The Weight Gods Conspire

It use to be that I would walk into a store, spot a great outfit, say "I'll take that one.." and we'd be on our way.

Not so any more.

Something has happened that has made my body shift -- I don't mean just weight gain...I mean a cosmic shifting of the particles...there is wobbly bits where I use to didn't even have to pinch an inch.

My friends laugh at me and think there is some type of karma justice in all this. Having grown up a size 4, been most of my adult life a size 8, the weight Gods have decided it might be fun to throw me a little curve here in my mid life years. I can almost see them conspiring against me..

"Yes, she is going for the Bob Mackie, but he he he, she won't know herself once she gets those vertical lines across her touche..."

I didn't have to worry about cut, style...if it was in fashion, I wore it. Bring on the prints! I would search InStyle (still do) to see what was "hot"...find it in my store and wear it without a second thought. I didn't understand what was so hard about shopping and why so many of my friends would leave a store in tears.

Uh, now I do. I've joined the ranks of the middle aged, wobbly, frumpy, "can't find anything to wear" brigade.

Now, I have to look for a jacket length that is more, as the women in the store said yesterday, "more forgiving" around certain parts of my midriff.

I don't like that my mid riff has to be forgiven for what my mouth and tongue have done. That doesn't seem fair.

After 37 clothes changes, 3 sales assistants and more money that I ever orginally thought I'd pay, I did find the "perfect outfit"...it was a "slimming black" with a "distracting" bling bling at the top to "draw the eye away" from certain middle parts.

When I looked in the mirror at the store, I announced, "Let there be a moment of silence...for this forgiving cut on this suit.." And I hugged my new found friends (sales assistants...we exchanged recipies while I was trying on the clothes..) and was off. I was almost gleeful..never had I been so glad to get my purchase and be on my way.