Christmas Night

I made it. After 15 years of struggling through the Christmas season, I have made it through a somewhat painless and even enjoyable experience.

I have tried to assemble the reasons that made this season so much easier -- more peaceful - than others. There are a few that I think attributed to this...here they are:

1 - Making a decision to enjoy the season. Realizing that it is a season t celebrate, I determined to find something -- each day -- to celebrate. My husband's parenting, my kids willingness to help around the house...something to say, "wow, that's good."

2 - Realizing my limitations. I cannot shop for more than an hour a day ( I truly hate shopping -- remember, that is what God made the internet!). So I chose each day to work in a little shopping and it didn't take a lot of days to make a dent in the list. Also, I chose to have a budget - -although I blew the budget -- having one I think helped me rein in spending. Still, I spent more than I probably should have, but less than I might have had I not had a budget.

Also, I don't party. I like reading books, listening to music, watching movies. This runs cross gain to the culture in some ways, and I find crowds suffocating and exhausting. I made a decision to spend time with those I really care about -- and that's it. I can party at work during non-holiday seasons because it may be a part of my job -- and I've also learned "how to" do it so that it works for me and others.

3 - Set after-christmas goals. Nothing is more depressing than opening gifts and realizing that there is nothing for the "after days" of christmas. I carefully have planned this year to drive my kids and husband crazy by painting the bathrooms upsairs a crisp red. It needs to be done and why not do it while everyone is at home and in each other's way? What better time to experience family closeness when dripping red paint on carpet and new clothes?

Seriously, I decided that some projects around the house would be priorities and have been working on them for quite some time.

4 - Realize that the holidays are not about what you are going to "get" but about what you "have". I know, I know, it sounds a bit corny, but as I approach the big 42 (January 26 for anybody that is wondering!!) I have seen my share of holiday gifts that, no matter how much promise, they disappoint. I have started to understand what my mother in law use to say, "there is nothing like family." I use to hear that with the reflection on my family or origin and would say, "Yep. THAT'S certainly true." But now I hear with with the reflection of my son's gift to his granddad, my daughter's handmade gifts to her father, time spent with my husband. These are the things that have become much more important to me -- maybe it's an "after 40" thing because it use to be to me very much about the gifts.

5 - Set a goal for personal, spritual, professional fulfillment - Last year, I continued my working out (kickboxing) and my decision to join a professional speaking organization (toastmaster) Both have brought enjoyable relationships and new skills. This year, I am continuing my pusuit of learning Spanish (have found a tutor for once a week) and will continue my working out. I want to explore more yoga and just having walks with Dan.

Also, I have become absolutely hooked on my writing -- not my personal writing, mind you, but the realization that this is something that I literally need to do. It's like breathing for me...for years I have kept journals...now I have this blog, a personal journal (yes, there is some juicy stuff in there, but it's NOT online!!!) and my own daily journal. I am always writing -- in my head, in my journals and I whether I ever write the "great american novel" it fills me with peace and comfort.

Recently, I sat some professionals goals that should be completed in the next 4 -5 years. Once I realized that whatever professional goals I achieve will be completed in the next few years, it was as if a huge weight was off me. I will continue to work with focus and dedication, but work is more a means to an end, rather than an end for me. I enjoy what I do and feel that I am good at it and hopefully I add to the quality of others lives.

But work is NOT my life...and I don't wish to be defined or limited by it. I am enjoying finding other outlets - gardening, writing -- that are extremely fulfilling to me as well. Enjoying these pursuits and making time for them are essential to my well being. It took me a long time to realize this.

Spritually, I have recently begun to enjoy the discipline of contemplative prayer. I am a gawky amateur at best, but I am enjoying how learning this discipline helps calm, soothe and center me. I also am enjoying really trying to listen to God speaking to me. I've always been a bit of a skeptic about the whole God thing...I believe in Him, but wonders sometimes if He believes in me. I'm a pretty big goober who has made more than few "big ones" (mistakes). It is taking me a long time to embrace that God would want anything to do with me...much less talk to me. I'm finding that I God is a whole lot different than I originally thought...maybe we just got off to a bad start or I formed some unfortunate pre-judgements. My first impressions of Him weren't that great...he seemed opinionated and judgemental, not to mention a big of a know it all. Anyway, I'm trying to embrace the silence in my life and try to listen...gardening, writing really help me do this.

6 - Better manage my resources -- especially money. I admit it, I can make a lot of money, but that doesn't mean anything. It matters on how much you keep -- or give to others. I have a lot to learn about this discipline and I'm slowly -- slowly, slowly, making progress. It has taken me a long time to see why I buy what I do, what I'm really looking for when I make the purchase. This season I found myself being more analytical about what I purchased and why. It still didn't seem to help me by blowing my budget, but I think I did do better.

These are the things that I have learned in the past 42 years and what I take into the new year.