Since I spend way too much time being reflective, I just don't feel in the mood, even though it is New Year's Eve. I am ready to unwind on the couch with some great chardonney and movies with my favorite people in the whole world...my family.
I spent most of today ransacking my office and finishing out month end...we did well...still work to be done, but we're on the right track.
I watched a great show tonight on Encore television
6:15PM
The Cutting Edge: The Magic Of Movie Editing Rated TVPG, 1h 37min
I had no idea the power of editors on film making. This documentary creates the desire to be a movie editor. Great information and very entertaining. Takes kind of the fun out of watching movies, but it does testify to the storytelling art of movie making.
Friday, December 31, 2004
New toys, new year
I bought myself a new camera...the Kodak Easy Share 6490. WOW...it is quite a package. I love the software that allows you to share photos easily...one step shooting is what Kodak claims and it truly is wonderful.
So you'll probably start seeing more photos in this blog in the new year. I've been working on final end of year numbers and deadlines and am just about wrapping it up for a quite New Year's with my family.
I'll probably see some new movies. I really want to see "Hotel Rwanda". As I have been thinking and praying about the tsunami victims, it brings to mind just how much of the world suffers.
So you'll probably start seeing more photos in this blog in the new year. I've been working on final end of year numbers and deadlines and am just about wrapping it up for a quite New Year's with my family.
I'll probably see some new movies. I really want to see "Hotel Rwanda". As I have been thinking and praying about the tsunami victims, it brings to mind just how much of the world suffers.
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Sacred Prayer site
I found an interesting site this morning while browsing the web...
www.sacredspace.ie
It has even an "online retreat" which may be an oxymoron for some that desire to be "unplugged"....I found it wonderfully refreshing and hope to make it a part of my daily routine in upcoming new year.
www.sacredspace.ie
It has even an "online retreat" which may be an oxymoron for some that desire to be "unplugged"....I found it wonderfully refreshing and hope to make it a part of my daily routine in upcoming new year.
Monday, December 27, 2004
Two great things in the NYT This week
Gotta see it-- the Annie Liebowitz photo shoot that evidently produced the new American Express campaign (My Life, My Card stuff)...There is a shot of DeNiro inside the NYT Magazine that is a heart stopper. This photo captures DeNiro in motion, his hulking back to us, trenchcoat swirling around his knees. It's as if we are experiencing all the dark, enigmatic features of this actor. The best part: you only see half of his face, which draws us into the DeNiro mystique. Is he a good guy? A bad guy? Both? We don't know, but we love watching DeNiro in whatever he does. He's an actor we trust, we feel confident with..even if he is shooting up bad guys (or good guys). You know that if he is on your side, your side wins.
The next thing in NYT which is worth taking a look...
www.nytimes.com/weekinreview
Robert Deniro at his grizzled best.
Saturday, December 25, 2004
Christmas Night
I made it. After 15 years of struggling through the Christmas season, I have made it through a somewhat painless and even enjoyable experience.
I have tried to assemble the reasons that made this season so much easier -- more peaceful - than others. There are a few that I think attributed to this...here they are:
1 - Making a decision to enjoy the season. Realizing that it is a season t celebrate, I determined to find something -- each day -- to celebrate. My husband's parenting, my kids willingness to help around the house...something to say, "wow, that's good."
2 - Realizing my limitations. I cannot shop for more than an hour a day ( I truly hate shopping -- remember, that is what God made the internet!). So I chose each day to work in a little shopping and it didn't take a lot of days to make a dent in the list. Also, I chose to have a budget - -although I blew the budget -- having one I think helped me rein in spending. Still, I spent more than I probably should have, but less than I might have had I not had a budget.
Also, I don't party. I like reading books, listening to music, watching movies. This runs cross gain to the culture in some ways, and I find crowds suffocating and exhausting. I made a decision to spend time with those I really care about -- and that's it. I can party at work during non-holiday seasons because it may be a part of my job -- and I've also learned "how to" do it so that it works for me and others.
3 - Set after-christmas goals. Nothing is more depressing than opening gifts and realizing that there is nothing for the "after days" of christmas. I carefully have planned this year to drive my kids and husband crazy by painting the bathrooms upsairs a crisp red. It needs to be done and why not do it while everyone is at home and in each other's way? What better time to experience family closeness when dripping red paint on carpet and new clothes?
Seriously, I decided that some projects around the house would be priorities and have been working on them for quite some time.
4 - Realize that the holidays are not about what you are going to "get" but about what you "have". I know, I know, it sounds a bit corny, but as I approach the big 42 (January 26 for anybody that is wondering!!) I have seen my share of holiday gifts that, no matter how much promise, they disappoint. I have started to understand what my mother in law use to say, "there is nothing like family." I use to hear that with the reflection on my family or origin and would say, "Yep. THAT'S certainly true." But now I hear with with the reflection of my son's gift to his granddad, my daughter's handmade gifts to her father, time spent with my husband. These are the things that have become much more important to me -- maybe it's an "after 40" thing because it use to be to me very much about the gifts.
5 - Set a goal for personal, spritual, professional fulfillment - Last year, I continued my working out (kickboxing) and my decision to join a professional speaking organization (toastmaster) Both have brought enjoyable relationships and new skills. This year, I am continuing my pusuit of learning Spanish (have found a tutor for once a week) and will continue my working out. I want to explore more yoga and just having walks with Dan.
Also, I have become absolutely hooked on my writing -- not my personal writing, mind you, but the realization that this is something that I literally need to do. It's like breathing for me...for years I have kept journals...now I have this blog, a personal journal (yes, there is some juicy stuff in there, but it's NOT online!!!) and my own daily journal. I am always writing -- in my head, in my journals and I whether I ever write the "great american novel" it fills me with peace and comfort.
Recently, I sat some professionals goals that should be completed in the next 4 -5 years. Once I realized that whatever professional goals I achieve will be completed in the next few years, it was as if a huge weight was off me. I will continue to work with focus and dedication, but work is more a means to an end, rather than an end for me. I enjoy what I do and feel that I am good at it and hopefully I add to the quality of others lives.
But work is NOT my life...and I don't wish to be defined or limited by it. I am enjoying finding other outlets - gardening, writing -- that are extremely fulfilling to me as well. Enjoying these pursuits and making time for them are essential to my well being. It took me a long time to realize this.
Spritually, I have recently begun to enjoy the discipline of contemplative prayer. I am a gawky amateur at best, but I am enjoying how learning this discipline helps calm, soothe and center me. I also am enjoying really trying to listen to God speaking to me. I've always been a bit of a skeptic about the whole God thing...I believe in Him, but wonders sometimes if He believes in me. I'm a pretty big goober who has made more than few "big ones" (mistakes). It is taking me a long time to embrace that God would want anything to do with me...much less talk to me. I'm finding that I God is a whole lot different than I originally thought...maybe we just got off to a bad start or I formed some unfortunate pre-judgements. My first impressions of Him weren't that great...he seemed opinionated and judgemental, not to mention a big of a know it all. Anyway, I'm trying to embrace the silence in my life and try to listen...gardening, writing really help me do this.
6 - Better manage my resources -- especially money. I admit it, I can make a lot of money, but that doesn't mean anything. It matters on how much you keep -- or give to others. I have a lot to learn about this discipline and I'm slowly -- slowly, slowly, making progress. It has taken me a long time to see why I buy what I do, what I'm really looking for when I make the purchase. This season I found myself being more analytical about what I purchased and why. It still didn't seem to help me by blowing my budget, but I think I did do better.
These are the things that I have learned in the past 42 years and what I take into the new year.
I have tried to assemble the reasons that made this season so much easier -- more peaceful - than others. There are a few that I think attributed to this...here they are:
1 - Making a decision to enjoy the season. Realizing that it is a season t celebrate, I determined to find something -- each day -- to celebrate. My husband's parenting, my kids willingness to help around the house...something to say, "wow, that's good."
2 - Realizing my limitations. I cannot shop for more than an hour a day ( I truly hate shopping -- remember, that is what God made the internet!). So I chose each day to work in a little shopping and it didn't take a lot of days to make a dent in the list. Also, I chose to have a budget - -although I blew the budget -- having one I think helped me rein in spending. Still, I spent more than I probably should have, but less than I might have had I not had a budget.
Also, I don't party. I like reading books, listening to music, watching movies. This runs cross gain to the culture in some ways, and I find crowds suffocating and exhausting. I made a decision to spend time with those I really care about -- and that's it. I can party at work during non-holiday seasons because it may be a part of my job -- and I've also learned "how to" do it so that it works for me and others.
3 - Set after-christmas goals. Nothing is more depressing than opening gifts and realizing that there is nothing for the "after days" of christmas. I carefully have planned this year to drive my kids and husband crazy by painting the bathrooms upsairs a crisp red. It needs to be done and why not do it while everyone is at home and in each other's way? What better time to experience family closeness when dripping red paint on carpet and new clothes?
Seriously, I decided that some projects around the house would be priorities and have been working on them for quite some time.
4 - Realize that the holidays are not about what you are going to "get" but about what you "have". I know, I know, it sounds a bit corny, but as I approach the big 42 (January 26 for anybody that is wondering!!) I have seen my share of holiday gifts that, no matter how much promise, they disappoint. I have started to understand what my mother in law use to say, "there is nothing like family." I use to hear that with the reflection on my family or origin and would say, "Yep. THAT'S certainly true." But now I hear with with the reflection of my son's gift to his granddad, my daughter's handmade gifts to her father, time spent with my husband. These are the things that have become much more important to me -- maybe it's an "after 40" thing because it use to be to me very much about the gifts.
5 - Set a goal for personal, spritual, professional fulfillment - Last year, I continued my working out (kickboxing) and my decision to join a professional speaking organization (toastmaster) Both have brought enjoyable relationships and new skills. This year, I am continuing my pusuit of learning Spanish (have found a tutor for once a week) and will continue my working out. I want to explore more yoga and just having walks with Dan.
Also, I have become absolutely hooked on my writing -- not my personal writing, mind you, but the realization that this is something that I literally need to do. It's like breathing for me...for years I have kept journals...now I have this blog, a personal journal (yes, there is some juicy stuff in there, but it's NOT online!!!) and my own daily journal. I am always writing -- in my head, in my journals and I whether I ever write the "great american novel" it fills me with peace and comfort.
Recently, I sat some professionals goals that should be completed in the next 4 -5 years. Once I realized that whatever professional goals I achieve will be completed in the next few years, it was as if a huge weight was off me. I will continue to work with focus and dedication, but work is more a means to an end, rather than an end for me. I enjoy what I do and feel that I am good at it and hopefully I add to the quality of others lives.
But work is NOT my life...and I don't wish to be defined or limited by it. I am enjoying finding other outlets - gardening, writing -- that are extremely fulfilling to me as well. Enjoying these pursuits and making time for them are essential to my well being. It took me a long time to realize this.
Spritually, I have recently begun to enjoy the discipline of contemplative prayer. I am a gawky amateur at best, but I am enjoying how learning this discipline helps calm, soothe and center me. I also am enjoying really trying to listen to God speaking to me. I've always been a bit of a skeptic about the whole God thing...I believe in Him, but wonders sometimes if He believes in me. I'm a pretty big goober who has made more than few "big ones" (mistakes). It is taking me a long time to embrace that God would want anything to do with me...much less talk to me. I'm finding that I God is a whole lot different than I originally thought...maybe we just got off to a bad start or I formed some unfortunate pre-judgements. My first impressions of Him weren't that great...he seemed opinionated and judgemental, not to mention a big of a know it all. Anyway, I'm trying to embrace the silence in my life and try to listen...gardening, writing really help me do this.
6 - Better manage my resources -- especially money. I admit it, I can make a lot of money, but that doesn't mean anything. It matters on how much you keep -- or give to others. I have a lot to learn about this discipline and I'm slowly -- slowly, slowly, making progress. It has taken me a long time to see why I buy what I do, what I'm really looking for when I make the purchase. This season I found myself being more analytical about what I purchased and why. It still didn't seem to help me by blowing my budget, but I think I did do better.
These are the things that I have learned in the past 42 years and what I take into the new year.
New Wines
I have started learning more about wines. I am convinced that one doesn't have to be a wine snob to enjoy an ancient brew, so I'm just asking and experiementing on my own. No big lavish wine tastings or anything like that -- just finding what I like by asking those that know, usually wine merchants or just trying something for myself.
I found one Chardonnay that I really like. It is, as some might say, a "dry wine". I think it has an excellent taste. I served it with some chicken soup and also with the christmas turkey. Wonderful flavor.
Liberty School Chardonnay 2001 We blended fruit from two of the best Chardonnay regions in the state, the Santa Maria Valley and another in Monterey County in the famous Santa Lucia Highlands. There are nuances of Bartlett pear, pineapple and green apples in the nose. The finish is long, balanced and never cloying, due to its healthy acidity. BN#142502
$11.99SKU13148
I am also trying a wine from Rosemount Estate with roast beef later this weekend...I'll post on this later.
I found one Chardonnay that I really like. It is, as some might say, a "dry wine". I think it has an excellent taste. I served it with some chicken soup and also with the christmas turkey. Wonderful flavor.
Liberty School Chardonnay 2001 We blended fruit from two of the best Chardonnay regions in the state, the Santa Maria Valley and another in Monterey County in the famous Santa Lucia Highlands. There are nuances of Bartlett pear, pineapple and green apples in the nose. The finish is long, balanced and never cloying, due to its healthy acidity. BN#142502
$11.99SKU13148
I am also trying a wine from Rosemount Estate with roast beef later this weekend...I'll post on this later.
Friday, December 24, 2004
Christmas eve
It could not have ever matched my expectations. Still, "The Fockers" was entertaining and enjoyable. I still have a thing for DeNiro, no matter that he acts like a love-stricken grandfather in this film.
And Barbara Streisand is the 'perfect jewish mom' and her character is someone that you just want to go have coffee and chat.
Overall, though, I have to say that the sequel does not measure up to the original. Maybe because originals have that spontaneous quality that sequel simply cannot match.
I am looking forward to seeing "Hotel Rwanda" ...it will probably be my favorite for the holiday season. And the big exume continues as I finish the office and move onto other rooms of the house to clean/organize. We're ready to paint in upstairs bathroom and we'll order fixtures next week to get that job behind us. I'm ready.
I look forward to the rest of Christmas reading, watching movies and doing more writing.
And Barbara Streisand is the 'perfect jewish mom' and her character is someone that you just want to go have coffee and chat.
Overall, though, I have to say that the sequel does not measure up to the original. Maybe because originals have that spontaneous quality that sequel simply cannot match.
I am looking forward to seeing "Hotel Rwanda" ...it will probably be my favorite for the holiday season. And the big exume continues as I finish the office and move onto other rooms of the house to clean/organize. We're ready to paint in upstairs bathroom and we'll order fixtures next week to get that job behind us. I'm ready.
I look forward to the rest of Christmas reading, watching movies and doing more writing.
Thursday, December 23, 2004
The Big Sweep
Operation BIG SWEEP is now fully underway. Here is some ideas that are assisting me in getting my office/home put together for new year:
Staples Office Organization: Frequently Asked QuestionsOffice Organization: Frequently Asked Questions, ... Office organization and time managementexpert, Jan Jasper, replied with the following answers. ... www.staples.com/content/Article/ E-H/FAQsOfficeOrganization.asp - 31k - Cached - Similar pages
5 Rules of OrganizationFive of the most helpful home office organizing tips for dealing with paper, being efficient, and more.
Staples Office Organization: Frequently Asked QuestionsOffice Organization: Frequently Asked Questions, ... Office organization and time managementexpert, Jan Jasper, replied with the following answers. ... www.staples.com/content/Article/ E-H/FAQsOfficeOrganization.asp - 31k - Cached - Similar pages
5 Rules of OrganizationFive of the most helpful home office organizing tips for dealing with paper, being efficient, and more.
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
THE BIG DAY
Today, "Meet the Fockers" is in theaters!
We spent the evening last night with some wonderful friends...truly a special evening with food, music, conversation.
Sometimes, I am amazed at God's graciousness to me with the friends and people He has chosen to intersect my life.
My daughter had her wisdom teeth removed today. She is recuperating on the couch while I try not to hover. Dan is the official "family doctor go-er". I get sick just thinking about someone cutting on my kids. I was reading the post-op directions and felt like throwing up just reading about gauze and ice packs and blood. I'm a real medical wimp, so not really much help at all. I make sure there is chicken soup, warm blankets, books to read, music to listen to...and I sit around and look at my kids, but beyond that, I'm totally worthless.
I have been researching some new ideas for some classes...art history and more on contemplative prayer. This continues to be a source of great comfort and it is opening a lot of new areas to explore and ponder. Today I found a wonderful web site that features biblical instrumentation that perhaps King David might have used in the Psalms along with historical pictures of David, Jesus. The old stirrings from my art history classes are making themselves known...I can get really lost in thinking about artists and how they see their world...what that means. One of the most interesting aspects of studying art is how each artist interprets their world and how myopic we all must be when we try to understand the world around us. We simply cannot see the world without showing our own prejudices and imprints.
I am reading and re-reading the works of Watchmen Nee (Sit, Stand, Walk) and am profoundly captivated by his ideas:
"Most Christians make the mistake of trying walk in order to be able to sit but that is a reversal of the true order. Our natural reason says, IF we don not walk, how can we ever reach the goal? What can we attain without effort? How can we ever get anywhere if we do not move? But Christianity is a queer business! If at the outset we try to do anything, we get nothing. If we seek to attain something we lose everything. For Christianity begins not with the big DO, but with the big DONE." (Watchman Nee, "Sit Walk, Stand"
We spent the evening last night with some wonderful friends...truly a special evening with food, music, conversation.
Sometimes, I am amazed at God's graciousness to me with the friends and people He has chosen to intersect my life.
My daughter had her wisdom teeth removed today. She is recuperating on the couch while I try not to hover. Dan is the official "family doctor go-er". I get sick just thinking about someone cutting on my kids. I was reading the post-op directions and felt like throwing up just reading about gauze and ice packs and blood. I'm a real medical wimp, so not really much help at all. I make sure there is chicken soup, warm blankets, books to read, music to listen to...and I sit around and look at my kids, but beyond that, I'm totally worthless.
I have been researching some new ideas for some classes...art history and more on contemplative prayer. This continues to be a source of great comfort and it is opening a lot of new areas to explore and ponder. Today I found a wonderful web site that features biblical instrumentation that perhaps King David might have used in the Psalms along with historical pictures of David, Jesus. The old stirrings from my art history classes are making themselves known...I can get really lost in thinking about artists and how they see their world...what that means. One of the most interesting aspects of studying art is how each artist interprets their world and how myopic we all must be when we try to understand the world around us. We simply cannot see the world without showing our own prejudices and imprints.
I am reading and re-reading the works of Watchmen Nee (Sit, Stand, Walk) and am profoundly captivated by his ideas:
"Most Christians make the mistake of trying walk in order to be able to sit but that is a reversal of the true order. Our natural reason says, IF we don not walk, how can we ever reach the goal? What can we attain without effort? How can we ever get anywhere if we do not move? But Christianity is a queer business! If at the outset we try to do anything, we get nothing. If we seek to attain something we lose everything. For Christianity begins not with the big DO, but with the big DONE." (Watchman Nee, "Sit Walk, Stand"
Monday, December 20, 2004
2 days to Meet the Fockers...
I spent most of the day on "detailing", what I call closing up loose ends of household and business. I am now fully in the process of cleaning out closets, drawers as well as laying plans and dreams for new year. I have successfully learned how to download not only music but audio books to my dream treo. I think I've become addicted to it..one of my friends calls her palm device her "crack-berry" because of the addictive qualities of having so much in the palm of your hand.
I found a new artist (to me, anyway) called David Lanz which has clear, translucent melodies that are both relaxing and invigorating. I am listening to one of the albums that I've downloaded while Dan relaxes by watching Monday Night Football. I call football a modern day "gladiator" game.
Frank Caliendo (www.frankcaliendo.com) is the comic that mimics John Madden (among many others) and now I can't listen to John Madden without thinking of the comic that spoofs him.
I am reading several books, including two by Watchmen Nee, on prayer. Fascinating stuff and I'm trying to get my feeble brain around the ideas...kind of transports me to a new place to explore. I'll comment more on his ideas in upcoming blogs.
I found a new artist (to me, anyway) called David Lanz which has clear, translucent melodies that are both relaxing and invigorating. I am listening to one of the albums that I've downloaded while Dan relaxes by watching Monday Night Football. I call football a modern day "gladiator" game.
Frank Caliendo (www.frankcaliendo.com) is the comic that mimics John Madden (among many others) and now I can't listen to John Madden without thinking of the comic that spoofs him.
I am reading several books, including two by Watchmen Nee, on prayer. Fascinating stuff and I'm trying to get my feeble brain around the ideas...kind of transports me to a new place to explore. I'll comment more on his ideas in upcoming blogs.
Sunday, December 19, 2004
"Flight of the Phoenix"
Overall, disappointing. I was hoping to find some elements of truth in this parable about being lost and finding one's way out of the much. I did find a few gems, but mostly rather predictable film nuances.
The one performance that I truly enjoyed was Giovanni Ribisi who plays "Elliott". I think he is one of the most versatile actors in Hollywood and I hope to see more of him. As I watched his character in this movie, I found myself really caring about him -- which is the entire point of a great actor---play someone that may be unlikeable but you still care about him. You want to figure him out and figure out what makes him "work", or what motivates him. I found myself doing this with his performance. For more on Mr. Ribisi:
Date of birth (location)
17 December 1974Los Angeles, California, USA
Trivia
Won the ShoWest Newcomer of the Year Award in 1999. (show more)
Sometimes Credited As:
Antonino Giovanni RibisiVonnie RibisiVonni Ribisi
Also, for DeNiro Fans, Bobby boy hosted SNL last night. From what I've seen/heard with Hollywood gossip, DeNiro is notoriously self effacing and shy. He's also a method actor, not a spontaneous comic. He seemed to struggle with the live format of SNL. The best part was his monologue with Kermit the Frog. The irony of Mr. Goodfella and the muppet icon was ironic and well, sweet. It was almost like watching my grandfather sing a song to a kid. DeNiro is one of my all-time favorite people, someone I'd love to have lunch with and just talk.
The countdown continues...a mere three days to "Meet the Fockers". There's no way at this point that this film will live up to my hype and expectations, but I still can't wait to go.
The one performance that I truly enjoyed was Giovanni Ribisi who plays "Elliott". I think he is one of the most versatile actors in Hollywood and I hope to see more of him. As I watched his character in this movie, I found myself really caring about him -- which is the entire point of a great actor---play someone that may be unlikeable but you still care about him. You want to figure him out and figure out what makes him "work", or what motivates him. I found myself doing this with his performance. For more on Mr. Ribisi:
Date of birth (location)
17 December 1974Los Angeles, California, USA
Trivia
Won the ShoWest Newcomer of the Year Award in 1999. (show more)
Sometimes Credited As:
Antonino Giovanni RibisiVonnie RibisiVonni Ribisi
Also, for DeNiro Fans, Bobby boy hosted SNL last night. From what I've seen/heard with Hollywood gossip, DeNiro is notoriously self effacing and shy. He's also a method actor, not a spontaneous comic. He seemed to struggle with the live format of SNL. The best part was his monologue with Kermit the Frog. The irony of Mr. Goodfella and the muppet icon was ironic and well, sweet. It was almost like watching my grandfather sing a song to a kid. DeNiro is one of my all-time favorite people, someone I'd love to have lunch with and just talk.
The countdown continues...a mere three days to "Meet the Fockers". There's no way at this point that this film will live up to my hype and expectations, but I still can't wait to go.
Friday, December 17, 2004
A funny thing happened on the way to the mall
I had a wonderful day with one of my all time favorite people -- my daughter. She and I browsed some boutiques for the "perfect purse" (we finally found it!) and had lunch. It wasn't hurly burly holiday shopping, just enjoyable time together.
It's hard for me to articulate how I feel about my daughter. She is the best of her parents -- her methodical, reasonable, practical side (her dad) and her big dreams and persistence (me). She is not only fun to be with around, but has a deep sensitive side that feels for others.
I remember when she was little and not yet walking. She would see her brother walking around and it seemed she was distraught that she was not walking. She would cry and moan and seem to act as if she wanted to move like he did. Before she could even sit up, we'd prop her up in a small chair -- the kind that "hooks" onto the side of a table (probably outlawed now) and she'd fight to sit up and then fight even hard to lift her "sippy cup" (the kind with the lead in the bottom) and drink out of it. If we tried to help her, she'd grunt and cry...she wanted no help.
When I see her tackle tough situations, I see this same fiery determination in her. She takes charges in basketball games by girls that outweigh her 75 pounds. She works for hours on science and math problems. She doesn't like to not "get something" on the first try and can often be demanding on herself and others.
And yet there is a tenderness, a vulnerability to her that I find hard to describe. Not gullibility but a transparency that I can only pray isn't destroyed by the knocks of high school.
She wants her own style, bucks trends for her own identity. Loves her father with blinding devotion and laughs at all my jokes (even when they are truly stupid).
She told me today that her friends often tell her that she has the "neatest mom". That's flattering to hear, but it's easy to be a fun mom when you've got a jewel for a daughter. She makes it fun. We're still in the early years of teenage-dom, but I have to stop and thank God for the relationship and the person that we have with her.
It's hard for me to articulate how I feel about my daughter. She is the best of her parents -- her methodical, reasonable, practical side (her dad) and her big dreams and persistence (me). She is not only fun to be with around, but has a deep sensitive side that feels for others.
I remember when she was little and not yet walking. She would see her brother walking around and it seemed she was distraught that she was not walking. She would cry and moan and seem to act as if she wanted to move like he did. Before she could even sit up, we'd prop her up in a small chair -- the kind that "hooks" onto the side of a table (probably outlawed now) and she'd fight to sit up and then fight even hard to lift her "sippy cup" (the kind with the lead in the bottom) and drink out of it. If we tried to help her, she'd grunt and cry...she wanted no help.
When I see her tackle tough situations, I see this same fiery determination in her. She takes charges in basketball games by girls that outweigh her 75 pounds. She works for hours on science and math problems. She doesn't like to not "get something" on the first try and can often be demanding on herself and others.
And yet there is a tenderness, a vulnerability to her that I find hard to describe. Not gullibility but a transparency that I can only pray isn't destroyed by the knocks of high school.
She wants her own style, bucks trends for her own identity. Loves her father with blinding devotion and laughs at all my jokes (even when they are truly stupid).
She told me today that her friends often tell her that she has the "neatest mom". That's flattering to hear, but it's easy to be a fun mom when you've got a jewel for a daughter. She makes it fun. We're still in the early years of teenage-dom, but I have to stop and thank God for the relationship and the person that we have with her.
Thursday, December 16, 2004
Another step for mankind...
Today I took the "leap" into the online teleconferencing world. I am quite jazzed about this opportunity as the online world becomes more and more a part of the world.
I think the online possibilities for industries like mine -- sales -- is one that is almost neglected. I wonder if there is any other world, except for the church-world, where more 'sacred cows' live and breathe. There are paradigms that are ages old and virtually unworkable, still they continue because of tradition.
In fact, many things in watching the church world "work" (so to speak) has helped me understand why so many people are so prone to incorrect beliefs about change. It has encouraged me to see a broader picture of humanity -- few of us deal well with change. Even those of us that embrace it (sometimes called "early adapters") have our own anxiety about changes that create more anxiety for those that are resisting it.
I truly believe that online meetings with graphics and more "artsy fartsy" capabilities can be the wave of the future. I think there is a big difference in having conferences and having successful and worthwhile conferences.
The last any of us desire or need is more unproductive time spent regardless of the "bells and whistles".
The company that really has a "heart" for online communication is WEBEX (www.webex.com). They are the industry leader and for good reason -- they do it really well. I have visited others companies and experimented but by far Webex has the ticket.
So here we go --- into a new year and a new era.
I think the online possibilities for industries like mine -- sales -- is one that is almost neglected. I wonder if there is any other world, except for the church-world, where more 'sacred cows' live and breathe. There are paradigms that are ages old and virtually unworkable, still they continue because of tradition.
In fact, many things in watching the church world "work" (so to speak) has helped me understand why so many people are so prone to incorrect beliefs about change. It has encouraged me to see a broader picture of humanity -- few of us deal well with change. Even those of us that embrace it (sometimes called "early adapters") have our own anxiety about changes that create more anxiety for those that are resisting it.
I truly believe that online meetings with graphics and more "artsy fartsy" capabilities can be the wave of the future. I think there is a big difference in having conferences and having successful and worthwhile conferences.
The last any of us desire or need is more unproductive time spent regardless of the "bells and whistles".
The company that really has a "heart" for online communication is WEBEX (www.webex.com). They are the industry leader and for good reason -- they do it really well. I have visited others companies and experimented but by far Webex has the ticket.
So here we go --- into a new year and a new era.
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
Merry, merry, merry
Good things came my way today. One of the best aspects of being in business for yourself is that you get clients that you really LOVE and they become like extended family.
I have been making a list of all the good friends that I've been blessed with this year which has been very encouraging. Think I'll keep it handy when I have one of those "Nobody likes me" days.
I went to church tonight and found it very uplifting. The teacher led us in some contemplative prayer, something that I have been practicing myself. I feel this has been one of the biggest blessings this year. Contemplative prayer is like looking at a painting from a distance and then, through meditation, you move closer to see the intricacies of the artist and the work. It's like beholding a masterpiece and "breathing it in". It allows me to see things that I never have seen before. My mentor for this has been Richard Peace in his book "Contemplative Bible Reading". I am truly an amateur, crawling in this new discipline and am finding it fascinating and truly spiritually fulfilling.
I have been making a list of all the good friends that I've been blessed with this year which has been very encouraging. Think I'll keep it handy when I have one of those "Nobody likes me" days.
I went to church tonight and found it very uplifting. The teacher led us in some contemplative prayer, something that I have been practicing myself. I feel this has been one of the biggest blessings this year. Contemplative prayer is like looking at a painting from a distance and then, through meditation, you move closer to see the intricacies of the artist and the work. It's like beholding a masterpiece and "breathing it in". It allows me to see things that I never have seen before. My mentor for this has been Richard Peace in his book "Contemplative Bible Reading". I am truly an amateur, crawling in this new discipline and am finding it fascinating and truly spiritually fulfilling.
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
My christmas present to myself
I gave in and bought myself the amazing 24 color fine-point Sharpie pack. Hey, I got free silver sharpies.
I am a sharpie-nut. I love to doodle with them, write with them, just like to have them on my desk. I guess it is a carry over from all those art classes in college. Somehow, I just feel more artsy when I have them around.
So I went for the equivalent of an adult 164 crayola crayon set instead of getting the sharpie's that click.
I bought it home and showed Dan and he said, "Happy Anniversary". We celebrate 19 years of married bliss on Jan 4. So, maybe I'll color in a new wedding band for myself.
I am a sharpie-nut. I love to doodle with them, write with them, just like to have them on my desk. I guess it is a carry over from all those art classes in college. Somehow, I just feel more artsy when I have them around.
So I went for the equivalent of an adult 164 crayola crayon set instead of getting the sharpie's that click.
I bought it home and showed Dan and he said, "Happy Anniversary". We celebrate 19 years of married bliss on Jan 4. So, maybe I'll color in a new wedding band for myself.
8 days to "Meet the Fockers"..
Yes, the countdown continues. This weekend, I'll be excited to see some other shows, though.
This is the end of the year, clean out, get systems in order, get ready for a clean slate in January.
I am on my way to Office Depot to get what I need to clean/organize/get rid of stuff in my office and in my storage room. Although I usually dread it, I liven it up with endless movies and other things and in January I have a clean slate in which to work. I cannot work in clutter.
I'm trying to convince my sweet-pack-rat-husband to let me do some wonderful things in his office...but I don't think I'm closing the deal. He sits in the middle of his office with a round circle of piles of paper, swearing that he can find anything he needs. I have been given warnings that if I come near his stuff it could be the end of civilization as we know it. Still I try. I'd like to paint and really clean it up but I think the new year will find that part of the house still in shambles with unidentifiable clutter and piles of paper.
I haven't been doing much reading and it is beginning to show....I feel out of sorts without reading a few books..so tonight I'm going to download some things and get some other books ordered online so that I can complete my year end celebration in style. Movies, books, music, the people that I love, and great food -- my life is complete.
Oh, yeah. I gotta go to the grocery store. Rats.
This is the end of the year, clean out, get systems in order, get ready for a clean slate in January.
I am on my way to Office Depot to get what I need to clean/organize/get rid of stuff in my office and in my storage room. Although I usually dread it, I liven it up with endless movies and other things and in January I have a clean slate in which to work. I cannot work in clutter.
I'm trying to convince my sweet-pack-rat-husband to let me do some wonderful things in his office...but I don't think I'm closing the deal. He sits in the middle of his office with a round circle of piles of paper, swearing that he can find anything he needs. I have been given warnings that if I come near his stuff it could be the end of civilization as we know it. Still I try. I'd like to paint and really clean it up but I think the new year will find that part of the house still in shambles with unidentifiable clutter and piles of paper.
I haven't been doing much reading and it is beginning to show....I feel out of sorts without reading a few books..so tonight I'm going to download some things and get some other books ordered online so that I can complete my year end celebration in style. Movies, books, music, the people that I love, and great food -- my life is complete.
Oh, yeah. I gotta go to the grocery store. Rats.
Monday, December 13, 2004
The Great Parent
OK, for those of you keeping track..only 9 more days until "Meet the Fockers" is in theaters!
I want to say something about parenting here. Maybe its because my son starts his senior year in a matter of months. Or that I'm finallh getting to enjoy my kids and their teenagers years (it honestly is the best time of my parenting life...no kidding!)
I had an encounter with a young woman a few days ago and she shared with me that she felt often very overwhelmed in her parenting -- her kids fight, etc. I listened and felt for her. I remember often the crushing feelings of parenting, the sense of being too tired to care after sleepless nights, the sense that I was losing who I was in the process.
I look at my kids today and see two things - 1- the complete and utter commitment of God's faithfulness and 2 - the result of having an excellent father in their lives.
I can take credit for none of the above naturally, but I will share a few things I've learned along this short journey which will serve as a good reminder to me as I prepare to launch my children into lives of their own. These re things that have served me.
1 - There is ONE parent - God, and He inexplicably shares his creations with us for a few brief years. Remembering this caused me to pray prayers such as "God, you know these small souls better than I ever will. Parent in spite of me...help me not to do much damage and be there for my kids when I do."
2 - Parent as if your job was simply to make yourself not needed. I know I may step on a few toes here, but our job as parents is simply to make ourselves not needed. This takes courage and a realization that it really isn't "all about you".
3 - Share their dreams, plant their feet. Kids dreams are THEIR dreams, not yours. Too often I see parents at sporting events, at school events and I think "what is/who is this about anyway?" Too often I think events are more about the parents and their pathetic egos than about kids finding their own way.
While I want my kids to reach for the stars -- and they both do! I have to be honest and say, "they will get most of their "dreaming" from me...how am I dreaming today? How I am modeling what I want my kids to do...do I "go for things" in my life..do I stand up for injustices? Do I push myself into new ways of thinking, challenging myself?
Because if we don't our kids will listen to our words and hear them for what they are -- hollow, meaningless bunk.
4 - Let your kids hear it from you --- whom they know LOVE THEM no matter what.
I want my kids to know from me what their strengths are -- they know I love them no matter what, so it's important for them to hear from me every day "I'm proud of you." When my son recently got his driver's license...I made a point of buying him a small but significant key chain and said to him "This is an important day. You are going in new directions and I trust you. YOU ARE very trustworthy." My big 16 year old hugged me and cried, too. It was a small thing, but it meant a lot.
Kids simply need to hear that you love them, you believe in them and yes, you'll take away those privileges the minute that they cross the line. (Which he did and we as his parents didn't disappoint. He did it once..and he saw the line..he knows it is there.)
5 - Don't hover. I am not a cookie-baking mom, although I'm a great cook. I'm the kind of mom that expects kids this age to cook sometimes for themselves, pick up their own laundry and suffer the consequences if they do not. I do not make runs to school when they forget stuff. I do not feel guilty when they have nothing clean to wear and their dirty clothes bag overfloweth.
I do however, at times, do these things simply to show them that I love them..and I'll say, "I'm going down anyway, so I'll take your clothes..which usually merits a "THANK YOU!" which is exactly, I believe, how it should be.
I am neither their crutch nor their excuse. I am their parent. I am not their buddy, their friend. My "quality time" is spent in whatever way -- however ways -- I can show them that I care, that I'm their mom, but that their lives are seperate from my own.
The jury is still out on this parenting experiment. I don't feel that I have all the answers. I could make a great case for the fact that children need both a mom and dad at home 24/7...which Dan and I have done (well, not 24/7...but one or both of us is usually home..) for about the past 6 years. I see the impact of Dan's presence and his active parenting every day...and my kids are more whole because of it.
So in this season of joyfulness and thankfulness, I need to stop and thank two incredible people that have journeyed with me in the all consuming, at times frustrating, but always rewarding task of bringing two people into the world and assisting them in finding their own "voice" in creating their lives...my husband Dan who is an amazing parent and the Great Parent, God from whom I am amazed that could share in this process.
Thanks, guys.
I want to say something about parenting here. Maybe its because my son starts his senior year in a matter of months. Or that I'm finallh getting to enjoy my kids and their teenagers years (it honestly is the best time of my parenting life...no kidding!)
I had an encounter with a young woman a few days ago and she shared with me that she felt often very overwhelmed in her parenting -- her kids fight, etc. I listened and felt for her. I remember often the crushing feelings of parenting, the sense of being too tired to care after sleepless nights, the sense that I was losing who I was in the process.
I look at my kids today and see two things - 1- the complete and utter commitment of God's faithfulness and 2 - the result of having an excellent father in their lives.
I can take credit for none of the above naturally, but I will share a few things I've learned along this short journey which will serve as a good reminder to me as I prepare to launch my children into lives of their own. These re things that have served me.
1 - There is ONE parent - God, and He inexplicably shares his creations with us for a few brief years. Remembering this caused me to pray prayers such as "God, you know these small souls better than I ever will. Parent in spite of me...help me not to do much damage and be there for my kids when I do."
2 - Parent as if your job was simply to make yourself not needed. I know I may step on a few toes here, but our job as parents is simply to make ourselves not needed. This takes courage and a realization that it really isn't "all about you".
3 - Share their dreams, plant their feet. Kids dreams are THEIR dreams, not yours. Too often I see parents at sporting events, at school events and I think "what is/who is this about anyway?" Too often I think events are more about the parents and their pathetic egos than about kids finding their own way.
While I want my kids to reach for the stars -- and they both do! I have to be honest and say, "they will get most of their "dreaming" from me...how am I dreaming today? How I am modeling what I want my kids to do...do I "go for things" in my life..do I stand up for injustices? Do I push myself into new ways of thinking, challenging myself?
Because if we don't our kids will listen to our words and hear them for what they are -- hollow, meaningless bunk.
4 - Let your kids hear it from you --- whom they know LOVE THEM no matter what.
I want my kids to know from me what their strengths are -- they know I love them no matter what, so it's important for them to hear from me every day "I'm proud of you." When my son recently got his driver's license...I made a point of buying him a small but significant key chain and said to him "This is an important day. You are going in new directions and I trust you. YOU ARE very trustworthy." My big 16 year old hugged me and cried, too. It was a small thing, but it meant a lot.
Kids simply need to hear that you love them, you believe in them and yes, you'll take away those privileges the minute that they cross the line. (Which he did and we as his parents didn't disappoint. He did it once..and he saw the line..he knows it is there.)
5 - Don't hover. I am not a cookie-baking mom, although I'm a great cook. I'm the kind of mom that expects kids this age to cook sometimes for themselves, pick up their own laundry and suffer the consequences if they do not. I do not make runs to school when they forget stuff. I do not feel guilty when they have nothing clean to wear and their dirty clothes bag overfloweth.
I do however, at times, do these things simply to show them that I love them..and I'll say, "I'm going down anyway, so I'll take your clothes..which usually merits a "THANK YOU!" which is exactly, I believe, how it should be.
I am neither their crutch nor their excuse. I am their parent. I am not their buddy, their friend. My "quality time" is spent in whatever way -- however ways -- I can show them that I care, that I'm their mom, but that their lives are seperate from my own.
The jury is still out on this parenting experiment. I don't feel that I have all the answers. I could make a great case for the fact that children need both a mom and dad at home 24/7...which Dan and I have done (well, not 24/7...but one or both of us is usually home..) for about the past 6 years. I see the impact of Dan's presence and his active parenting every day...and my kids are more whole because of it.
So in this season of joyfulness and thankfulness, I need to stop and thank two incredible people that have journeyed with me in the all consuming, at times frustrating, but always rewarding task of bringing two people into the world and assisting them in finding their own "voice" in creating their lives...my husband Dan who is an amazing parent and the Great Parent, God from whom I am amazed that could share in this process.
Thanks, guys.
Sunday, December 12, 2004
More Holiday Merriment
I'm really looking forward to "Flight of the Phonix" in theaters this weekend (Dec 17). I have this theory it will serve as a metaphor for business and relationships.
My theory is this and it isn't new -- I believe that our culture is hung up a bit on changes in life, whether it be in relationships or changes in organizations. I am one to thrive more on the changes -- I get a little uncomfortable when things become too comfortable. What I mean is that I view change as intrinsically necessary, if a bit difficult, for the life of relationships and organizations.
I know, I know, everything and everyone is suppose to "live happily ever after" as if we all search for this perfect "status quo" to achieve life's purpose. But I think there are many "ever afters" in the average life of a person or organization.
I can think of several destinations in my marriage where we both had to come to terms with a part of our relationship that was indeed "dead" before we could embrace what was now new in our journey together. In a culture that usually stops at the end of the rainbow, that is sometimes a difficult concept to understand and accept. When Dan and I realized that we could grow independently of each other and not only remain intimate but even become closer when we explore new opportunities independent of each other, it was a huge step for us (about 7 years ago).
I think the same is true of business organizations and or other organizations, too. The church in which I attend I think is in the process of coming to terms with a part of its life that is no longer "workable" and "valid". Before it can have a new breath, lease on life, it must soon come to closure on what it is "not" before it might have a chance to be what it "is".
Indeed, until this can happen then the only thing that could possibly be true is the death of its current form. This is where we have to be really courageous and realize that death is the end of somethings but the beginning of new things...it can be really exciting in some ways, though bittersweet in others.
I guess I want to look for the opportunities rather than be burdened too much by "what use to be".
Like they say, "change or die"...and it really is a choice.
My theory is this and it isn't new -- I believe that our culture is hung up a bit on changes in life, whether it be in relationships or changes in organizations. I am one to thrive more on the changes -- I get a little uncomfortable when things become too comfortable. What I mean is that I view change as intrinsically necessary, if a bit difficult, for the life of relationships and organizations.
I know, I know, everything and everyone is suppose to "live happily ever after" as if we all search for this perfect "status quo" to achieve life's purpose. But I think there are many "ever afters" in the average life of a person or organization.
I can think of several destinations in my marriage where we both had to come to terms with a part of our relationship that was indeed "dead" before we could embrace what was now new in our journey together. In a culture that usually stops at the end of the rainbow, that is sometimes a difficult concept to understand and accept. When Dan and I realized that we could grow independently of each other and not only remain intimate but even become closer when we explore new opportunities independent of each other, it was a huge step for us (about 7 years ago).
I think the same is true of business organizations and or other organizations, too. The church in which I attend I think is in the process of coming to terms with a part of its life that is no longer "workable" and "valid". Before it can have a new breath, lease on life, it must soon come to closure on what it is "not" before it might have a chance to be what it "is".
Indeed, until this can happen then the only thing that could possibly be true is the death of its current form. This is where we have to be really courageous and realize that death is the end of somethings but the beginning of new things...it can be really exciting in some ways, though bittersweet in others.
I guess I want to look for the opportunities rather than be burdened too much by "what use to be".
Like they say, "change or die"...and it really is a choice.
Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus or- 10 day to "Meet the Fockers"
DeNiro fans will be happy to know that he is hosting Saturday Night Live on Dec 17.
Bobby will no doubt be touting his new movie "Meet the Fockers".
I heard some movie trivia about the title...that there are actually people whose name is Focker and that they have had mixed feelings about having their name so famously used in the movie. And that the name itself came from a conversation between Jim Carrey and the director...so that actually Jim Carrey came up with the idea for the family name, etc.
Bobby will no doubt be touting his new movie "Meet the Fockers".
I heard some movie trivia about the title...that there are actually people whose name is Focker and that they have had mixed feelings about having their name so famously used in the movie. And that the name itself came from a conversation between Jim Carrey and the director...so that actually Jim Carrey came up with the idea for the family name, etc.
Saturday, December 11, 2004
Public Service Announcement
I feel it is my duty to warn you -- do NOT waste your money on "Closer".
I cannot find one redemptive quality of this movie. Great actresses and actors, maybe. And sure, it'll make you think about relationships and what they are and are not...but there has to be some redeeming quality in the story itself.
Dan and I redeemed it by having our favorite "after date" dinner with which we had Coney Islanders and Pepsi. It's almost a family tradition.
Hey, and there is only 11 days until "Meet the Fockers" is at the theaters!
I cannot find one redemptive quality of this movie. Great actresses and actors, maybe. And sure, it'll make you think about relationships and what they are and are not...but there has to be some redeeming quality in the story itself.
Dan and I redeemed it by having our favorite "after date" dinner with which we had Coney Islanders and Pepsi. It's almost a family tradition.
Hey, and there is only 11 days until "Meet the Fockers" is at the theaters!
Friday, December 10, 2004
Mario Puzzo
"I didn't have the guts to be a criminal so I became a writer instead." --- Author Mario Puzzo, of "The Godfather" series.
It is interesting to note that the word "Godfather" wasn't used by Italian families or the mafia until AFTER Puzzo used it in his books. Puzzo grew up in an illiterate family who viewed his library card with horror and disdain.
The phrase "make him an offer he can't refuse." came into play after the Godfather, again one of Puzzo's creations in his mafia-family saga.
It is interesting to note that the word "Godfather" wasn't used by Italian families or the mafia until AFTER Puzzo used it in his books. Puzzo grew up in an illiterate family who viewed his library card with horror and disdain.
The phrase "make him an offer he can't refuse." came into play after the Godfather, again one of Puzzo's creations in his mafia-family saga.
Surreal encounter
"You can see the sunset from here."
I looked up from my book to see a tall gentleman, standing in front of the large plate glass which looked out over the parking lot. The sun had set a few minute prior and all that was left was a cool gray sky with cirrus clouds in the distance.
"Yes", I said. "you can".
I went back to reading my book. My 5 PM was running late, I was hungry and wanted to get home before the traffic got any worse.
A few minutes later the same guy is sitting at a table not far from me and he's talking again. I try to be polite, answer a few of his questions, keep reading my book, watching the time all along.
"Not much to do around here, is there?" he asks. "I mean, I'm from Minneopolis and the culture there is great."
Now here's something I can talk about. Growing up in Oklahoma I ran away to the big city -- New York -- for a few years, until the red dirt and grandmother's pot roast called me back. Still I miss the museums, the shows, the grit of New York.
"No" I agreed. "Not much. But it has a certain provencial charm."
"Reminds me of Arkansas" he said, taking a drink of his coffee.
Wierdo, I think. I look again at my watch. I've obviously been stood up, not uncommon during holidays. Which is why, I think, I dislike them so much. No one wants to do anything but party, shop, two talents for which I share no passion.
"So I travel a lot -- here six months on a contract."
And then, he dropped the bomb. "But my faith in God sustains me."
I start to gather my stuff. I can see where this is headed. Another quack on the bible bandwagon. I gotta go.
He watches me, a bit sadly and then, "So, are you a Christian?"
I stop. I think. "I, well, uhm, yes, I think...yes. I am" I stagger through it, not meeting his eyes. I really, really need to go.
"So are you or aren't you?" He truly is beginning to worry me.
I say nothing. I'm now a bit afraid. Why is he creeping me out so much?
He leans forward, elbows on knees. "When I said that, you got really uncomfortable. Why?"
I stop, put down my keys, look right at him. "Because living here, being a christian isn't always something I'm proud of." I say. "My experience with those that say "christian" isn't always a good thing." There, I've said it.
"Can you wait just a minute, I have something I want to give you."
Oh, God, a real holy roller, Jesus quack. I won't meet his gaze.
"Sure" I say. But I've got my bag on my shoulder, I'm clearly perched for take off.
He goes out to his car and returns with some books.
"Here" he says. "These are for you."
I take the slim volumes, by some author I'd vaguely heard of. Books always get my attention and I say, "uhm, thanks".
"I believe there are many of us who are looking for the depths of God. Read these. Pray."
He then gets up and walks away. He doesn't ask for my name. He doesn't want my number. He leaves before I do and doesn't ask for a contribution.
I think about this man, this encounter all the way home. I could write it off as some quack who just likes to ruffle people.
But I have to be honest. He wasn't intrusive. He wasn't angry. He wasn't even "preachy". He just offered and left his gift.
The books are on prayer and are very good. Would it surprise you to know that I have been praying for guidance on prayer...for how to know God better? Is it too much of a coincidence that this man would hand me these books, literally out of thin air.
Or is this just some crazy coffee shop experience?
I looked up from my book to see a tall gentleman, standing in front of the large plate glass which looked out over the parking lot. The sun had set a few minute prior and all that was left was a cool gray sky with cirrus clouds in the distance.
"Yes", I said. "you can".
I went back to reading my book. My 5 PM was running late, I was hungry and wanted to get home before the traffic got any worse.
A few minutes later the same guy is sitting at a table not far from me and he's talking again. I try to be polite, answer a few of his questions, keep reading my book, watching the time all along.
"Not much to do around here, is there?" he asks. "I mean, I'm from Minneopolis and the culture there is great."
Now here's something I can talk about. Growing up in Oklahoma I ran away to the big city -- New York -- for a few years, until the red dirt and grandmother's pot roast called me back. Still I miss the museums, the shows, the grit of New York.
"No" I agreed. "Not much. But it has a certain provencial charm."
"Reminds me of Arkansas" he said, taking a drink of his coffee.
Wierdo, I think. I look again at my watch. I've obviously been stood up, not uncommon during holidays. Which is why, I think, I dislike them so much. No one wants to do anything but party, shop, two talents for which I share no passion.
"So I travel a lot -- here six months on a contract."
And then, he dropped the bomb. "But my faith in God sustains me."
I start to gather my stuff. I can see where this is headed. Another quack on the bible bandwagon. I gotta go.
He watches me, a bit sadly and then, "So, are you a Christian?"
I stop. I think. "I, well, uhm, yes, I think...yes. I am" I stagger through it, not meeting his eyes. I really, really need to go.
"So are you or aren't you?" He truly is beginning to worry me.
I say nothing. I'm now a bit afraid. Why is he creeping me out so much?
He leans forward, elbows on knees. "When I said that, you got really uncomfortable. Why?"
I stop, put down my keys, look right at him. "Because living here, being a christian isn't always something I'm proud of." I say. "My experience with those that say "christian" isn't always a good thing." There, I've said it.
"Can you wait just a minute, I have something I want to give you."
Oh, God, a real holy roller, Jesus quack. I won't meet his gaze.
"Sure" I say. But I've got my bag on my shoulder, I'm clearly perched for take off.
He goes out to his car and returns with some books.
"Here" he says. "These are for you."
I take the slim volumes, by some author I'd vaguely heard of. Books always get my attention and I say, "uhm, thanks".
"I believe there are many of us who are looking for the depths of God. Read these. Pray."
He then gets up and walks away. He doesn't ask for my name. He doesn't want my number. He leaves before I do and doesn't ask for a contribution.
I think about this man, this encounter all the way home. I could write it off as some quack who just likes to ruffle people.
But I have to be honest. He wasn't intrusive. He wasn't angry. He wasn't even "preachy". He just offered and left his gift.
The books are on prayer and are very good. Would it surprise you to know that I have been praying for guidance on prayer...for how to know God better? Is it too much of a coincidence that this man would hand me these books, literally out of thin air.
Or is this just some crazy coffee shop experience?
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Jon Stewart on Larry King
"If you think that posting the Ten Commandments in your kids' school is going to change behaviour, then the sign that says, 'WASH HANDS' is keeping piss out of your happy meal." -- Jon Stewart
ABC Peter Jennings - Televangelists
"Bad lanuage, hatred, murder and violence that is being thrown at us. " from tonight's broadcast.
The church wouldn't have any of that, now, would it? It doesn't frighten me that these qualities might be outside the church....it frightens me that it exists within it.
The church wouldn't have any of that, now, would it? It doesn't frighten me that these qualities might be outside the church....it frightens me that it exists within it.
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
New Age Shopping
I noticed that some of the trends that we talk so much about at corporate meetings, etc., are making themselves known in retail. As I walked the mall today (something I do maybe once in decade...isn't that why God made the internet, to shop without the walk?) I visited a store that has some of my favorite products, where I could "personalize" my own aromatherapy and customize my own gift basket with scents that will do everything from energize to stimulate to invigorate. Before I left with my purchases, I was invited to enjoy a few "moment of relaxation" with a back massage. I declined...I love massages, but something about straddling the chair in the shop window of a mall, while many other shoppers watched, didn't appeal to me.
Then, I walked down a few paces and discovered that I could customize my own smoothie with whatever "add in" I might want -- vitamins, etc.
I also noticed today that cell phones were in everyone's ear or should I say BLUETOOTH is on everyone's ear, so we all walk around like some transplant from a space trilogy. People use to get thrown into psych wards for the same behaviour, talking to themselves as they walked.
We seem to be in search of comfort and peace, yet unable to connect to the moment. I stood in the store, awaiting my custom mix, while all around people were "connecting" to others via palm pilots, cell phones. You couldn't really talk to anybody, they were already in a conversation. So in the midst of a busy mall at one of the busiest times of the year, I stood there, almost alone, yet surrounded by people. It was surreal.
Then, I walked down a few paces and discovered that I could customize my own smoothie with whatever "add in" I might want -- vitamins, etc.
I also noticed today that cell phones were in everyone's ear or should I say BLUETOOTH is on everyone's ear, so we all walk around like some transplant from a space trilogy. People use to get thrown into psych wards for the same behaviour, talking to themselves as they walked.
We seem to be in search of comfort and peace, yet unable to connect to the moment. I stood in the store, awaiting my custom mix, while all around people were "connecting" to others via palm pilots, cell phones. You couldn't really talk to anybody, they were already in a conversation. So in the midst of a busy mall at one of the busiest times of the year, I stood there, almost alone, yet surrounded by people. It was surreal.
Whew -- DONE!
Yessiree...my holiday gift shopping is DONE DONE DONE! As of 8:39 this evening, I have completed shopping for my family and friends and colleages! And I've been wrapping a little as I go, so I am finishing that up tomorrow and then...finishing up business and enjoying some R & R.
The year is ending in a surprisingly wonderful note. Some hard work is paying off and I'm feeling good about attending Leadership next month in N'Orleans.
I now need to focus a bit on some household things -- getting those bathrooms finished is a big part of our focus for the end of the year...and we're almost ready to start painting, adding fixtures again, etc. That will be wonderful to have bathrooms that the kids can use again.
I'm in the process of making up my holiday reading list...trying some new books, including some mysteries. Usually I don't enjoy mysteries much but am learning to enjoy some new authors. And I'm trying to read in genre's that I haven't read much to broaden my reading so to speak.
Now that I've done almost two years of 2-week workouts, I'm thinking of raising the bar and adding a third workout -- Wednesday evenings -- to my schedule. I would LOVE to lose about 25 pounds in the new year and have already started some scaling back of foods, portions. It's killing me...but I know it will pay off.
Sometimes, life is sweet and possibilities exist everywhere. This is one of those days.
The year is ending in a surprisingly wonderful note. Some hard work is paying off and I'm feeling good about attending Leadership next month in N'Orleans.
I now need to focus a bit on some household things -- getting those bathrooms finished is a big part of our focus for the end of the year...and we're almost ready to start painting, adding fixtures again, etc. That will be wonderful to have bathrooms that the kids can use again.
I'm in the process of making up my holiday reading list...trying some new books, including some mysteries. Usually I don't enjoy mysteries much but am learning to enjoy some new authors. And I'm trying to read in genre's that I haven't read much to broaden my reading so to speak.
Now that I've done almost two years of 2-week workouts, I'm thinking of raising the bar and adding a third workout -- Wednesday evenings -- to my schedule. I would LOVE to lose about 25 pounds in the new year and have already started some scaling back of foods, portions. It's killing me...but I know it will pay off.
Sometimes, life is sweet and possibilities exist everywhere. This is one of those days.
Monday, December 06, 2004
Technology and mere mortals
I spent the better half of an afternoon trying to navigate an online web conference system...and with somewhat disappointing results. I've decided that unless there is some standardization of equipment, it is near impossible to have a conference with any quality at this stage of the technology game. Still it's a dream that will soon come to pass..sit down at your computer, hit a few strokes, voila you'll be in a virtual meeting room in your pj's.
This brings up surprising ideas...such as how to maniupulate one's picture or presence online. I found myself holding up pics from magazines of top models and so my name --- and then under that, some supermodel in pose. It was kinda cool...only it didn't fool anyone else in the meeting. They figured I was behind, hiding.
But what if that happens? What if we start to create online personalities that look and act like our imagination...and we never leave our houses at all. You could go your entire life and never know the person who does your taxes isn't a svelt Tom Cruise look alike. And he'd never know you didn't look like Charlize Theron. A whole world built upon superficiality and illusion.
This brings up surprising ideas...such as how to maniupulate one's picture or presence online. I found myself holding up pics from magazines of top models and so my name --- and then under that, some supermodel in pose. It was kinda cool...only it didn't fool anyone else in the meeting. They figured I was behind, hiding.
But what if that happens? What if we start to create online personalities that look and act like our imagination...and we never leave our houses at all. You could go your entire life and never know the person who does your taxes isn't a svelt Tom Cruise look alike. And he'd never know you didn't look like Charlize Theron. A whole world built upon superficiality and illusion.
Sunday, December 05, 2004
One heckuva fight
Every year or so, my husband and I have our bi-annual argument. We use to have more, but I'm a sore loser so I asked if we could plan our biggies every other year...that way, I could regain my emotional constitution and lick my wounds.
Every relationship has that moment when you realize that the person you married doesn't quite meet your expectations. And if they do, your expectations start to change. And the new expectations freak out your partner....Let's face it, marriage is hard. Relationships are hard.
When people tell me that they and their spouse never "talk about divorce" or seperation, I try to suppress my laughter. I figure they lie about other things too. Or they just aren't very honest. Or maybe incredibly naiive.
Dan and I have slugged it out (metaphorically speaking) on so many issues, we can recite, line by line what the other will say about our rehearsed lines. Dan even does a great impression of me and nails it, everytime. 17 years of being together, you do get to practice, y'know.
At that moment when its a toss up to stay or leave is a moment of incredible opportunity. There will be, no doubt, more compromise, more let-downs, more tears. Yet there is that seed of change that working through the difficulty brings. It changes both people, both organisms and fundamentally a new relationship can emerge. That seed of possibility, so ripe with opportunity and promise, is worth holding out.
I worry about relationships that are the "quick and the dead" type. I worry that the people involved never get past an important growth opportunity, destined to only repeat that scenario in a different way, with a different partner, with the same outcome...no one wins and no one grows.
I don't limit these comments to only marriage...relationships can take the form of employer to employee, friend to friend, congregant to congregation, parent to child, student to school.
Someone not meeting your needs? How would Jon Stewart say this..."Get over it." "Grow over it" Something like that?
There is more opportunity in the process of getting over it, than in rebuilding with a new "partner" on a faulty premise: that anyone one of us is perfect, that any relationship will be anything but exquisitely painful and elegantly disasastrous on many levels.
Those moments when expectations are dashed, needs are ignored are seedpods of love.
Every relationship has that moment when you realize that the person you married doesn't quite meet your expectations. And if they do, your expectations start to change. And the new expectations freak out your partner....Let's face it, marriage is hard. Relationships are hard.
When people tell me that they and their spouse never "talk about divorce" or seperation, I try to suppress my laughter. I figure they lie about other things too. Or they just aren't very honest. Or maybe incredibly naiive.
Dan and I have slugged it out (metaphorically speaking) on so many issues, we can recite, line by line what the other will say about our rehearsed lines. Dan even does a great impression of me and nails it, everytime. 17 years of being together, you do get to practice, y'know.
At that moment when its a toss up to stay or leave is a moment of incredible opportunity. There will be, no doubt, more compromise, more let-downs, more tears. Yet there is that seed of change that working through the difficulty brings. It changes both people, both organisms and fundamentally a new relationship can emerge. That seed of possibility, so ripe with opportunity and promise, is worth holding out.
I worry about relationships that are the "quick and the dead" type. I worry that the people involved never get past an important growth opportunity, destined to only repeat that scenario in a different way, with a different partner, with the same outcome...no one wins and no one grows.
I don't limit these comments to only marriage...relationships can take the form of employer to employee, friend to friend, congregant to congregation, parent to child, student to school.
Someone not meeting your needs? How would Jon Stewart say this..."Get over it." "Grow over it" Something like that?
There is more opportunity in the process of getting over it, than in rebuilding with a new "partner" on a faulty premise: that anyone one of us is perfect, that any relationship will be anything but exquisitely painful and elegantly disasastrous on many levels.
Those moments when expectations are dashed, needs are ignored are seedpods of love.
Saturday, December 04, 2004
One Proud Mama
My daughter played her first varisty bball game last night. What makes this especially exciting is that she is the only freshman on the varsity team and not only did she suit up, but she played in all four quarters.
Ellen's ability to be disciplined, along with a great couple of coaches (her dad and g'dad) , she is working towards her goal of going to Duke University along with playing National Ball.
My daughter has never lived in a world where there was no WNBA. She lives in a world where the Supreme Court has always had a woman. She lives in a world where her mother's friends are doctors, attorneys, mothers, community leaders.
Her world is much different than my own world and the world of the generation before me. She sees something, she sees women making progress in those fields and she sets her sights to be among them.
"Mom are you ready?" she just called to me. I agreed to take her to practice this morning.
Yes, Ellen, I'm ready. Let's go.
Ellen's ability to be disciplined, along with a great couple of coaches (her dad and g'dad) , she is working towards her goal of going to Duke University along with playing National Ball.
My daughter has never lived in a world where there was no WNBA. She lives in a world where the Supreme Court has always had a woman. She lives in a world where her mother's friends are doctors, attorneys, mothers, community leaders.
Her world is much different than my own world and the world of the generation before me. She sees something, she sees women making progress in those fields and she sets her sights to be among them.
"Mom are you ready?" she just called to me. I agreed to take her to practice this morning.
Yes, Ellen, I'm ready. Let's go.
Friday, December 03, 2004
Belief O'Matic
What a relief. I took the "Belief-O-Matic" quiz at www.beliefnet.com and thank God (no pun intended) I finally KNOW what belief I most "fit into".
Here are the results of my quiz:
.
Bahá'à Faith (100%)
2.
Orthodox Judaism (99%)
3.
Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (95%)
4.
Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (94%)
5.
Islam (91%)
That's really helpful. SO glad to have that sorted out. I wonder where Tulsa's "Baha i Faith" meets?
Here are the results of my quiz:
.
Bahá'à Faith (100%)
2.
Orthodox Judaism (99%)
3.
Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (95%)
4.
Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (94%)
5.
Islam (91%)
That's really helpful. SO glad to have that sorted out. I wonder where Tulsa's "Baha i Faith" meets?
Friday Night Stand Up
My favorite way to "veg" is by watching Comedy Central and its lineup of stand up comedy. Tonight featurs comics from "across the pond" which is a much different type of comedy (usually much cleaner and a bit high brow)...One of my favorites is Sarah Kendall from Australia (not British...but still a bit far away).
What I think is interesting is that comics that perform internationally must use material that connects with all types of audiences, unlimited by borders and culture. That takes a bit more effort and brains.
Colin Mocherie, of "Whose LIne Is it Anyway" says there are three qualities that comics must have:
What I think is interesting is that comics that perform internationally must use material that connects with all types of audiences, unlimited by borders and culture. That takes a bit more effort and brains.
Colin Mocherie, of "Whose LIne Is it Anyway" says there are three qualities that comics must have:
1 - a sense of being an outsider
2 - the ability to see the humor in everything
3 - soul-devouring bitterness
Dwayne Kennedy (a NY comic) is funny with a lot of religious overtures:
"I know bad stuff happened in the bible. Have you ever really looked? Things start going downhill about page 3."
"I'm atheist with a "B" plan...you don't want to be the only one on your block that finds out at the last minute that God really exist."
My brothers and I grew up listening to Bill Cosby records...we had them all memorized, probably can still quote them from start to finish. This was his "Fat Albert" era and a lot of things about his childhood. If you can laugh at something, you're one step closer to dealing with it.
Thursday, December 02, 2004
No Surpise
Pharmaceutical companies are launching new products that are "like Viagra for women". Since the launch on Tuesday, one OB-GYN claims that his office has been besieged with phone calls saying that "one out of every five calls is asking for the 'script".
He added, "half of the calls are from men getting 'scripts for their wives."
Well, it is the holiday season. Gift packaged with misteltoe, just might do the trick.
He added, "half of the calls are from men getting 'scripts for their wives."
Well, it is the holiday season. Gift packaged with misteltoe, just might do the trick.
Why Church?
Catherine of Siena, (1347-1380), twenty-fourth of twenty five children, reared in a poor but devout Catholic family in an age of class feuds and religious wars. At the age of seven she vowed her virginity to God, at fifteen she cut off her hair in defiance of her parent's efforts to see her married. At eighteen she became a Dominican nun and began to live in solitude and silence going out of her room only for mass.
At 21, she returned to her family and spend her life helping the poor, serving as a nurse in homes and hospitals. Even though her fame spread from poor beggars to powerful popes, she managed to maintain a deep interior life of silence and devotion to God. Catherine was called upon to help settle political disputes and social unrest until her death in 1380. The Catholic church granted her the title, "Doctor of the Church."
In her "The Dialogue" she gives her glimpse of the importance of Church in the spiritual jurney:
"...And the hostelry of holy Church is there to serve the bread of life and blood lest the journeying pilgrims, my creatures, grow weary and faint on the way..."
(From Devotional Classics, Foster/Smith)
Most of my experiences with any type of church have fallen short of this goal. Is it attainable? Is it worth working towards? Perhaps. But only when each of us - me -- start asking the question, "what can I do to bring this reality to bear?" will we be able to make this vision a reality.
That question can stop each of us in our tracks and force the attention to be about what we individually can contribute to creating this for others. Perhaps we spend too much time in designing grand plans to "reach" people, when the people are all around us, we simply must pick up the work and do it, each as we know how, each as we can. No other way really works, I think. It seems so simple and yet we are so bad at it.
At 21, she returned to her family and spend her life helping the poor, serving as a nurse in homes and hospitals. Even though her fame spread from poor beggars to powerful popes, she managed to maintain a deep interior life of silence and devotion to God. Catherine was called upon to help settle political disputes and social unrest until her death in 1380. The Catholic church granted her the title, "Doctor of the Church."
In her "The Dialogue" she gives her glimpse of the importance of Church in the spiritual jurney:
"...And the hostelry of holy Church is there to serve the bread of life and blood lest the journeying pilgrims, my creatures, grow weary and faint on the way..."
(From Devotional Classics, Foster/Smith)
Most of my experiences with any type of church have fallen short of this goal. Is it attainable? Is it worth working towards? Perhaps. But only when each of us - me -- start asking the question, "what can I do to bring this reality to bear?" will we be able to make this vision a reality.
That question can stop each of us in our tracks and force the attention to be about what we individually can contribute to creating this for others. Perhaps we spend too much time in designing grand plans to "reach" people, when the people are all around us, we simply must pick up the work and do it, each as we know how, each as we can. No other way really works, I think. It seems so simple and yet we are so bad at it.
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
Sappy Holiday Movie, Great Message
If you can get past the overacting, the predictable antics, the slapstick comedy, "Christmas with the Kranks" can be a holiday highlight.
Yes, the storyline is predictable. Yes, the comedic attempts are at times, overdone. Nonetheless, the ending and the message on building community hits the deep, red center. It has me teary at the end...even me, a confirmed scrooge, churlish and unforgiving in my lack of holiday cheer.
Best Scene: Jamie Lee Curtis in a string bikini ("this should be outlawed"...thanks, Jamie, for something all of us 40-something's can relate to!
Best Actor: Dan Akroyd, as the nazi-leader of merriment. His forced laughter during caroling is almost sinister-ly frightening.
Best Moment: When Tim Allen is quite literally between two realities, made real when he is standing in the street.
Yes, the storyline is predictable. Yes, the comedic attempts are at times, overdone. Nonetheless, the ending and the message on building community hits the deep, red center. It has me teary at the end...even me, a confirmed scrooge, churlish and unforgiving in my lack of holiday cheer.
Best Scene: Jamie Lee Curtis in a string bikini ("this should be outlawed"...thanks, Jamie, for something all of us 40-something's can relate to!
Best Actor: Dan Akroyd, as the nazi-leader of merriment. His forced laughter during caroling is almost sinister-ly frightening.
Best Moment: When Tim Allen is quite literally between two realities, made real when he is standing in the street.
Blog use #1
According to Aaron Brown on CNN last night, the #1 word looked up online is the word "blog". What does that mean, really? What does it say about where our culture is headed?
Today, I heard big corporate news at 12 noon and by 2:30, I had sent email/voice broadcast to all those in my organization to all parts of the states. This normally would have taken weeks in previous experiences. That's what the internet revolution means to me...it means much more, too, but it has eased communication and created new problems, too.
Resistance is Futile
This news article at Reuters says 'Blog' Tops U.S. Dictionary's Words of the Year.
Today, I heard big corporate news at 12 noon and by 2:30, I had sent email/voice broadcast to all those in my organization to all parts of the states. This normally would have taken weeks in previous experiences. That's what the internet revolution means to me...it means much more, too, but it has eased communication and created new problems, too.
Resistance is Futile
This news article at Reuters says 'Blog' Tops U.S. Dictionary's Words of the Year.
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Overhead today
I was listening in on a conversation between some people on the radio while driving. The focus of the discussion was regarding the nation's homeless and the children that are in poverty.
This stirs great interest in me namely because I grew up extremely poor and always enjoy some educated, private-schooled, never-had-to-worry-where-the-next-meal-was-coming-from guy (or gal) talk about poverty. They obviously have been reading too many fiction novels, because there is nothing -- nothing -- glamorous about poverty.
There seems to be a sparkle in their eye when they refer to children and adults who exist in poverty. They seem to be like an archeologists on a dig, finding a new form of human. What really challenges me is that some of this ilk seem like it is an inalienable right that every person be given an education, be given a computer, be given benefits with their job. We live in an entitlement world that knows little of what it takes to move from poor to not so poor to managing. And rich, educated folks like I heard today don't make it any easier.
I wish that those who fantasize with their saviour-complex would ask some good questions. Like, "why?", for starters. Why? Why do people end up homeless, with no money? I have seen poverty from the inside and I can tell you, some people are as strategic as being poor -- and staying poor --- as those who are planning with their fat retirement accounts. There is a certain adrenaline rush to cutting coupons and downsizing. Like a big game in which they win when they spend less, they push and jolt others around for their sense of entitlement.
I know that there are people -- children -- that are truly innocent in the sense that they are born into poverty...I was one. But being born into a situation does not mean one has to stay there. Is it difficult to change that paradigm? Absolutely. Is it easy? Not on your life. It takes work and focus and dedication and then more work. And it takes the hardest work of all, that in reliance on a power greater than oneself to make changes in thinking and behaviour. Change is hard, it takes work and it takes grit. And it is honorable to allow someone to struggle in that process so that the struggle becomes "theirs" so that when they achieve it, it is their own and not some thin hand me down mentality.
For some, work has become a four-letter word. We believe that things should be handed to us and it should cause us no discomfort, no effort, no real investment of ourselves. The thing is, I really believe that unless something is worked for it doesn't mean squash and won't be worthwhile to anyone, least of all the one who has been "given". I believe that these kinds of gifts are much more for those that are givers, than those that are the benficiaries. It is a kind of salve on our conscious to think that we've done "something" for someone.
Giving someone a hand out is not the answer. Giving someone an opportunity to work -- and sometimes work hard -- is more spiritual and beneficial than an easy ride.
This stirs great interest in me namely because I grew up extremely poor and always enjoy some educated, private-schooled, never-had-to-worry-where-the-next-meal-was-coming-from guy (or gal) talk about poverty. They obviously have been reading too many fiction novels, because there is nothing -- nothing -- glamorous about poverty.
There seems to be a sparkle in their eye when they refer to children and adults who exist in poverty. They seem to be like an archeologists on a dig, finding a new form of human. What really challenges me is that some of this ilk seem like it is an inalienable right that every person be given an education, be given a computer, be given benefits with their job. We live in an entitlement world that knows little of what it takes to move from poor to not so poor to managing. And rich, educated folks like I heard today don't make it any easier.
I wish that those who fantasize with their saviour-complex would ask some good questions. Like, "why?", for starters. Why? Why do people end up homeless, with no money? I have seen poverty from the inside and I can tell you, some people are as strategic as being poor -- and staying poor --- as those who are planning with their fat retirement accounts. There is a certain adrenaline rush to cutting coupons and downsizing. Like a big game in which they win when they spend less, they push and jolt others around for their sense of entitlement.
I know that there are people -- children -- that are truly innocent in the sense that they are born into poverty...I was one. But being born into a situation does not mean one has to stay there. Is it difficult to change that paradigm? Absolutely. Is it easy? Not on your life. It takes work and focus and dedication and then more work. And it takes the hardest work of all, that in reliance on a power greater than oneself to make changes in thinking and behaviour. Change is hard, it takes work and it takes grit. And it is honorable to allow someone to struggle in that process so that the struggle becomes "theirs" so that when they achieve it, it is their own and not some thin hand me down mentality.
For some, work has become a four-letter word. We believe that things should be handed to us and it should cause us no discomfort, no effort, no real investment of ourselves. The thing is, I really believe that unless something is worked for it doesn't mean squash and won't be worthwhile to anyone, least of all the one who has been "given". I believe that these kinds of gifts are much more for those that are givers, than those that are the benficiaries. It is a kind of salve on our conscious to think that we've done "something" for someone.
Giving someone a hand out is not the answer. Giving someone an opportunity to work -- and sometimes work hard -- is more spiritual and beneficial than an easy ride.
Bullseye
Just finished up November's numbers...had our best month of the year. I'm really pleased and excited how some new ideas in business have propelled our unit forward to higher and higher plateaus. I'm excited to see what the new year will bring. I've had the good fortune of having several wonderful women cross my life and the result is very exciting. Good things continue to happen in this sphere of my life.
I have a friend who teaches at a university and she called me today. I like to call her my "chocolate bunny" friend. She has it all together on the outside, but inside she seems hollow and empty. I've told her that and she agrees, so I'm not speaking out of turn here. She and I have a friendship that reaches way, way back and we both are able to be really honest with each other. She has her criticims of me, too, all of which are true. It's kind of good to have that kind of friend, but it's probably better that we don't see each other everyday.
Then, I have another friend who is in my industry -- also out of town, and she calls me almost daily just to say "hey" and cheer me on. I love it when she calls and I look forward to hearing what she's doing. She is just a person that brings out the best in people and I love her for that. She speaks Spanish fluently and I try to talk to her in Spanish, but she just always laughs at me and says, "I think you need to master English, first." Bloody right.
Sometimes its good to stop and remember the friends I have -- all different and all unique. I have been blessed with some really special people in my life and I'm grateful. I don't appreciate these friends like I should and yet they remain good friends. That's a good thing.
I have a friend who teaches at a university and she called me today. I like to call her my "chocolate bunny" friend. She has it all together on the outside, but inside she seems hollow and empty. I've told her that and she agrees, so I'm not speaking out of turn here. She and I have a friendship that reaches way, way back and we both are able to be really honest with each other. She has her criticims of me, too, all of which are true. It's kind of good to have that kind of friend, but it's probably better that we don't see each other everyday.
Then, I have another friend who is in my industry -- also out of town, and she calls me almost daily just to say "hey" and cheer me on. I love it when she calls and I look forward to hearing what she's doing. She is just a person that brings out the best in people and I love her for that. She speaks Spanish fluently and I try to talk to her in Spanish, but she just always laughs at me and says, "I think you need to master English, first." Bloody right.
Sometimes its good to stop and remember the friends I have -- all different and all unique. I have been blessed with some really special people in my life and I'm grateful. I don't appreciate these friends like I should and yet they remain good friends. That's a good thing.
INTJ/DISC...what?
If you spend any time in leadership you will soon be confronted with personality profiles. There are at least 5 or more that dot the leadership landscape---Myers-Brigg, DISC among many others.
I've often been a skeptic of these profiles simply because I don't like to pigeonhole anybody into any certain category nor do I enjoy being "tagged" and labeled.. Yet, recently, I've been reviewing some of the information particularly in Myers-Brigg profile. I have taken it many times and each time it is the same -- INTJ is what I "am".
While it is helpful to understand this what I'm really interested in getting to is what I am "not". In other words, I work with such a variety of people that I often have to adjust my style to better suit theirs. This is far from easy and an exercise that I find challenging. The tempation is to discover one's strength and say, "there ya go...that's what I am and that's that" but the real purpose of such profiles is to better understand where I might improve and become more flexible.
I've been really working on this lately, particularly with some of the styles that I often find challenging. It's kind of like a new math problem, getting my brain around new ways to communicate with people. But it's also very rewarding when I find that I am growing in new ways, too.
I can see how if I had takent his task more seriously in my earlier days of leading that I might have done a much better job at relating and responding to others.
For those of you that don't know, the INTJ's mantra is "things can always be better" and this style tends to drive others crazy because we're always trying to improve something, someone. It has it strengths, but it also has its weaknesses. I'm working on building new flexibility in my style and finding it challenging, but fun.
I've often been a skeptic of these profiles simply because I don't like to pigeonhole anybody into any certain category nor do I enjoy being "tagged" and labeled.. Yet, recently, I've been reviewing some of the information particularly in Myers-Brigg profile. I have taken it many times and each time it is the same -- INTJ is what I "am".
While it is helpful to understand this what I'm really interested in getting to is what I am "not". In other words, I work with such a variety of people that I often have to adjust my style to better suit theirs. This is far from easy and an exercise that I find challenging. The tempation is to discover one's strength and say, "there ya go...that's what I am and that's that" but the real purpose of such profiles is to better understand where I might improve and become more flexible.
I've been really working on this lately, particularly with some of the styles that I often find challenging. It's kind of like a new math problem, getting my brain around new ways to communicate with people. But it's also very rewarding when I find that I am growing in new ways, too.
I can see how if I had takent his task more seriously in my earlier days of leading that I might have done a much better job at relating and responding to others.
For those of you that don't know, the INTJ's mantra is "things can always be better" and this style tends to drive others crazy because we're always trying to improve something, someone. It has it strengths, but it also has its weaknesses. I'm working on building new flexibility in my style and finding it challenging, but fun.
Monday, November 29, 2004
Still working on 2500 words a day
I've been doing the discipline of writing -- just writing -- 2500 words or more a day. That is no easy order. The first few days went by fine, but then I found myself having to really dig for new ideas..which is exactly what this discipline is trying to accomplish. Then as I started with characters things really began to take off. Great therapy, too. That snippy little waitress at the cafe? I can re-write her to have a limp and a buck tooth. Friend of mine getting on my nerves? I can write him or her to have gout or some other terrible disease. Now I know why writers are probably also control -freaks...great way to control an imaginary world.
I may be upgrading my current laptop in a few months as prices on laptops continue to spiral downward. I find myself writing more and more in the times between appointments and just when I'm out and about.
I'm still trying to make sense of the after thanksgiving rushes. Today I returned to a store that was packed -- with lines out the door -- to return some items that didn't quite work. There was hardly anybody in the store, though most of the merchandise was still heavily discounted. I've about decided that the whole "after thanksging" rush is designed for those that are addicted to the adrenaline rush of having huge crowds of people push you and prod you around a crowded, sweaty store. For my money, I'll pay the extra price for any "deal" I may have missed on some special discounted day.
I may be upgrading my current laptop in a few months as prices on laptops continue to spiral downward. I find myself writing more and more in the times between appointments and just when I'm out and about.
I'm still trying to make sense of the after thanksgiving rushes. Today I returned to a store that was packed -- with lines out the door -- to return some items that didn't quite work. There was hardly anybody in the store, though most of the merchandise was still heavily discounted. I've about decided that the whole "after thanksging" rush is designed for those that are addicted to the adrenaline rush of having huge crowds of people push you and prod you around a crowded, sweaty store. For my money, I'll pay the extra price for any "deal" I may have missed on some special discounted day.
Still working on 2500 words a day
I've been doing the discipline of writing -- just writing -- 2500 words or more a day. That is no easy order. The first few days went by fine, but then I found myself having to really dig for new ideas..which is exactly what this discipline is trying to accomplish. Then as I started with characters things really began to take off. Great therapy, too. That snippy little waitress at the cafe? I can re-write her to have a limp and a buck tooth. Friend of mine getting on my nerves? I can write him or her to have gout or some other terrible disease. Now I know why writers are probably also control -freaks...great way to control an imaginary world.
I may be upgrading my current laptop in a few months as prices on laptops continue to spiral downward. I find myself writing more and more in the times between appointments and just when I'm out and about.
I'm still trying to make sense of the after thanksgiving rushes. Today I returned to a store that was packed -- with lines out the door -- to return some items that didn't quite work. There was hardly anybody in the store, though most of the merchandise was still heavily discounted. I've about decided that the whole "after thanksging" rush is designed for those that are addicted to the adrenaline rush of having huge crowds of people push you and prod you around a crowded, sweaty store. For my money, I'll pay the extra price for any "deal" I may have missed on some special discounted day.
I may be upgrading my current laptop in a few months as prices on laptops continue to spiral downward. I find myself writing more and more in the times between appointments and just when I'm out and about.
I'm still trying to make sense of the after thanksgiving rushes. Today I returned to a store that was packed -- with lines out the door -- to return some items that didn't quite work. There was hardly anybody in the store, though most of the merchandise was still heavily discounted. I've about decided that the whole "after thanksging" rush is designed for those that are addicted to the adrenaline rush of having huge crowds of people push you and prod you around a crowded, sweaty store. For my money, I'll pay the extra price for any "deal" I may have missed on some special discounted day.
Still working on 2500 words a day
I've been doing the discipline of writing -- just writing -- 2500 words or more a day. That is no easy order. The first few days went by fine, but then I found myself having to really dig for new ideas..which is exactly what this discipline is trying to accomplish. Then as I started with characters things really began to take off. Great therapy, too. That snippy little waitress at the cafe? I can re-write her to have a limp and a buck tooth. Friend of mine getting on my nerves? I can write him or her to have gout or some other terrible disease. Now I know why writers are probably also control -freaks...great way to control an imaginary world.
I may be upgrading my current laptop in a few months as prices on laptops continue to spiral downward. I find myself writing more and more in the times between appointments and just when I'm out and about.
I'm still trying to make sense of the after thanksgiving rushes. Today I returned to a store that was packed -- with lines out the door -- to return some items that didn't quite work. There was hardly anybody in the store, though most of the merchandise was still heavily discounted. I've about decided that the whole "after thanksging" rush is designed for those that are addicted to the adrenaline rush of having huge crowds of people push you and prod you around a crowded, sweaty store. For my money, I'll pay the extra price for any "deal" I may have missed on some special discounted day.
I may be upgrading my current laptop in a few months as prices on laptops continue to spiral downward. I find myself writing more and more in the times between appointments and just when I'm out and about.
I'm still trying to make sense of the after thanksgiving rushes. Today I returned to a store that was packed -- with lines out the door -- to return some items that didn't quite work. There was hardly anybody in the store, though most of the merchandise was still heavily discounted. I've about decided that the whole "after thanksging" rush is designed for those that are addicted to the adrenaline rush of having huge crowds of people push you and prod you around a crowded, sweaty store. For my money, I'll pay the extra price for any "deal" I may have missed on some special discounted day.
Sunday, November 28, 2004
Holiday Mayhem
Despite my best intentions, the holiday this week was merry and actually, enjoyable. Yes, I spent half the holiday in bed, wracked with fever and sick, but after sleeping it off, I enjoyed the rest and rejuvenation.
The best part, my kids were amazing. Ellen got the decorations out for the trees and got us all started on the merriment. And, Dan and Nathan got the lights on outside---almost.
I even went to church today, checked my box, smiled and left. Sermon topic -- "community", which almost made me gag. Church is is probably the last place I'd look for anything remotely considered community, unless one defines community as Abugrahb prison. My theory is this -- anytime you have to talk about community, it aint happening.
Still, the house looks beautiful, we even listened to holiday songs...tomorrow, finishing out the month end and working on December numbers.
The best part, my kids were amazing. Ellen got the decorations out for the trees and got us all started on the merriment. And, Dan and Nathan got the lights on outside---almost.
I even went to church today, checked my box, smiled and left. Sermon topic -- "community", which almost made me gag. Church is is probably the last place I'd look for anything remotely considered community, unless one defines community as Abugrahb prison. My theory is this -- anytime you have to talk about community, it aint happening.
Still, the house looks beautiful, we even listened to holiday songs...tomorrow, finishing out the month end and working on December numbers.
Highlights from NYT/Sunday
I read the NYT for so much more than news...it is a virtual microcosm of socitial shifts and changes. I read it as much for the ideas as I do for the inspiration. It truly has a "pulse" on the nation. I'll be posting some highlights here later throughout the day...Sunday is my day to lounge around and read..something I've been doing a great deal of lately, actually. I'm a total reading slacker, I guess.
New York Magazine -- features articles on how marketers are squeezing out childhood because of the sophistication of their techniques.."tween strategy" is on every hot marketer's lips. This is due in part to the idea that marketers have realized that this age in children is not only profitable but it is yearning to seperate itself from older consumers (parents) to create their own community and identiy. Hmmm, nothing new, really, but someone is getting very rich on this idea. And is this a good thing or not for our kids? Well, like father like son, is the articles main point...we are a nation consumed with finding our idenity through logos and gadgets.
New York Magazine -- features articles on how marketers are squeezing out childhood because of the sophistication of their techniques.."tween strategy" is on every hot marketer's lips. This is due in part to the idea that marketers have realized that this age in children is not only profitable but it is yearning to seperate itself from older consumers (parents) to create their own community and identiy. Hmmm, nothing new, really, but someone is getting very rich on this idea. And is this a good thing or not for our kids? Well, like father like son, is the articles main point...we are a nation consumed with finding our idenity through logos and gadgets.
Saturday, November 27, 2004
An evening with Colin Mochrie and Brad Sherwood
Just returned from a improv show with Brad Sherwood and Colin Mochrie. I have never laughed so hard for so long. What amazing brains these guys have.
My favorite bit was the game called "sound effects" where the actors respond to sound effects from chosen audience participants.
There is some improv in Dallas and in KC and I hope to check out more of this live comedy. It takes brains, courage and probably a fair amount of booze.
My favorite bit was the game called "sound effects" where the actors respond to sound effects from chosen audience participants.
There is some improv in Dallas and in KC and I hope to check out more of this live comedy. It takes brains, courage and probably a fair amount of booze.
Winter Garden Tour
Browns and greys dominate the garden this time year, except for a firestorm of color from the burning bush. Along with the swollen reds from rose hips and a few stubborn heritage rosesthe garden gives the appearance of being dead.
But I like this time of year because it allows me to see the lines of the garden that are normally his among brush and leaves. It allows me to plan and to dream about what can be created next year. Already my mind is working on ideas for lengthening this bed and enlarging that bed. Although the chaos of color is now sleeping for next year's party, the garden is awake with possibilities.
There are always plants that I want to move or even get rid of altogether. I don't have much patience for high-maintainance plants and if they don't perform the first year, then usually out they go.
I poured some pecan hulls around some perennials today and will clean out fountains this week so that they can be ready to go in the spring. All supplies, tools are being rounded up from their various hiding spots (did I really put the shovel there?) to be cleaned and put away.
The big project still remains the giant gaping hole that started to be a pond but became, instead, a family swimming pool. Only, we haven't begun the pool yet. Last year it rained every week and neighbors who started pools didn't get them completed until late in the fall. So, we hope to start on ours in the wet spring with hopes of having a pool by Memorial day. This has been a long awaited project for our family. I want to have it so the kids can have parties there with their older friends.
We've cleaned out the garage, too, and Nathan has decided he wants to try an e-bay business and is getting some things cleaned up, photographed and put on the computer for extra money. I'm really proud of him for this idea...sure beats flipping burgers or some other part time job. He has an eye for style so this might be a great outlet for him. If I start noticing dinnerware and other family heirlooms missing, I might re-think this.
Ellen and I finished our decorating, with Ellen firmly in the lead. She has more passion for decorating this time of year, but once she gets me going, I'm in completely. She loves the season and I am enjoying making new memories with her and I decorating the trees together. She is such a gift, I am so fortunate to have her.
Tonight, Dan and I have our own little party planned with a show with Colin Mocherie and Brad Sherwood, two comics that we love watching. We're going to dinner just the two of us, where he will make goo goo eyes at the steak and be in hog heaven.
But I like this time of year because it allows me to see the lines of the garden that are normally his among brush and leaves. It allows me to plan and to dream about what can be created next year. Already my mind is working on ideas for lengthening this bed and enlarging that bed. Although the chaos of color is now sleeping for next year's party, the garden is awake with possibilities.
There are always plants that I want to move or even get rid of altogether. I don't have much patience for high-maintainance plants and if they don't perform the first year, then usually out they go.
I poured some pecan hulls around some perennials today and will clean out fountains this week so that they can be ready to go in the spring. All supplies, tools are being rounded up from their various hiding spots (did I really put the shovel there?) to be cleaned and put away.
The big project still remains the giant gaping hole that started to be a pond but became, instead, a family swimming pool. Only, we haven't begun the pool yet. Last year it rained every week and neighbors who started pools didn't get them completed until late in the fall. So, we hope to start on ours in the wet spring with hopes of having a pool by Memorial day. This has been a long awaited project for our family. I want to have it so the kids can have parties there with their older friends.
We've cleaned out the garage, too, and Nathan has decided he wants to try an e-bay business and is getting some things cleaned up, photographed and put on the computer for extra money. I'm really proud of him for this idea...sure beats flipping burgers or some other part time job. He has an eye for style so this might be a great outlet for him. If I start noticing dinnerware and other family heirlooms missing, I might re-think this.
Ellen and I finished our decorating, with Ellen firmly in the lead. She has more passion for decorating this time of year, but once she gets me going, I'm in completely. She loves the season and I am enjoying making new memories with her and I decorating the trees together. She is such a gift, I am so fortunate to have her.
Tonight, Dan and I have our own little party planned with a show with Colin Mocherie and Brad Sherwood, two comics that we love watching. We're going to dinner just the two of us, where he will make goo goo eyes at the steak and be in hog heaven.
Friday, November 26, 2004
Movie "The Alamo"
I watched the Alamo on DVD this weekend and thought it was excellent. I heard terrible reviews on it but found it to be a good story about plain men who extraordinary passion.
http://video.movies.go.com/alamo/flash.html
One of the aspects of the movie that I really appreciated is that it has several "sub stories" working well along with the main conflict. That is how I believe real life is...lots going on around a central conflict, which makes it more difficult for the characters to find their way through the challenges.
Billy Bob Thornton performance is penetrating. Whatever demons he has personally makes for superb acting.
http://video.movies.go.com/alamo/flash.html
One of the aspects of the movie that I really appreciated is that it has several "sub stories" working well along with the main conflict. That is how I believe real life is...lots going on around a central conflict, which makes it more difficult for the characters to find their way through the challenges.
Billy Bob Thornton performance is penetrating. Whatever demons he has personally makes for superb acting.
Thursday, November 25, 2004
Too sick to party
I awakened this morning with a flu virus of some sort. I tried to pretend that I felt OK, got dressed and met my family for dinner. We went out (which is why I was so insistent on going!). I started with hot tea and then moved onto to more festive foods. I was able to enjoy the meal but spent the biggest part of the day in bed, emerging late today to read and do a few things around the house. Still feeling a little "raw" and hope I feel better tomorrow.
50,000 words in a month
I missed the November Novel Writing Month, but I've already begun writing at least 6 - 7 pages a day in my "other" journal. I am announcing it here so that those reading might keep me accountable. I think the www.Nanowrimo.org is a great web site with lots of info for those that write in dribbles and drab. So, here's to Decnowrimo...which doesn't have quite the same ring to it but may it be nonetheless helpful in keeping one's writing focused. Hey, it beats after holiday shopping, no?
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
Salon Days
I've just spent $100 bucks and 3 longs hours trying to accomplish one thing: NOT looking like my mother.
At the urging of my hairstylist I have allowed my usually short hair to grow longer and now, I've even succombed to the dreaded mid-age perm. I haven't had a perm in -- uh, have I ever had a perm? It's been several years since I've even had enough hair to actually perm.
Next week, hair color, to cover the gray...so I, won't look like an older version of my mom.
At the urging of my hairstylist I have allowed my usually short hair to grow longer and now, I've even succombed to the dreaded mid-age perm. I haven't had a perm in -- uh, have I ever had a perm? It's been several years since I've even had enough hair to actually perm.
Next week, hair color, to cover the gray...so I, won't look like an older version of my mom.
Movies and other things to be thankful for
In an earlier post, I recounted all the movies for the holiday season, giving my predictions of for the good, bad and ugly. I will be seeing a fair amount of movies over the next several days...part of a yearly tradition for me. This weekend, I have a lot from which to choose, so I'll be posting some thoughts. Stay tuned.
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Contemplative Bible Reading
Most of my life, I have been given directives to "mediate upon scriputure". Yet, I can think of not one class, not one sermon that I've ever heard about the "how to" of mediating upon scripture. As with so many other aspects of what some might call a "faith walk" the part of my life that intersects with institutional religion is such a supreme disappointment. It really has discussed nothing of relevance relating to spiritual matters at all. I recently picked up a book on the topic and so far it has been quite helpful. It talks about bible reading both individually and in a group. I can't think of anyone from my church that I would want to share such an experience, but I can think of many friends/acquaintances that I could explore this idea. Most likely I will learn this discipline on my own...the book "Contemplative Bible Reading" by Richard Peace will be my personal reading for the next few days. I hope to journal/blog regarding what I learn.
NOTE: Since writing this post, I have been thoroughly enjoying my journey into this new discipline. It is perhaps one of the highlights of my spiritual journey in the past 10 years.
NOTE: Since writing this post, I have been thoroughly enjoying my journey into this new discipline. It is perhaps one of the highlights of my spiritual journey in the past 10 years.
Getting to Know Cosby
I found this information about Cosby very interesting...
In the Second World War he was to hammer out a concept of leadership that would change the direction of his ministry. As chaplain of the 327th Glider Infantry Regiment, 101st Airborne Division, he saw the church from a new vantage point--outside it. It would never have happened if the circumstances of war had not forcibly placed him there.
For the first time he was an observer of the church in the world; he was in the position of receiving people who presumably had been trained by the church for a ministry to the world--to be light in the midst of darkness.
Yet these men, who had been in all the training units of the church, were no more ready for a deadly mission than the unchurched. What he observed was "Christian" men who could not stand up under pressure, not even moral pressure. "If they just didn't go to pieces morally, you could feel grateful for that kind of survival." What he had thought was character, he began to know was the structure of family, society, law enforcement agencies. When this was taken away life did not hold together because internally it was not held together. ...The demands of wartime were shaping the ministry of Gordon Cosby because they were letting him see himself against the back-drop of eternity.
A few days after the Normandy invasion they were to make the first serious assault into enemy lines. It was to take place at two o'clock in the morning. They were to cross a little river and take a hill. The assignment was dangerous enough for them to realize that half their number would die. Gordon decided that the best thing for him to do was to visit with as many of the men as he could in the moments before the assault. It was a cold, drizzly night, though it was June, and he could not see the faces of the men with whom he talked. Crawling into one of the foxholes, he started, "I'm the Chaplain. Just wanted to talk to you a bit." "I'm glad you're here," returned the soldier. "I wanted to talk to you. I have a premonition that I am going to die tonight--that I will meet God before the night is over, and I don't know Him. I want you to talk to me about Him." And then he added, "Don't give me any stuff about philosophy or theology. I just want you to talk to me about God."
In that moment the young chaplain discovered that he did not know nearly so much about God as he had five minutes before. He did not know what to say. Uneasiness filled him, but within a few seconds he found himself saying, "I would like to talk to you about a verse of Scripture which means a lot to me: ?For God so loved the world . . . ?" He talked to the soldier as simply as he knew about those words of Scripture.
The next morning he checked the casualty list. The man was dead. "I wondered about him," Gordon recalls. "He had been so close to me, and I wondered how those last words had hindered or helped him now that he was in the presence of God. Then it occurred to me that this man was every person. What difference does it make whether it is two hours, or two years, or twenty years. Everyone is going to be in the presence of God one day, and everyone is crying out, ?Speak to me of things which are eternal. Speak to me of God.'"
In moments like these he knew that he would be the minister of a congregation at home with the great words of the faith--God, Christ, Holy Spirit, grace, forgiveness. ...The church he dreamed of would be ecumenical: It would work and pray for the healing of the divisions between all churches. ...The church Gordon envisioned would know that its mission was to take a world for Christ. In this alone there would be unity."
In the Second World War he was to hammer out a concept of leadership that would change the direction of his ministry. As chaplain of the 327th Glider Infantry Regiment, 101st Airborne Division, he saw the church from a new vantage point--outside it. It would never have happened if the circumstances of war had not forcibly placed him there.
For the first time he was an observer of the church in the world; he was in the position of receiving people who presumably had been trained by the church for a ministry to the world--to be light in the midst of darkness.
Yet these men, who had been in all the training units of the church, were no more ready for a deadly mission than the unchurched. What he observed was "Christian" men who could not stand up under pressure, not even moral pressure. "If they just didn't go to pieces morally, you could feel grateful for that kind of survival." What he had thought was character, he began to know was the structure of family, society, law enforcement agencies. When this was taken away life did not hold together because internally it was not held together. ...The demands of wartime were shaping the ministry of Gordon Cosby because they were letting him see himself against the back-drop of eternity.
A few days after the Normandy invasion they were to make the first serious assault into enemy lines. It was to take place at two o'clock in the morning. They were to cross a little river and take a hill. The assignment was dangerous enough for them to realize that half their number would die. Gordon decided that the best thing for him to do was to visit with as many of the men as he could in the moments before the assault. It was a cold, drizzly night, though it was June, and he could not see the faces of the men with whom he talked. Crawling into one of the foxholes, he started, "I'm the Chaplain. Just wanted to talk to you a bit." "I'm glad you're here," returned the soldier. "I wanted to talk to you. I have a premonition that I am going to die tonight--that I will meet God before the night is over, and I don't know Him. I want you to talk to me about Him." And then he added, "Don't give me any stuff about philosophy or theology. I just want you to talk to me about God."
In that moment the young chaplain discovered that he did not know nearly so much about God as he had five minutes before. He did not know what to say. Uneasiness filled him, but within a few seconds he found himself saying, "I would like to talk to you about a verse of Scripture which means a lot to me: ?For God so loved the world . . . ?" He talked to the soldier as simply as he knew about those words of Scripture.
The next morning he checked the casualty list. The man was dead. "I wondered about him," Gordon recalls. "He had been so close to me, and I wondered how those last words had hindered or helped him now that he was in the presence of God. Then it occurred to me that this man was every person. What difference does it make whether it is two hours, or two years, or twenty years. Everyone is going to be in the presence of God one day, and everyone is crying out, ?Speak to me of things which are eternal. Speak to me of God.'"
In moments like these he knew that he would be the minister of a congregation at home with the great words of the faith--God, Christ, Holy Spirit, grace, forgiveness. ...The church he dreamed of would be ecumenical: It would work and pray for the healing of the divisions between all churches. ...The church Gordon envisioned would know that its mission was to take a world for Christ. In this alone there would be unity."
Thoughts on Touching Lives
I emerged from bed this morning wracked with pain. My shoulders, my neck were all stiff and sore. "Ahhh, " I remembered. "Massage yesterday".
Throughout the day I was reminded in sometimes painful way about the massage. When I moved, I felt it. When I sat, I felt it. I felt it, I felt it, I felt it. And it made my consider something. In a business -- in a world -- where so much of the energy appears to be on "touching lives" there might be something to stop and think about.
As with my massage, the intentions were good. Even helpful. Once, when the presure was too deep, I called out, "ouch...can you lighten up a bit?"
His response is critical here.
He didn't say, "what? you're being ridiculous? Get tough."
Nor did he say, "Hey, this is my massage and I'll do it as I want." Instead, he just agreed to soften his approach and continue on.
Is there something here for me to learn? When working with people, there will be times when we massage the sore, raw muscles of old pain. The response might be as varied as the people. Some will cry. Some might call out. Some might be a bit more foreceful and to the point. Either way it is THEIR response, theirs to own, theirs to experience.
I can choose my response to that respone...I can lighten up and understand or I can barrel on. I think there is a real danger is deciding that a certain response is "inappropriate" or "unchristian".
I don't see Habakkuk in his fist raised to God in defiance worrying too much about offending God. Nor do I see Job wringing His hands concered about how God might take his questions. We serve a big enough God to handle whatever responses we have...painful, joyful, confusion, wrath.
It's we who try to establish boundaries of appropriateness. It's we who try to say, "Hey if I pinch here, you can only cry..." or "Hey, if I squeeze here, you can't be angry." God doesn't limit our expressions or try to negate them...He simply allows them.
Are there appropriate places, ways to express oneself? Surely. However, if we -- if I -- truly want to mirror God to others, I simply have to allow others to wriggle and strive under their own pain at times. After all, we may never know how those muscles have been damaged from past pain.
Throughout the day I was reminded in sometimes painful way about the massage. When I moved, I felt it. When I sat, I felt it. I felt it, I felt it, I felt it. And it made my consider something. In a business -- in a world -- where so much of the energy appears to be on "touching lives" there might be something to stop and think about.
As with my massage, the intentions were good. Even helpful. Once, when the presure was too deep, I called out, "ouch...can you lighten up a bit?"
His response is critical here.
He didn't say, "what? you're being ridiculous? Get tough."
Nor did he say, "Hey, this is my massage and I'll do it as I want." Instead, he just agreed to soften his approach and continue on.
Is there something here for me to learn? When working with people, there will be times when we massage the sore, raw muscles of old pain. The response might be as varied as the people. Some will cry. Some might call out. Some might be a bit more foreceful and to the point. Either way it is THEIR response, theirs to own, theirs to experience.
I can choose my response to that respone...I can lighten up and understand or I can barrel on. I think there is a real danger is deciding that a certain response is "inappropriate" or "unchristian".
I don't see Habakkuk in his fist raised to God in defiance worrying too much about offending God. Nor do I see Job wringing His hands concered about how God might take his questions. We serve a big enough God to handle whatever responses we have...painful, joyful, confusion, wrath.
It's we who try to establish boundaries of appropriateness. It's we who try to say, "Hey if I pinch here, you can only cry..." or "Hey, if I squeeze here, you can't be angry." God doesn't limit our expressions or try to negate them...He simply allows them.
Are there appropriate places, ways to express oneself? Surely. However, if we -- if I -- truly want to mirror God to others, I simply have to allow others to wriggle and strive under their own pain at times. After all, we may never know how those muscles have been damaged from past pain.
Nordstrom's has it right
Today in NYT, Nordstrom's takes out a full page ad that reads:
There's plenty of time to decorate after Thanksgiving..
At Nordstrom, you won't find any holiday decorations in our stores until after Thanksgiving Day. Why?
We just like the idea of celebrating one holiday at a time. With that in mind, we hope you have the opportunity to share the day with those near and dear. From our family to yours, a truly Happy Thanksgiving!
All-righty-then! Nordstrom, you have just won yourself a new loyal client. I will be going to your web site and doing as much of my holiday shopping as I can. Thank you for this...may it catch on all over the retail world!
There's plenty of time to decorate after Thanksgiving..
At Nordstrom, you won't find any holiday decorations in our stores until after Thanksgiving Day. Why?
We just like the idea of celebrating one holiday at a time. With that in mind, we hope you have the opportunity to share the day with those near and dear. From our family to yours, a truly Happy Thanksgiving!
All-righty-then! Nordstrom, you have just won yourself a new loyal client. I will be going to your web site and doing as much of my holiday shopping as I can. Thank you for this...may it catch on all over the retail world!
For Scrooges Like Me
A Survival Guide for Scrooges (from NYT, Sunday, November 21)
www.buynothingchristmas.org
www.altgifts.org
www.adbusters.org
"The season of joy is upon us, which basically means it's dark most of the time and that Christmas is coming. Again.
"Now don't get the wrong idea. Joy is a fine thing. Let's hear it for joy. It's when joy becomes mandatory that the trouble starts. And some people, heretical as it may seem, would just as soon sit out on all this joy, or at least the gift-giving part -- if others would only let them."
(Hubert Herring, for the NYT)
www.buynothingchristmas.org
www.altgifts.org
www.adbusters.org
"The season of joy is upon us, which basically means it's dark most of the time and that Christmas is coming. Again.
"Now don't get the wrong idea. Joy is a fine thing. Let's hear it for joy. It's when joy becomes mandatory that the trouble starts. And some people, heretical as it may seem, would just as soon sit out on all this joy, or at least the gift-giving part -- if others would only let them."
(Hubert Herring, for the NYT)
Woman at the Well Revisited
Woman at the Well - Revisited
I wonder if we haven't got the woman at the well story all wrong. Most of the time when I hear the story, the woman is pictured as a victim both culturally and socially. And its true that she certainly had obstacles to overcome. However, I wonder if she is a bit more "attititudinal" than what we originally picture.
Here's how I see her:
He says, "Give me a drink." She puts down her cigarette, stomps on it with the toe of her boot. She flips her hair back and says with some edge, "How is that YOU, being a JEW, ask a drink from ME, a SAMARITAN woman?"
He answers her, "You don't know who you are talking to. I have water that you know nothing about."
Her arms are crossed. She's hot, she's tired from a night of partying, she's not in the mood for any of his games. And she's got work to do. She watches him for a moment, tilts her head. She'll go with it. "OK, so you don't have anything to draw the water with, so what's up with this LIVING WATER thing, anyway?"
He smiles, expecting her response and says, "You'll get thirsty again with this water, but I have water that will quench you forever."
"Yeah, well, whatever. She picks up her stuff and starts to leave. "I think you've been out in the sun too long, mister. I gotta go. You find that water you're looking for, be sure and look me up." She starts to leave.
He calls after her, "Go get your husband, I'll show you."
She stops in her tracks. She knew it. They are all the same. She whips around, eyeing him with narrowed eyes. "Look, I don't have a husband, so what is it you want?" The noonday heat is hot, she wants desperately to go home. She wants desperately to sleep, to rest.
"Yeah, I know" he says.
"So, you're some kind of witch doctor, prophet?" She is tiring of this crazy rabbi, here out in the middle of the sun. Every bone in her body aches to go, but something holds her.
He shrugs. As he talks, she listens, but hears only snippets. What IS he talking about, she wonders. Finally she catches a familar phrase. She stops him in mid-sentence. "I know about that." she hears herself saying. "I know the story about the coming King."
"Well, nice to meet you. I'm him."
"He actually initiates the conversation with her ina time most teachers would not talk to a strange woman. He treats her with respect. He calls her "woman" a term of respect and affection. Further, he treats her as an equal, as an independent adult created in God's image. He teaches her. He dialogues with her. He reveals to her who he is." (Richard Peace, "Contemplative Bible Study, p 84).
As usual this passage is not about the woman -- it is about Jesus. And how he treats a cold, damaged person who is angry, surly and looking for a fight. And I am again amazed at how he reaches deep into her soul and draws out what is good and builds upon it. I think this woman is at the mercy, so to speak, of cultural dynamics, but I don't see her as this pitiful image. I see her as brittle, strong in a sense that she's had to be (she's had 5 husbands!) and I see her dry and disappointed and yearning.
I wonder if we haven't got the woman at the well story all wrong. Most of the time when I hear the story, the woman is pictured as a victim both culturally and socially. And its true that she certainly had obstacles to overcome. However, I wonder if she is a bit more "attititudinal" than what we originally picture.
Here's how I see her:
He says, "Give me a drink." She puts down her cigarette, stomps on it with the toe of her boot. She flips her hair back and says with some edge, "How is that YOU, being a JEW, ask a drink from ME, a SAMARITAN woman?"
He answers her, "You don't know who you are talking to. I have water that you know nothing about."
Her arms are crossed. She's hot, she's tired from a night of partying, she's not in the mood for any of his games. And she's got work to do. She watches him for a moment, tilts her head. She'll go with it. "OK, so you don't have anything to draw the water with, so what's up with this LIVING WATER thing, anyway?"
He smiles, expecting her response and says, "You'll get thirsty again with this water, but I have water that will quench you forever."
"Yeah, well, whatever. She picks up her stuff and starts to leave. "I think you've been out in the sun too long, mister. I gotta go. You find that water you're looking for, be sure and look me up." She starts to leave.
He calls after her, "Go get your husband, I'll show you."
She stops in her tracks. She knew it. They are all the same. She whips around, eyeing him with narrowed eyes. "Look, I don't have a husband, so what is it you want?" The noonday heat is hot, she wants desperately to go home. She wants desperately to sleep, to rest.
"Yeah, I know" he says.
"So, you're some kind of witch doctor, prophet?" She is tiring of this crazy rabbi, here out in the middle of the sun. Every bone in her body aches to go, but something holds her.
He shrugs. As he talks, she listens, but hears only snippets. What IS he talking about, she wonders. Finally she catches a familar phrase. She stops him in mid-sentence. "I know about that." she hears herself saying. "I know the story about the coming King."
"Well, nice to meet you. I'm him."
"He actually initiates the conversation with her ina time most teachers would not talk to a strange woman. He treats her with respect. He calls her "woman" a term of respect and affection. Further, he treats her as an equal, as an independent adult created in God's image. He teaches her. He dialogues with her. He reveals to her who he is." (Richard Peace, "Contemplative Bible Study, p 84).
As usual this passage is not about the woman -- it is about Jesus. And how he treats a cold, damaged person who is angry, surly and looking for a fight. And I am again amazed at how he reaches deep into her soul and draws out what is good and builds upon it. I think this woman is at the mercy, so to speak, of cultural dynamics, but I don't see her as this pitiful image. I see her as brittle, strong in a sense that she's had to be (she's had 5 husbands!) and I see her dry and disappointed and yearning.
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