I had a wonderful day with one of my all time favorite people -- my daughter. She and I browsed some boutiques for the "perfect purse" (we finally found it!) and had lunch. It wasn't hurly burly holiday shopping, just enjoyable time together.
It's hard for me to articulate how I feel about my daughter. She is the best of her parents -- her methodical, reasonable, practical side (her dad) and her big dreams and persistence (me). She is not only fun to be with around, but has a deep sensitive side that feels for others.
I remember when she was little and not yet walking. She would see her brother walking around and it seemed she was distraught that she was not walking. She would cry and moan and seem to act as if she wanted to move like he did. Before she could even sit up, we'd prop her up in a small chair -- the kind that "hooks" onto the side of a table (probably outlawed now) and she'd fight to sit up and then fight even hard to lift her "sippy cup" (the kind with the lead in the bottom) and drink out of it. If we tried to help her, she'd grunt and cry...she wanted no help.
When I see her tackle tough situations, I see this same fiery determination in her. She takes charges in basketball games by girls that outweigh her 75 pounds. She works for hours on science and math problems. She doesn't like to not "get something" on the first try and can often be demanding on herself and others.
And yet there is a tenderness, a vulnerability to her that I find hard to describe. Not gullibility but a transparency that I can only pray isn't destroyed by the knocks of high school.
She wants her own style, bucks trends for her own identity. Loves her father with blinding devotion and laughs at all my jokes (even when they are truly stupid).
She told me today that her friends often tell her that she has the "neatest mom". That's flattering to hear, but it's easy to be a fun mom when you've got a jewel for a daughter. She makes it fun. We're still in the early years of teenage-dom, but I have to stop and thank God for the relationship and the person that we have with her.
Friday, December 17, 2004
Thursday, December 16, 2004
Another step for mankind...
Today I took the "leap" into the online teleconferencing world. I am quite jazzed about this opportunity as the online world becomes more and more a part of the world.
I think the online possibilities for industries like mine -- sales -- is one that is almost neglected. I wonder if there is any other world, except for the church-world, where more 'sacred cows' live and breathe. There are paradigms that are ages old and virtually unworkable, still they continue because of tradition.
In fact, many things in watching the church world "work" (so to speak) has helped me understand why so many people are so prone to incorrect beliefs about change. It has encouraged me to see a broader picture of humanity -- few of us deal well with change. Even those of us that embrace it (sometimes called "early adapters") have our own anxiety about changes that create more anxiety for those that are resisting it.
I truly believe that online meetings with graphics and more "artsy fartsy" capabilities can be the wave of the future. I think there is a big difference in having conferences and having successful and worthwhile conferences.
The last any of us desire or need is more unproductive time spent regardless of the "bells and whistles".
The company that really has a "heart" for online communication is WEBEX (www.webex.com). They are the industry leader and for good reason -- they do it really well. I have visited others companies and experimented but by far Webex has the ticket.
So here we go --- into a new year and a new era.
I think the online possibilities for industries like mine -- sales -- is one that is almost neglected. I wonder if there is any other world, except for the church-world, where more 'sacred cows' live and breathe. There are paradigms that are ages old and virtually unworkable, still they continue because of tradition.
In fact, many things in watching the church world "work" (so to speak) has helped me understand why so many people are so prone to incorrect beliefs about change. It has encouraged me to see a broader picture of humanity -- few of us deal well with change. Even those of us that embrace it (sometimes called "early adapters") have our own anxiety about changes that create more anxiety for those that are resisting it.
I truly believe that online meetings with graphics and more "artsy fartsy" capabilities can be the wave of the future. I think there is a big difference in having conferences and having successful and worthwhile conferences.
The last any of us desire or need is more unproductive time spent regardless of the "bells and whistles".
The company that really has a "heart" for online communication is WEBEX (www.webex.com). They are the industry leader and for good reason -- they do it really well. I have visited others companies and experimented but by far Webex has the ticket.
So here we go --- into a new year and a new era.
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
Merry, merry, merry
Good things came my way today. One of the best aspects of being in business for yourself is that you get clients that you really LOVE and they become like extended family.
I have been making a list of all the good friends that I've been blessed with this year which has been very encouraging. Think I'll keep it handy when I have one of those "Nobody likes me" days.
I went to church tonight and found it very uplifting. The teacher led us in some contemplative prayer, something that I have been practicing myself. I feel this has been one of the biggest blessings this year. Contemplative prayer is like looking at a painting from a distance and then, through meditation, you move closer to see the intricacies of the artist and the work. It's like beholding a masterpiece and "breathing it in". It allows me to see things that I never have seen before. My mentor for this has been Richard Peace in his book "Contemplative Bible Reading". I am truly an amateur, crawling in this new discipline and am finding it fascinating and truly spiritually fulfilling.
I have been making a list of all the good friends that I've been blessed with this year which has been very encouraging. Think I'll keep it handy when I have one of those "Nobody likes me" days.
I went to church tonight and found it very uplifting. The teacher led us in some contemplative prayer, something that I have been practicing myself. I feel this has been one of the biggest blessings this year. Contemplative prayer is like looking at a painting from a distance and then, through meditation, you move closer to see the intricacies of the artist and the work. It's like beholding a masterpiece and "breathing it in". It allows me to see things that I never have seen before. My mentor for this has been Richard Peace in his book "Contemplative Bible Reading". I am truly an amateur, crawling in this new discipline and am finding it fascinating and truly spiritually fulfilling.
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
My christmas present to myself
I gave in and bought myself the amazing 24 color fine-point Sharpie pack. Hey, I got free silver sharpies.
I am a sharpie-nut. I love to doodle with them, write with them, just like to have them on my desk. I guess it is a carry over from all those art classes in college. Somehow, I just feel more artsy when I have them around.
So I went for the equivalent of an adult 164 crayola crayon set instead of getting the sharpie's that click.
I bought it home and showed Dan and he said, "Happy Anniversary". We celebrate 19 years of married bliss on Jan 4. So, maybe I'll color in a new wedding band for myself.
I am a sharpie-nut. I love to doodle with them, write with them, just like to have them on my desk. I guess it is a carry over from all those art classes in college. Somehow, I just feel more artsy when I have them around.
So I went for the equivalent of an adult 164 crayola crayon set instead of getting the sharpie's that click.
I bought it home and showed Dan and he said, "Happy Anniversary". We celebrate 19 years of married bliss on Jan 4. So, maybe I'll color in a new wedding band for myself.
8 days to "Meet the Fockers"..
Yes, the countdown continues. This weekend, I'll be excited to see some other shows, though.
This is the end of the year, clean out, get systems in order, get ready for a clean slate in January.
I am on my way to Office Depot to get what I need to clean/organize/get rid of stuff in my office and in my storage room. Although I usually dread it, I liven it up with endless movies and other things and in January I have a clean slate in which to work. I cannot work in clutter.
I'm trying to convince my sweet-pack-rat-husband to let me do some wonderful things in his office...but I don't think I'm closing the deal. He sits in the middle of his office with a round circle of piles of paper, swearing that he can find anything he needs. I have been given warnings that if I come near his stuff it could be the end of civilization as we know it. Still I try. I'd like to paint and really clean it up but I think the new year will find that part of the house still in shambles with unidentifiable clutter and piles of paper.
I haven't been doing much reading and it is beginning to show....I feel out of sorts without reading a few books..so tonight I'm going to download some things and get some other books ordered online so that I can complete my year end celebration in style. Movies, books, music, the people that I love, and great food -- my life is complete.
Oh, yeah. I gotta go to the grocery store. Rats.
This is the end of the year, clean out, get systems in order, get ready for a clean slate in January.
I am on my way to Office Depot to get what I need to clean/organize/get rid of stuff in my office and in my storage room. Although I usually dread it, I liven it up with endless movies and other things and in January I have a clean slate in which to work. I cannot work in clutter.
I'm trying to convince my sweet-pack-rat-husband to let me do some wonderful things in his office...but I don't think I'm closing the deal. He sits in the middle of his office with a round circle of piles of paper, swearing that he can find anything he needs. I have been given warnings that if I come near his stuff it could be the end of civilization as we know it. Still I try. I'd like to paint and really clean it up but I think the new year will find that part of the house still in shambles with unidentifiable clutter and piles of paper.
I haven't been doing much reading and it is beginning to show....I feel out of sorts without reading a few books..so tonight I'm going to download some things and get some other books ordered online so that I can complete my year end celebration in style. Movies, books, music, the people that I love, and great food -- my life is complete.
Oh, yeah. I gotta go to the grocery store. Rats.
Monday, December 13, 2004
The Great Parent
OK, for those of you keeping track..only 9 more days until "Meet the Fockers" is in theaters!
I want to say something about parenting here. Maybe its because my son starts his senior year in a matter of months. Or that I'm finallh getting to enjoy my kids and their teenagers years (it honestly is the best time of my parenting life...no kidding!)
I had an encounter with a young woman a few days ago and she shared with me that she felt often very overwhelmed in her parenting -- her kids fight, etc. I listened and felt for her. I remember often the crushing feelings of parenting, the sense of being too tired to care after sleepless nights, the sense that I was losing who I was in the process.
I look at my kids today and see two things - 1- the complete and utter commitment of God's faithfulness and 2 - the result of having an excellent father in their lives.
I can take credit for none of the above naturally, but I will share a few things I've learned along this short journey which will serve as a good reminder to me as I prepare to launch my children into lives of their own. These re things that have served me.
1 - There is ONE parent - God, and He inexplicably shares his creations with us for a few brief years. Remembering this caused me to pray prayers such as "God, you know these small souls better than I ever will. Parent in spite of me...help me not to do much damage and be there for my kids when I do."
2 - Parent as if your job was simply to make yourself not needed. I know I may step on a few toes here, but our job as parents is simply to make ourselves not needed. This takes courage and a realization that it really isn't "all about you".
3 - Share their dreams, plant their feet. Kids dreams are THEIR dreams, not yours. Too often I see parents at sporting events, at school events and I think "what is/who is this about anyway?" Too often I think events are more about the parents and their pathetic egos than about kids finding their own way.
While I want my kids to reach for the stars -- and they both do! I have to be honest and say, "they will get most of their "dreaming" from me...how am I dreaming today? How I am modeling what I want my kids to do...do I "go for things" in my life..do I stand up for injustices? Do I push myself into new ways of thinking, challenging myself?
Because if we don't our kids will listen to our words and hear them for what they are -- hollow, meaningless bunk.
4 - Let your kids hear it from you --- whom they know LOVE THEM no matter what.
I want my kids to know from me what their strengths are -- they know I love them no matter what, so it's important for them to hear from me every day "I'm proud of you." When my son recently got his driver's license...I made a point of buying him a small but significant key chain and said to him "This is an important day. You are going in new directions and I trust you. YOU ARE very trustworthy." My big 16 year old hugged me and cried, too. It was a small thing, but it meant a lot.
Kids simply need to hear that you love them, you believe in them and yes, you'll take away those privileges the minute that they cross the line. (Which he did and we as his parents didn't disappoint. He did it once..and he saw the line..he knows it is there.)
5 - Don't hover. I am not a cookie-baking mom, although I'm a great cook. I'm the kind of mom that expects kids this age to cook sometimes for themselves, pick up their own laundry and suffer the consequences if they do not. I do not make runs to school when they forget stuff. I do not feel guilty when they have nothing clean to wear and their dirty clothes bag overfloweth.
I do however, at times, do these things simply to show them that I love them..and I'll say, "I'm going down anyway, so I'll take your clothes..which usually merits a "THANK YOU!" which is exactly, I believe, how it should be.
I am neither their crutch nor their excuse. I am their parent. I am not their buddy, their friend. My "quality time" is spent in whatever way -- however ways -- I can show them that I care, that I'm their mom, but that their lives are seperate from my own.
The jury is still out on this parenting experiment. I don't feel that I have all the answers. I could make a great case for the fact that children need both a mom and dad at home 24/7...which Dan and I have done (well, not 24/7...but one or both of us is usually home..) for about the past 6 years. I see the impact of Dan's presence and his active parenting every day...and my kids are more whole because of it.
So in this season of joyfulness and thankfulness, I need to stop and thank two incredible people that have journeyed with me in the all consuming, at times frustrating, but always rewarding task of bringing two people into the world and assisting them in finding their own "voice" in creating their lives...my husband Dan who is an amazing parent and the Great Parent, God from whom I am amazed that could share in this process.
Thanks, guys.
I want to say something about parenting here. Maybe its because my son starts his senior year in a matter of months. Or that I'm finallh getting to enjoy my kids and their teenagers years (it honestly is the best time of my parenting life...no kidding!)
I had an encounter with a young woman a few days ago and she shared with me that she felt often very overwhelmed in her parenting -- her kids fight, etc. I listened and felt for her. I remember often the crushing feelings of parenting, the sense of being too tired to care after sleepless nights, the sense that I was losing who I was in the process.
I look at my kids today and see two things - 1- the complete and utter commitment of God's faithfulness and 2 - the result of having an excellent father in their lives.
I can take credit for none of the above naturally, but I will share a few things I've learned along this short journey which will serve as a good reminder to me as I prepare to launch my children into lives of their own. These re things that have served me.
1 - There is ONE parent - God, and He inexplicably shares his creations with us for a few brief years. Remembering this caused me to pray prayers such as "God, you know these small souls better than I ever will. Parent in spite of me...help me not to do much damage and be there for my kids when I do."
2 - Parent as if your job was simply to make yourself not needed. I know I may step on a few toes here, but our job as parents is simply to make ourselves not needed. This takes courage and a realization that it really isn't "all about you".
3 - Share their dreams, plant their feet. Kids dreams are THEIR dreams, not yours. Too often I see parents at sporting events, at school events and I think "what is/who is this about anyway?" Too often I think events are more about the parents and their pathetic egos than about kids finding their own way.
While I want my kids to reach for the stars -- and they both do! I have to be honest and say, "they will get most of their "dreaming" from me...how am I dreaming today? How I am modeling what I want my kids to do...do I "go for things" in my life..do I stand up for injustices? Do I push myself into new ways of thinking, challenging myself?
Because if we don't our kids will listen to our words and hear them for what they are -- hollow, meaningless bunk.
4 - Let your kids hear it from you --- whom they know LOVE THEM no matter what.
I want my kids to know from me what their strengths are -- they know I love them no matter what, so it's important for them to hear from me every day "I'm proud of you." When my son recently got his driver's license...I made a point of buying him a small but significant key chain and said to him "This is an important day. You are going in new directions and I trust you. YOU ARE very trustworthy." My big 16 year old hugged me and cried, too. It was a small thing, but it meant a lot.
Kids simply need to hear that you love them, you believe in them and yes, you'll take away those privileges the minute that they cross the line. (Which he did and we as his parents didn't disappoint. He did it once..and he saw the line..he knows it is there.)
5 - Don't hover. I am not a cookie-baking mom, although I'm a great cook. I'm the kind of mom that expects kids this age to cook sometimes for themselves, pick up their own laundry and suffer the consequences if they do not. I do not make runs to school when they forget stuff. I do not feel guilty when they have nothing clean to wear and their dirty clothes bag overfloweth.
I do however, at times, do these things simply to show them that I love them..and I'll say, "I'm going down anyway, so I'll take your clothes..which usually merits a "THANK YOU!" which is exactly, I believe, how it should be.
I am neither their crutch nor their excuse. I am their parent. I am not their buddy, their friend. My "quality time" is spent in whatever way -- however ways -- I can show them that I care, that I'm their mom, but that their lives are seperate from my own.
The jury is still out on this parenting experiment. I don't feel that I have all the answers. I could make a great case for the fact that children need both a mom and dad at home 24/7...which Dan and I have done (well, not 24/7...but one or both of us is usually home..) for about the past 6 years. I see the impact of Dan's presence and his active parenting every day...and my kids are more whole because of it.
So in this season of joyfulness and thankfulness, I need to stop and thank two incredible people that have journeyed with me in the all consuming, at times frustrating, but always rewarding task of bringing two people into the world and assisting them in finding their own "voice" in creating their lives...my husband Dan who is an amazing parent and the Great Parent, God from whom I am amazed that could share in this process.
Thanks, guys.
Sunday, December 12, 2004
More Holiday Merriment
I'm really looking forward to "Flight of the Phonix" in theaters this weekend (Dec 17). I have this theory it will serve as a metaphor for business and relationships.
My theory is this and it isn't new -- I believe that our culture is hung up a bit on changes in life, whether it be in relationships or changes in organizations. I am one to thrive more on the changes -- I get a little uncomfortable when things become too comfortable. What I mean is that I view change as intrinsically necessary, if a bit difficult, for the life of relationships and organizations.
I know, I know, everything and everyone is suppose to "live happily ever after" as if we all search for this perfect "status quo" to achieve life's purpose. But I think there are many "ever afters" in the average life of a person or organization.
I can think of several destinations in my marriage where we both had to come to terms with a part of our relationship that was indeed "dead" before we could embrace what was now new in our journey together. In a culture that usually stops at the end of the rainbow, that is sometimes a difficult concept to understand and accept. When Dan and I realized that we could grow independently of each other and not only remain intimate but even become closer when we explore new opportunities independent of each other, it was a huge step for us (about 7 years ago).
I think the same is true of business organizations and or other organizations, too. The church in which I attend I think is in the process of coming to terms with a part of its life that is no longer "workable" and "valid". Before it can have a new breath, lease on life, it must soon come to closure on what it is "not" before it might have a chance to be what it "is".
Indeed, until this can happen then the only thing that could possibly be true is the death of its current form. This is where we have to be really courageous and realize that death is the end of somethings but the beginning of new things...it can be really exciting in some ways, though bittersweet in others.
I guess I want to look for the opportunities rather than be burdened too much by "what use to be".
Like they say, "change or die"...and it really is a choice.
My theory is this and it isn't new -- I believe that our culture is hung up a bit on changes in life, whether it be in relationships or changes in organizations. I am one to thrive more on the changes -- I get a little uncomfortable when things become too comfortable. What I mean is that I view change as intrinsically necessary, if a bit difficult, for the life of relationships and organizations.
I know, I know, everything and everyone is suppose to "live happily ever after" as if we all search for this perfect "status quo" to achieve life's purpose. But I think there are many "ever afters" in the average life of a person or organization.
I can think of several destinations in my marriage where we both had to come to terms with a part of our relationship that was indeed "dead" before we could embrace what was now new in our journey together. In a culture that usually stops at the end of the rainbow, that is sometimes a difficult concept to understand and accept. When Dan and I realized that we could grow independently of each other and not only remain intimate but even become closer when we explore new opportunities independent of each other, it was a huge step for us (about 7 years ago).
I think the same is true of business organizations and or other organizations, too. The church in which I attend I think is in the process of coming to terms with a part of its life that is no longer "workable" and "valid". Before it can have a new breath, lease on life, it must soon come to closure on what it is "not" before it might have a chance to be what it "is".
Indeed, until this can happen then the only thing that could possibly be true is the death of its current form. This is where we have to be really courageous and realize that death is the end of somethings but the beginning of new things...it can be really exciting in some ways, though bittersweet in others.
I guess I want to look for the opportunities rather than be burdened too much by "what use to be".
Like they say, "change or die"...and it really is a choice.
Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus or- 10 day to "Meet the Fockers"
DeNiro fans will be happy to know that he is hosting Saturday Night Live on Dec 17.
Bobby will no doubt be touting his new movie "Meet the Fockers".
I heard some movie trivia about the title...that there are actually people whose name is Focker and that they have had mixed feelings about having their name so famously used in the movie. And that the name itself came from a conversation between Jim Carrey and the director...so that actually Jim Carrey came up with the idea for the family name, etc.
Bobby will no doubt be touting his new movie "Meet the Fockers".
I heard some movie trivia about the title...that there are actually people whose name is Focker and that they have had mixed feelings about having their name so famously used in the movie. And that the name itself came from a conversation between Jim Carrey and the director...so that actually Jim Carrey came up with the idea for the family name, etc.
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