More questions

Had a thought today that keeps nagging at me. As usual, it came to me while I was out pulling weeds and transplanting roses. Seems that is the time God chooses (or I allow) for some great conversation.

My question goes something like this....if we believe that God has allowed - for reasons that I cannot fathom -- for people to be the living incarnate, manifestation of Him and His love. That is my hands, my feet, my life are to be in service to allowing others to see Him more clearly..

And if I choose NOT TO DO THAT...through whatever means -- I take up stones and sticks instead of embracing others...

What difference does it mean that God is a loving God? What difference does it mean if God is hovering in his little corner of heaven?

Ouch.

I can go around and say all day long, "God is a loving God. He LOVES you!" and that would be true, but if by MY actions this isn't shown, WHAT BLOODY DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?

I started mulling this over a bit over the weekend. A weekend where I was tucking in my father-in-law post surgery, I was running my kids to every conceivable activity known to man and my husband -- well, he's looking for a job.

And I was mulling this over because...no one seemed to care. No phone calls from church friends. No visits from neighbors. Everybody was doing what they do best -- which is to go on about their business.

So I had a big pity party. Poked fun at my little village of believers because they are all out beating their breasts over their most recent tent revival..."it was SOOO good..." "such great speakers..." "The Holy Spirit is really here!"

WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?

Until I realized that, like most accusations, the one pointing the finger has several more pointing back.

I know less and less the older I get. I thought it would be different somehow..that life's questions would suddenly unsnarl and it might be peaceful and easy sailing. Somehow that is just not how life is. I know less and less and frankly I have more and more questions. But this one thing I know...

If My God isn't a God that can be seen throught the toughests of time, if My God isn't a God that can withstand religious fads and fancies...if my God just can't have some flesh on Him from time to time and hold my hand when I cry and soothe my kids when they hurt...WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE that he might be a loving God?

None to me. None whatsoever to me.

I'm well past the age where a theoretical God is gonna cut it. Life's problems don't get any easier, just bigger and more messy. I can't just throw a few scriptures out in the morning, say a few religious sounding phrases and say, "well, that's done. God is so loving" and then I leave to unfurl my worst on those around me. To go blindly about my own life while others are hurting in theirs.

Nope, that isn't going to cut it. Not for me...and not for any of us.

I don't think I'm too different from most. I think that a loving God can be seen in many ways, but I know he must be seen in the lives of those who most call on His name.

And I've failed there -- big time. As have most of us.

God, help me to get past the desire I have for intellectual fantasies and just be practical...to just be a practical version of you. With a warm smile, an open embrace, a soft shoulder. God, help me SHOW in big and small ways that God's love DOES MATTER and that it is a practical love, an abiding love that You give. That others DO matter to you.

Help me encourage those who have lost hope. Help me encourage those who have reached their plans, seen their dreams to fruition -- and help me to be really happy for them, even when my own dreams have fallen short and I'm still miles away from where I had hoped.

Only in these ways can I live a life that matters, a life that is real.