The Village Idiot Reports

AP PHOTOS -- 2027 A.D.

Congress is expected to pass on a 14. 9 trillion dollar measure they say will assist reduce the divorce rate.

The "Toilet Paper Shuttle" (TPS) bill has been argued for several weeks now and is expected to pass with unanimous support, especially among female congress members.

"This bill, allowing the installation of these services into our homes will reduce the divorce rate by 50% and cut down on teenage drug abuse" says one supporter of the bill.

Up until recently, most households were forced to purchase boxes of toilet paper for thier families use and then repurchase it time and time again. When the household ran out, then additional trips to the store were often in order.

Some families couldn't cope with the stress.

"It was the final straw", said one mother of 4 -- all teeangers -- who recently has sought counseling for child abuse. "There never was toilet paper when I needed it" she added tearfully.

Now, since the TPS has been created, this disruptive part of family life has been virtually eliminated. Storage cells, attractively built into walls hold up to 100 rolls of toilet paper and are re-stocked by the shuttle which has a variety of colors, scents in which to choose. These devices look much like the vending machines of the late 20th century. Deliveries are made routinely and families are billed for thier quarterly usage, just like a magazine or newspaper subscription.

Still, some naysayers feel that the government is overreaching. "I lugged 12 rolls of toilet paper in my day and I still do, " says one Congressman. "This is something in which the government should not be involved." When pressed however, he recanted saying, "OK, OK, my wife went to the store not me."

For others it has been a salvation.
"It has brought our family back together -- gave us hope." said one participant in a nation-wide study. The study indicated that marital stress has been significantly lowered since the installation of the TPS in many homes."

Congress is expected to vote later this week.