This is me after being in the sun all day :) 

This little guy stopped by to say hello this morning..I was thrilled.  

Down by the sea, I snapped this shot of the water.  

Thoughts on Grace

Here’s the truth:

We can’t change anything until we love it.

We can’t love anything until we can know it.

We can’t know anything until we can embrace it.

This is the view from my villa. After a long day of traveling it was wondeful to relax in a warm hot tub and a fabulous massage. Today I'm going to check out the art gallery distric and see what treasures I find. Tomorrow, SAILING!  

Surf and Surf

I'm surfing the net by the ocean. Outside my room is boganvilia and I'm getting ready for dinner with the world's best guacamole. I'm looking forward to a few days of R & R. Tomorrow I'll take in art galleries and fun shopping, Friday I'm SAILING and then at the beach all day on Saturday. I plan to get lots of sun, do a lot of writing. I'll post pics later of some of the things I'm seeing.

It's tough for me to stop and rest, especially after Ellen fractured a foot last night, Dan is looking for a job and Nathan has his first prom date this Saturday. However, when is a good time to rest? And rest for me sustains me and without it I really come undone. So Dan practically forced me onto the plane because of my protests. I'm glad he did! More to come.

Next stop: PV, Mexico

It's official...I take my first sailing lesson later this week in the beautiful waters off Puerta Vallarta, Mexico. This has been a goal of mine for a long time. It's on my list of "things to do before I die, along with writing a novel, jumping out of a plane and assorted other ridiculous ideas.

I've bought my requisite materials and supplies. Windbreaker, sunscreen, the right kind of shoes.

Maybe I should research it more. Maybe I should sit my family down and review all the things that I'm going to do. Maybe I should read a book about it! Maybe I should interview others about how they do it.

Though I've done a bit of all the above, the truth of the matter is, you can't learn to sail by standing on the bank reading about it. And so, on Friday, I'll go down to the marina and take my first sailing lesson.

It's scary. Maybe I won't like it. Maybe I will puke everywhere. Maybe I'll tie the knots all wrong, maybe, maybe, maybe..

I stand a great chance of failing spectacularly at this. After all, I'm an OKIE. I'm more at home in a garden than in water. Water usually falls on okies...we don't go floating in it (unless it's April and there's been a big storm).

The reality is, I'm not getting any younger and if I'm going to do this thing, I better get going. In spite of the fierce realities that I won't really be a great sailor, I'll never be worse.

What's just beyond this bridge? Where does this trail lead? Do I go down this path or circle back and retreat? Do I camp out here, wondering what I should do? The image of a bridge is a great metaphor for those in my age group -- we are holding onto the generations -- those past as our parents, our families and we reach out towards those that to come. We can bridge those generations or we can not. The only thing we cannot do is to stay where we are. If the generation coming has a "great abyss" in which to explore, we then, are those that bridge that abyss. Or maybe we point the way for the One that does.

Gardner's Journal: Embraced by a garden

I arrive home and am greeted by the new entrance garden that Dan and I created together. It warms my soul just to see the bright pinks, the indigo's and the golden shower blooms just beginning to peek out.

But there is so much more to see! Two days and the garden is robust with new colors and the first roses to bloom this year. Dan, myself, and kids tour the garden...it's bursting this year!

Dan and I sit on the porch watching Nathan and Ellen on the trampoline. They have really mastered their flips -- back, front, side to side...kinda scary to watch them go. As I sit there, I here the "turtle" fountain behind the swing, I feel Dan next to me. I hear my kids laugh, I smell the garden and the earth starting to come alive. This is a sacred moment, not planned, not repeatable, when all the earth says to me, "welcome home".

My "knock'out". This is Ellen with a "knock out" rose in her hair. The rose pales in comparison to her! 

First roses to bloom! This is "wild spice" (white) paried with "bonica". Wild Spice is a rugosa rose which has extremely interesting foliage...it's leaves are kind of "zig zagged" and its flowers are wispy and delicate. Spring is now officially here! Over the next two weeks there will be blooms everywhere in the garden.  

This is a shot of our garden from the pergola. From here you can se the arbor to the rose garden. Just to the left is a small pond...far left is where more roses, perennials are. 

Indian Paintbrush along Hwy 75. 

On the road

I'm ducking into an office center during a busy weekend of work activities...however, have found a great hotel to stay at that has this amazing office center so I can make copies, check email, etc. FREE as part of staying at the hotel...www.hiltongarden.com...definately will be making my travel plans with them...this saves me lots of time and energy!! Even copies are included...just like the pool and the workout room...hope everybody else gets the message that this is what business travelers NEED.

I've "stumbled" upon some new ideas that have been "percolating" in my brain the last few weeks on an idea that I like to call "organic leadership", which is about partnering with those that we lead in an equitable relationship, allowing them to find their pace, provide them real equipping based upon their authentic style...I'm working on some specifics, but as I've been reformatted my own business over the last few years/months, I've started using some of the ideas that I have come up with...nothing is really "new" and most of what works is really based upon ancient principles...but these ideas are really beginning to work...and what's more it truly feels like I'm in my "niche" of leading...which is what re-discovering one's passion is all about.

I just re-read that last paragraph and it sounds really wierd...I'll try to expand on these ideas and make more sense.

Here it is in a nutshell...

Know yourself
Get to know others
Embrace diversity
Create bridges where there may be roadblocks
Focus on your strengths
Minimize others' weaknesses
Surround yourself with those in other giftedness than you
Lead from wholeness
Always be learning

I think if I ever write a book on leadership this is what I'd write about.

I leave Dallas tomorrow and return home late Sunday night...can't wait, I miss my kids, hubby and my garden!

Gardner's Journal: More roses

Today was exquisite. No wind, warm sun, cool air. The perfect Spring day. I chose to use my afternoon and early evening finishing up the existing beds, planting the last (really it is!) of the roses and perennials. Today I planted "nearly wild" a great shrub rose with lots of pink blooms on sturdy green leaves and more of the "blue salvia - may night" which is one of my favorite companions with roses. I like to pair this with stell d'ora's and I've probably mentioned that before.

I also did more container gardening with potato vine, begonia and "spikes". This evening as I was putting away my tools, the sun was filtering through the crepe myrtles, richocheting off the pond and embracing the yard with its warm arms. It's a great feeling to see the garden that has been "in your head" start showing up in your yard.

Tomorrow I leave for Dallas and will be there all weekend. I hope to revisit the Dallas Arboreteum while I'm there...the roses may be starting to bloom. Maybe I'll worship there Sunday morning.

Transition

I remember my brother's arms as he reached up for me to hold him. "I want to go with you" is what he said.

He was just 4 or 5 and I was moving on, into the big world of college. Too young to understand but insightful enough to know that something was changing, he pressed me to take him along. I remember picking him up, his eyes filling with tears, his small hands holding onto me.

A line had been crossed and things would never, ever be the same. One day and I was a college kid and he was still just a kid. Bags were packed, tickets bought, time moved forward

When do those changes happen, these lines that delineate our lives appear? When do we know when it is time to move on? Is it instinctual and rhymic, something in the flow of moons and stars that drive us to move onward, towards something. What are we moving towards? What are we moving from? When is it time to go and time to stay? And what happens if you move too fast, too quickly, or worse, not at all.

What most of really fear is not death but the idea that we came to the end of our lives and never lived. Is this force what we feel at our backs, whispering us forward, driving us on?

In labor, transition is the hardest part of the entire experience but it is the pathway to a new phase of living. It is the process by which a human moves from internal life to external living, from a protected womb to an independent life. Staying put means death, moving forward no matter how difficult, means life.

Khmer Krom

He speaks 5 languages. He has seen the destruction of his country, the devestation of war and perhaps he will see the extinction of his own culture.

What is it like to leave a country as the capital city falls to communism? What is it like to raise a family in a new country while trying to keep the imprint of a heritage that is culturally irrelevant?

He is a small man, but powerful. His passion for this country is evident and I am ashamed that I take so much for granted. He is not afraid to stand up in front of english speaking westerners and give a speech. He is not afraid, it seems, of anything.

I admire this man and though we are generations and cultures a part, I see that we are much the same. We both want our families to know who we really are. We want to embrace the newness of a life but we yearn for the peace of a life we once knew -- a life that can never be returned to us. We each look for our own bit of family, our own "people".

We are so different and we are so much the same.

"The Office"

http://www.nbc.com/The_Office/

This is my favorite show. I would love to be on the set with this crew...I think it would be great.

Picture this

I've been slammed -- SLAMMED -- these past few days with work. As I have said here before, you start messin' with women's lipcolor you better be ready for a FIGHT. Kidding aside, it's been a fun day...somethings have started to come together as we near the end of this seminar year and finish out big goals. I'm jazzed, pumped and ready. We have some big stuff to get done, but more and more I'm sensing how work that was put into place earlier is starting to show its fruition.

There was a sad part of my day today, though. My little hubby --jobless hubby, took it upon himself to go to a job fair. Here's a guy that a few weeks ago was writing projects that earned the company for which he worked major millions...many of the projects that he worked on has earned that company patents, etc. So here is he, cleaning out the garage (thank the lord!) and trying to find his way after being laid off.

So he gets himself dressed and drives himself down --not in his super roadster which I'm sure he deserves, but instead in his little white, very old ford ESCORT...that has recently been "bumped" by our son. Y'see it? The white escort, going down 160, with a "tent" in the hood, no grill on the front...I mean, if you were making a film, you'd probably have a major film "moment" here.

When he got back and told me about the dismal job fair I just about started to cry. This is the kind of stuff that gets big strong men mad enough that they might shoot up a post office or jump off a building.

We took a walk together and I showed him some flowers that were blooming. He even acted excited. Dan is the most patient, most loving person I know and to see him go through this is tough stuff.

www.owassobridge.com

Sunday's Matinee: "Fever Pitch"

It's always good to go into a theater without a lot of expectations. That way, when a movie is not so good, you don't feel as if you've wasted your afternoon and your money.

Or, when the movie IS good, you feel you've discovered a secret treasure, known only to you.

I am a huge Nick Hornby fan -- "About a Boy" is one of my favorite all time movies...so when I saw his name on the writing credits, I knew there would be more substance.

The acting for this film was a bit awkward, which means to me, there were times that I was watching the movie that I felt, "Hey, I'm watching a movie here..and those actors? They are just going through their lines." But still, you gotta love Jimmy Fallon...the cute one from SNL fame...OK, he's not AS cute as Tina Fey and probably not as smart, but he's definately in the "cute zone" for my tastes.

The thing about this movie -- and any movie that is worth watching -- is that it is so much more than about the subject. This movie isn't about Boston Red Sox, although if you are NOT a Sox fan, you're not going to appreciate the irony in some of the jokes nor will you get the passionate attraction this team has among its fans. This movie should be marketed in Oklahoma with a warning: ATTENTION! ALL OU FOOTBALL FANS -- pretend this movie is about YOUR favorite team! The jokes won't always work, but the idea, the concept is still pretty much the same.

Nick Hornby seems to know what men really hunger and thirst for. He seems to "get it" that there is not a man alive who doesn't yearn for the simple pleasures of a Sunday afternoon, pretending to be 11 years old again with a family that never lets him down.

But I don't give Nick enough credit here -- he also seems to understand what it is like for the women -- the non-jock women (like me!) who don't understand the passion of a simple game nor the men that love it.

If you've ever been widowed during March Madness, felt alone and adrift during the playoff season and really can't understand why your husband or boyfriend has more affection for players that he doesn't even KNOW over you -- you'll appreciate this movie.

I loved the irony, I loved the comic moments, the "intervention" between Fallon's character and his friends is the BEST...and the whole idea of relationships and what we love and the line between love and obsession.

I know it's not cool to like Drew Barrymore...she did that thing with D.Letterman and she's had her fair share of bad press...but that's exactly WHY I LOVE HER. She's smarter than others give her credit for, she has great instincts about what works in a film and what doesn't and she's not afraid to try new things. I think she'd be a great best friend...someone I'd like to hang out with sometime.

And Jimmy Fallon? So cute, you just wanna ruffle his hair. He has a few missteps in the film, but overall his comedic timing and his man-boy innocence are perfect.

Love this one...money well spent!

Sunday's matinee, "Fever Pitch". 

Study results

University Research IndicatesFlowers and Plants PromoteInnovation, IdeasKey Findings Shed Light on Environmental Psychology of the Workplace


In today's economy, it is more important than ever for businesses to gain the competitive edge. Constant fluctuations in unemployment, productivity, consumer confidence and other major economic factors make it imperative for businesses to implement the right strategies to stay ahead of their competition.

According to business experts, the key to gaining the competitive edge in the modern economy is easy to understand - a happy, productive workforce. And, while sometimes the easiest notions can be the most difficult to achieve, a recent scientific study conducted at Texas A&M University finds that nature can hold the secret to business success. The research demonstrates that workers' idea generation, creative performance and problem solving skills improve substantially in workplace environments that include flowers and plants.

"Our research shows that a change as simple as adding flowers and plants can be important in the most meaningful way to businesses in the modern economy," said Dr. Roger Ulrich, lead researcher on the project. "People's productivity, in the form of innovation and creative problem solving, improved - which in certain circumstances could mean the difference between mild and great business success."


Research Findings: Overall and Men vs. Women
In an eight-month study, the Texas A&M University research team explored the link between flowers and plants and workplace productivity. Participants performed creative problem solving tasks in a variety of common office environments, or conditions. The conditions included a workplace with flowers and plants, a setting with sculpture and an environment with no decorative embellishments.

During the study, both women and men demonstrated more innovative thinking, generating more ideas and original solutions to problems in the office environment that included flowers and plants. In these surroundings, men who participated in the study generated 15% more ideas. And, while males generated a greater abundance of ideas, females generated more creative, flexible solutions to problems when flowers and plants were present.
"We know the importance of learning, for example, how natural surroundings affect drivers, school children, and hospital patients," said Ulrich, who has conducted extensive research on the effects of environments on psychological well-being, stress and health. "To businesses, it should be equally as important to understand what features can improve performance at work and make employees more productive."

Background: Dr. Roger Ulrich
The Impact of Flowers and Plants on Workplace Productivity Study was conducted by Roger Ulrich, Ph.D., Behavioral Scientist, Director of the Center for Health Systems and Design, Texas A&M University in College Station, Texas. Dr. Ulrich is a professor of landscape architecture and is an internationally recognized expert on the influences of surroundings on human well-being and health. His interests concern applications of environment-behavior knowledge to healthcare buildings, landscape architecture and urban design.
The research lends weight to growing scientific evidence that flowers and plants, as well as other aspects of nature, have a beneficial impact on state of mind and emotions. The Society of American Florists worked in cooperation with the Texas A&M University research team, bringing an expertise of flowers and plants to the project.

The Impact of Flowers & Plants on Workplace Productivity: Methodology


Researchers at Texas A&M University recruited 101 participants to take part in The Impact of Flowers and Plants on Workplace Productivity study. During the eight-month scientific study, participants took part in emotional, creativity and attentional demand protocols, in conditions that were carefully controlled, yet were similar to those in many office workplaces. Subjects were asked to perform a series of tasks in one of three environmental office conditions, selected at random: with fresh flowers and plants; with abstract sculpture; or with no embellishments at all. Throughout each session, subjects self-rated their moods four times, executed two creativity tasks and completed one attentional demand test. Researchers measured the number of ideas participants generated, their ideas' originality and flexibility, and other responses, using data extracted from the tests, which included Torrance Tests of the Creative Thinking and Profile of Mood States.
©2003 SAF All Rights Reserved

Quote of the day

The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.

-Carl Rogers

I think that the Bible has some hilarious parts...here's one of my favorites...

"And the brought ALL the sick and demon possessed to him . AND THE WHOLE TOWN was at the door..." (Mark's good news)

Ellen's favorite is the one with the pink impatiens...although they look a lot like minature roses. The trick to container gardenening: work with various heights of plants...1) tall 2) medium with color 3) trailers...and work in odd numbers...don't put just one of anything in a container..put 3, 5 or 7 depending upon the size of your container.  

Ellen and I have spent today working on container gardens...here are a few. 

Gardner's Journal: Pond, Day 2

We moved about a ton of dirt that has been sitting in our yard around the pond forms that will soon be the pond. This is the place that was going to be a pond, and then a pool and now its going to be a pond again. Reason: my argument won out...looking out onto bleak open pool during Nov/Dec isn't my idea of a pleasant view.

But, the pool is still in discussion and the new site will be much better...in fact, I think it will work out great to have a small cottage near it for changing, bathrooms etc...keeping wet feet out of the main house.

Nathan and Dan did a lot of the heavy lifting on this, while I served as more the "site coordinator". That kind of work is really hard on me...Dan tells me to dig the "right way", not with my back but with my knees..but I can't seem to do it..so it is harder for me.

I took some pics of the pond area and will post later as we near completion. Right now the objective is to get the dirt moved around the forms and start a design for planting...trees/shrubs right now...more perennials, etc. later. This pond will also feature a "spitter" and a fountain and a bridge. I'd also like to get lights.

I'm not sure about fish. If we do fish, it'll be goldfish that can get huge when in larger pond areas. The pond is actually two ponds with a connecting bridge to make it "look" like one large pond. The total gallons --- about 400 I think. This will make total number of water features in our garden to 4...and I'm sure there will be more.

The exterior plantings with color, in front of the pergola will be really attractive. Lots to do.

Anniversary

I purposefully do not include posts on this blog that relate directly to what I do in my sales career. However, an important milestone has just passed and one that I must note. I am doing that today.

About one year ago, I made some somewhat radical changes in the way that I approached my business. I had been sensing that some changes were needing to be made and had floundered in what exactly it was I needed to change. The first change that always needs to be made is that the leader must discern what needs changing and that change, almost always, is the leader. That is, me.

The only thing more difficult to deal with than failure is success. Success brings its own baggage, its own terrain that one must learn to deal. In fact I think most of us are quite content with failure...its the success that can kill you.

I am coming to understand that healthy, balanced successful people must want what they already hold. Arriving at some destination, regardless of the perks, will not make one more happy, more fun or more of anything. So learning to be comfy in one's own skin is a lifelong, and often difficult, thing to "accomplish".

So about a year ago, I gave up...I gave up a lot of the mundane things that had come to occupy my time, the details that an INTJ can really get into. I began to delegate a lot of that to some associates that were more gifted in some areas than I. I gave careful attention to the things in my life that mattered to my business -- my own personal work -- and started mastering those. Simple things that we all know are important -- customer service, caring about clients, that sort of thing. These are the things that really matter when you own a business and without them you just standing at the till, counting money. These are the things that give heart to the meaning of work.

I began chopping up my day...working with intensity for some of it but taking a lot of time for personal care (gardening! writing! envisioning!) and for the people in my life that really matter -- my kids, my husband.

So, today as I pass this one year mark its important to note..

a - I'm every bit as successful -- and I would say MORE SO, than I was before.
b - I'm more connected to the things that matter in my life..God, my family, the friends that are truly FRIENDS, people that care about me and my own.
c - I have new found passion for what I do...yes, the simple, sacred things that make owning a business truly fulfilling.

Some who work with me have noticed and commented on the change. I'm glad for that, but it's not really the point. The point is...there is no point. There is only God and people and the work that he gives each of us to do, no matter how small, no matter how big. I have rediscovered what it is like to just sit and talk to people, worrying less about a big sale than about hearing a soul.

I think this is a journey that many visionary leaders must travel. It's hard giving up what we think is control, when what we really have are distractions that mask the view of what is so important in this life. I now enjoy the people in which I work more, I have greater energy, I have more "ah-ha" moments.

And I kinda like that. Here's a rundown of what I consciously did to work through a major - mid-life burnout:

a - asked myself "what jazzes me? what drains me?"
b - asked myself what i believed I was really "good" at. And of course, which is so easy for INTJ my long, long list of things that I am not so great at..that was there, too, but I was able to start seeing it differently. I started building on my strengths and while I am a firm believer that we all must grow and become more flexible (after all the INTJ'S mantra is "IMPROVE!!" ), I have to understand that I may never be as good as some things that are are so gifted. So let them do their work! It's why God gave us all different abilities. I realized that I was both hindering myself...and hindering others...by trying to do it all.
c - accepted the past and all its mistakes, honoring what it gave me and what it took. I looked at it squarely in the face and said, "OK, you've had your time...and I'm thankful for that. We've had some good times..but I'm moving in a new place and you need to stay here. " I learned, simply, that I can learn from the past but I cannot live there.

c - connected with the people that wanted something from what I had to give
d - connected with those in my life -- my family, kids, etc. -- that I must nurture and that nurture me.

From time to time, I find myself in a situation where some of the old situations are still a part. I know that for my company, my industry -- like so many in business after 9/11, internet boom, we are still trying to figure out how to "do" business. We are still learning. We have a lot to learn. But one thing is for sure...we have to move forward by giving honor to the past and those that lived it. We must appreciate them and what they gave us. And we must find ways to do that that honor their contributions while being free to move on to new places.

Next week, I travel to Mexico where I will re-visit some of the places -- the beach, etc., where I made a lot of these decisions. And it will be a happy remembering.

Untitled

His eyes are red, swollen. He looks at me and then down. "Is Dad home?" is all he will say.

I know already what has happened, but I follow him as he leads me to the car.

A smashed in bumper. A hood that is tented, dented. A girlfriend in tears. Books tossed around the back.

His first car wreck. Our first car wreck.

It is as inevitable as snow in winter, flowers in spring...a 16 year old with his license will, eventually, meet his first accident.

Today was his day.

I see his tears. I run to him, wanting to throw my arms around him, take him in. "I"m so glad you are OK." I say.

He pushes me back. He is, after all, 16 and his girlfriend IS watching. "I'm so stupid" he mumbles.

A million thoughts go through my head, a million pat answers flit through. Nothing is appropriate, nothing seems to fit. Only silence seems to be appropriate.

He's worried about his dad, about the money, about the insurance. He's worried about all the responsible things we've tried to instill in him.

But none of that matters. I see blood, broken arms, irreplaceable body parts strewn across the highway. I see what could have been. And I'm grateful he has come back to me.

I yearn to comfort him, let him know its OK. All I can say is, "you're OK! you're OK! you're OK!" Like a silly broken doll, I keep saying that, like I'm surprised.

His sobs are deeper now, he has let go. Girlfriend notwithstanding, he's broken up, shaking, tears running freely down his face. He opens his arms wide.

"Mom.." he says.

And I'm there, embracing him. "You're OK!" I say for the millioneth time. "We'll get through it. I don't care about the car...I care about YOU!"

And I realize my petty worries of my own life, the infinite times I've fumbled, stalled, run over, hit others...always worried about the responsible things when God says, "you're OK. We'll fix this..we'll work it through."

And I hug my son tightly.

Gardner's Journal

I'm knee deep in mud, the sun in shining and my arms are heavy from moving heavy chunks of dirt. I'm dirty, sloppy and blissfully happy.

There exists a deep scar in my back yard that I made when I was "brainstorming" about my garden a couple of years ago. I dug this big hole and then my kids said, "we should build a pool there!" I abandoned my idea of a gentle pond outside the back door and went to work trying to build a pool.

I never really wanted a pool there -- I didn't relish the idea of looking out the 9 months of the year and seeing a blank, open space. Even though a pond would be frozen, it could be beautiful and quiet...meditative in a sense.

Finally, this year, it became obvious that if we were going to build a pool it would be better to wait a few more weeks. And I became more committed to the idea of a pool being off a bit and perhaps hidden behind some rock walls, shrubbery.

The unformed, ugly presence in my yard is now being transformed into a beautiful pond.

It's a lot of work from ugly to understated. From mud to meditative. From gaping to graceful.
There's mud to be moved, rocks to be unearthed, scrabble to be cleared.

Not a job for the unitiated. I find myself sitting with damp early all around, cool mud seeping through my jeans, water sloshing in my boots. The earth is stubborn and hard and it doesn't want to move. I could tell it, "you're going to be so beautiful!" but it doesn't really care about that, I don't think. It's stuck in its state, frozen, unmoving.

And once again, I hear God's whispers to me. "You are unformed potential. Stubborn. Unmoving. Let me.."

Cheers for Mrs. Prince Charming

I was watching a movie when I heard the news. Diana killed in a car wreck.

For my generation, this experience is much like that of our parents when they hard JFK had been shot. Most can tell you exactly where they were if they experienced either (or both).

Like so many, I admired Diana most for her fashion style. Being married just a few years after she was, I dreamed of having my own royal wedding.

But I am growing to appreciate the new Mrs. King. She is the royalty for the middle aged.

I appreciate that she can get all googly after finally getting to marry the love of her life, who looks a bit like an urn I have on my back porch with his ears jutting out. Who could love such an oaf? Who indeed.

And I think I can relate to her common sense fashion style, called "exciting as Yorkshire pudding" by the british press.

You wont' see her in jeans that ride down her back. And you probably won't see a lot of her tummy with Britney-Spears type peek-a-boo halter tops.

She is a middle-aged woman's dream...finding love after years of being the ugly duckling. Getting her man on a great mind and wit rather than on legs and boobs. Leaving the shopping to the divas, you'll see her out in her yard or with her horses, maybe because these are the things that really matter at the end of any day, whether one is royalty or not.

She's the kind of gal that you'd have a cup of tea with and wouldn't be concerned if you had spinach from the quiche hanging out. She's the kind of gal that if your pantyhose ran, she may or may not tell you, because your feelings might be more important than the fashion papparazzi. And you can tell she could swap great books and gardening ideas with you.

Nope, she's no Diana. No designer dresses, no fits, no tantrums. She's a real woman who can handle the life -- royal or no -- that is thrown at her with her own sense of dignity and charm.

The middle aged royalty that everyone eventually learns to appreciate over the shallow fashion plate kind.

Collective Poem

From...www.jordansmuse.blogspot.com

A new book meme circulating around the sphere is going by the name “123.5,” and its rules are these:
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
5. Don’t search around and look for the “coolest” book you can find. Do what’s actually next to you.


Here's Myfanwy's: "Symmetrical toes, asymmetrical pads."
from: the section on Merriam's Shrew (Sorex merriami) in Mammal Tracks & Sign--A Guide to North American Species by Mark Elbroch.


Next from jordansmuse: "broad and so plump that the knuckles were dimpled. The wooden"
From: "The Collected Novels of Jean Rhys." That line is from Quartet.


Here's mine:

"The room smells too, the air is close,.."

This is from, "The Handmaid's Tale" by Margaret Atwood.


Here it is so far:

Symmetrical toes, asymmetrical pads,
broad and so plump the knuckles were dimpled.

The wooden

room smells, too, the air is close...

The Village Idiot Reports

AP WIRE NEWS.

T-Town, USA. Officials continue their investigation into the claims of what is commonly referred to as the "emerging" village. These claims, which many have found to be grossly exaggerated, have been the source of conflict for many.

"We don't know why they call themselves 'emerging' because they are neither emerging nor evolving." says one investigator.

Indeed, the claims of this village which include being inclusive and reaching out to all kinds of villagers seems to fall short of its goal. "It's generally a movement for men under 35. Anyone else will find themselves not welcome." investigators report.

"Those most welcome in the movement appear to be wealthy, young men, under the age of 35. " said one study official in comments earlier this week.

Many feel that the ways and means of this movement are suspicious if not deceptive. "The definition of communism is that there is no God and that the leader IS the God. This seems to be true of this movement" investigators revealed in their latest study.

"We saw many of the same type groups emerge during the cultural wars of the '60's. Their mantra was to trust no one over the age of 30 and many of those who participated were from families with deep pockets. Those participants ridiculed the very heritage of which they were a part and of which they drew benefit." the study stressed.

More details are expected as the study continues its investigation.



Although not conclusive in it scope, the study does show some severe weaknesses in the structure of the movement. More is expected to be revealed as the study continues.

This is my garden AFTER today's hail storm. 

My annual date with a terrorist

I'm kidding, I don't date terrorist. But I do visit my doctor once a year for a wonderful party I like to call "Invasive Doctors and their perverse questions".

I arrive at the office, 20 minutes late. I called ahead, but still I get the menacing secretary who lets me know -- both by body language and tone of her voice that I've upset the precarious balance of the doctor's schedule.

Never mind that in the past I've waited 35, 45 minutes to an hour in his germ filled waiting room along with every flu bug in town. Never mind that I pay all my bills on time...the deal is the DOCTOR WON'T BE LEFT WAITING.

So I appease the secretary with signing every single form she hands me and I smile and try to act like her actions are not abusive or threatening. I don't do very well at this.

Then, I get to wait -- yes wait -- another 20 minutes. I could have been waiting in my car...but no, that would upset the doctors system. So I wait, thumbing through half torn, out of date magazines. I think I see the secretary still throwing me dirty looks.

They call my name. Here we go, the party is just starting.

First, I get to weigh in. And, even better, the nurse lets me know that yes, it's true, I've actually gained 5 more pounds since this time last year. What a sweetheart! Really thoughtful of her to shout that out to the entire waiting room and office staff.

Next, I get to go down the hall to another room and guess what? Wait some more. At least this time I can't see the receptionists dirty looks and there are newer magazines in here to review. I pick up some arrested adolescent male version of a fashion magazine. Honestly, I never see guys that look like that. And I don't know any woman that want to look like their counterparts.

But no worries, the doctor is now here. Here in person. The man. His schedule successfully disrupted by my 20 minute fiesta, he is rather in a upbeat spirits.

He starts his list of questions....when is your last (never mind). When was your last exam? Do you notice any (can't list what he says here)...and so on and so on. Every crevice, every hidden part of me is out there, exposed. I sit shaking under a thin cotton "robe" and the exam begins.

I have often thought of ways that I could get a little smile from my doctor...just something to really shake up his days. Maybe a tatoo on my thigh? Maybe something more than a picture, maybe a phrase like "Dr. so and so " was here..with a date...and some crossbones or something like that.

Instead I look at the ceiling and continue answering his questions. Nothing is sacred. Nothing is personal.

Then, joy of joys, the exam is completed and get to get dressed. Just like a bad one night stand, he leaves the room and I'm left cold, shuddering but evidently healthy. Good enough for another year when the party continues.

After.  

After. Back row - Dwarf Youpon, Middle Row - Boxwoods, "Knockout" shrub rose, Front/Center - "Stella d'ora Lilly", "May Night" Salvia. "Golden Showers" climbing rose remains. All evergreen, perennial or roses, my favorite combination. Green for winter, color in spring/summer. 

Before.... 

New friend

Check out www.jordansmuse.blogspot.com

More on this later...good stuff!

Gardner's Journal: Garden Makeover

I will post pics later (above) of garden makeover that Dan and I did.

As with most makeovers, there is a story here. This is the stuff of reality shows.

See Dan with his level. See Dan with his string.

See Maurie standing by the garden. See Maurie tapping her foot. See Maurie tap her foot some more.

See Dan with his tape measure.

See Maurie tap her foot.

See Dan with his level AND his tape measure.

See Maurie go to the back yard and dig. Really fast and hard.

See Dan not notice that Maurie has gone.

See Dan and Maurie stay married and no one gets hurt.

Poet Ted Kooser was named US Poet Laureate, the first poet from the plains to be named such. 

"Gilead" earns Pulitzer Prize

I am pleased to learn that a book that I truly loved, "Gilead" by Marilyn Robinson has earned the Pulitzer Prize. It's a great book with deep messages that I am still enjoying thinking about.

I also learned today that Ted Kooser has been named "US Poet Laureate". I love his poems and I appreciate his approach...he wrote many of his poems on postcards to a friend. When asked by literary types why he used this "media" he simply responded, "because they were cheaper than mailing a letter".

Gotta love a guy like that.

How might a garden be a place to explore God and His ways for a more tangible expression of "church"? 

Gardner's Journal

I completed planting for spring this morning. But I yearn to do more...I planted a redbud tree and now, of course, I can see about 3 other spots that could use a redbud, so maybe I'll plant a few more..and then I'm finished..I really am!

One thing I've been considering lately is the spiritual power that a garden can have. Is it any coincidence that some of the most important intersections with God and people happen in a garden? I am beginning to see new significance in those occasions where God decides to intersect the human world...it appears that it often begins in a garden.

So, then I think...why aren't there more gardens built? What would happen if, instead of building a church in the middle of a part of a city, why don't we build a garden instead? I can see how the power of people sharing their faith alongside the work that is essential in a garden could be a powerful thing. I could see a real extension of God coming alive there.

I see vast opportunities for this and am enjoying thinking of some of the ideas that could come from it.

"Upside of Anger" Movie Review

About halfway through this film (http://www.upsideofanger.com/) I was ready to chuck the popcorn and go find a book to read. In spite of great actors, the first half of the film seemed to really drag.

But the great one-liners by writer/director Mike Binder (who also stars in the film as "Shep", one of the best characters in the entire film) kept me in my seat.

The ending packs a whollop. Viewers will almost feel set up, as if the first half of the movie was to lull audiences into a movie-coma so by the time the movie wraps up, the audience is sitting there, as I was, speechless. The only time I felt this taken for a ride was in the movie "A Beautiful Mind". The way that Binder plays with the characters point of view is masterful and can only call into question exactly what is intended----anger and its damages to relationships with oneself and with others.

This is a movie that is a great discussion catalyst. See it with your husband, your best friend...just see it.

Why I am not a health professional

Saturday evening, Dan and I are watching Nathan play soccer. Only we're watching from the warm cab of the pickup, while all the other parents are huddled under blankets, sitting in the cool spring air. I feel as if I'm getting away with something. Why do I feel like I'm cheating?

Last play of the game, we see Nathan go down, hard onto the field, along with another boy on his team.

"Is Nathan hurt?" I immediately ask.

"Nope...that's his teammate" Dan says.

A few seconds later, Dan's cell phone rings. It's the team's trainer. "You may want to take Nathan to the hospital for some stitches." she recommends.

This is the point where I realize, again, God's wisdom in giving a kid two parents. Call me in whenever you have a fashion crisis. Wanna talk about your boyfriend/girlfriend? Here's my card. Need ideas for your English paper or maybe some poety expressions for your project due next week? That's my area.

Just don't give me blood.

Nathan is composed. Heck, it's almost a rite of passage with soccer guys. Whomever thinks that soccer is not a contact sport has evidently not watched teenag boys scrabble. He slowly walks to us and I'm already feeling squemish. Just the mention of blood and I'm ready to lie down. Mention blood in the same sentence with one of my kids names...I'm ready to hurl.

He turns and I get my first full look-see into the cavity just above his upper lip. A bright red hole just under his nose, dripping blood onto his soccer shirt. I'm thinking, singsong in my head "Mamma gets whites, white like the sunshine..." The soccer field begins turning. Or is it me that is turning?

Dan goes into full throttle parent-alert. He grabs Nathan, pulls a rag out of someplace and before I can hit the pavement, we're on our way to the emergency room. Dan driving, Nathan in the middle, me near the window..need I explain why?

I can't help but want to look. My first born is bleeding! There is blood all over the rag and my eyes are drawn to it..I cannot look away, although I'm grimacing and starting to heave.

"Dad, just take mom home, she's totally useless." Nathan says. He means well, he really does. The problem is, he's absolutely right. I can sit at home and man the phones...put out an all points alert, watch Saturday Night Live...ANYTHING but sit and watch my kid get sewn up.

Several hours...and seven stitches later...they return home. I'm crashed, having exhausted myself in "Mother Worry Mode". Nathan finds me on the couch.

"Hey Mom...I got stitches" he reports. I think there is a sense of pride in this statement. I'm sure the story will get lots of press in the upcoming days. He and his buddies around the lunch table, Nathan saying, "I was going down the field and then..."

"Yeah, I know" I say. "Tough game".

"You going to be OK?" he asks.

"Yeah" I say. "You?"

"Well, it's gonna make some things harder." he says.

"Yep. Guess you won't be playing in the band concert this week. And you'll probably miss tomorrow's game."

He looks a bit sheepish. Then I get it.

Girlfriend.

Swollen Lips.

This time its my heart, not my stomach, that does flip flops.

How is trusting God like a riptide? Read on... 

Riptide

I travel to Puerta Vallarta later this month. One of the most important things I want to do is to spend a day sailing. I didn't get to do this on my last trip.

Not only do I want to learn more about sailing but I want to learn more about those who sail and how they learn to navigate the water. I'm especially interested in learning more about "riptides".

Here are some characteristics of riptides:

"Riptides occur when two opposing currents meet; it is a natural collision of opposites. These currents create a swirling action that form channels. When a wave recedes, water rushes through that outgoing channel with great power and speed. If you love the ocean, you quickly learn that riptides are to be respected because they can drag even the strongest swimmer out past the breakers in a heartbeat. The natural impulse is to swim as hard as you can back toward the shore. But when you are caught in a riptide this the worse thing you can do. You cannot overpower this natural force. Even competent swimmers drown by trying to fight the force of moving water that is taking them out to sea.

Instead, a riptide demands surrender. If you simply float, taking care only to keep your head above water, the riptide will take you out about fifteen hundred feet or so, and only then can you begin to swim parallel to the shore and find your way back. We are used to being in control of our lives, but a riptide teaches that sometimes it is necessary to "go with the flow." Not knowing where you will end up and feeling helpless in the face of the power of forces that are much stronger than you are terrifying experiences. Surviving a riptide demands trust in your ability to keep your head above the water and trust in the natural force of the event to take you only so far away from shore." (From, "Awakening at Midlife" Kathleen A Brehony)

He or she who has ears to ear...

Back flips and other Saturday things

Today was the first real day of warmer weather. I had planned for it by having a ton of things to do in the yard, including finishing up planting roses and cleaning up beds. Today, when the pecan mulch went down, things were truly coming together.

I've decided I cannot live without some redbuds peppering the garden and so I have scouted a few great specimens at a local nursery. The Oklahoma Redbud is the darkest, almost magenta in its color. These, paired with white, are truly vintage Okie. And, the Oklahoma variety is easier transplanted in the spring...so I will add 3 to the garden this year. I have a couple of spots aching for their color.

Ellen and I had a picnic in the pergola and she showed off her new back flip...as illustrated below.

Take off.... 

...and over... 

...almost over... 

...and down. 

"Peace" Rose. 

Gardner's Journal -- Peace and other baggage

She was born in France in the last years before World War II and was able to escape by hiding away in the luggage of an American diplomat right before the Nazi conquest. Later, she returned to her home land after the liberation of France where she attended the organizational meetings of the United Nations.

She has had other aliases, such as "Madame Antoine Meilland", "Gloria Dei" and "Gioia".

She is now reigning in my garden where she stands in front of a small structure that I built from old twigs.

I carefully cut off the shoots from these twigs as a reminder that healing begins often with the pain of letting go, of having ones dead parts stripped away. Only the Gardner can remake the wayward gangly twig into a strong straight limb that can stand up under the weight of Peace.

When I planted her, I was on my knees praying. At this site I surrendered my "right" for a fair world, a just life and my own desire to take matters in my own hands.

It is my prayer that she will grace me and others with her Peace.

Gardner's Journal - Sir Thomas Lipton and Sally Holmes take residence my garden

Today is Friday, April 1 and the SUN IS SHINING!

After a great work week, I am choosing to take the afternoon "off". I've been to the garden centers and loaded up on mulch (pecan mulch is prettiest and best for roses) and a few other hardy perennials. It is still too early for much planting but every day is one more day I can plant.

I have 10 more rose bushes to plant, along with "May Night" salvia which is a dark blue companion perennial that really goes well with all kinds of roses.

I was also accousted by three cheerful bleeding hearts that just needed a home in a part of the garden that gets plenty of shade.

The roses I purchased are still bare root, which are far less expensive and much easier to transplant in the garden, especially if proper preparations (can you say PEAT MOSS) is done prior to planting. With these roses, the added growth that can happen will far outstrip the original container rose that is usually three times more expensive.

I'll get some pics posted later after my afternoon to enjoy the warming sun and new plantings.

Ancient chinese secret

One of the greatest gifts people can give one another is acceptance. Not tolerance but, acceptance. The freedom to be who we are without trying to change them. If you don't believe, try to change a rose into a tulip. Both are beautiful, but they are different. The rose will die and the tulip just wonder what the hell you are doing. -- Ancient Proverb

My mighty warrior, Nathan, 16, Spring Soccer. 

Gardner's Journal - Celebration

"Making a garden is not a gentle hobby for the elderly, to be picked up and laid down like a game of solitaire. It is a grand passion. It seizes a person whole and once it has done so he will hav to accept that his life is going to be radically changed...Whatever he had considered to be his profession has become an avocation. His vocation is his garden." -- May Sarton

There are times in the garden where one is utterly alone. The sheer size of the chore ahead is so great and one's power seems so small that it seems the job cannot be done.

Yet the job is done one shovelful at a time. One plant is moved, more are born. Space is filled and the work of life in its own miraculous way, continues.

This morning my desk is littered with books of all kinds. An almost completed manuscript for an upcoming class session sits crazily in my "out box". Pencils and pens are scattered here and there. My phone started ringing this morning at 7 am...was on the phone until late at night.
My cell phone needs a rest from the overuse of the past few days, my computer is hot, hot, hot with the whir of work and with ideas. My assistants have worked hard the last few days refining, re-doing, re-working, providing me with that partnership of creativity that is so sweet and so helpful.

There are times such as this that I simply have to sit back and say, "wow". I am not a simple person. My friend Chuck says that I think too much (he's not the only one to say that, but he's right!) I have been known to give people big headaches by the sheer amount of questions that I can ask. But there are times when I just have to sit down and say, wow.

I could ask a million more questions (probably will) but the simple truth of the fact is this - God, you are faithful. You not only provided the way, you provided the strength, you provided the people, you provided the nurturing, you, in short YOU DID THIS. I was just a lucky tool, like the shovel who crunches through the hard dirt, and keeps on working.

When my world comes down around me and I lift my head and too often my fist to you and say, why, why, why...you simple take me and we go to work and you show me your infinite mercy and goodwill. You take me kicking and screaming, but you take me nonetheless.

Your love surrounds me even when I cannot see it, feel it or touch it. But today, I see it.

And I'm grateful.

Why I Hate Salespeople

I was speaking to a friend the other day, and he was telling me about something he had purchased that was not to his liking. "I just hate salespeople", he said. "Always in your face.."

And I said, "Yeah, me too".

This might surprise some because I have been in the sales industry for over 13 years.

But I truly dislike salespeople.

But sales professionals...that's an entirely different story.

It seems that sales people have a bad rap almost as bad as attorneys and probably worse than preachers. Which by the way, in my opinion, are salespeople, only more thinly veiled.

A salesperson is genuinely someone who is in an industry or line of work for a fast buck. They are "too cool for school" so they don't get any real learning on their product nor do they care to learn much about the people in whom they serve. They are satisfied doing as little as possible to meet the needs of their clients and generally treat them with contempt. The first words out of their mouth whenever they meet someone is usually, "Let me tell you about..." When they make a mistake, it is generally because the company or the client failed, rarely them.They are glib, stylish and their shelf life in most industries -- be it sales or anything else -- is about 2 years. Their clients see them and say, "Oh great! I gotta get out of here, FAST!" In their wake they leave disillusioned clients and a nightmare for those that might share their industry.

Sales professionals on the other hand are in something for the long haul. They realize that all businesses have cycles and they both understand this and expect it. They aren't in something because it "is a great place to make money". They take time and expense and effort to learn the product line, they work to make themselves better with people. They make a lot of mistakes but learn from it. They realize the past is what can make you better as long as you don't live there. The first words out of their mouth aren't words, but generally a nod or a smile...they may not even talk that much, because they have learned the art of listening to others. They are quick to point out when a product won't match their clients needs because the only thing worse than an unhappy client is the ten people he or she will tell about their experience. Far better to miss the sale and save one's integrity. Their clients see them from afar and say, "Great! Someone who cares about me and will provide possible solutions to challenges. " Their shelf life in any organization, unlimited.

Lipstick, Kodak and other changes

A few years ago, Kodak (www.kodak.com) reported that it would no longer manufacture and sell film, but would, instead devote its research and development to new imaging innovations, specifically digital photography.

I would have loved to be in on some of those marketing meetings. Can you picture it?

On one side of the room, there would be the old guard...the men and women who had built fortunes and companies on photography from film canisters.

And on the other would be the young bucks whose visionary ideals were leading the company in a new direction.

Can you hear the discussion? Can you feel the emotion? Can you see the microcosm of life?

Kodak is a household name. Every Academy Award nominated movie was captured by Kodak film. It is a company that has your grandmother's wedding photos and the pic of your kid's first tooth all within its rolodex --- make that electronic rolodex -- of memories.

Can you imagine the courage it took to say, "we've come as far as we can go with this type of business and now its time to go in a new direction"?

I work with a company who frequently changes its product line to keep up with the demands of clients. Recently a new lineup was announced and I thought, "Oh no, here we go." I could imagine the calls I would be receiving on why their favorite "color" was no longer available.

And while I'm eager for the change of seasons and the new colors, I know one thing that is true for companies and for people -- CHANGE IS HARD.

I know the bell curve that says there are "early adapters" and there are "latent adapters" (I'm an early one, by the way). While some will eagerly accept change, others will dig in their heels and resist.

What I don't get is this -- why the christian community is so slow to see the changes of culture at odds with itself. And while I know that business and church are not on the same footing there are virtually hundreds of companies that are reinventing themselves (Kodak) whose change in direction can be felt in almost every nook of our world.

Question: Where has the christian community been? And why can't it seem to be open to learning from great examples of change that have done it quite well?

One of the big trappings of christians is that we think we've discovered something no one else has thought about. We think it is our little journey that we're experiencing and we don't want to invite anyone else to the party.

Wrong. The rest of the world has been trying to figure out what to do in a post 9/11 world a post internet world and yes, a post modern world for quite some time.

Maybe we could stop and ask directions?

Maybe the first step we can do is open ourselves up to learning from other entities that have navigated these waters before with some success.

Recently I had a discussion with a colleage on some of the changes within my company. And as I stood there I had this growing suspicion that I'd heard the dialogue before. Oh, the words and the issue were not the same but the essence was all too familar. Somewhere along the way, someone had an idea that was a good one and then that idea became a sacred being and now?Well, now that idea is as out of date as film canisters and photo labs.

Sound familiar?

But there is something I learned in participating in that discussion. And this is it: we cannot embrace the future without giving honor to the past.

Like the '60's kids who went out and joined the Peace Corp to get away from the wealth of their family...

Like my kid who doesn't like my car but depends on it to get him where he's going.

Kind of hard to criticize the vehicle that brought you thus far.

I wonder where digital photography would be had it not been for the countless innovations along the way. Indeed, the film canister served a great purpose...it was a necessary stopping place along the way. We couldn't have arrived here any other way. Appreciating that step -- and those that brought it to us -- is one way we embrace the future.

I'm not giving up my incredible digital camera for anything. And I won't be using "real" film for much of anything in the near future. Yet, how ridiculous would I look if I went around with my camera talking about how silly it was to use the old. What good could come out of using my new camera while all the while making fun of black and white photography? Really, what would the point of all that be?

Thanks to the pioneers who have engineered my life and provided structure to my journey. Where would I be without you? Like the banks of the river, you've captured the force and movement of my life and the life of my peers. But that purpose is now evolving and I'm ready to move on. I can't go foward as I was nor can I move forward without appreciating all that you've given me.

I choose to pay homage to the past without being a slave to it. I choose to move forward with deep appreciation while embracing the nuances of the future. I choose to realize that this part of the journey is only a part and at the end of my life I can only hope that there will be some who will appreciate where my journey has taken them.

Maybe they'll even take my picture.

Walk to Emmaus

I'm considering participating in Walk to Emmaus (http://www.upperroom.org/emmaus/whatis/). It's been recommended to me by more than a few people and I'm very intrigued by what I've learned thus far.

I found this poem today by one of my favorite poets, Mary Oliver:

One day you finallyknew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice--

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

"Mend my life!"

each voice cried.

But you didn't stop.

You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations--

though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

But little by little,

as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice,

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do---

determiend to save

the only life you could save."