I've taken almost an entire week, week and a half off work to handle household chores (garden, shopping, kids clothing) and will take the next day or so to get back ready for work.
I feel completely rested and revived! Bring on the last half of our fiscal year.
I watched an interview with Tennessee Women's BBall coach Pat Summit the other night on National News. I was really impressed with her and what she has created for the basketball program at Tennessee. She's someone I'd like to read or study more about. One comment that she shared was that she has a "hard time relating to lazy ball players". I relate to that -- not with the ball players part, but the part about anybody not wanting more for themselves.
Not "more" in the financial sense...but developing their mind, developing their talents, going beyond their meager beginnings wherever that may be. Sometimes, I think it is a tragedy that here in the United States, where women are given more opportunities for education and developing themselves than practically anywhere on the globe, so many women opt for so little in self development.
I enjoy being around people -- men or women -- that read, that think and that are willing to take risks in order to grow themselves physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. This past week was a time for me to do that in all these areas.
Saturday, March 26, 2005
Gardener's Journal - finished for now!
After almost 5 days of digging, digging and then digging some more, I've come to a brief respite with my garden. I've planted over a dozen heirloom roses including Intrigue (floribunda) Morden Ruby (regosa) along with a Peace climber. I've tried some new varieties for some added summer color.
I'm completely and utterly transfixed by roses. Once I figured out that the way to grow roses is to avoid completely the hybrid teas, I was a goner. I love going out in early morning and clipping mounds of dewey petals to bring into the house. This is a pure pleasure that summer holds for me.
There is still much to do. Retaining wall on street side, mulching all beds (after a few more rains) and still planting perennials. I've moved several shrubs, replanted them. Things are beginning to really take hold.
I'm probably "done" with re-doing beds for this season...but have new ideas ready for late fall and early spring for next year. These include a bamboo/japanese garden near back (Ellen is really excited about that idea after seeing some at the Dallas Arboretum) and a small shed/cottage with raised beds for back corner. Still, there is a pond to finish and the swimming pool that has been pushed back for later this year (again) until we get on equal footing. I've decided that my original intent for a pond/bridge and shrubs will win out over the famiily wanting to "plop" a swimming pool right off the back door. Reason? Because I don't want to look out and see a covered pool all winter! Even a winter pond is more pleasant on the eyes.
I think the pool should go out a bit...so we're working on that plan.
I'm going to rest my aching back and watch a few movies and enjoy my family for Easter. It's a joy to work hard in and around the house together and it teaches the kids that we take care of what has been given us. Also, the kids are both becoming more involved in the garden which holds a ton of life lessons that I enjoy sharing with them.
Final note on the roses: I thougth it appropriate to plant a "peace" rose as the final crown in my newly planted easter plan...I'll write more on this later.
I'm completely and utterly transfixed by roses. Once I figured out that the way to grow roses is to avoid completely the hybrid teas, I was a goner. I love going out in early morning and clipping mounds of dewey petals to bring into the house. This is a pure pleasure that summer holds for me.
There is still much to do. Retaining wall on street side, mulching all beds (after a few more rains) and still planting perennials. I've moved several shrubs, replanted them. Things are beginning to really take hold.
I'm probably "done" with re-doing beds for this season...but have new ideas ready for late fall and early spring for next year. These include a bamboo/japanese garden near back (Ellen is really excited about that idea after seeing some at the Dallas Arboretum) and a small shed/cottage with raised beds for back corner. Still, there is a pond to finish and the swimming pool that has been pushed back for later this year (again) until we get on equal footing. I've decided that my original intent for a pond/bridge and shrubs will win out over the famiily wanting to "plop" a swimming pool right off the back door. Reason? Because I don't want to look out and see a covered pool all winter! Even a winter pond is more pleasant on the eyes.
I think the pool should go out a bit...so we're working on that plan.
I'm going to rest my aching back and watch a few movies and enjoy my family for Easter. It's a joy to work hard in and around the house together and it teaches the kids that we take care of what has been given us. Also, the kids are both becoming more involved in the garden which holds a ton of life lessons that I enjoy sharing with them.
Final note on the roses: I thougth it appropriate to plant a "peace" rose as the final crown in my newly planted easter plan...I'll write more on this later.
Friday, March 25, 2005
Gardner's Journal
I've been considering peat moss this morning. Peat moss and forgiveness.
The two are quite the same, you know. Let me explain.
If you've ever driven through Oklahoma and witnessed our "red dirt" then you know that our dirt here is a bit different than most. It is hardly what one might call "dirt". Clay is more the word for it. Clay that is soggy in the rainy months, brittle and hard in the summer.
Very little grows in clay. Weeds, maybe. And ant farms. Lots of ant farms.
Kind of like some hearts I've known. Kind of like my heart, at times.
For the clay to yield anything good it needs a strong transfusion of things to incorporate air into it -- sand, topsoil and that sweet, sweet thing called peat moss.
This morning, I was ankle deep in mud from the storms that blew through my garden last night. Not run down your ankles mud...but mud that sticks, like glue, disallowing movement.
Like I said, kind of like my heart sometimes.
We christians are a strange lot. We run around this time of year, getting our pastel prints, donning our favorite clothes, making sure we have plenty to eat, rushing to meet deadlines and parents.
Yet we forget about the transfusion that we need -- that we must have -- to be vessels of life.
I remember once asking my grandmother about forgiveness. It was some scuffle that I had with one of my brothers. Being the only girl, I was often the butt of jokes, often left out. After one particularly difficult time, I remember tearfully asking, "So how am I suppose to forgive...just let them off the hook like that?"
I'll never forget her response. She looked me directly in the eye and replied, softly, "You don't. You don't let them off the hook. You let yourself off."
Loamy peat moss transforms the hard Oklahoma clay into something good, something that can sustain life, something that can bring forth beauty. The transfusion is hard work -- in a sense the clay gives up what it once was...it becomes something different entirely.
But without that transfusion -- that transformation, it is hard, brittle dry. Useless. Cold. Easily broken.
While on my knees this morning (which I why I believe there is a spiritual connection between gardening and people) I prayed for the grace to forgive those in my life -- and to be forgiven. To me, this is the essence of this season of renewal.
The two are quite the same, you know. Let me explain.
If you've ever driven through Oklahoma and witnessed our "red dirt" then you know that our dirt here is a bit different than most. It is hardly what one might call "dirt". Clay is more the word for it. Clay that is soggy in the rainy months, brittle and hard in the summer.
Very little grows in clay. Weeds, maybe. And ant farms. Lots of ant farms.
Kind of like some hearts I've known. Kind of like my heart, at times.
For the clay to yield anything good it needs a strong transfusion of things to incorporate air into it -- sand, topsoil and that sweet, sweet thing called peat moss.
This morning, I was ankle deep in mud from the storms that blew through my garden last night. Not run down your ankles mud...but mud that sticks, like glue, disallowing movement.
Like I said, kind of like my heart sometimes.
We christians are a strange lot. We run around this time of year, getting our pastel prints, donning our favorite clothes, making sure we have plenty to eat, rushing to meet deadlines and parents.
Yet we forget about the transfusion that we need -- that we must have -- to be vessels of life.
I remember once asking my grandmother about forgiveness. It was some scuffle that I had with one of my brothers. Being the only girl, I was often the butt of jokes, often left out. After one particularly difficult time, I remember tearfully asking, "So how am I suppose to forgive...just let them off the hook like that?"
I'll never forget her response. She looked me directly in the eye and replied, softly, "You don't. You don't let them off the hook. You let yourself off."
Loamy peat moss transforms the hard Oklahoma clay into something good, something that can sustain life, something that can bring forth beauty. The transfusion is hard work -- in a sense the clay gives up what it once was...it becomes something different entirely.
But without that transfusion -- that transformation, it is hard, brittle dry. Useless. Cold. Easily broken.
While on my knees this morning (which I why I believe there is a spiritual connection between gardening and people) I prayed for the grace to forgive those in my life -- and to be forgiven. To me, this is the essence of this season of renewal.
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Gardner's Journal
In spite of cold, rainy weather, I've been a busy bee. The beds in my garden are coming along nicely, with lots of new peat moss, top soil and other nutrients for the soil. My hands are chapped, my face already showing signs of sunburn, my knees stained from the dark wet soil that I've been kneeling upon.
Not to mention the ache in my shoulders. Hot tub would be great about now.
This is the work that is often overlooked in gardening. When I see the beds spread out in gardening magazine, what is NOT seen are the pounds and pounds of dirt, the hours spent on bended knee pulling out old weeds, roots.
Nor do I often notice the painstaking placement of pavers or the care put into the walkways. These are the foundations of any garden and the garden cannot exist without them.
One of the biggest mistakes I have made is being impatient...loading my truck up with color and not taking the steps needed for the new inhabitants of my garden. Too often I put a $20 plant into a $5 hole.
It's not the eye catching, sexy work that we like to think about when we think about gardening. But it's the most important work there is. Plants, like people, need a safe place to grow.
So its back to the garden store, for more sand, a few more pavers and gravel. Still no color yet. Still lots of prep work to do.
Not to mention the ache in my shoulders. Hot tub would be great about now.
This is the work that is often overlooked in gardening. When I see the beds spread out in gardening magazine, what is NOT seen are the pounds and pounds of dirt, the hours spent on bended knee pulling out old weeds, roots.
Nor do I often notice the painstaking placement of pavers or the care put into the walkways. These are the foundations of any garden and the garden cannot exist without them.
One of the biggest mistakes I have made is being impatient...loading my truck up with color and not taking the steps needed for the new inhabitants of my garden. Too often I put a $20 plant into a $5 hole.
It's not the eye catching, sexy work that we like to think about when we think about gardening. But it's the most important work there is. Plants, like people, need a safe place to grow.
So its back to the garden store, for more sand, a few more pavers and gravel. Still no color yet. Still lots of prep work to do.
Around the Bend
wip.warnerbros.com/aroundthebend
How does a family survive death? How does a family invoke rituals to meaningfully connect with future generations? How do we learn to forgive those that hurt us most, especially when those people are suppose to be our caretakers? How do we find those to which we belong -- our "tribe" in a world of heartbreak and brokenness.
These are the central themes of "Around the Bend", a movie starring Michael Caine, Christopher Walken, Josh Lucas as the Lair family.
I loved how the director of this movie is able to weave these themes around the family while keeping the tension between comedy and drama taunt and sparkling.
There are not many guidelines for those of us in Western culture on how to pass from one generation to the next. We suffer from a lack of rituals and connectedness that other cultures have seemed far better able to execute.
While there are not specific ideas given, the movie does provide some key ideas on how generations might connect and provide meaning to those circles of generations that encircle one another.
I love movies such as this that are rich in character development, provide a visual feast of "clues" to the movies themes along with a first rate class of actors. Seeing the movie on DVD also provides insight to the director's approach to his movie and the making of the movie itself.
How does a family survive death? How does a family invoke rituals to meaningfully connect with future generations? How do we learn to forgive those that hurt us most, especially when those people are suppose to be our caretakers? How do we find those to which we belong -- our "tribe" in a world of heartbreak and brokenness.
These are the central themes of "Around the Bend", a movie starring Michael Caine, Christopher Walken, Josh Lucas as the Lair family.
I loved how the director of this movie is able to weave these themes around the family while keeping the tension between comedy and drama taunt and sparkling.
There are not many guidelines for those of us in Western culture on how to pass from one generation to the next. We suffer from a lack of rituals and connectedness that other cultures have seemed far better able to execute.
While there are not specific ideas given, the movie does provide some key ideas on how generations might connect and provide meaning to those circles of generations that encircle one another.
I love movies such as this that are rich in character development, provide a visual feast of "clues" to the movies themes along with a first rate class of actors. Seeing the movie on DVD also provides insight to the director's approach to his movie and the making of the movie itself.
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Thoughtful quotes
“Every idea of God we form, he must in mercy shatter.”—CS Lewis
“The domain of morals is as chartless as the sea once was, and as treacherous as the sea still is. It is not too much to say that whoever wishes to become a truly moral human being (and let us not ask whether or not this is possible: I think that we must believe that it is possible) must first divorce himself from all the prohibitions, crimes, hypocrisies of the Christian Church. If the concept of God has any validity at all, it can only be to make us larger, freer, and more loving. If God cannot do this, then it is time we got rid of him.” —James Baldwin, The Fire Next Time
“Protestants argue about the Bible, doctrines, and moralisms, instead of following Jesus into new and risky places. The new para-churches love religious entertainment instead of loving peace or justice. Warlike heads of state can normally be assured of Christians’ total support–all in poor Jesus’ name. We all prefer our rituals to anything real or risky. Without some kind of disillusionment of forms, religious invariably becomes idolatry of forms. Ritual is risky business and religion is a dangerous business. . . .” —Richard Rohr, Adam’s Return, 2004, Crossroad, p. 104
“The domain of morals is as chartless as the sea once was, and as treacherous as the sea still is. It is not too much to say that whoever wishes to become a truly moral human being (and let us not ask whether or not this is possible: I think that we must believe that it is possible) must first divorce himself from all the prohibitions, crimes, hypocrisies of the Christian Church. If the concept of God has any validity at all, it can only be to make us larger, freer, and more loving. If God cannot do this, then it is time we got rid of him.” —James Baldwin, The Fire Next Time
“Protestants argue about the Bible, doctrines, and moralisms, instead of following Jesus into new and risky places. The new para-churches love religious entertainment instead of loving peace or justice. Warlike heads of state can normally be assured of Christians’ total support–all in poor Jesus’ name. We all prefer our rituals to anything real or risky. Without some kind of disillusionment of forms, religious invariably becomes idolatry of forms. Ritual is risky business and religion is a dangerous business. . . .” —Richard Rohr, Adam’s Return, 2004, Crossroad, p. 104
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Taxes and other diseases
Today, I created an empire.
Not really...just a corporation. After taking a beating on taxes the last few years, I finally made the move to incorporate.
I'm proud to be an American, but can be just as proud for half as much. And, since I don't look that great in orange, it's probably best that I work out some arrangement that can keep me and my family eating as well as keep me out of jail.
Today was also a red letter day for Nathan..we bought him his first suit. That is, suit, tie, the works. The last time he wore a suit -- he was about 3 and it was a red bowtie that I remember. He will be going to the prom along with other HS senior events so this seemed a better purchase than renting a tux. And I have to say, he's quite handsome in his new duds.
I've been reflecting a lot on life's passages lately...if the twenty-something's can yell into a "infinite abyss" (Garden State the movie) then I suspect that the best metaphor for us over 40 is bridging the infinite abyss...one hand on your parents, one arm stretched out to your teenage kids and you just hope that you can keep it together before one of them lets go.
Yep, I'll go with that.
You've already experienced the highs of low of a career, and know that there is much much more of interest outside making money and buying stuff. You've learned your lessons (hopefully) regarding your spouse -- and you know that even on bad days, starting over with someone else is just crazy. If Dan and I ever split up, I am not getting a man, but a whole team of experts to clean my house, drive me around..etc., etc,....that is what it would take to replace him.
By the time you're my age, you've quit watching sitcoms and started paying attention to the ads for prescription drugs and enjoying it more. You've quit worrying about what is fashionable and instead worry about what is comfortable. You've stopped thinking about your portfolio and you think more about how much longer you have with your growing kids.
You, in short, really start to live.
Not really...just a corporation. After taking a beating on taxes the last few years, I finally made the move to incorporate.
I'm proud to be an American, but can be just as proud for half as much. And, since I don't look that great in orange, it's probably best that I work out some arrangement that can keep me and my family eating as well as keep me out of jail.
Today was also a red letter day for Nathan..we bought him his first suit. That is, suit, tie, the works. The last time he wore a suit -- he was about 3 and it was a red bowtie that I remember. He will be going to the prom along with other HS senior events so this seemed a better purchase than renting a tux. And I have to say, he's quite handsome in his new duds.
I've been reflecting a lot on life's passages lately...if the twenty-something's can yell into a "infinite abyss" (Garden State the movie) then I suspect that the best metaphor for us over 40 is bridging the infinite abyss...one hand on your parents, one arm stretched out to your teenage kids and you just hope that you can keep it together before one of them lets go.
Yep, I'll go with that.
You've already experienced the highs of low of a career, and know that there is much much more of interest outside making money and buying stuff. You've learned your lessons (hopefully) regarding your spouse -- and you know that even on bad days, starting over with someone else is just crazy. If Dan and I ever split up, I am not getting a man, but a whole team of experts to clean my house, drive me around..etc., etc,....that is what it would take to replace him.
By the time you're my age, you've quit watching sitcoms and started paying attention to the ads for prescription drugs and enjoying it more. You've quit worrying about what is fashionable and instead worry about what is comfortable. You've stopped thinking about your portfolio and you think more about how much longer you have with your growing kids.
You, in short, really start to live.
Village Idiot Reports
AP PHOTOT-Town executive meeting.
Executive met this week at the annual meeting to discuss important topics relative to our town. On the docket includes spending budgets, administration tasks, administration staffing and women's role.
"We really have no idea what to do with them" says one executive who asked to not be identified. "We are looking for new ways to engage them".
Indeed, the town's leadership has been grappling with this issue for some time. Women have traditionally held lower paying jobs such as health care, food service and children's eduction. Recently, some women have been objecting to the low status placed upon them and their services.
"I have a PH.D in Business Management but am not allowed to comment on important leadership choices" says one disenfranchised participants. "I have been offered jobs in other cities and am considering taking them, but I've lived int his town all my life. Maybe its time to move on."
Studies show that many women have done just that. Some are now serving on many leadership teams and within organizations but still the door is closed for those wishing to serve in T-Town.
The convention convenes tomorrow through Sunday.
Monday, March 21, 2005
Women's role -- the discussion begins
I heard a sermon recently upon the role of women in church. This question may be one of the greatest questions left unanswered and unaddressed, at least in my experience of "church".
But it's been answered by many of us long ago.
Most women I know -- many running families, companies and large organizations know one true thing: that when they walk through the thresholds of church they are no longer people. The walk through the doors and they become just a sexual being.
This is a strong way to put it, but there are only three ways a woman can exist in the current church paradigm:
a - she can be the docile wife and mother, smiling throwing tea parties, nodding and smiling
b - she can be considered a (perjorative word here) when she attempts to use her own skills at expressing her ideas and what she has learned
c - she can be a threat -- both to men and women -- who consider her intelligence something to be feared.
I hear a lot of talk about churches becoming "healthy" and all that. I maintain that until we get the women's role figured out, we're gonna be kind of messed up. Any organization that uses only half its resources would be no different.
I know most of the arguments, most of the scriptures. One doesn't have to be a feminist to understand that churches have really struggled with this issue and is doing badly at re-defining a workable definition fo what women can do for God. I know - -God doesn't need anyone doing anything for Him...but the gift of expression is critical for any relationship. I see no need to have it different for women and their relationship with God. It's not love until you give something.
I think that it isn't only the men who have the issues. My thinking is that the women involved are at least as much a part of the problem. Most women benefit somehow from this current paradigm...the less responsibility in undersanding theology, in critically understanding scripture, in not questioning one's role means you get less -- less responsibility, less credibility, less of everything. It may simply be simpler to not ask these kinds of questions.
Or, they work too hard at trying to be a part of the church's voice and in that struggle become exactly what others fear -- too strong, too domineering, too loud.
I also think women need to become comfortable with a different understanding of themselves and their role. They will need to become comfortable with standing on their own with their ideas and their own gifts.
I have no real hope that my lifetime will render any real progress on this important issue. I have some small hope that my daughter may see a different reality. Until then, most of those who have gifts that don't fall under cooking, teaching children will find their gifts best used in industry or other organizations that can appreciate what all people can bring to the table.
So, church, keep on talking. But my guess...you won't really change until you're forced to change and by then, the change you make will be meaningless. Like a husband who takes out the trash only when his wife yells at him, the gesture doesn't really exhibit love but guilt-induced action.
But it's been answered by many of us long ago.
Most women I know -- many running families, companies and large organizations know one true thing: that when they walk through the thresholds of church they are no longer people. The walk through the doors and they become just a sexual being.
This is a strong way to put it, but there are only three ways a woman can exist in the current church paradigm:
a - she can be the docile wife and mother, smiling throwing tea parties, nodding and smiling
b - she can be considered a (perjorative word here) when she attempts to use her own skills at expressing her ideas and what she has learned
c - she can be a threat -- both to men and women -- who consider her intelligence something to be feared.
I hear a lot of talk about churches becoming "healthy" and all that. I maintain that until we get the women's role figured out, we're gonna be kind of messed up. Any organization that uses only half its resources would be no different.
I know most of the arguments, most of the scriptures. One doesn't have to be a feminist to understand that churches have really struggled with this issue and is doing badly at re-defining a workable definition fo what women can do for God. I know - -God doesn't need anyone doing anything for Him...but the gift of expression is critical for any relationship. I see no need to have it different for women and their relationship with God. It's not love until you give something.
I think that it isn't only the men who have the issues. My thinking is that the women involved are at least as much a part of the problem. Most women benefit somehow from this current paradigm...the less responsibility in undersanding theology, in critically understanding scripture, in not questioning one's role means you get less -- less responsibility, less credibility, less of everything. It may simply be simpler to not ask these kinds of questions.
Or, they work too hard at trying to be a part of the church's voice and in that struggle become exactly what others fear -- too strong, too domineering, too loud.
I also think women need to become comfortable with a different understanding of themselves and their role. They will need to become comfortable with standing on their own with their ideas and their own gifts.
I have no real hope that my lifetime will render any real progress on this important issue. I have some small hope that my daughter may see a different reality. Until then, most of those who have gifts that don't fall under cooking, teaching children will find their gifts best used in industry or other organizations that can appreciate what all people can bring to the table.
So, church, keep on talking. But my guess...you won't really change until you're forced to change and by then, the change you make will be meaningless. Like a husband who takes out the trash only when his wife yells at him, the gesture doesn't really exhibit love but guilt-induced action.
Dallas Arborteum
I've posted some pics below of a Sunday morning stroll through the Dallas Arboreteum (www.dallasarborteum.org). I didn't step a foot into a church all day but saw God everywhere.
What was equally interesting is that my teenage daughter Ellen and a friend went with me. We went to various shopping sites for Spring Shopping. When it was all over, they both said that what they enjoyed MOST about the trip was not the shopping...but the gardens.
That's pretty strong acclaim, I'd say.
I'm writing some training materials and am using the metaphors or growing, nurturing, harvesting, planting and they work beautifully into the direction of where I want to take these sessions.
What was equally interesting is that my teenage daughter Ellen and a friend went with me. We went to various shopping sites for Spring Shopping. When it was all over, they both said that what they enjoyed MOST about the trip was not the shopping...but the gardens.
That's pretty strong acclaim, I'd say.
I'm writing some training materials and am using the metaphors or growing, nurturing, harvesting, planting and they work beautifully into the direction of where I want to take these sessions.
Gardener's Journal
Today I completed the edgers for the back half of the garden. Now, the next step is to clean out the current weeds and dirt from there and replace with new better soil. This will take the better part of the next few days.
In addition, I will be adding new pavers to the front part of garden, where there are currently no barriers to the pathway. This will add definition and clean up the garden space and make it easier to mow, always a good thing.
Other projects for this week will be to continue planning the raised bed (currently empty) and to start plans for the pond that will sit in front of the pergola.
In addition, I will be adding new pavers to the front part of garden, where there are currently no barriers to the pathway. This will add definition and clean up the garden space and make it easier to mow, always a good thing.
Other projects for this week will be to continue planning the raised bed (currently empty) and to start plans for the pond that will sit in front of the pergola.
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