Books that are reading me

For my birthday, I received several books. I'm always glad to get a book as a gift but I also realize that those giving books often have no other idea what to get you, so they give you a book. It's kind of like telling you that you are, indeed, a total geek and their gift of a book lets you know that its OK to be a geek. Still, I always like getting books, geek or not.

This year, I had a couple thrown my way that have been a challenge to read. "The Care of the Soul" by Thomas Moore is so deep, it makes my head hurt because I have to think so hard. I think that's what a shift in paradgim feels like...like a bad migraine when your perspective shifts and you come out on the other side of an old thought that no longer works for you. Then, you can just throw it away and say, 'wow, i'm not going to think that anymore'. And sometimes it really is that easy.

This book, though, it tough stuff. It talks about jealousy and envy in ways that startle me, encourage me and madden me. That's the kind of book I like to read, one that really makes it tough for me to see the point, then illuminates the way with it.

Here's the best line in the book, "The dragon in the labrynth will become an angel to light your way". And if your head is hurting, then you should get the book and read some more, because it is really good.

The other book, "Blue Like Jazz" also holds promise. I have been reading Anne Lamott "Plan B..." and I like her prose and style very well. I'm always a bit skeptical of anything that is classified as "religious" literature because I wonder, if someone gave me this book, are they trying to make a point? Are they wanting me to be MORE religious? Because, I'm not interested in being religious at all. In fact, I think there is evil that resides in most religiousity be it religious about church, God or the NFL. There's something about religion that makes you just want to throw up.

So I'm cautious with these other books. Unfortunately, most christian writers seem to write on a level that is about 5th grade and that just makes me mad. I may not be religious and I may at times act like an atheist, but I'm not stupid. So talk to me like I have a brain in my head, please.

My friend Chuck gave me the book "Blue Like Jazz" and when he said, "I think you'll like it.." I knew that he was saying it was probably about some religious rebel who finds God.
As it turns out, I was right. It is about a rebel who finds God.

I'm not sure I'm all that interested in finding God. I've kind of given up on the search, really. I think if God is there, then maybe He can find me. I'm not that hard to find. I'm usually the one acting up in church anyway, so I shouldn't be too hard to miss. In fact, I think there should a church service just for those of us who have to get up an leave and sit it the foyer while the preacher drones on. I think those sitting in the foyer are the ones really looking, anyway, they just aren't intersted in the fashion show that has become what most churches pass off as church.

If there is a God, then I want him to be bigger than fashion, bigger than money and much,much bigger than trends. I get really nervous when my christian friends start spouting from a particular author because he's "trendy" and going to all the right conferences. I don't think most real prophets enjoyed that kind of popularity for long, so when someone gets really popular with the christian culture, I think, "they must have good agents" not, "they must speak for God". Because my slight experience with God is that what He says isn't always easy and its not always popular.

So I'll read on. I like that a lot of authors are trying to "keep it real" but I'm still going to be skeptical. Skeptical on the whole God thing, and on the whole following God thing.

What I know - and I know precious little -- that following God is more of a white-knuckler than a trip to Disneyworld. And that kind of commitment in me comes hard and frankly, I'm not sure I'm up for it.

I mean, it is easy to follow something outside yourself when things are easy and good. That takes no real effort. But follow something called "faith" when things start getting scary -- like having teenagers - and then, you find just how wimpy your faith is.

I guess that's where I am. I have a middle-aged faith. One that knows that the puppets have strings and the preachers are all kind of kooky and still I keep looking for this thing called God.

And maybe one day, He'll find me.