The Great Parent

OK, for those of you keeping track..only 9 more days until "Meet the Fockers" is in theaters!

I want to say something about parenting here. Maybe its because my son starts his senior year in a matter of months. Or that I'm finallh getting to enjoy my kids and their teenagers years (it honestly is the best time of my parenting life...no kidding!)

I had an encounter with a young woman a few days ago and she shared with me that she felt often very overwhelmed in her parenting -- her kids fight, etc. I listened and felt for her. I remember often the crushing feelings of parenting, the sense of being too tired to care after sleepless nights, the sense that I was losing who I was in the process.

I look at my kids today and see two things - 1- the complete and utter commitment of God's faithfulness and 2 - the result of having an excellent father in their lives.

I can take credit for none of the above naturally, but I will share a few things I've learned along this short journey which will serve as a good reminder to me as I prepare to launch my children into lives of their own. These re things that have served me.

1 - There is ONE parent - God, and He inexplicably shares his creations with us for a few brief years. Remembering this caused me to pray prayers such as "God, you know these small souls better than I ever will. Parent in spite of me...help me not to do much damage and be there for my kids when I do."

2 - Parent as if your job was simply to make yourself not needed. I know I may step on a few toes here, but our job as parents is simply to make ourselves not needed. This takes courage and a realization that it really isn't "all about you".

3 - Share their dreams, plant their feet. Kids dreams are THEIR dreams, not yours. Too often I see parents at sporting events, at school events and I think "what is/who is this about anyway?" Too often I think events are more about the parents and their pathetic egos than about kids finding their own way.

While I want my kids to reach for the stars -- and they both do! I have to be honest and say, "they will get most of their "dreaming" from me...how am I dreaming today? How I am modeling what I want my kids to do...do I "go for things" in my life..do I stand up for injustices? Do I push myself into new ways of thinking, challenging myself?

Because if we don't our kids will listen to our words and hear them for what they are -- hollow, meaningless bunk.

4 - Let your kids hear it from you --- whom they know LOVE THEM no matter what.

I want my kids to know from me what their strengths are -- they know I love them no matter what, so it's important for them to hear from me every day "I'm proud of you." When my son recently got his driver's license...I made a point of buying him a small but significant key chain and said to him "This is an important day. You are going in new directions and I trust you. YOU ARE very trustworthy." My big 16 year old hugged me and cried, too. It was a small thing, but it meant a lot.

Kids simply need to hear that you love them, you believe in them and yes, you'll take away those privileges the minute that they cross the line. (Which he did and we as his parents didn't disappoint. He did it once..and he saw the line..he knows it is there.)

5 - Don't hover. I am not a cookie-baking mom, although I'm a great cook. I'm the kind of mom that expects kids this age to cook sometimes for themselves, pick up their own laundry and suffer the consequences if they do not. I do not make runs to school when they forget stuff. I do not feel guilty when they have nothing clean to wear and their dirty clothes bag overfloweth.
I do however, at times, do these things simply to show them that I love them..and I'll say, "I'm going down anyway, so I'll take your clothes..which usually merits a "THANK YOU!" which is exactly, I believe, how it should be.

I am neither their crutch nor their excuse. I am their parent. I am not their buddy, their friend. My "quality time" is spent in whatever way -- however ways -- I can show them that I care, that I'm their mom, but that their lives are seperate from my own.

The jury is still out on this parenting experiment. I don't feel that I have all the answers. I could make a great case for the fact that children need both a mom and dad at home 24/7...which Dan and I have done (well, not 24/7...but one or both of us is usually home..) for about the past 6 years. I see the impact of Dan's presence and his active parenting every day...and my kids are more whole because of it.

So in this season of joyfulness and thankfulness, I need to stop and thank two incredible people that have journeyed with me in the all consuming, at times frustrating, but always rewarding task of bringing two people into the world and assisting them in finding their own "voice" in creating their lives...my husband Dan who is an amazing parent and the Great Parent, God from whom I am amazed that could share in this process.

Thanks, guys.