Memoirs of a Techno-Geek

It's sitting in a FedEx Box, wrapped in bubble wrap, packaging slip on top.

The description reads something like, "Treo 600..." but it really is much more than that.

After months of trying to make a large laptop and cell phone work, I decided to take the plunge into the hand held world of palmpilots. I was blissfully happy downloading my email during long meetings, taking picture of my kids when they weren't looking, getting "IM"s from my husband as he drove home. I even could download my books from audible AND put my very own music on the playlist and use my walk time as my music time.

One small problem. The real reason that I purchased the device -- that is, for a usable working phone -- was not working. By "usable working" phone I mean by that that I could simply hear the other person and they could hear me.

Generally, my cell phone conversations would go like th is:

Ring, ring.

(them) "Hello"?
(me) "Hello"?
(them - more loudly) "HELLO?"
(me- stupidly) " CAN YOU HEAR ME?"
(them - more loudly than before) "WHO IS THIS?"
(me - really stupidly) 'CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW" (I'd say this while I was juggling my headset, driving down the road, waving at the cop that was just pulling out to give me a ticket for going 75 in a 45.)
(them ) "click". (as in "I'm hanging up now")

If I did get through, there would be an unbearable ringing noise, loud as a siren, in the background. So the above conversation would be peppereded with,
LOUD RINGING SOUND LOUD RINGING SOUND LOUD RIINGING SOUND....

which, of course, made it very hard to carry on any kind of conversation.

One good thing, my cell phone bill dropped dramatically. In fact, my cell phone carrier called just to see if I had lost my cell phone because my bills were cut in half.

This gave me a great opportunity to explain to the non-English speaking customer "care" person about my communication challenges.

(me) - "I can't hear when someone calls me"
(them) - "Can you identify any broken or rattling pieces on the device?"
(me) -- "nope".
(them) - "have you dropped your phone or hit it against something?"
(me) - slowly, carefully. "not at all".
(them) - "please answer the following questions, taking your time, answer carefully.."

To which I was submitted to no less than 40 questions regarding all types of communication "issues". I gave no less than 7 "id" numbers, my birthdate, my age, my hair color, possible blood types and mother's maiden name (I think that was her maiden name).

After about 30 minutes, I was told that they could not help me, that I had to "migrate" to another phone carrier because my original phone carrer -- AT&T -- was no longer.

me - "But my bills say your company's name. My money goes to your company".
them - "Yes, but to purchase one of our phones we have to have you 'migrate' to our company."

me (stupidly) -- "So let me get this straight...my money goes to you, my bills say your company's name, but I can't get a replacement phone from your company?"

them - "That is correct. You must migrate to our company."

me (even more stupidly) - "How do I do that, exactly?"

them - "We don't know."

After another day of such conversations such as this, a "replacement" phone arrives in my mail with a ream of paper about the size of the Dallas phone book with specific instructions on how to return my device, which I gave to my engineering husband who spent 3 hours stripping my personal information from the device.

9 months of calls/emails/IM's -- all stripped in about 3 hours. Erased. Gone. Out into cyber town.

My whole life is on a SIM card that can be sent back and forth like a hand me down. My life electronically stored and packaged. (For those of you who don't know what a SIM card is, it's what the cops on "Law and Order" people use to track down the perp's phone numbers, addresses, information.)

I'm not sure how I feel about being able to trade out my life electronically like a battery. What implications does this have for us? Can we create alternative personalities, plugging them in and out whenever we need to? I'm not sure how I feel about the 'electronic' age in this regard.