff. You've learned your lessons (hopefully) regarding your spouse -- and you know that even on bad days, starting over with someone else is just crazy. If Dan and I ever split up, I am not getting a man, but a whole team of experts to clean my house, drive me around..etc., etc,....that is what it would take to replace him.
By the time you're my age, you've quit watching sitcoms and started paying attention to the ads for prescription drugs and enjoying it more. You've quit worrying about what is fashionable and instead worry about what is comfortable. You've stopped thinking about your portfolio and you think more about how much longer you have with your growing kids.
You, in short, really start to live.
Village Idiot Reports
AP PHOTOT-Town executive meeting.
Executive met this week at the annual meeting to discuss important topics relative to our town. On the docket includes spending budgets, administration tasks, administration staffing and women's role.
"We really have no idea what to do with them" says one executive who asked to not be identified. "We are looking for new ways to engage them".
Indeed, the town's leadership has been grappling with this issue for some time. Women have traditionally held lower paying jobs such as health care, food service and children's eduction. Recently, some women have been objecting to the low status placed upon them and their services.
"I have a PH.D in Business Management but am not allowed to comment on important leadership choices" says one disenfranchised participants. "I have been offered jobs in other cities and am considering taking them, but I've lived int his town all my life. Maybe its time to move on."
Studies show that many women have done just that. Some are now serving on many leadership teams and within organizations but still the door is closed for those wishing to serve in T-Town.
The convention convenes tomorrow through Sunday.
Monday, March 21, 2005
Women's role -- the discussion begins
I heard a sermon recently upon the role of women in church. This question may be one of the greatest questions left unanswered and unaddressed, at least in my experience of "church".
But it's been answered by many of us long ago.
Most women I know -- many running families, companies and large organizations know one true thing: that when they walk through the thresholds of church they are no longer people. The walk through the doors and they become just a sexual being.
This is a strong way to put it, but there are only three ways a woman can exist in the current church paradigm:
a - she can be the docile wife and mother, smiling throwing tea parties, nodding and smiling
b - she can be considered a (perjorative word here) when she attempts to use her own skills at expressing her ideas and what she has learned
c - she can be a threat -- both to men and women -- who consider her intelligence something to be feared.
I hear a lot of talk about churches becoming "healthy" and all that. I maintain that until we get the women's role figured out, we're gonna be kind of messed up. Any organization that uses only half its resources would be no different.
I know most of the arguments, most of the scriptures. One doesn't have to be a feminist to understand that churches have really struggled with this issue and is doing badly at re-defining a workable definition fo what women can do for God. I know - -God doesn't need anyone doing anything for Him...but the gift of expression is critical for any relationship. I see no need to have it different for women and their relationship with God. It's not love until you give something.
I think that it isn't only the men who have the issues. My thinking is that the women involved are at least as much a part of the problem. Most women benefit somehow from this current paradigm...the less responsibility in undersanding theology, in critically understanding scripture, in not questioning one's role means you get less -- less responsibility, less credibility, less of everything. It may simply be simpler to not ask these kinds of questions.
Or, they work too hard at trying to be a part of the church's voice and in that struggle become exactly what others fear -- too strong, too domineering, too loud.
I also think women need to become comfortable with a different understanding of themselves and their role. They will need to become comfortable with standing on their own with their ideas and their own gifts.
I have no real hope that my lifetime will render any real progress on this important issue. I have some small hope that my daughter may see a different reality. Until then, most of those who have gifts that don't fall under cooking, teaching children will find their gifts best used in industry or other organizations that can appreciate what all people can bring to the table.
So, church, keep on talking. But my guess...you won't really change until you're forced to change and by then, the change you make will be meaningless. Like a husband who takes out the trash only when his wife yells at him, the gesture doesn't really exhibit love but guilt-induced action.
But it's been answered by many of us long ago.
Most women I know -- many running families, companies and large organizations know one true thing: that when they walk through the thresholds of church they are no longer people. The walk through the doors and they become just a sexual being.
This is a strong way to put it, but there are only three ways a woman can exist in the current church paradigm:
a - she can be the docile wife and mother, smiling throwing tea parties, nodding and smiling
b - she can be considered a (perjorative word here) when she attempts to use her own skills at expressing her ideas and what she has learned
c - she can be a threat -- both to men and women -- who consider her intelligence something to be feared.
I hear a lot of talk about churches becoming "healthy" and all that. I maintain that until we get the women's role figured out, we're gonna be kind of messed up. Any organization that uses only half its resources would be no different.
I know most of the arguments, most of the scriptures. One doesn't have to be a feminist to understand that churches have really struggled with this issue and is doing badly at re-defining a workable definition fo what women can do for God. I know - -God doesn't need anyone doing anything for Him...but the gift of expression is critical for any relationship. I see no need to have it different for women and their relationship with God. It's not love until you give something.
I think that it isn't only the men who have the issues. My thinking is that the women involved are at least as much a part of the problem. Most women benefit somehow from this current paradigm...the less responsibility in undersanding theology, in critically understanding scripture, in not questioning one's role means you get less -- less responsibility, less credibility, less of everything. It may simply be simpler to not ask these kinds of questions.
Or, they work too hard at trying to be a part of the church's voice and in that struggle become exactly what others fear -- too strong, too domineering, too loud.
I also think women need to become comfortable with a different understanding of themselves and their role. They will need to become comfortable with standing on their own with their ideas and their own gifts.
I have no real hope that my lifetime will render any real progress on this important issue. I have some small hope that my daughter may see a different reality. Until then, most of those who have gifts that don't fall under cooking, teaching children will find their gifts best used in industry or other organizations that can appreciate what all people can bring to the table.
So, church, keep on talking. But my guess...you won't really change until you're forced to change and by then, the change you make will be meaningless. Like a husband who takes out the trash only when his wife yells at him, the gesture doesn't really exhibit love but guilt-induced action.
Dallas Arborteum
I've posted some pics below of a Sunday morning stroll through the Dallas Arboreteum (www.dallasarborteum.org). I didn't step a foot into a church all day but saw God everywhere.
What was equally interesting is that my teenage daughter Ellen and a friend went with me. We went to various shopping sites for Spring Shopping. When it was all over, they both said that what they enjoyed MOST about the trip was not the shopping...but the gardens.
That's pretty strong acclaim, I'd say.
I'm writing some training materials and am using the metaphors or growing, nurturing, harvesting, planting and they work beautifully into the direction of where I want to take these sessions.
What was equally interesting is that my teenage daughter Ellen and a friend went with me. We went to various shopping sites for Spring Shopping. When it was all over, they both said that what they enjoyed MOST about the trip was not the shopping...but the gardens.
That's pretty strong acclaim, I'd say.
I'm writing some training materials and am using the metaphors or growing, nurturing, harvesting, planting and they work beautifully into the direction of where I want to take these sessions.
Gardener's Journal
Today I completed the edgers for the back half of the garden. Now, the next step is to clean out the current weeds and dirt from there and replace with new better soil. This will take the better part of the next few days.
In addition, I will be adding new pavers to the front part of garden, where there are currently no barriers to the pathway. This will add definition and clean up the garden space and make it easier to mow, always a good thing.
Other projects for this week will be to continue planning the raised bed (currently empty) and to start plans for the pond that will sit in front of the pergola.
In addition, I will be adding new pavers to the front part of garden, where there are currently no barriers to the pathway. This will add definition and clean up the garden space and make it easier to mow, always a good thing.
Other projects for this week will be to continue planning the raised bed (currently empty) and to start plans for the pond that will sit in front of the pergola.
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Gardener's Journal
My first purchase of the spring season....Nearly Wild Floribunda Roses, May Night Salvia, and Stella d'ora daylillies.
This is one of my favorite combinations.... bright pink roses tower above the dark blue, while the yellow lillies nods just under the salvia. Sharp and crisp, but not too formal. Two weeks from now, it'll be time to plant. I'm trying out some new web sites...www.directgardening.com (I've read and heard from other gardeners that this is one of the best ways to find plants...much less expensive and you get hardier plants. We'll see!)
Now, I'm headed to get dirt and some border materials for firming up the borders and getting everything ready for these new babies.
Floribundas are usually showstoppers which product a lot of blooms. I have a "ballerina" floribunda in back garden and it is beautiful. Watch for pics sure to come!
This is one of my favorite combinations.... bright pink roses tower above the dark blue, while the yellow lillies nods just under the salvia. Sharp and crisp, but not too formal. Two weeks from now, it'll be time to plant. I'm trying out some new web sites...www.directgardening.com (I've read and heard from other gardeners that this is one of the best ways to find plants...much less expensive and you get hardier plants. We'll see!)
Now, I'm headed to get dirt and some border materials for firming up the borders and getting everything ready for these new babies.
Floribundas are usually showstoppers which product a lot of blooms. I have a "ballerina" floribunda in back garden and it is beautiful. Watch for pics sure to come!
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
In search of Nikko Blue
On a mad dash to the garden store, I picked up a copy of a new gardening magazine, called "Dream Gardens". Did I say "picked up"? What I should say is, "I snatched". Like a mad shoplifter on a tanget, I saw the cover and my heart said, "ooooooh, I want THAT!"
My friend Terry Hershey (www.terryhershey.com) says in "Soul Gardening" that these kind of magazines are like rose porn to those of us passionate about gardening. And its true. After getting dinner, making calls, doing the day to day, I will sit down with my favorite things: Tall glass of iced tea, "Law and Order" reruns and gardening books.
Not all passions make sense, you know.
The gardens in the book were heartrenderingly beautiful and I began to fantasize about new garden structures, new depths of ponds, new colors splayed out to devour. I was in over my head, past the point of return, dangerously close to the intoxicating effects of what all gardeners know: there is some serious money about to be spent.
I remember drifting off to sleep thinking about the small fence I'll build this spring to enclose the patio. I thought about the 50 or so boxwood shrubs that need to be put around my borders. I considered the stella o dora's that look so beautiful up against the ballerina rose. I began to dream of a garden paradise and I the great gardener, bringing all things beautiful to life around me.
So it makes perfect sense that I would awaken this morning with one thing on my mind: Nikko Blue Hydrangeas. Big balls of blue tuft that grace emerald green leaves. Cool, refreshing, the mere appearance of them says, "summer time".
Still in my stupor, I tour the garden as I do each morning. Stumbling over the rake I left out yesterday. Picking up the damp seat of a patio chair caught in last nights rain, I take stock of my little project.
Another trouble with fantasies? They make your current lover look a bit lacking. I see the pond that is still not finished. The garden beds that aren't yet full, still reeling from my hackneyed cleaning up job of the previous days. I see the still unpainted parts of the pergola, not to mention the still gaping hole where a beautiful pond will someday exist.
This is where the reality-TV show crew is suppose to come in and make my dreams come true. But no truck or crew will be arriving. It's just me, my now lukewarm coffee, my faithful dog looking into a sad, dreary plot of land.
The hard part of dreams is that they take a lot of work. Much easier to admire others years of work than to pick up my own shovel and start in on it. Lots easier to throw money desperately away on books whose gardens may have taken 25 years to create. The bigger the dream, the bigger the fall from reality.
Where'd I put that book?
My friend Terry Hershey (www.terryhershey.com) says in "Soul Gardening" that these kind of magazines are like rose porn to those of us passionate about gardening. And its true. After getting dinner, making calls, doing the day to day, I will sit down with my favorite things: Tall glass of iced tea, "Law and Order" reruns and gardening books.
Not all passions make sense, you know.
The gardens in the book were heartrenderingly beautiful and I began to fantasize about new garden structures, new depths of ponds, new colors splayed out to devour. I was in over my head, past the point of return, dangerously close to the intoxicating effects of what all gardeners know: there is some serious money about to be spent.
I remember drifting off to sleep thinking about the small fence I'll build this spring to enclose the patio. I thought about the 50 or so boxwood shrubs that need to be put around my borders. I considered the stella o dora's that look so beautiful up against the ballerina rose. I began to dream of a garden paradise and I the great gardener, bringing all things beautiful to life around me.
So it makes perfect sense that I would awaken this morning with one thing on my mind: Nikko Blue Hydrangeas. Big balls of blue tuft that grace emerald green leaves. Cool, refreshing, the mere appearance of them says, "summer time".
Still in my stupor, I tour the garden as I do each morning. Stumbling over the rake I left out yesterday. Picking up the damp seat of a patio chair caught in last nights rain, I take stock of my little project.
Another trouble with fantasies? They make your current lover look a bit lacking. I see the pond that is still not finished. The garden beds that aren't yet full, still reeling from my hackneyed cleaning up job of the previous days. I see the still unpainted parts of the pergola, not to mention the still gaping hole where a beautiful pond will someday exist.
This is where the reality-TV show crew is suppose to come in and make my dreams come true. But no truck or crew will be arriving. It's just me, my now lukewarm coffee, my faithful dog looking into a sad, dreary plot of land.
The hard part of dreams is that they take a lot of work. Much easier to admire others years of work than to pick up my own shovel and start in on it. Lots easier to throw money desperately away on books whose gardens may have taken 25 years to create. The bigger the dream, the bigger the fall from reality.
Where'd I put that book?
Monday, March 14, 2005
The healing power of green. One of the most wonderful concepts that Hidelgard von Bingen gifts us with is a term not used by any other theologian: viriditas, or "greening power." She speaks eloquently about the "exquisite greening of tees and grasses," of "earth's lush greening." She writes that all of creation and especially humanity is "showered with green refreshment, the vitality to bear fruit."
Sunday, March 13, 2005
Why Church Doesn't Work
I've been thinking about this topic for quite some time.
Maybe all my life.
I knew when I was younger, living in a rural OK town, that the church that I went to wasn't really "working". About 250 people went, we listened to a sermon, we left, that was about it.
The poorest people in the church -- my family -- were not in any way ministered to. In fact, they weren't even really welcome. Tolerated is a good word...maybe we were tolerated.
The people that "ran" the church -- the doctors, lawyers and elders of the congegation seemed to think that as long as we had running water in the bathrooms, carpet on the floors, then church was OK.
Today, after a lifetime of seeing all kinds of programs and ideas and thoughts and plans presented..I still have the same sense -- church doesn't work.
It doesn't work because it is based primarily on a faulty premise -- that humans can come together and be a surrogate kind of family.
But that imagery is loaded with all kinds of negative things for most of us. Family? Visions of horrible thanksgivings and wierd relatives are what most people think of when they think of "family".
Even those with good families know that things are better when distance is kept.
So why then would the founder of christian faith use the idea of "family" as a way to connect his legacy?
Families 2000 years ago were different, of course. But I see infighting within families -- lies, bickering, all the works...much like today.
So, why then this fascination with the idea of "family"?
Trouble is, church is just like family for most of us...riddled with strange people, funny behaviours, people that you'd just as soon not be around.
Still, that illusion that we're all happy and content seems to be what we are searching for. As the character in Garden State (movie) stated, "Maybe the definition of family is just a lot people home sick for the same imaginary place."
Yep. I'll go with that.
Church doesn't work and won't work until we get real clear on the idea of family being a messy thing...something that I'd just as soon avoid. Go, check my box, be on my way to the more meaningful parts of life.
Unless...unless a new dimension is allowed into the equation.
Compassion, forgiveness, patience.
The kind of qualities that most of us are in too-short supply and guess what? We can't manufacture these qualities on our own. These are just not "human" qualities.
We're in need of some kind of high power frontal labotomy..some kind of mind blowing madness that let's us look at family -- and at church -- and say, "my response to this will be a thougthful response of mercy, compassion, love."
I dare not hope for this...it is not something that can be preached to make happen. It has to be something far greater than that...something far more impactful than what a few broken people joining together in song can do.
Church doesn't work because we don't...and we won't...or we can't...or something.
Maybe all my life.
I knew when I was younger, living in a rural OK town, that the church that I went to wasn't really "working". About 250 people went, we listened to a sermon, we left, that was about it.
The poorest people in the church -- my family -- were not in any way ministered to. In fact, they weren't even really welcome. Tolerated is a good word...maybe we were tolerated.
The people that "ran" the church -- the doctors, lawyers and elders of the congegation seemed to think that as long as we had running water in the bathrooms, carpet on the floors, then church was OK.
Today, after a lifetime of seeing all kinds of programs and ideas and thoughts and plans presented..I still have the same sense -- church doesn't work.
It doesn't work because it is based primarily on a faulty premise -- that humans can come together and be a surrogate kind of family.
But that imagery is loaded with all kinds of negative things for most of us. Family? Visions of horrible thanksgivings and wierd relatives are what most people think of when they think of "family".
Even those with good families know that things are better when distance is kept.
So why then would the founder of christian faith use the idea of "family" as a way to connect his legacy?
Families 2000 years ago were different, of course. But I see infighting within families -- lies, bickering, all the works...much like today.
So, why then this fascination with the idea of "family"?
Trouble is, church is just like family for most of us...riddled with strange people, funny behaviours, people that you'd just as soon not be around.
Still, that illusion that we're all happy and content seems to be what we are searching for. As the character in Garden State (movie) stated, "Maybe the definition of family is just a lot people home sick for the same imaginary place."
Yep. I'll go with that.
Church doesn't work and won't work until we get real clear on the idea of family being a messy thing...something that I'd just as soon avoid. Go, check my box, be on my way to the more meaningful parts of life.
Unless...unless a new dimension is allowed into the equation.
Compassion, forgiveness, patience.
The kind of qualities that most of us are in too-short supply and guess what? We can't manufacture these qualities on our own. These are just not "human" qualities.
We're in need of some kind of high power frontal labotomy..some kind of mind blowing madness that let's us look at family -- and at church -- and say, "my response to this will be a thougthful response of mercy, compassion, love."
I dare not hope for this...it is not something that can be preached to make happen. It has to be something far greater than that...something far more impactful than what a few broken people joining together in song can do.
Church doesn't work because we don't...and we won't...or we can't...or something.
Village Idiot Reports
AP Photos:
T-Town announced today that the vote for the new administrative king has been completed and unanimously passed.
"It's been a lot easier to pass ordinances since disclaimers were taken to another village" said one election spokesman.
Many officials lined up to welcome the new HRH as he makes his way into the kingdom. The reigning prince, HRH LP, led the drive for this new official.
"When anybody disagrees with the king, they simply aren't listened to or they are transported out to a neighboring village" said one official who asked to not be named.
Therefore, ordinances that pass the election board are simply just for show. "Everyone understands that plebians are just there for giving their money...their opinions aren't really important to this process" an official from HRH said recently.
Though many have complained about this new somewhat less than democratic way of handling kingdom business, officials seem optimistic about kingdom direction at this time.
HRH could not be located for comment.
T-Town announced today that the vote for the new administrative king has been completed and unanimously passed.
"It's been a lot easier to pass ordinances since disclaimers were taken to another village" said one election spokesman.
Many officials lined up to welcome the new HRH as he makes his way into the kingdom. The reigning prince, HRH LP, led the drive for this new official.
"When anybody disagrees with the king, they simply aren't listened to or they are transported out to a neighboring village" said one official who asked to not be named.
Therefore, ordinances that pass the election board are simply just for show. "Everyone understands that plebians are just there for giving their money...their opinions aren't really important to this process" an official from HRH said recently.
Though many have complained about this new somewhat less than democratic way of handling kingdom business, officials seem optimistic about kingdom direction at this time.
HRH could not be located for comment.
Gardener's Journal
This week, I'll begin the task of getting new organic soil into the beds and finishing clean up of old plants.
I've been scoping out several new web sites that have great selections for mail/on-line ordering. I think this is one of the best things to happen to gardening...you get much higher quality of plants and usually better prices from individual growers. And you generally get a better selection, too.
Today I found www.heirloomroses.com which features roses that are easy to grow and have long stability. I am not a big "hybrid" rose fan..they are like Arkansas cousins...too in bred to be much good.
Heirloom roses (sometimes called "heritage roses") are roses that one might find along deserted farm houses that ramble up and down fences. They have profuse blooms but generally not much scent. They are not what you find in the florist on Valentine's Day. They are wonderfully different, with magical scents and extraordinary habits. These kinds of roses are best used (in my opinion) in beds filled with lots of perennials. Again, I'm more of the "higgly piggly" type gardener so more formal gardeners probably would not enjoy these as much.
I've been scoping out several new web sites that have great selections for mail/on-line ordering. I think this is one of the best things to happen to gardening...you get much higher quality of plants and usually better prices from individual growers. And you generally get a better selection, too.
Today I found www.heirloomroses.com which features roses that are easy to grow and have long stability. I am not a big "hybrid" rose fan..they are like Arkansas cousins...too in bred to be much good.
Heirloom roses (sometimes called "heritage roses") are roses that one might find along deserted farm houses that ramble up and down fences. They have profuse blooms but generally not much scent. They are not what you find in the florist on Valentine's Day. They are wonderfully different, with magical scents and extraordinary habits. These kinds of roses are best used (in my opinion) in beds filled with lots of perennials. Again, I'm more of the "higgly piggly" type gardener so more formal gardeners probably would not enjoy these as much.
Saturday, March 12, 2005
Gardener's Journal
More cleaning out of beds. I went to the garden store and saw folks loading up on color and thought, "they aren't going to PLANT those now, are they?"
This time of year always brings people out to plant. The best time to plant is in fall, not spring, as a lot of people thing. Also, now is the time to clean out beds and really nourish the soil.
It's also a great time for thinking about what you can do when the season is in full swing (After April 1 at least..maybe April 15, depending on the weather.)
For example, as I'm sweeping and raking today, I'm thinking, "that shrub should be moved...I want more color here, this needs to be re-done.." so in essence, clean up time is planning time, an essential with gardening and as it turns out, life.
My cat came out to "help" me...she enjoys chewing on the plants but today got a hold of a rose brush with lots of thorns...I'm not sure she enjoyed it much.
Off to soccer game (last one for today -- there has been 4) and tomorrow we have soccer game and bball game.
This time of year always brings people out to plant. The best time to plant is in fall, not spring, as a lot of people thing. Also, now is the time to clean out beds and really nourish the soil.
It's also a great time for thinking about what you can do when the season is in full swing (After April 1 at least..maybe April 15, depending on the weather.)
For example, as I'm sweeping and raking today, I'm thinking, "that shrub should be moved...I want more color here, this needs to be re-done.." so in essence, clean up time is planning time, an essential with gardening and as it turns out, life.
My cat came out to "help" me...she enjoys chewing on the plants but today got a hold of a rose brush with lots of thorns...I'm not sure she enjoyed it much.
Off to soccer game (last one for today -- there has been 4) and tomorrow we have soccer game and bball game.
Friday, March 11, 2005
Doorway People
Friday afternoon, weekend shaping up...I seem to always get reflective on Fridays.
I'm listening to Dan take message after message from well wishers -- people who have known him for the 18 years he has worked in the telecommunication industry. Evidently, this layout is much deeper than we first realized as many, many great minds are being cut. Interesting to think what all those amazing minds could accomplish if they were to put their heads together someway...what kind of company, what kind of solutions could be found if they could work with their full potential?
Dan has a compadre of people that love him and have loved working with him. Dan is just that kind of person...kind to a fault, thoughtful and steady. The quintessential "Great Guy".
We have the usual kids activities this weekend -- bball tourney, soccer tourney and we're finally starting to paint N's bathroom, which is going to totally ROCK with its dramtic tones and electic feel. The highlight of my week as a mom -- was able to pick out shoes that Nathan will actually wear with a suit when he starts taking on all those Senior Activities....I deserve some honorary medal or some kind of design token for making that happen, I do believe.
I've been thinking about the different passages of life and how the people that we come to know are at times entrances into a new way of thinking. These are the people that provide the emeregence of values, of ideas, and somewhat forcefully cause us to take on the great journey of life.
Some people we come to know are exits that cause us to take the quickest ramp towards something else. Their presence seems to caution us, "go down this way and certain doom will impart."
And then some people are doorways that allow you to explore before unseen and unheard of ideas. They don't stay around too long and they may not show up at dinner. Indeed they may be the author of a book or a teacher that one holds in high regard. They probably can't identify you by name, but you know them and their spirit during the darkest of nights, the roughests of times, the stormiest of seas.
I think these kind of "doorway" people are the true angels of our world. They don't hover. They don't press. They probably do what they do without a lot of fanfare and may not even know how they touch our lives. Its not so much that they introduce things to us as to help us continue down a path that we are already on...they don't alter the course of ones life as much as they define it
...perhaps that we don't realize we are treading. They help us find the signposts that we may be searching, in spite of our ardent claim that we are NOT searching.
They are an extension of a greater power, an extension of a spiritual force that shapes us over time.
The lead us to greater things within ourselves and within our world.
('m not sure the metaphor stands up...so I'll keep thinking about it.)
I'm listening to Dan take message after message from well wishers -- people who have known him for the 18 years he has worked in the telecommunication industry. Evidently, this layout is much deeper than we first realized as many, many great minds are being cut. Interesting to think what all those amazing minds could accomplish if they were to put their heads together someway...what kind of company, what kind of solutions could be found if they could work with their full potential?
Dan has a compadre of people that love him and have loved working with him. Dan is just that kind of person...kind to a fault, thoughtful and steady. The quintessential "Great Guy".
We have the usual kids activities this weekend -- bball tourney, soccer tourney and we're finally starting to paint N's bathroom, which is going to totally ROCK with its dramtic tones and electic feel. The highlight of my week as a mom -- was able to pick out shoes that Nathan will actually wear with a suit when he starts taking on all those Senior Activities....I deserve some honorary medal or some kind of design token for making that happen, I do believe.
I've been thinking about the different passages of life and how the people that we come to know are at times entrances into a new way of thinking. These are the people that provide the emeregence of values, of ideas, and somewhat forcefully cause us to take on the great journey of life.
Some people we come to know are exits that cause us to take the quickest ramp towards something else. Their presence seems to caution us, "go down this way and certain doom will impart."
And then some people are doorways that allow you to explore before unseen and unheard of ideas. They don't stay around too long and they may not show up at dinner. Indeed they may be the author of a book or a teacher that one holds in high regard. They probably can't identify you by name, but you know them and their spirit during the darkest of nights, the roughests of times, the stormiest of seas.
I think these kind of "doorway" people are the true angels of our world. They don't hover. They don't press. They probably do what they do without a lot of fanfare and may not even know how they touch our lives. Its not so much that they introduce things to us as to help us continue down a path that we are already on...they don't alter the course of ones life as much as they define it
...perhaps that we don't realize we are treading. They help us find the signposts that we may be searching, in spite of our ardent claim that we are NOT searching.
They are an extension of a greater power, an extension of a spiritual force that shapes us over time.
The lead us to greater things within ourselves and within our world.
('m not sure the metaphor stands up...so I'll keep thinking about it.)
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Practical Jokes, lil brother style
If you've never had 4 brothers --- all of them younger -- you may not appreciate this entry. Because only if you have had brothers, would you understand the real meaning of "practical joke".
My brothers always make me laugh and they always surprise me. Today was no exception.
Got an email from my brother Jon, who asked for my fax #. Since my fax is not working, I gave him the number of a UPS store nearby.
A few hours later, I get a call from the UPS store. The usual friendly clerk sounded a bit different on the phone, but I thought little of it.
When I picked up the fax, she smiled and wouldn't catch my eye. She then said, "looks like an interesting fax". I looked at her curiously.
Then I read the cover letter. See, I was not thinking and told my brother, BE SURE TO PUT A COVER LETTER ON IT...thinking, that would be an easy enough thing to do.
I forgot with whom I was dealing...I forgot to think that I gave him a GREAT entry into a great joke, with the laugh on me.
So, I look down at the fax and the cover letter reads, "Maurie and Dan -- GLAD to have you as part of our swingers club....we know you'll make great addition to our club and our events".
I tried to explain to my UPS friend that this was from my little brother, but that didn't seem to help.
My brothers always make me laugh and they always surprise me. Today was no exception.
Got an email from my brother Jon, who asked for my fax #. Since my fax is not working, I gave him the number of a UPS store nearby.
A few hours later, I get a call from the UPS store. The usual friendly clerk sounded a bit different on the phone, but I thought little of it.
When I picked up the fax, she smiled and wouldn't catch my eye. She then said, "looks like an interesting fax". I looked at her curiously.
Then I read the cover letter. See, I was not thinking and told my brother, BE SURE TO PUT A COVER LETTER ON IT...thinking, that would be an easy enough thing to do.
I forgot with whom I was dealing...I forgot to think that I gave him a GREAT entry into a great joke, with the laugh on me.
So, I look down at the fax and the cover letter reads, "Maurie and Dan -- GLAD to have you as part of our swingers club....we know you'll make great addition to our club and our events".
I tried to explain to my UPS friend that this was from my little brother, but that didn't seem to help.
Blabber Blog
Crazy day, lots of business...prospecting at a local community event which was amazing...Once I get there I always enjoy just talking and connecting with people...I have a lot of fun, making dumb jokes with the participants, having fun.
Tomorrow is another busy day. Too many sales professional don't work on Fridays but in my opinion Friday and Monday's are KEY days and one way to get a jump on things is to work a full week (hard to do when you are 'self-employed'...especially on these beautiful spring days.
Spent my few spare minutes thinking about garden design plans...
Tomorrow is another busy day. Too many sales professional don't work on Fridays but in my opinion Friday and Monday's are KEY days and one way to get a jump on things is to work a full week (hard to do when you are 'self-employed'...especially on these beautiful spring days.
Spent my few spare minutes thinking about garden design plans...
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Sanctuary Garden
When the word sanctuary is ued I generally refer to a spiritual type of place...perhaps even a church.
The real meaning of sanctuary to me is now more and more in my garden. In fact there is a entire way of gardening that is referred to as "sanctuary gardening". (www.cortesia.org).
Here are a few guiding principles of such an endeavor...
1 - embrace your sacredness
2 - embrace the sacredness of the world
3 - acknowledge the value of sanctuary for yourself, nature and all other beings and places
4 - create sacred time and space for yourself every day
5 - practice nonjudgment and compassion
6 - give of yourself to bring more joy, beauty, hope and peace into the world
7 - practice reverence for life.
I'm not one much for dogmas or creeds, but these ideas just seem to make sense to me. Sure some of the wording is a bit different than what I would use, but the essence is there...a life of reflection, generosity and reverence.
After all, didn't life begin in a Garden?
The real meaning of sanctuary to me is now more and more in my garden. In fact there is a entire way of gardening that is referred to as "sanctuary gardening". (www.cortesia.org).
Here are a few guiding principles of such an endeavor...
1 - embrace your sacredness
2 - embrace the sacredness of the world
3 - acknowledge the value of sanctuary for yourself, nature and all other beings and places
4 - create sacred time and space for yourself every day
5 - practice nonjudgment and compassion
6 - give of yourself to bring more joy, beauty, hope and peace into the world
7 - practice reverence for life.
I'm not one much for dogmas or creeds, but these ideas just seem to make sense to me. Sure some of the wording is a bit different than what I would use, but the essence is there...a life of reflection, generosity and reverence.
After all, didn't life begin in a Garden?
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Jon Stewart, you are DA MAN
My day ends each night with checking in with the master of irony Jon Stewart. And I wish each time I see it that I could just sit down and talk to the guy...and have him make jokes about anything..anything at all...
right now he and his crew are really ragging on Martha Stewart and its just hilarious. He is not giving her any slack, what with the media watching her every move (who cares?)...and who better to take shots at the media and Martha than Jon Stewart...he just has no equal. LOVE YOU JON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
right now he and his crew are really ragging on Martha Stewart and its just hilarious. He is not giving her any slack, what with the media watching her every move (who cares?)...and who better to take shots at the media and Martha than Jon Stewart...he just has no equal. LOVE YOU JON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes..
Today, we learned that my husband has been "terminated" from his 18 years of employment.
We had been somewhat expecting it, as the industry has been spiraling downward for some time. Yet, there is a finality that is somewhat surprising and also freeing.
I just want to surround him with good things right now and so I've kept my head down today and worked and will work more tomorrow. We have to acknowledge the blessings of having had a great job for this long -- many people don't have that. We have and Dan is to be thanked for that. He is a solid, consistent worker.
So here we are -- middle aged, kids out of braces, into cars and soon college. A certain turning point in all our lives...what will we do?
I have no answers, but I know the One who does. And He is good all the time.
We had been somewhat expecting it, as the industry has been spiraling downward for some time. Yet, there is a finality that is somewhat surprising and also freeing.
I just want to surround him with good things right now and so I've kept my head down today and worked and will work more tomorrow. We have to acknowledge the blessings of having had a great job for this long -- many people don't have that. We have and Dan is to be thanked for that. He is a solid, consistent worker.
So here we are -- middle aged, kids out of braces, into cars and soon college. A certain turning point in all our lives...what will we do?
I have no answers, but I know the One who does. And He is good all the time.
Monday, March 07, 2005
Grace
I arrive home late, already dreading what will meet me at the door. Early practice means early dinner and I'm, well, I'm late.
I sped home through the construction ("Follow the orange barrels to progress!") and didn't give my usual nod of approval to the foreman that changes the right hand land every dang day. No wonder people run off the road into the fresh cement! What do they expect!
The mobile phone beeps non-stop, I turn it off, ignoring the last few calls. I failed to get by the store, so dinner will be "interesting" or as my grandmother use to say "Fiesta Night". I'm grumbling, I'm tired, it's only Monday and it feels like Thurday.
Then, I see her. Unobtrusive but elegantly before me. Her white petals turned towards me, reassuringly, comforting. I unclench my teeth, I let go of the wheel, I take my foot off the pedal.
The White Star Magnolia stands magnificently beside my office door and with its sway of the wind, I catch my breath. In spite of my less than patient demeanor I am forced to stop, to wonder, to be amazed again at the small graces that God provides me.
I am so awful at taking time and slowing down. I am so awful at the fine art of life that I am, at times, ashamed of how I may have wasted the first 40 years here on this earth.
But the sight of that tree reminds me that God is patient. He blooms where we fail, He nourishes while we neglect. He needs no reminder of the constancy of the seasons, yet we need every moment the consistency of His Grace.
I have heard countless definitions of "grace". Growing up in a wacky fundamentalist regime, grace was often defined, but rarely experienced. I've come to understand that you cannot define it until you experience it.
Grace stops us in our tracks, forces us to see the world differently, asks the tough questions. I don't know how the white star is able to bloom in spite of plunging temperatures. I don't know how it stays put in the reckless wind that brings tornadoes. I can't imagine what force courses through its being to produce the amazing star light qualities that it has.
But I experience it and like grace, once you experience it, the questions may not go away but they don't seem to matter as much. Grace just IS. In spite off, in addition to, instead of....GRACE. Thank God, quite literally, for it.
Grace is God's reminder to me that He is above my actions, thoughts.
Grace is God's promise to me that He is judging me, no one else.
I sped home through the construction ("Follow the orange barrels to progress!") and didn't give my usual nod of approval to the foreman that changes the right hand land every dang day. No wonder people run off the road into the fresh cement! What do they expect!
The mobile phone beeps non-stop, I turn it off, ignoring the last few calls. I failed to get by the store, so dinner will be "interesting" or as my grandmother use to say "Fiesta Night". I'm grumbling, I'm tired, it's only Monday and it feels like Thurday.
Then, I see her. Unobtrusive but elegantly before me. Her white petals turned towards me, reassuringly, comforting. I unclench my teeth, I let go of the wheel, I take my foot off the pedal.
The White Star Magnolia stands magnificently beside my office door and with its sway of the wind, I catch my breath. In spite of my less than patient demeanor I am forced to stop, to wonder, to be amazed again at the small graces that God provides me.
I am so awful at taking time and slowing down. I am so awful at the fine art of life that I am, at times, ashamed of how I may have wasted the first 40 years here on this earth.
But the sight of that tree reminds me that God is patient. He blooms where we fail, He nourishes while we neglect. He needs no reminder of the constancy of the seasons, yet we need every moment the consistency of His Grace.
I have heard countless definitions of "grace". Growing up in a wacky fundamentalist regime, grace was often defined, but rarely experienced. I've come to understand that you cannot define it until you experience it.
Grace stops us in our tracks, forces us to see the world differently, asks the tough questions. I don't know how the white star is able to bloom in spite of plunging temperatures. I don't know how it stays put in the reckless wind that brings tornadoes. I can't imagine what force courses through its being to produce the amazing star light qualities that it has.
But I experience it and like grace, once you experience it, the questions may not go away but they don't seem to matter as much. Grace just IS. In spite off, in addition to, instead of....GRACE. Thank God, quite literally, for it.
Grace is God's reminder to me that He is above my actions, thoughts.
Grace is God's promise to me that He is judging me, no one else.
Grace is God's reckless endowment to allow others to experience this transforming power.
"To embrace the value of idleness...
"To embrace the value of idleness...
To see the ordinary gifts of grace" --- Terry Hershey
Gardener's Journal
I take a tour of the garden, noting what has started its new season, what needs to be removed. There is a side of gardening that many don't discuss, but it is as necessary to the process of growth as anything.
There is a certain amount of natural violence in a garden. Today I noticed the hyacinths pushing back clods of dirt, defying the Oklahoma clay for its showing of brilliant magenta. The clay looks crumpled, defeated in light of this victory. The strength of that hyacinth is wonderous to me.
What started as an ugly bulb now parades in my border as some lady of the evening, bright and lustrous, tempting me with her scent and her color. The clay has been defeated for this beauty.
The brush that I cleared away was once a part of this parade, its time now spent, it now gives itself to the soil as food and organic material. Death, life and then death.
"A great many people will live out their days without ever seeing such sights, or if they do, never grasping." Barbara Kingsolver
There is a certainty to this garden that I cannot deny. It's beauty is there but its effort is also there. It's ability to transform itself each season from a lifeless track of twigs and brittle seeds is nothing short of miraculous. But a beautiful violence allows it to be so.
What of this effort that allows new things to begin? What does this say to life? What does it say about God, indeed does it say anything?
Or am I just another spring romantic in love with the wonders of Spring?
There is a certain amount of natural violence in a garden. Today I noticed the hyacinths pushing back clods of dirt, defying the Oklahoma clay for its showing of brilliant magenta. The clay looks crumpled, defeated in light of this victory. The strength of that hyacinth is wonderous to me.
What started as an ugly bulb now parades in my border as some lady of the evening, bright and lustrous, tempting me with her scent and her color. The clay has been defeated for this beauty.
The brush that I cleared away was once a part of this parade, its time now spent, it now gives itself to the soil as food and organic material. Death, life and then death.
"A great many people will live out their days without ever seeing such sights, or if they do, never grasping." Barbara Kingsolver
There is a certainty to this garden that I cannot deny. It's beauty is there but its effort is also there. It's ability to transform itself each season from a lifeless track of twigs and brittle seeds is nothing short of miraculous. But a beautiful violence allows it to be so.
What of this effort that allows new things to begin? What does this say to life? What does it say about God, indeed does it say anything?
Or am I just another spring romantic in love with the wonders of Spring?
Sunday, March 06, 2005
Gardener's Journal
Day two of clearing out the winter brush. My hands are full of spliters, rough from the dry leaves and gnarly roots.
I have filled up two garbage pails of twigs, brush, leaves and "sludge" from ponds and overbrush. Under the brown crunch, there is the emergence of the stella o dora's, the red twig dogwood upright and sure amidst the brown haze of last year's winter.
Clean soil. Clean ponds. Clean, new spring. Like grace, full of promise and hope.
I have filled up two garbage pails of twigs, brush, leaves and "sludge" from ponds and overbrush. Under the brown crunch, there is the emergence of the stella o dora's, the red twig dogwood upright and sure amidst the brown haze of last year's winter.
Clean soil. Clean ponds. Clean, new spring. Like grace, full of promise and hope.
Soul Gardening
www.terryhershey.com
This book is one of my favorites...I read it every year and it yields new insights. Here's a quote:
I love to stretch out on a garden bench on a warm summer day.
I love a hot shower and drying with an expensive oversized cotton towel.
I treasure the certainty that grace gives us all many second chances.
And I love to lose track of time in my garden.
This book is one of my favorites...I read it every year and it yields new insights. Here's a quote:
I love to stretch out on a garden bench on a warm summer day.
I love a hot shower and drying with an expensive oversized cotton towel.
I treasure the certainty that grace gives us all many second chances.
And I love to lose track of time in my garden.
Village Idiot Times Reports
T-Town, USA.
City officials noted today that they are in the midst of hiring a new executive to, well, they aren't quite sure.
"There are some pot holes in the city that need to be filled..maybe he can do that." a spokesman for the city said today.
The plan to hire someone new comes as a shock to the plebians that live in the city and support it with their tax dollars. "We thought we might have a say in this process, but we forget..this isn't a democracy." said one Plebian who asked to not be identified.
Indeed, the city has been in the hands of HRH for over two years now and since he has the lineage that meets with city approval, his decisions are generally uncontested. "We're basically window dressing in the leadership store." said one official today.
The new executive will be paid out of what is already a shrinking budget. When asked how the funds might be collected, HRH declined comment.
City officials noted today that they are in the midst of hiring a new executive to, well, they aren't quite sure.
"There are some pot holes in the city that need to be filled..maybe he can do that." a spokesman for the city said today.
The plan to hire someone new comes as a shock to the plebians that live in the city and support it with their tax dollars. "We thought we might have a say in this process, but we forget..this isn't a democracy." said one Plebian who asked to not be identified.
Indeed, the city has been in the hands of HRH for over two years now and since he has the lineage that meets with city approval, his decisions are generally uncontested. "We're basically window dressing in the leadership store." said one official today.
The new executive will be paid out of what is already a shrinking budget. When asked how the funds might be collected, HRH declined comment.
Saturday, March 05, 2005
Gardener's Journal -- March
I'll make a trip later to the big box store for organic soil, etc. This morning I cleaned out two large beds and now have cleaned out the smaller of two ponds. Now it's time to make some decisions on what will be planted later this year.
Traditionally I don't plant anything new until after May 1...there is just too much risk with the crazy Oklahoma weather. I've seen snow on Easter Sunday and 101 degrees in October, so for now, I'll stick to sprucing up some container gardening, readying them for their year of decking patio and pergola. I will post some pics later that will serve as a way to track the garden's growth this year.
My big dilemma is on whether I want to try some vegetables or stick to what I usually have more luck with -- perennials and roses. I enjoy more of a higgly piggly look to my garden, which is a lot like enjoying a more casual look with color and it is harder to obtain that look. It takes a lot of planning to get that "unplanned" natural look. I think the most successful gardens are those that use roses and vegetables in a way that is both creative and functional. Very challenging to do well, though, at least for me.
The work in the raised beds, with leftovers from last year's herb garden present an opportunity to inhale rosemary which is heavenly.
The biggest mistake that I've made in past years -- and the one that I see a lot of others doing is rushing the season. Even though garden centers are stocking a lot of growing plants, it is really not the time to plant anything...but it is the time to invest in any hardscape or cleaning out of beds. Putting expensive plants in untreated and unreadied soil is like bringing a new baby home and putting them in the dusty old basement. It's important to take the time to prepare the soil, allow the soil to warm and make good decisions on what can be planted successfully.
Traditionally I don't plant anything new until after May 1...there is just too much risk with the crazy Oklahoma weather. I've seen snow on Easter Sunday and 101 degrees in October, so for now, I'll stick to sprucing up some container gardening, readying them for their year of decking patio and pergola. I will post some pics later that will serve as a way to track the garden's growth this year.
My big dilemma is on whether I want to try some vegetables or stick to what I usually have more luck with -- perennials and roses. I enjoy more of a higgly piggly look to my garden, which is a lot like enjoying a more casual look with color and it is harder to obtain that look. It takes a lot of planning to get that "unplanned" natural look. I think the most successful gardens are those that use roses and vegetables in a way that is both creative and functional. Very challenging to do well, though, at least for me.
The work in the raised beds, with leftovers from last year's herb garden present an opportunity to inhale rosemary which is heavenly.
The biggest mistake that I've made in past years -- and the one that I see a lot of others doing is rushing the season. Even though garden centers are stocking a lot of growing plants, it is really not the time to plant anything...but it is the time to invest in any hardscape or cleaning out of beds. Putting expensive plants in untreated and unreadied soil is like bringing a new baby home and putting them in the dusty old basement. It's important to take the time to prepare the soil, allow the soil to warm and make good decisions on what can be planted successfully.
Friday, March 04, 2005
It's almost here -- GARDENING TIME!
I took a trip to the garden store looking for pre-emergent for the lawn, when I caught the whiff of what is unmistakenably the most sensual sign of spring -- the scent of hycinth. WOW! She was a beauty, bold and blue and the scent was heavenly.
This weekend is the big start...I'll begin with having my hefty 16 year old and my very athletic 14 year old with cleaning out the winter "brush" in the gardens and then we'll add organic material to the beds. Redefining the lines of the garden, making notes of what didn't make it through the cold winter and what needs to be removed or replaced.
It's all about perennials for me and I've selected several key points in our back to focus upon this year. One of my gardening friends warned me when I started that I'd soon be addicted to the beauty and simplicity of gardening. The prophecy proved true. I relish the smell, the feel, the senses of gardening...nothing nourishes my soul or brings me closer to God than those moments in the garden.
This year, the pool is already a part of the plan, with execavation scheduled to begin in the next two weeks. We are doing it "ourselves" meaning we're just serving as our our contractors.
When I look at the gardening books I have to remember that some of those gardens have been "in the works" for 20 years or more...gardening is about patience if it is about nothing else. And you must allow the time for a garden to mature and grow into itself.
I'll be posting a lot more about gardening as it inspires me in many ways. I believe that a lot of life can be better understood when one spends time in the garden. Life for me, begins in the garden. I'll post some of pics from my garden, too. It is a work in process.
This weekend is the big start...I'll begin with having my hefty 16 year old and my very athletic 14 year old with cleaning out the winter "brush" in the gardens and then we'll add organic material to the beds. Redefining the lines of the garden, making notes of what didn't make it through the cold winter and what needs to be removed or replaced.
It's all about perennials for me and I've selected several key points in our back to focus upon this year. One of my gardening friends warned me when I started that I'd soon be addicted to the beauty and simplicity of gardening. The prophecy proved true. I relish the smell, the feel, the senses of gardening...nothing nourishes my soul or brings me closer to God than those moments in the garden.
This year, the pool is already a part of the plan, with execavation scheduled to begin in the next two weeks. We are doing it "ourselves" meaning we're just serving as our our contractors.
When I look at the gardening books I have to remember that some of those gardens have been "in the works" for 20 years or more...gardening is about patience if it is about nothing else. And you must allow the time for a garden to mature and grow into itself.
I'll be posting a lot more about gardening as it inspires me in many ways. I believe that a lot of life can be better understood when one spends time in the garden. Life for me, begins in the garden. I'll post some of pics from my garden, too. It is a work in process.
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Tax time
The news is in...I've been held up again, this time for over $7,000. So, it's back to the drawing board, figuring out how to better plan for next year's tax season, so that maybe -- just maybe -- I can avoid a heavy hit at this time next year.
For those that are not self employed, who don't work every day for their income, who cry and moan and wail that we need this government program and that...I say, fork over 30% of YOUR income and see how you feel about BIG GOVERNMENT then. I don't mind paying for my fair share of taxes, I just don't want to pay for everyone else's.
I have a new definition of liberal: someone who makes their paycheck from the income of those who work for themselves. This might include teachers, government workers, city and municipal employees...anybody that relies on tax dollars to support their livlihood.
A lot of democrats are just communists in disguise -- and not very good ones, either.
For those that are not self employed, who don't work every day for their income, who cry and moan and wail that we need this government program and that...I say, fork over 30% of YOUR income and see how you feel about BIG GOVERNMENT then. I don't mind paying for my fair share of taxes, I just don't want to pay for everyone else's.
I have a new definition of liberal: someone who makes their paycheck from the income of those who work for themselves. This might include teachers, government workers, city and municipal employees...anybody that relies on tax dollars to support their livlihood.
A lot of democrats are just communists in disguise -- and not very good ones, either.
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
Oscar discovery, AD 4032
I wonder what some future society will discover when they "unearth" the memories of the Oscar's? Maybe something like this...???
AP NEWS REPORTS...
Archeologists today reported discoveries in what use to be known as "Hollywood", which has been under water for the last 600 years.
The remains of this ancient city were discovered when scientists were drilling for metroil off the coast of what use to be called the state of California.
"We're very excited about the potential of such a discovery", says Ronald Elwood, Professor of Historic Cities at Citadel University. "This may unlock the mysteries of many of the ancient cities of the late 21st century."
Scientists are still identifying many of the artificats that littered the prestigious temple that was once called the "Kodak Theater". Scientists have believed for many years that complex worship services were conducted here yearly when many of the Gods and Goddesses of the Theater would enter the court wearing their finest robes and jewels. Peasants lined up to take what is sometimes referred to as "photographs" of these royals to be seen across many parts of the then known world.
"These were some of the most beautiful people of our time, sometimes undergoing hours and hours of bodily surgery to get their forms thin. This was of course before we fully understood the dangers of this primitive art form, " says Dr. Elwood.
"We know that this society was very religious about these dieties, but we're not really sure why." he continued. "We are searching for reasons that would help us understand their adulation towards these beings."
Included in the discovery were communication devices, what scientists think are primitive forms of the tele-laser, which allowed members of this society to communicate through speaking into the small device. Mind reading and telepathy had not yet become the force that it is today in these societies. "These were state of the art at the time" Dr. Elwood reports, "even though they were by our standards quite difficult to use."
Scientists hope that this bounty of information wil help them better understand the end of what was once considered the world's greatest society.
AP NEWS REPORTS...
Archeologists today reported discoveries in what use to be known as "Hollywood", which has been under water for the last 600 years.
The remains of this ancient city were discovered when scientists were drilling for metroil off the coast of what use to be called the state of California.
"We're very excited about the potential of such a discovery", says Ronald Elwood, Professor of Historic Cities at Citadel University. "This may unlock the mysteries of many of the ancient cities of the late 21st century."
Scientists are still identifying many of the artificats that littered the prestigious temple that was once called the "Kodak Theater". Scientists have believed for many years that complex worship services were conducted here yearly when many of the Gods and Goddesses of the Theater would enter the court wearing their finest robes and jewels. Peasants lined up to take what is sometimes referred to as "photographs" of these royals to be seen across many parts of the then known world.
"These were some of the most beautiful people of our time, sometimes undergoing hours and hours of bodily surgery to get their forms thin. This was of course before we fully understood the dangers of this primitive art form, " says Dr. Elwood.
"We know that this society was very religious about these dieties, but we're not really sure why." he continued. "We are searching for reasons that would help us understand their adulation towards these beings."
Included in the discovery were communication devices, what scientists think are primitive forms of the tele-laser, which allowed members of this society to communicate through speaking into the small device. Mind reading and telepathy had not yet become the force that it is today in these societies. "These were state of the art at the time" Dr. Elwood reports, "even though they were by our standards quite difficult to use."
Scientists hope that this bounty of information wil help them better understand the end of what was once considered the world's greatest society.
Monday, February 28, 2005
Village Idiot Times Reports
Local Officials Announce New Position Open
T-TOWN, USA. Local officials noted that a new position would be opening up for Associate Highness later this month.
"We're really excited about this, " says one official, who asked to not be identified, since he had heard nothing about it until this interview.
"Our leadership style is simple, " he continued. "We pretty much lead by benign neglect."
The Reigning Arch Highness, who commented from an undisclosed location, says he will be leading the interviews. "No one knows as much as me, " he said, while taking a break from his Mike Myers Movie Marathon (MMMM).
The organization has fallen on hard times over the last few years, but that doesn't seem to bother those in leadership. "We really don't know what to do with the people that live here, anyway, so the fewer there are, the better for us." says one leader, who also asked to not be identified.
Funds for the new position may not be available, since the organization is in a spiral downturn with its funding. "The idea is simple economics...we will just ask those who have money to give all they have, while those of us in leadership will just live off its bounty."
When asked if this wasn't indeed communism, RAH says, "I'm not really sure what that will look like, but I can't rule that out." He pondered that for a moment, rubbing his chin, then went back to his movie marathon.
Still there are some that are doubtful that this experiment will work. "We don't listen much to them" says one leader.
AP PHOTOS
Oscar Review
Here's my top winnings from Oscar night
For best dress: Kate Winslet - thanks for being original and wearing something besides gold, white or black.
For weirdest presenter -- Sean Penn. Dude, lighten up. Chris Rock got paid for being funny at the Oscar, did you get extra $$ for being just plain wierd?
For sexiest man -- sorry, gotta go with my man Clint Eastwood on this. And he had the sense to bring his 96 year old mama to the awards with him...what a guy. Clint, you made my day.
For most beautiful woman - Hilary Swank. Ok, the "girl from the trailer park" speech was a bit hokey, but she deserved her oscar and her overall "look" was amazing. Thanks for wearing lipstick. (See below).
For most difficult trend to pull off in real life -- the long hair thing looks great when you have packs of professionals helping you with extensions, etc. And the "nude" lipstick trend...oh my gosh, have we come back to THAT? Beauty trendsetters take note: most women aren't going to balance their color enough drama on their eyes to make up for the lack of color on their lips. Please don't do this to us -- AGAIN!
Best looking tux -- Jamie Foxx, thanks for "keeping it real"..a suit even a 16 year old kid could love (and he did).
Best speech -- again, Jamie Foxx, for dedicating his oscar to his "first acting coach" his grandmother. Loved it.
Best quick come back -- when Chris Rock made fun of the Oscars trying to keep the awards simpler..."the drive in Oscars" bit was hilarious. Rock makes it clear that NOTHING is sacred...if only we'd had more time with him.
Best agent-- Beyonce must have some kind of "people" working for her to land her the "starring" role in all those music numbers. But she did show her amazing versatilty in singing and her ability for "eye candy".
Worst agent -- What'd he say? Someone get Antonion Banderas and Penelope Cruz a speech coach! It was cute at first, but I felt like I was at the Latino Academy Awards. No one is more glad than I am that spanish culture and art is now a force in our lives, but I guess I still would like to watch the Academy Awards without a spanish-english dictionary.
Overall a good evening....check out people.com for all the dirt.
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Not going to take that bullet
I'm trying to calm down from a very emotional church service. The music was first was moved me because I feel that I am in need of such hope in my life right now. I think it is just the usual "stuff" that I use to hear my g'mother talk about...taxes, kids going to college, etc.
Not the best day to hear a sermon about how I should sell everything and give to the poor.
Good admonition and certainly I can do more towards helping others. I'm sure that I can do more. Yet my first response to this is what my usual response to church preachers who get up and start yammering about giving money away.
Questions come to my mind...like, "Mister private university graduate, did you ever work 3 jobs to get yourself through college?"
Or maybe, "have you ever stood in line and paid for your groceries with your mom on food stamps?"
Or how about, "did you ever "get" to wear some of that "given away clothing" in the benevolence room to church, and have others say to you, 'I use to have a dress like that...' knowing full well that it was indeed that same piece of clothing that they had cast off. Last year's fashions, with tears and stains on them?
It seems to me that there is a part of scripture that never gets discussed in these "discussion" (like can we really talk back to the preacher while he yammers on...)...like the fact that Christ also said, "the poor will always be with us.." and "if a man doesn't work, neither should he eat.." and countless other things that to me say our saviour was all about "helping" others take responsibility for their lives, not just giving them handouts...
Not to mention the fact that there are other resources that are certainly abused...things like time and talents...how many sermons do I get to sit through where the admonition is to use our talents more wisely, giving our time and energy to those with less in these areas...there are a lot of those in a certain age group that seem to misuse these priceless resources. When will we get to hear about these?
And it is especially hard to hear from the standpoint that some of us have worked hard -- worked damn hard -- for everything that they have today.
I think I will choose not to take this bullet. I'll step aside on this one.
Not the best day to hear a sermon about how I should sell everything and give to the poor.
Good admonition and certainly I can do more towards helping others. I'm sure that I can do more. Yet my first response to this is what my usual response to church preachers who get up and start yammering about giving money away.
Questions come to my mind...like, "Mister private university graduate, did you ever work 3 jobs to get yourself through college?"
Or maybe, "have you ever stood in line and paid for your groceries with your mom on food stamps?"
Or how about, "did you ever "get" to wear some of that "given away clothing" in the benevolence room to church, and have others say to you, 'I use to have a dress like that...' knowing full well that it was indeed that same piece of clothing that they had cast off. Last year's fashions, with tears and stains on them?
It seems to me that there is a part of scripture that never gets discussed in these "discussion" (like can we really talk back to the preacher while he yammers on...)...like the fact that Christ also said, "the poor will always be with us.." and "if a man doesn't work, neither should he eat.." and countless other things that to me say our saviour was all about "helping" others take responsibility for their lives, not just giving them handouts...
Not to mention the fact that there are other resources that are certainly abused...things like time and talents...how many sermons do I get to sit through where the admonition is to use our talents more wisely, giving our time and energy to those with less in these areas...there are a lot of those in a certain age group that seem to misuse these priceless resources. When will we get to hear about these?
And it is especially hard to hear from the standpoint that some of us have worked hard -- worked damn hard -- for everything that they have today.
I think I will choose not to take this bullet. I'll step aside on this one.
Friday, February 25, 2005
One of my favorite - Maria Bamford
Check out truly great talent -- Maria Bamford. One of the few female comics that has it figured out.
In the afterglow of a great novel
Reading a great novelist such as Margaret Atwood makes one think about the weightier things in life. And I love it when a novelist can do that.
I've been contemplating several aspects of life and you cannot do that without of course thinking about death. It may sound morbid but on the contrary I think it can be somewhat encouraging. After all, none of us are getting out of this life alive, so why not give some thought to it?
I especially have thought about the little deaths and re-births of all types of relationships. Example...my husband and I have been married now for over 19 years. Our relationship is much different than it was in the beginning. It has in a sense, died and been re-born a thousand times. It's been at times demanding, diffult and wonderfully creative.
There are parts of a relationship that one can miss..that I can miss, but the cold hard truth of the matter is this: moving forward in a relationship means that parts of the relationship must die (go away, cease to exist) so that new parts can be reborn. This is a good thing, a necessary thing, the only way to maintain the "life" of a relationship.
I wonder, then, why we don't give more thought to this? Why we don't look at the life cycles of relationships, of organizations -- businesses, churches, schools -- and say, "it's been a good run, but it's time for a new birth, which by its very nature insists upon some type of death."
I think about church, especially, at this time. Why don't we choose to bring in hospice and other forms of dignified death to allow a congregation to die a peaceful, due death? Why don't we want to recognize that there are significant roles to play when a congregation ceases to be a functional entity, and that its time has come to be reborn and therefore to die from "natural causes". After all, even the musicians aboard the Titanic had their purpose. What creative ways can we learn to allow a church, an organization to die with dignity and honor?
We talk so much about birthing new things -- churches, new businesses, and yet our culture is littered with the reality that to do that, ideas must die and be re-born in new ways. Far from being depressing, to me this is enlightening, exciting even to realize that new forms of living, breathing and working can result from simply realizing that we need to go a different way.
What would LandsEnd be without the demise of Sears? Where would we be if we were all still using punch cards instead of high speed internet? Who among us would argue that HDTV isn't far above the old black and white consoles?
Instead of wringing our hands and mourning, can't we stop and realize yes, this is hard but necessary and the only way through life is through death?
I've been contemplating several aspects of life and you cannot do that without of course thinking about death. It may sound morbid but on the contrary I think it can be somewhat encouraging. After all, none of us are getting out of this life alive, so why not give some thought to it?
I especially have thought about the little deaths and re-births of all types of relationships. Example...my husband and I have been married now for over 19 years. Our relationship is much different than it was in the beginning. It has in a sense, died and been re-born a thousand times. It's been at times demanding, diffult and wonderfully creative.
There are parts of a relationship that one can miss..that I can miss, but the cold hard truth of the matter is this: moving forward in a relationship means that parts of the relationship must die (go away, cease to exist) so that new parts can be reborn. This is a good thing, a necessary thing, the only way to maintain the "life" of a relationship.
I wonder, then, why we don't give more thought to this? Why we don't look at the life cycles of relationships, of organizations -- businesses, churches, schools -- and say, "it's been a good run, but it's time for a new birth, which by its very nature insists upon some type of death."
I think about church, especially, at this time. Why don't we choose to bring in hospice and other forms of dignified death to allow a congregation to die a peaceful, due death? Why don't we want to recognize that there are significant roles to play when a congregation ceases to be a functional entity, and that its time has come to be reborn and therefore to die from "natural causes". After all, even the musicians aboard the Titanic had their purpose. What creative ways can we learn to allow a church, an organization to die with dignity and honor?
We talk so much about birthing new things -- churches, new businesses, and yet our culture is littered with the reality that to do that, ideas must die and be re-born in new ways. Far from being depressing, to me this is enlightening, exciting even to realize that new forms of living, breathing and working can result from simply realizing that we need to go a different way.
What would LandsEnd be without the demise of Sears? Where would we be if we were all still using punch cards instead of high speed internet? Who among us would argue that HDTV isn't far above the old black and white consoles?
Instead of wringing our hands and mourning, can't we stop and realize yes, this is hard but necessary and the only way through life is through death?
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Finishing "Oryx and Crake"
I finished "Oryx and Crake" today. Kind of wooly and symbolic and not easy to summarize. Atwood's future world and its open ended ending sets thoughts in motion that are not easy to categorize. Masterfully written...a bit slow in the beginning...but the dialogue picks up. The thinly veiled "Crake" is unlikeable, which I believe is intentional on the author's part. Jimmy is the conscious of the book and ourselves as we deal with the connundrum's of technology and progress. I'm usually not a fan of such genre's but this is something that kept my attention through the long haul.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
The Daily Show rules
I often enjoy the Daily Show with Jon Stewart, but last night's episode was one of the best. There was a skit that they did regarding fundamentalist who take the rapture very seriously. One guy actually has an email 'service' to email those "left behind" when the rapture takes place to notify their friends of their departure. The Daily Show handled this with their usual dose of irony, satire and wit.
Here's a clip from a recent show...regarding the White House controversy and web bloggers...
Daily Show: "Fact" Obsessed Bloggers
And if you still haven't had enough of JS, then check out http://www.jonstewart.net/bio/quotes.html
Great stuff, I'm a huge fan. I'd love to be on his show, so I'm busy writing a book..and if that doesn't get me on, then maybe I'll find a scandal or something.
Here's a clip from a recent show...regarding the White House controversy and web bloggers...
Daily Show: "Fact" Obsessed Bloggers
And if you still haven't had enough of JS, then check out http://www.jonstewart.net/bio/quotes.html
Great stuff, I'm a huge fan. I'd love to be on his show, so I'm busy writing a book..and if that doesn't get me on, then maybe I'll find a scandal or something.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Margaret Atwood interview
Still plodding through "Orxy and Cryk". See the author's interview about her latest book. I find her views on creation quite interesting. I will most likely go back and re-read other books she has written.
I downloaded my copy of Storyweaver and have spent some time with it...great stuff and promises to make some use out of years and years of journal scribblings. Writing for me has become my new caffeine, a wellspring of sustenance during the day to day comings and goings.
I downloaded my copy of Storyweaver and have spent some time with it...great stuff and promises to make some use out of years and years of journal scribblings. Writing for me has become my new caffeine, a wellspring of sustenance during the day to day comings and goings.
Monday, February 21, 2005
Snake in my bedroom
Sunday's weather was so wonderful, so breezy and warm, that I left my back door open for a bit to enjoy. Some fresh air can do wonders for the dull darkness of winter weather.
I forgot that I had a big puddle in the back yard...I call it a pond, but it's mostly a dirty puddle with some scraggly plants trying to survive. I forgot that snakes seek high ground and warm tile, of which my bedroom has plenty. I forgot that most snakes are just now starting to awaken for their summer munching.
But I remembered all this as I awakened this morning, groaning in the light of a new day -- a MONDAY. My eyes dim with sleep, I swing my legs over the bed and then a sound, like a baby's rattle, but softer and yet more intense.
I shake my eyes open, still unbothered, reaching for sleep, knowing its gone now for another 14 or 18 hours...then, that sound again.
I get real still. The house is still, quiet. Kids are at practice. Dan working. It's technically a "holiday", so things at our house are a bit more calm. Again, the sound.
I awaken now, on guard. I look to the corner of the room, where a small but firm coil is tucked into a corner, on the tile near the door, its head moving like those break dancers I see on TV...its head is moving, but its body is really still.
I'd be fascinated if I wasn't sitting in my pj's with my bare feet dangling over the side of my bed within reach if he stretched out fully.
We watch each other for a bit..does he see me? Is it a HE? I get real still, watching its tongue shiver. I heard once that snakes use their tongues to smell, so maybe he's (?) sniffing me, undoubtedly smelling the fear that now is prevelent...I'm scared. Oh boy, am I scared.
My brothers always knew that if they really wanted to frighten me, go out into the wheat field behind our ramshackle house and find a small snake -- even a baby -- and hold it in my face and the requisite big sister's scream would fill the neighborhood. Cheap thrills, better than watching a horror movie for them. I'd plot my revenge for days. This fear of snakes is unrealistic, illogical but oh so REAL.
I curl back up slowly, watching, looks like I'm not going anywhere for a bit.
I forgot that I had a big puddle in the back yard...I call it a pond, but it's mostly a dirty puddle with some scraggly plants trying to survive. I forgot that snakes seek high ground and warm tile, of which my bedroom has plenty. I forgot that most snakes are just now starting to awaken for their summer munching.
But I remembered all this as I awakened this morning, groaning in the light of a new day -- a MONDAY. My eyes dim with sleep, I swing my legs over the bed and then a sound, like a baby's rattle, but softer and yet more intense.
I shake my eyes open, still unbothered, reaching for sleep, knowing its gone now for another 14 or 18 hours...then, that sound again.
I get real still. The house is still, quiet. Kids are at practice. Dan working. It's technically a "holiday", so things at our house are a bit more calm. Again, the sound.
I awaken now, on guard. I look to the corner of the room, where a small but firm coil is tucked into a corner, on the tile near the door, its head moving like those break dancers I see on TV...its head is moving, but its body is really still.
I'd be fascinated if I wasn't sitting in my pj's with my bare feet dangling over the side of my bed within reach if he stretched out fully.
We watch each other for a bit..does he see me? Is it a HE? I get real still, watching its tongue shiver. I heard once that snakes use their tongues to smell, so maybe he's (?) sniffing me, undoubtedly smelling the fear that now is prevelent...I'm scared. Oh boy, am I scared.
My brothers always knew that if they really wanted to frighten me, go out into the wheat field behind our ramshackle house and find a small snake -- even a baby -- and hold it in my face and the requisite big sister's scream would fill the neighborhood. Cheap thrills, better than watching a horror movie for them. I'd plot my revenge for days. This fear of snakes is unrealistic, illogical but oh so REAL.
I curl back up slowly, watching, looks like I'm not going anywhere for a bit.
Sunday, February 20, 2005
Forgiveness
My grandmother is one forgiving woman. She has the ability to love through and through, to see a person in spite of all the stupid things that they might have done. I have watched over the years as she has forgiven people time and time again and done it with graciousness and dignity.
I asked her once, "How do you do that? How can you just let someone off after what they've done to you?"
Her answer still rings true to me. She said, "When you forgive, you aren't letting the other person "off"...you are letting yourself off. You are letting yourself off from revenge, vengence, hate and anger."
At the time I was a saucy teenager who thought I knew everything and had no idea what she was trying to say. After all, teenage angst is part of the growing up process, I had a "right" to my anger.
Many years later, the truth of her words is only now beginning to make sense to me. I don't question the reasons for forgiving, but the "how to" has always eluded me a bit. Today I made a list in my "real" journal on some things that I must forgive. I'm praying for grace in order to do that...because, forgiveness can only come from God. If I try to do it on my own, I will inevitably fail.
I am going to try to take a baby step with acceptance. If I can learn to accept people, situations, then perhaps that is a first step towards the big F.
I hasten to add that God has seen fit to surround me with great forgivers in my life. Perhaps He knew how much I had to learn about this art form and that I needed lots of role modeling. Dan is also one of the great forgivers that I have known. He takes a more pragmatic side of things, though. He just thinks it takes up too much time and energy, which could of course be put to greater use watching March Madness. At least he's consistent.
I really believe there is a power in forgiveness that I don't yet know or understand. I have read the book "The Art of Forgiving" about 10 times and still think it has a lot of great stuff in it. So I'll keep reading, keep watching, keep praying to make forgiveness more part of my life.
And when I fail, as I most often will do, I will pray that those around me can exercise their forgiveness muscles as well.
I asked her once, "How do you do that? How can you just let someone off after what they've done to you?"
Her answer still rings true to me. She said, "When you forgive, you aren't letting the other person "off"...you are letting yourself off. You are letting yourself off from revenge, vengence, hate and anger."
At the time I was a saucy teenager who thought I knew everything and had no idea what she was trying to say. After all, teenage angst is part of the growing up process, I had a "right" to my anger.
Many years later, the truth of her words is only now beginning to make sense to me. I don't question the reasons for forgiving, but the "how to" has always eluded me a bit. Today I made a list in my "real" journal on some things that I must forgive. I'm praying for grace in order to do that...because, forgiveness can only come from God. If I try to do it on my own, I will inevitably fail.
I am going to try to take a baby step with acceptance. If I can learn to accept people, situations, then perhaps that is a first step towards the big F.
I hasten to add that God has seen fit to surround me with great forgivers in my life. Perhaps He knew how much I had to learn about this art form and that I needed lots of role modeling. Dan is also one of the great forgivers that I have known. He takes a more pragmatic side of things, though. He just thinks it takes up too much time and energy, which could of course be put to greater use watching March Madness. At least he's consistent.
I really believe there is a power in forgiveness that I don't yet know or understand. I have read the book "The Art of Forgiving" about 10 times and still think it has a lot of great stuff in it. So I'll keep reading, keep watching, keep praying to make forgiveness more part of my life.
And when I fail, as I most often will do, I will pray that those around me can exercise their forgiveness muscles as well.
Saturday, February 19, 2005
Totally boring, rocking Saturday
Cook a large breakfast, color the hair, shop online, all while listening to some new tunes. I downloaded a new album (Zero 7) and I like it OK.
Time to evaluate the spring wardrobe. I'm a bit disappointed, LandsEnd sent me a "Plus Size" catalog. I think I'll write them and give them a piece of my mind. Still,they have some great stuff at great prices. Even though they are owned by Sears, to me they are foundational pieces of a wardrobe. Great stuff at good prices, good quality to supplement the more trendy pieces. Today I invested in a new spring trench, have had my mind on getting one to go with lighter weight things. I don't enjoy coats much, but light weight coat is almost a necessity with the best part of winter still ahead.
I enjoy Dallas shopping at the Allen Outlet Mall right off 75 South. Over 90 stores and I always hit the Addidas, Puma, Reebok outlets for my kids. I hope to get Dan there during spring break -- it's only 3 1/2 hours, really closer to me than KC, so its a good alternative to the rather bleak shopping options here in T-town. The ONLY place to shop in T-town, Stein Mart and maybe Target. Yeah, like a said, pretty bleak.
I also gave myself a late b-day present and purchased Storyweaver software so that I can make some sense of the huge collection of notes, story outlines that I have at my journal. I have been inspired by a new acquaintance who is actually working on a screen play with a buddy from L.A. This kind of big thinking totally inspires me. Thanks, Chris and Lindsay.
Time to evaluate the spring wardrobe. I'm a bit disappointed, LandsEnd sent me a "Plus Size" catalog. I think I'll write them and give them a piece of my mind. Still,they have some great stuff at great prices. Even though they are owned by Sears, to me they are foundational pieces of a wardrobe. Great stuff at good prices, good quality to supplement the more trendy pieces. Today I invested in a new spring trench, have had my mind on getting one to go with lighter weight things. I don't enjoy coats much, but light weight coat is almost a necessity with the best part of winter still ahead.
I enjoy Dallas shopping at the Allen Outlet Mall right off 75 South. Over 90 stores and I always hit the Addidas, Puma, Reebok outlets for my kids. I hope to get Dan there during spring break -- it's only 3 1/2 hours, really closer to me than KC, so its a good alternative to the rather bleak shopping options here in T-town. The ONLY place to shop in T-town, Stein Mart and maybe Target. Yeah, like a said, pretty bleak.
I also gave myself a late b-day present and purchased Storyweaver software so that I can make some sense of the huge collection of notes, story outlines that I have at my journal. I have been inspired by a new acquaintance who is actually working on a screen play with a buddy from L.A. This kind of big thinking totally inspires me. Thanks, Chris and Lindsay.
Friday, February 18, 2005
Current book
I am also reading a novel by one of my favorite author's - Margaret Atwood - Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood...this is one funky novel, almost apocalyptic in its tone, weary fatalism and futuristic mood to it. I'm not all the way finished with it yet, but am enjoying the stretching...I'm not a big sci fi fan (or futuristic or whatever this genre might be) but Atwood is masterful in her storyweaving. I'll try to post my own review of it later.
All my favorite things -- my kids, family, books, music and writing. There, that's my life in a nutshell. If, as Atwood predicts, the future ends here rather soon, I can rebuild my life with these things.
Chocolate cake, like the kind my daughter makes, would also be nice to have.
All my favorite things -- my kids, family, books, music and writing. There, that's my life in a nutshell. If, as Atwood predicts, the future ends here rather soon, I can rebuild my life with these things.
Chocolate cake, like the kind my daughter makes, would also be nice to have.
Home
"Maybe that's all a family really is; a group of people who miss the same imaginary place."
This is one of the great quotes from "Garden State"...which I am now proud to say I own the soundtrack...am listening to it as I write this. Heady stuff.
I have been immersed in music since I've been on the road...picked up the Los Lonely Boys grammy-winning album, and dug through some of my older CD's that I've had at the bottom of my listening bag. Music feeds my soul...not always healthy food, true. But good stuff.
I stayed in Dallas with a friend, where I think I was the only 40 year old or over in a 3 mile swath. Everyone in her neighborhood is a "hottie"...young, urban, wouldn't know a facial wrinkle if they had one, well, right under their nose. I remember those days -- wouldn't go back if you paid me -- but does make one feel really ancient to be around a bunch of "under thirties".
Reaching 40 gives one the right to say "this is my life, and I'll live it how I please, thank you, even if that means that I'm not the most fashionable place, dress the most fashionably..." Wonder what 50 will bring?
Heard from an old friend on the phone on the way home...he sounded sad, and he was, I miss him.
It's just good to be home. Will turn up the stereo and bask in the lovliness of being home with those that I love.
This is one of the great quotes from "Garden State"...which I am now proud to say I own the soundtrack...am listening to it as I write this. Heady stuff.
I have been immersed in music since I've been on the road...picked up the Los Lonely Boys grammy-winning album, and dug through some of my older CD's that I've had at the bottom of my listening bag. Music feeds my soul...not always healthy food, true. But good stuff.
I stayed in Dallas with a friend, where I think I was the only 40 year old or over in a 3 mile swath. Everyone in her neighborhood is a "hottie"...young, urban, wouldn't know a facial wrinkle if they had one, well, right under their nose. I remember those days -- wouldn't go back if you paid me -- but does make one feel really ancient to be around a bunch of "under thirties".
Reaching 40 gives one the right to say "this is my life, and I'll live it how I please, thank you, even if that means that I'm not the most fashionable place, dress the most fashionably..." Wonder what 50 will bring?
Heard from an old friend on the phone on the way home...he sounded sad, and he was, I miss him.
It's just good to be home. Will turn up the stereo and bask in the lovliness of being home with those that I love.
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Novel recommendation
1.
Upstate : A Novel
I was up until 3 am this morning finishing this book...and crying all the way through, which is unusual for me...maybe I was just tired, but this book (listened to on audible) was hauntingly beautiful. It had a good ending, but not a fairy tale ending, which always is more credible to me...life just isn't usually a fairy tale, so stories that end with somethings unresolved always seem more relevant to me.
At first the novel was a little too edgy, lots of language to get through, but it is about a couple of Harlem teenagers, so it is "real"...but don't read it if you are easily offended by the antics of teenagers in love.
Something that I think the book does a good job of is showing how lives that intersect -- though may not always stay in sync, still can profoundly influence. I also like the idea that the most broken in our society still have something--sometimes more -- to give to more "healthy" members. In fact, that theme has struck me several times in some other readings so I'm going to think on it more...
I have a friend in KC who is a theologian who is offering me a helping hand on some heavier, weightier things and I'm so thankful for his guidance. I have some gnarly questions that are tugging at the edge of my mind -- specifically the ideas of wealth in America and how that works -- or doesn't work -- with so many in the world living such poverty ridden lives, I've starting rethinking some things.
Tomorrow, road trip to Dallas -- really quick, and I'll be jammin to my new CD's...
Upstate : A Novel
I was up until 3 am this morning finishing this book...and crying all the way through, which is unusual for me...maybe I was just tired, but this book (listened to on audible) was hauntingly beautiful. It had a good ending, but not a fairy tale ending, which always is more credible to me...life just isn't usually a fairy tale, so stories that end with somethings unresolved always seem more relevant to me.
At first the novel was a little too edgy, lots of language to get through, but it is about a couple of Harlem teenagers, so it is "real"...but don't read it if you are easily offended by the antics of teenagers in love.
Something that I think the book does a good job of is showing how lives that intersect -- though may not always stay in sync, still can profoundly influence. I also like the idea that the most broken in our society still have something--sometimes more -- to give to more "healthy" members. In fact, that theme has struck me several times in some other readings so I'm going to think on it more...
I have a friend in KC who is a theologian who is offering me a helping hand on some heavier, weightier things and I'm so thankful for his guidance. I have some gnarly questions that are tugging at the edge of my mind -- specifically the ideas of wealth in America and how that works -- or doesn't work -- with so many in the world living such poverty ridden lives, I've starting rethinking some things.
Tomorrow, road trip to Dallas -- really quick, and I'll be jammin to my new CD's...
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Getting ready
I'm saving a lot of tracks into my computer so that I can have my favorite songs at my fingertips. I'm getting ready for the next 5 months...with a top trip on the line.
I've not yet taken a top director trip and I really want to take Dan on this trip...it's to Greece, a cruise, and we both love history, so it would be a lot of fun. Also, we're celebrating 20 years of being married this year and what a way to celebrate...free! On a top trip, with no holds barred.
So, I've been working on my plan...and its starting to take shape... it's different than I thought it would be, it's better. I am constantly amazed at how short sighted I am and how bigger things are always better...and ways that I can't always see.
I've also been working on some reading...I've been doing more readings from classical theologians (Nouwen, Watchman Nee) and current, including NTWright
http://www.hornes.org/theologia/content/travis_tamerius/interview_with_n_t_wright.htm
I don't know if I agree with all his destinations and conclusions, but that's not really the point...he has a lot of good things to say, and I'm trying to get my mind around them.
I find that when I'm immersed in music, art, writing, my life hums along better. Sometimes, I forget to feed my soul, and then I experience a poverty of spirit that is like desert in August...and all it takes is a poem, a book, an album to turn it around. God speaks in so many ways -- I see Him in great movies, great literature and in music. Not any of the "official" places, maybe, but ways that I see Him.
And yes, it does make sense that i see Him where I'm looking...and that is both enlightning and convicting.
I've not yet taken a top director trip and I really want to take Dan on this trip...it's to Greece, a cruise, and we both love history, so it would be a lot of fun. Also, we're celebrating 20 years of being married this year and what a way to celebrate...free! On a top trip, with no holds barred.
So, I've been working on my plan...and its starting to take shape... it's different than I thought it would be, it's better. I am constantly amazed at how short sighted I am and how bigger things are always better...and ways that I can't always see.
I've also been working on some reading...I've been doing more readings from classical theologians (Nouwen, Watchman Nee) and current, including NTWright
http://www.hornes.org/theologia/content/travis_tamerius/interview_with_n_t_wright.htm
I don't know if I agree with all his destinations and conclusions, but that's not really the point...he has a lot of good things to say, and I'm trying to get my mind around them.
I find that when I'm immersed in music, art, writing, my life hums along better. Sometimes, I forget to feed my soul, and then I experience a poverty of spirit that is like desert in August...and all it takes is a poem, a book, an album to turn it around. God speaks in so many ways -- I see Him in great movies, great literature and in music. Not any of the "official" places, maybe, but ways that I see Him.
And yes, it does make sense that i see Him where I'm looking...and that is both enlightning and convicting.
Usher --
I went out and purchased "Usher's" new album...my favorite songs, "Caught up" and of course, "Yeah"...so I am jammin' to that new sound (for me). I still want to get Los Lonely Boys album...I dug out my Alicia Keys stuff and am re-listening to it...all great stuff and I'm really enjoying listening to my new tunes.
Monday, February 14, 2005
Valentine's Day
I'm sitting in my office surrounded by a big stuffed teddy, about 100 Snoopy cards, candy litters
my desk and flowers are sitting in a vase. I walked in and my study had been transformed
into a den of love. My husband has learned that on this day-- only two things matter...lots of chocolate and lots of flowers. He got it perfect this year...and snoopy cards were just an
extra fun touch. I wonder if I'll ever find all of them..they are hidden everywhere!
Last night my daughter and I made her first every "from scratch" chocolate cake -- absolutely
divine. It is a two-tier cake and it quite literally melts in my mouth. She doesn't like the
"sissy" box cakes, she says.
I gave a speech today for a speech contest -- and won-- my topic: Modern Love. I pulled
from over 20 years of relationships with Dan and the kids. I get to "re-do" it for a regional
contest in May -- hope the kinks are worked out of it by then and Dan can hear it.
I am basking in the love of those that mean the most to me...and it feels great. When I was young and my family was a mess, I would dream of having the kind of family that I have now...today is a good day to celebrate that gift.
my desk and flowers are sitting in a vase. I walked in and my study had been transformed
into a den of love. My husband has learned that on this day-- only two things matter...lots of chocolate and lots of flowers. He got it perfect this year...and snoopy cards were just an
extra fun touch. I wonder if I'll ever find all of them..they are hidden everywhere!
Last night my daughter and I made her first every "from scratch" chocolate cake -- absolutely
divine. It is a two-tier cake and it quite literally melts in my mouth. She doesn't like the
"sissy" box cakes, she says.
I gave a speech today for a speech contest -- and won-- my topic: Modern Love. I pulled
from over 20 years of relationships with Dan and the kids. I get to "re-do" it for a regional
contest in May -- hope the kinks are worked out of it by then and Dan can hear it.
I am basking in the love of those that mean the most to me...and it feels great. When I was young and my family was a mess, I would dream of having the kind of family that I have now...today is a good day to celebrate that gift.
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Great moments from the Grammy's
Great lyrics from Kenye West:
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/kanyewest/jesuswalks.html
I'll be buying everything I can from USHER...what a great performer. http://www.usherworld.com/
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/kanyewest/jesuswalks.html
I'll be buying everything I can from USHER...what a great performer. http://www.usherworld.com/
Sunday before Valentine's Day
I'm getting ready to watch "Garden State" for the second time....LOVE the movie...Dan and I watched it together yesterday...he's a lot of fun to watch movies with..he always "sees" the movie before I can get the whole point of it ...and he is eloquent and understanding when he reviews the characters...always giving the benefit of the doubt. We don't always agree on the movie and their stories and he may be less charitable in some of his reviews than me, but he is fun to go to movies together.
Yesterday was a day filled with lots of funning around with kids basketball and soccer games.. fun to watch...last night was Basketball Homecoming...and it is there that I think I most experience "community" in the sense of the word...my kids are involved, we see community friends, we have a purpose, we are all joined together in one aspect...I really enjoy this about our life here in Oklahoma.
Yesterday was a day filled with lots of funning around with kids basketball and soccer games.. fun to watch...last night was Basketball Homecoming...and it is there that I think I most experience "community" in the sense of the word...my kids are involved, we see community friends, we have a purpose, we are all joined together in one aspect...I really enjoy this about our life here in Oklahoma.
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