You'll know him as the "Murine" guy

...or the guy who starred with Jim Carrey in the Mask..."metephorically speaking.." He has written for E!line...for about 8 years...this is his last column.

How Can Someone Who Lives in Insane Luxury Be a Star in Today's World?

As I begin to write this, I "slug" it, as we writers say, which means I
put a heading on top of the document to identify it. This heading is
"eonlineFINAL," and it gives me a shiver to write it. I have been doing
this column for so long that I cannot even recall when I started. I loved
writing this column so much for so long I came to believe it would never
end.

It worked well for a long time, but gradually, my changing as a person and
the world's change have overtaken it. On a small scale, Morton's, while
better than ever, no longer attracts as many stars as it used to. It still
brings in the rich people in droves and definitely some stars. I saw
Samuel L. Jackson there a few days ago, and we had a nice visit, and right
before that, I saw and had a splendid talk with Warren Beatty in an
elevator, in which we agreed that Splendor in the Grass was a super movie.
But Morton's is not the star galaxy it once was, though it probably will
be again.

Beyond that, a bigger change has happened. I no longer think Hollywood
stars are terribly important. They are uniformly pleasant, friendly
people, and they treat me better than I deserve to be treated. But a man
or woman who makes a huge wage for memorizing lines and reciting them in
front of a camera is no longer my idea of a shining star we should all
look up to.

How can a man or woman who makes an eight-figure wage and lives in insane
luxury really be a star in today's world, if by a "star" we mean someone
bright and powerful and attractive as a role model? Real stars are not
riding around in the backs of limousines or in Porsches or getting trained
in yoga or Pilates and eating only raw fruit while they have Vietnamese
girls do their nails.

They can be interesting, nice people, but they are not heroes to me any
longer. A real star is the soldier of the 4th Infantry Division who poked
his head into a hole on a farm near Tikrit, Iraq. He could have been met
by a bomb or a hail of AK-47 bullets. Instead, he faced an abject Saddam
Hussein and the gratitude of all of the decent people of the world.

A real star is the U.S. soldier who was sent to disarm a bomb next to a
road north of Baghdad. He approached it, and the bomb went off and killed
him.

A real star, the kind who haunts my memory night and day, is the U.S.
soldier in Baghdad who saw a little girl playing with a piece of
unexploded ordnance on a street near where he was guarding a station. He
pushed her aside and threw himself on it just as it exploded. He left a
family desolate in California and a little girl alive in Baghdad.

The stars who deserve media attention are not the ones who have lavish
weddings on TV but the ones who patrol the streets of Mosul even after two
of their buddies were murdered and their bodies battered and stripped for
the sin of trying to protect Iraqis from terrorists.

We put couples with incomes of $100 million a year on the covers of our
magazines. The noncoms and officers who barely scrape by on military pay
but stand on guard in Afghanistan and Iraq and on ships and in submarines
and near the Arctic Circle are anonymous as they live and die.

I am no longer comfortable being a part of the system that has such poor
values, and I do not want to perpetuate those values by pretending that
who is eating at Morton's is a big subject.

There are plenty of other stars in the American firmament...the policemen
and women who go off on patrol in South Central and have no idea if they
will return alive; the orderlies and paramedics who bring in people who
have been in terrible accidents and prepare them for surgery; the teachers
and nurses who throw their whole spirits into caring for autistic
children; the kind men and women who work in hospices and in cancer wards.

Think of each and every fireman who was running up the stairs at the World
Trade Center as the towers began to collapse. Now you have my idea of a
real hero.

We are not responsible for the operation of the universe, and what happens
to us is not terribly important. God is real, not a fiction; and when we
turn over our lives to Him, He takes far better care of us than we could
ever do for ourselves. In a word, we make ourselves sane when we fire
ourselves as the directors of the movie of our lives and turn the power
over to Him.

I came to realize that life lived to help others is the only one that
matters. This is my highest and best use as a human. I can put it another
way. Years ago, I realized I could never be as great an actor as Olivier
or as good a comic as Steve Martin...or Martin Mull or Fred Willard--or as
good an economist as Samuelson or Friedman or as good a writer as
Fitzgerald. Or even remotely close to any of them.

But I could be a devoted father to my son, husband to my wife and, above
all, a good son to the parents who had done so much for me. This came to
be my main task in life. I did it moderately well with my son, pretty well
with my wife and well indeed with my parents (with my sister's help). I
cared for and paid attention to them in their declining years. I stayed
with my father as he got sick, went into extremis and then into a coma and
then entered immortality with my sister and me reading him the Psalms.

This was the only point at which my life touched the lives of the soldiers
in Iraq or the firefighters in New York. I came to realize that life lived
to help others is the only one that matters and that it is my duty, in
return for the lavish life God has devolved upon me, to help others He has
placed in my path. This is my highest and best use as a human.


Faith is not believing that God can. It is knowing that God will.
By Ben Stein

New comic

I discovered a new comic this weekend, Jimmy Carr...

www.jimmycarr.com

He is british with an amazing wit...he is refreshing and different...and from what I can tell, quite "clean"...I bet he'll be popping up more and more.

Some girls like rock stars, I like comics...they can make me laugh and think. One time, I entered a comedy contest in KC and won and got to spend time with some of the comics that were "on the road". A very different breed, but very interesting. One guy said, that all comics are social satirist (I'm not sure I agree) but he went on to say that the idea behind good comedy is you can shove an idea down the audience's throat while they are laughing...which is easier to do then when they are angry.

There's a lot to that...maybe more preachers ought to take notice. I'd much rather be laughed into an idea than be stonewalled into it.

My birthday

Tomorrow is my 41st birthday. I am celebrating by being with friends and getting into some books that I've been wanting to read.

One book that is from a series, "Meditative Prayer" by Richard Peace and I've been listening to "The Kite Runner" on audible. I also am eager to read "Finding God in the Questions" by Dr. Timothy Johnson.

There are still many questions I haven't answered for my life yet...some have been particularly persistent of late. The greatest gifts of my life so far -- no contest...my husband, Dan and my children, Nathan and Ellen. Each day these people that God has seen to share with me for my life are dearer and dearer.

Johnny, you made me laugh

I cried today when I found out that Johnny Carson died this past weekend.

I watched Johnny Carson the way I watched Carol Burnett, which was faithfully. They both entered my childhood and taught me to laugh. Once I said to my dad, "I want to be on TV with Johnny Carson", and my dad picked me up and sat me on top of our old bunny-eared television. "There," he said, "you're on TV with Johnny Carson".

I have continued to watch the Tonight Show, though I favor David Letterman's acidic wit and timing. But I'm a huge fan of so many of Carson's projects, including Robin Williams, Ellen Degeneres, Bill Cosby.

What I admired about Johnny Carson was the way that he could save a show that was not making it. Once, I remembered, the jokes were so bad, he took a lighter from his pocket and set the script on fire. Another, when the jokes weren't killing, he reached up and pulled down the microphone and said, "testing, testing.." When you can get a laugh when no laugh is planned and do it with that kind of style, you are a genius.

I'll miss him.

Hotel Rwanda

I just viewed this movie with my husband Dan. It is a story that needs telling and the movie does an excellent job...www.hotelrwanda.com.

Here are some sobering facts regarding this tragedy:

Today, Rwanda's children face extreme challenges:
Rwanda is home to one of the world's largest proportions of child-headed households, with an estimated 101,000 children living in 42,000 households. These children are on-their-own either because their parents were killed in the genocide, have died from AIDS, or have been imprisoned for genocide-related crimes.
Two thousand women, many of whom were survivors of rape, were tested for HIV during the five years following the 1994 genocide. Of them 80 percent were found to be HIV positive, and many were not sexually active prior to the genocide.
By 2001, an estimated 264,000 children had lost one or both parents to AIDS, representing 43 percent of all orphans. This figure is expected to grow to over 350,000 by 2010.
More than 400,000 children are out of school.
Rwanda has one of the world's worst child mortality rates - 1 in 5 Rwandan children die before their fifth birthday.

There are so many questions that can be asked about such an event of this magnitude. Where was God? Where was the US?

I'm not sure that is the right question to ask, but it is one that does come to mind. I'm sure my feeble mind cannot encompass what happened and how it fits into any kind of logical explanation.

But this I do know...no one awakens one day and starts hacking their neighbors. What precedes such an event of this nature is something that we all experience each day. Hate, rage when misdirected can only produce such atrocities. And so, before I go pointing fingers, I have to realize that anytime I hate I am capable of such things myself.

That's a thought that brings me up cold.

NYT must read

Check out www.nytimes.com/magazine for a great article on Jay Bakker and the postmodern congregation.

Go to Article

Home from Big D

Just returned home from Dallas....had a blast! I stayed with some friends and had lunch today at a new location in West Village...really fun and trendy place near downtown. Got quite a bit of work done...just really enjoyed my time.

On the way down, I listened to the inaugural speech from President Bush...here are some key phrases that I really liked:

"Difficulty of a task is no excuse to avoide it."
"...a cause larger than your wants, larger than yourself."
"Even the unwanted have worth."
"We cannot carry the message of liberty and bigotry at the same time"
"Divisions do not define us."

I don't know who writes his speeches, but it was wide in its scope..some will no doubt say too much so. But I enjoyed the imagery of it and the phrases that he used. I was proud of him.

Bye Bye Kitty

One of our family pets, Phonix, is being put to sleep...that is, if she makes it through tonight. Her kidneys started to fail earlier this week. She's been a part of our lives for over 10 years. She is really Ellen's pet. She exhibits a lot of behaviour that dogs often do with their owners. For example, when Ellen calls her, she comes to her. When Ellen is suppose to be home from school, she would wait on a certain step until she came home. When Ellen is gone, she would cry endlessly for her.

I think I've cried myself out over it, but every time I think of her, I start crying again. She was a gift to Ellen from me for her birthday ten years ago. Ellen is more pragmatic, but I think she is grieving in her own way. It's funny how a family pet can be so meaningful to you. I'll miss her.

Discovering God through ancient paintings

I am enjoying two new books that I rec'd for Christmas.


Painting the Word: Christian Pictures and Their Meanings -- by John Drury; Paperback

A Journey into Christian Art by Helen De Borchgrave, Helen De Borchgrave (Hardcover - September 1, 2000)

I am rediscovering my love for art history (a passion in college, have several hours in it along with my design degree). It is amazing to realize that ancient painters would communicate biblical truths through their images to an illiterate society. I think there is application to todays world but just enjoying the messages of these great thinkers is enjoyable enough in itself.

Home again...what a day!

Arrived home after a luxurious last day in New Orleans..took the time to tour the Ogden Museum of Southern Art (www.ogdenmuseum.org) and became acquainted with an artist named Walter Inglis Anderson. There is to be a special about him and his life later this year on PBS. I enjoyed his work. The real snare for me was the exhibit on photography and a great film narrated by Morgan Freeman on southern art. Learned a lot about my heritage of the south and a lot more, too. Then, lunch at Emeril's which is described in posts below. I was a bit intimidated to dine at a 5 star restaurant, but there is a reason that restaurants are 5-star: extraordinary service that makes you feel right at home. I was seated at the "back" of the restaurant which I enjoyed immensely - I got to watch the chefs as they created meals while getting to know them. It was like a mini seminar on restaurant management. And I left with a very full tummy.

The grill chef...Chris. I learned that the grill is the most difficult job in the kitchen, taking up to 5 years to master.  

At Emeril's you have not only one wait person but THREE...Devon (on left) stood by my side the entire time and when my tea or coffee was an inch or less under the the top, it was immediately refilled. Carlos, (middle) was great at suggesting my meal (Smoked Wild and Exotic MushroomsGrilled Pork Chop with turnip greens, and dessert -- pecan chocolate tart with homemade vanilla ice cream). To say it was good is like saying Michael Jordan plays basketball.  

Chef de Cuisine at Emeril's www.emerils.com. I asked him what he enjoyed most and least about being a chef. What I learned? Leadership -- whether in the kitchen -- or in the boardroom is essentially the same.  

It's all about the friendships. These are some of the people that I do "work life" with..they are there to kick me when I need spurring onward, to nurture me when I need encouragement and to have fun when we need to party! 

One of my favorite parts of our events -- the "Friends of Time" dance troupe. I wish I could move like they do!  

Great food at "Le Madelaines". 

More great food...

New Orleans is a gastronomical delight. Today I ate at a place called "Le Madelaine" which has french pastries. I ate my first potato galette, which is a twist on what midwesterners calls potato cakes. It has jalapenos, onions...it is amazing.

Lots of meetings today...I spoke to our area on building communication through technology...one of my favorite topics. When I think back to how some things were done in our industry even five years ago, compared to where we are today...it is breathtaking how fast technology is changing our business. This event the clear signs of a new era are seen...but I wonder how many people see what opportunities lie ahead.

Tonight will probably become an all-time favorite...several of us went to a cheesecake bistro where we gorged on huge desserts. I had the chocolate peanut butter cheesecake...wonderful!

Tomorrow, I'm cutting out early to be home for my family. I have spent a fair amount of time thinking and absorbing some new ideas. I'm glad I came...and will be glad to be home.

Rockin' band and great dancing at the party. This event is my favorite of all the events that we attend. Always full scale, over 12,000, food, bands, amazing decorations. This featured a comedy show, a karaoke band, 2 other live bands and 6 "ports of call" and a huge "ship" in the middle where foods of all kinds were served. 

At "Mother's" restaurant, a New Orleans landmark, featuring regional specials such as the "ferdi" (po-boy) that is out of this world delicious. Great food, even better people. 

My best buddie...Maggie...en habla enspanol pari mi. 

Artsy-fartsy hotel. 

In New Orleans

Just arrived in New Orleans and am headed out for some sightseeing and shopping. I'm taking my new camera along so I'll post some blogs and some pics later today.

I've discovered this great hotel...very quiet and very chic...I'll post more on it later with a full review.

Loreena McKennitt

I forgot about an old album that I had tucked away and am listening to it now...great stuff, from Loreena McKennet, sort of a new age/celtic sound. Really different and having stumbled upon it I feel as if I've found an old friend that has been lost.

Speaking of which, I found out about a friend of mine that was killed today. His death was quite tragic...seems he was stabbed or something...anyway, my grandmother was quick to fill me in on all the gory details. She could write mystery novels with every detail in full flourish. Before I was finished talking with her, I felt like I could puke...awful way to die, stabbing, I'd think.

But what is a good way to die? Hmmm..haven't thought about this before...I'd have to say dying in one's sleep might be a good way to go. I think dying in an airplane would be really horrible. But positively worst of all would be dying alone.

I remember him vaguely...although what I remember, he was great fun. Really smart (got tons of scholarships) and I guess he was a doctor of some sort. Grandmother couldn't remember...in her mind everybody is a doctor or a teacher.

Having a friend die cannot help one but think about their own mortality.

Still have to pack..

I'm not near ready for my trip tomorrow...actually, I get on the plane at o'dark thirty...I'll be in a coma, so I'm trying to prepare. Use to be I would worry about what shoes to wear, now I worry about how to get my laptop with me. I did get a new bag for it that will help me transport it. I can't be without my laptop for too long...I do most of my writing/teaching prep on it...and being in airports is a great place for thinking and for writing.

I'm listening to one of my favorite artists, Sarah McLacklan, and she always puts me in a mellow mood. I've picked up my favorite candle for my room and made sure to pack my favorite pens...what I wear is incidental. Turning 40 has its advantages...

I still have one class/speech to gather..I've been working on it throughout the day while I was in meetings, etc. It's about technology and how it can build relationships with clients in the new century...one of my favorite topics, truly, because it offers so much creative thought. I have pages of notes, I need to simmer down to a few main points...listening to music helps me do that...

I also got a new "do" for my trip...actually it signifies a new growth for me...a new part of the journey. I've made some big blueprints for the next few years and as I've thought about them, I've shed some things and have taken on some new disciplines, trying to make them good habits.

Spanglish

I saw this movie this afternoon and have to say, it has a lot to offer.

Normally, Adam Sandler doesn't do much for me. In this flick he was adorable. He plays an almost perfect parent -- not one that has all the answers, but perfect in a High E.Q (Emotional Quotient" way.

Tea Leoni is one of my favorites. I loved her in "Family Man"...she isn't as good in this flick, comes off a little high strung (which is what her character is, by the way).

The love story between Sandler's and Vega doesn't really get off the ground. Vega looks like an inspiring Penelope Cruz, much too young to be a mother for this film. And a bit too immature as an actress to compete with Sandler, Leoni.

Some of the best one-liners come from Cloris Leachman who plays the mother of Leoni's character. I liked this one, "Your recent lack of self-esteem is just a good conscience."


The message of the story, however, is affaecting and rewarding.

What I did with my weekend....

Indoor soccer is fast and fun

Third Place in Tourney . Ellen is back row, last on right.

The Weight Gods Conspire

It use to be that I would walk into a store, spot a great outfit, say "I'll take that one.." and we'd be on our way.

Not so any more.

Something has happened that has made my body shift -- I don't mean just weight gain...I mean a cosmic shifting of the particles...there is wobbly bits where I use to didn't even have to pinch an inch.

My friends laugh at me and think there is some type of karma justice in all this. Having grown up a size 4, been most of my adult life a size 8, the weight Gods have decided it might be fun to throw me a little curve here in my mid life years. I can almost see them conspiring against me..

"Yes, she is going for the Bob Mackie, but he he he, she won't know herself once she gets those vertical lines across her touche..."

I didn't have to worry about cut, style...if it was in fashion, I wore it. Bring on the prints! I would search InStyle (still do) to see what was "hot"...find it in my store and wear it without a second thought. I didn't understand what was so hard about shopping and why so many of my friends would leave a store in tears.

Uh, now I do. I've joined the ranks of the middle aged, wobbly, frumpy, "can't find anything to wear" brigade.

Now, I have to look for a jacket length that is more, as the women in the store said yesterday, "more forgiving" around certain parts of my midriff.

I don't like that my mid riff has to be forgiven for what my mouth and tongue have done. That doesn't seem fair.

After 37 clothes changes, 3 sales assistants and more money that I ever orginally thought I'd pay, I did find the "perfect outfit"...it was a "slimming black" with a "distracting" bling bling at the top to "draw the eye away" from certain middle parts.

When I looked in the mirror at the store, I announced, "Let there be a moment of silence...for this forgiving cut on this suit.." And I hugged my new found friends (sales assistants...we exchanged recipies while I was trying on the clothes..) and was off. I was almost gleeful..never had I been so glad to get my purchase and be on my way.

19 years ago today...

My new husband and I were hoping to make our last minute flight to Florida for our honeymoon. Now, 19 years laters, I am sitting here blogging, while he and the kids enjoy the Orange Bowl. From around the corner from my office, I hear the "ahhhhhhggggh" and the "better get some defense going" that have become standard in my family of athletes.

Ealier tonight, Dan and I went to dinner and the waiter was all about NCAA basketball...he was from Kentucky...in an exchange that I could neither understand nor decipher there was something said between Dan and he that supposedly meant something to both of them, some form of "ath-talk" that men use to bond. I munched on my salmon and listened to this exchange wondering how it might measure up to cro-magnum man and his exchanges between his peers.

Cave man at the table: "Ugh. How 'bout them Sooners?"
Cave waiter: "Uggha. I'm a roundballer myself."
Cave man at the table: "Uggah. Uggah! Me too. Me like round ballers. Too bad your tribe took Tubby Smith from our tribe! More meat!"
Cave waiter: "Uggah. Not to mention Rick Patino...Uggah. Right away!"

This, translated means simply that "I recognize you as a male and I like you." or something like that.

I'm sure the Cave woman sat alongside, munching her kill, rolling her eyes, too.

31 Days of Praise and Worship

I am attempting to continue learning about christian meditation and prayer. I have chosen a small book on the Psalms and Proverbs to do this for the next 31 days. I will blog each day (to keep me accountable, I am sharing this...) on what these verses come to mean to me. I have to stress that I am learning, I'm crawling at this ancient art form, but it has already brought me sustainance on a level I have never experienced before.

I am attempting to add 20 minutes of exercise followed by 10 minutes of prayer/meditation. That doesn't sound like a lot, but it is something that is really difficult for me to do. I hope that by practicing, I can start doing longer times.

***

Psalms 1: 1 - 6. Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.

***

Words that stand out to me:

walk, stand, sit - we are physically present with God or God is physically present with us, either way, God is in our midst. God is in MY midst...or I'm in His...

delight, meditate - what is the connection here?

day and night -- God's abiding presence, never leaving me

tree, streams, water, fruit, leaf - imagery of life

Present with God, delighting in His presence brings life...

Juan and Estevan do IHOP

I sit in the middle of the greasy, crowded restaurant. The Sunday crowd has turned out in full, trying to hang out to the last bit of holiday cheer remaining in the last few hours of the holiday break.

In walk two men, good looking, sharp, with impeccable styling. They are dressed in the casual, but fashionable way, shoes even being on trend.

When two young men with great looking shoes walk into a restaurant together, there is only one thing to think: they must be from out of town.

And so they are...from Mexico, speaking fluent Spanish. I try to piece it together, snags here and there, but it is no use...I cannot speak Spanish, although I try. I can say a few phrases and so I try...I try to say hello.

They look at me, four eyes - four spanish eyes -- trying not to laugh. They succeed.

I then try the next phrase, "How are you?".

They respond, respectfully, "Good. What is your name?"

I say, "Maurie is my name. Your name is?"

They say, "Juan. And Estevan."

Then, I say -- or try to say, "I am hungry...", although in Spanish you say, "I have large hunger."

But I don't say that. I say something similar, but altogether different. I say, in Spanish, "I want a large man".

This time, they cannot help but laugh.

"No, they say, say it this way.." and they tell me what I have done, what I have said. We share a laugh and I try some more lines, all butchered, none quite right.

I am amazed how they, in a few short years, speak English so well, so beautifully. Perhaps they speak it even better than I might. I am ashamed at how terribly I have learned their language and I make a resolve to do it better.

I leave without eating. I have lost my appetite.

Howard Hughes 

"The Aviator"

Martin Scorcese's film, "The Aviator" starring DiCaprio is a must see. Even if you don't enjoy flying, Hollywood's glamour days or Howard Hughes trivia, this movie will make you re-think all that.

It's probably the best film I've seen DiCaprio as he plays the eccentric billionaire as both darkly driven and racuously visionary.

What really "takes off" in this film is the story of Howard Hughes, which is what all good story-telling will do. It doesn't center on the great performances of its cast, which it has plenty to boast. It makes you want to read up on the great Texan who despite all his success called himself an aviator first and foremost.

It also is wonderful to see a film that is lavishly done as only Scorcese can do...evoking the old Hollywood glamour, complete with lavish sets and deep set red lipstick.

Don't miss it...but take a snack. The 3-hour movie can drag in some places but sustains overall.

Psalms 46:1 - 4

I took a "spirituality quiz" to find out that I'm a "questioning believer". Really?

http://www.beliefnet.com/section/quiz/index.asp%3FsectionID%3D%26surveyID%3D27

God Is Our Hope
God is our hope and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will we not fear, though the earth be moved, and though the hills be carried into the midst of the sea; Though the waters thereof rage and swell, and though the mountains shake at the tempest of the same. There is a river, the streams whereof make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High.
- Psalms 46: 1-4

I don't want to be reflective this year

Since I spend way too much time being reflective, I just don't feel in the mood, even though it is New Year's Eve. I am ready to unwind on the couch with some great chardonney and movies with my favorite people in the whole world...my family.

I spent most of today ransacking my office and finishing out month end...we did well...still work to be done, but we're on the right track.

I watched a great show tonight on Encore television
6:15PM

The Cutting Edge: The Magic Of Movie Editing Rated TVPG, 1h 37min

I had no idea the power of editors on film making. This documentary creates the desire to be a movie editor. Great information and very entertaining. Takes kind of the fun out of watching movies, but it does testify to the storytelling art of movie making.

New toys, new year

I bought myself a new camera...the Kodak Easy Share 6490. WOW...it is quite a package. I love the software that allows you to share photos easily...one step shooting is what Kodak claims and it truly is wonderful.

So you'll probably start seeing more photos in this blog in the new year. I've been working on final end of year numbers and deadlines and am just about wrapping it up for a quite New Year's with my family.

I'll probably see some new movies. I really want to see "Hotel Rwanda". As I have been thinking and praying about the tsunami victims, it brings to mind just how much of the world suffers.

Sacred Prayer site

I found an interesting site this morning while browsing the web...

www.sacredspace.ie

It has even an "online retreat" which may be an oxymoron for some that desire to be "unplugged"....I found it wonderfully refreshing and hope to make it a part of my daily routine in upcoming new year.

Two great things in the NYT This week

Gotta see it-- the Annie Liebowitz photo shoot that evidently produced the new American Express campaign (My Life, My Card stuff)...There is a shot of DeNiro inside the NYT Magazine that is a heart stopper. This photo captures DeNiro in motion, his hulking back to us, trenchcoat swirling around his knees. It's as if we are experiencing all the dark, enigmatic features of this actor. The best part: you only see half of his face, which draws us into the DeNiro mystique. Is he a good guy? A bad guy? Both? We don't know, but we love watching DeNiro in whatever he does. He's an actor we trust, we feel confident with..even if he is shooting up bad guys (or good guys). You know that if he is on your side, your side wins.

The next thing in NYT which is worth taking a look...

www.nytimes.com/weekinreview

Robert Deniro at his grizzled best.

Christmas Night

I made it. After 15 years of struggling through the Christmas season, I have made it through a somewhat painless and even enjoyable experience.

I have tried to assemble the reasons that made this season so much easier -- more peaceful - than others. There are a few that I think attributed to this...here they are:

1 - Making a decision to enjoy the season. Realizing that it is a season t celebrate, I determined to find something -- each day -- to celebrate. My husband's parenting, my kids willingness to help around the house...something to say, "wow, that's good."

2 - Realizing my limitations. I cannot shop for more than an hour a day ( I truly hate shopping -- remember, that is what God made the internet!). So I chose each day to work in a little shopping and it didn't take a lot of days to make a dent in the list. Also, I chose to have a budget - -although I blew the budget -- having one I think helped me rein in spending. Still, I spent more than I probably should have, but less than I might have had I not had a budget.

Also, I don't party. I like reading books, listening to music, watching movies. This runs cross gain to the culture in some ways, and I find crowds suffocating and exhausting. I made a decision to spend time with those I really care about -- and that's it. I can party at work during non-holiday seasons because it may be a part of my job -- and I've also learned "how to" do it so that it works for me and others.

3 - Set after-christmas goals. Nothing is more depressing than opening gifts and realizing that there is nothing for the "after days" of christmas. I carefully have planned this year to drive my kids and husband crazy by painting the bathrooms upsairs a crisp red. It needs to be done and why not do it while everyone is at home and in each other's way? What better time to experience family closeness when dripping red paint on carpet and new clothes?

Seriously, I decided that some projects around the house would be priorities and have been working on them for quite some time.

4 - Realize that the holidays are not about what you are going to "get" but about what you "have". I know, I know, it sounds a bit corny, but as I approach the big 42 (January 26 for anybody that is wondering!!) I have seen my share of holiday gifts that, no matter how much promise, they disappoint. I have started to understand what my mother in law use to say, "there is nothing like family." I use to hear that with the reflection on my family or origin and would say, "Yep. THAT'S certainly true." But now I hear with with the reflection of my son's gift to his granddad, my daughter's handmade gifts to her father, time spent with my husband. These are the things that have become much more important to me -- maybe it's an "after 40" thing because it use to be to me very much about the gifts.

5 - Set a goal for personal, spritual, professional fulfillment - Last year, I continued my working out (kickboxing) and my decision to join a professional speaking organization (toastmaster) Both have brought enjoyable relationships and new skills. This year, I am continuing my pusuit of learning Spanish (have found a tutor for once a week) and will continue my working out. I want to explore more yoga and just having walks with Dan.

Also, I have become absolutely hooked on my writing -- not my personal writing, mind you, but the realization that this is something that I literally need to do. It's like breathing for me...for years I have kept journals...now I have this blog, a personal journal (yes, there is some juicy stuff in there, but it's NOT online!!!) and my own daily journal. I am always writing -- in my head, in my journals and I whether I ever write the "great american novel" it fills me with peace and comfort.

Recently, I sat some professionals goals that should be completed in the next 4 -5 years. Once I realized that whatever professional goals I achieve will be completed in the next few years, it was as if a huge weight was off me. I will continue to work with focus and dedication, but work is more a means to an end, rather than an end for me. I enjoy what I do and feel that I am good at it and hopefully I add to the quality of others lives.

But work is NOT my life...and I don't wish to be defined or limited by it. I am enjoying finding other outlets - gardening, writing -- that are extremely fulfilling to me as well. Enjoying these pursuits and making time for them are essential to my well being. It took me a long time to realize this.

Spritually, I have recently begun to enjoy the discipline of contemplative prayer. I am a gawky amateur at best, but I am enjoying how learning this discipline helps calm, soothe and center me. I also am enjoying really trying to listen to God speaking to me. I've always been a bit of a skeptic about the whole God thing...I believe in Him, but wonders sometimes if He believes in me. I'm a pretty big goober who has made more than few "big ones" (mistakes). It is taking me a long time to embrace that God would want anything to do with me...much less talk to me. I'm finding that I God is a whole lot different than I originally thought...maybe we just got off to a bad start or I formed some unfortunate pre-judgements. My first impressions of Him weren't that great...he seemed opinionated and judgemental, not to mention a big of a know it all. Anyway, I'm trying to embrace the silence in my life and try to listen...gardening, writing really help me do this.

6 - Better manage my resources -- especially money. I admit it, I can make a lot of money, but that doesn't mean anything. It matters on how much you keep -- or give to others. I have a lot to learn about this discipline and I'm slowly -- slowly, slowly, making progress. It has taken me a long time to see why I buy what I do, what I'm really looking for when I make the purchase. This season I found myself being more analytical about what I purchased and why. It still didn't seem to help me by blowing my budget, but I think I did do better.

These are the things that I have learned in the past 42 years and what I take into the new year.

New Wines

I have started learning more about wines. I am convinced that one doesn't have to be a wine snob to enjoy an ancient brew, so I'm just asking and experiementing on my own. No big lavish wine tastings or anything like that -- just finding what I like by asking those that know, usually wine merchants or just trying something for myself.

I found one Chardonnay that I really like. It is, as some might say, a "dry wine". I think it has an excellent taste. I served it with some chicken soup and also with the christmas turkey. Wonderful flavor.


Liberty School Chardonnay 2001 We blended fruit from two of the best Chardonnay regions in the state, the Santa Maria Valley and another in Monterey County in the famous Santa Lucia Highlands. There are nuances of Bartlett pear, pineapple and green apples in the nose. The finish is long, balanced and never cloying, due to its healthy acidity. BN#142502
$11.99SKU13148

I am also trying a wine from Rosemount Estate with roast beef later this weekend...I'll post on this later.

Christmas eve

It could not have ever matched my expectations. Still, "The Fockers" was entertaining and enjoyable. I still have a thing for DeNiro, no matter that he acts like a love-stricken grandfather in this film.

And Barbara Streisand is the 'perfect jewish mom' and her character is someone that you just want to go have coffee and chat.
Overall, though, I have to say that the sequel does not measure up to the original. Maybe because originals have that spontaneous quality that sequel simply cannot match.

I am looking forward to seeing "Hotel Rwanda" ...it will probably be my favorite for the holiday season. And the big exume continues as I finish the office and move onto other rooms of the house to clean/organize. We're ready to paint in upstairs bathroom and we'll order fixtures next week to get that job behind us. I'm ready.

I look forward to the rest of Christmas reading, watching movies and doing more writing.

The Big Sweep

Operation BIG SWEEP is now fully underway. Here is some ideas that are assisting me in getting my office/home put together for new year:

Staples Office Organization: Frequently Asked QuestionsOffice Organization: Frequently Asked Questions, ... Office organization and time managementexpert, Jan Jasper, replied with the following answers. ... www.staples.com/content/Article/ E-H/FAQsOfficeOrganization.asp - 31k - Cached - Similar pages

5 Rules of OrganizationFive of the most helpful home office organizing tips for dealing with paper, being efficient, and more.

THE BIG DAY

Today, "Meet the Fockers" is in theaters!

We spent the evening last night with some wonderful friends...truly a special evening with food, music, conversation.

Sometimes, I am amazed at God's graciousness to me with the friends and people He has chosen to intersect my life.

My daughter had her wisdom teeth removed today. She is recuperating on the couch while I try not to hover. Dan is the official "family doctor go-er". I get sick just thinking about someone cutting on my kids. I was reading the post-op directions and felt like throwing up just reading about gauze and ice packs and blood. I'm a real medical wimp, so not really much help at all. I make sure there is chicken soup, warm blankets, books to read, music to listen to...and I sit around and look at my kids, but beyond that, I'm totally worthless.

I have been researching some new ideas for some classes...art history and more on contemplative prayer. This continues to be a source of great comfort and it is opening a lot of new areas to explore and ponder. Today I found a wonderful web site that features biblical instrumentation that perhaps King David might have used in the Psalms along with historical pictures of David, Jesus. The old stirrings from my art history classes are making themselves known...I can get really lost in thinking about artists and how they see their world...what that means. One of the most interesting aspects of studying art is how each artist interprets their world and how myopic we all must be when we try to understand the world around us. We simply cannot see the world without showing our own prejudices and imprints.

I am reading and re-reading the works of Watchmen Nee (Sit, Stand, Walk) and am profoundly captivated by his ideas:

"Most Christians make the mistake of trying walk in order to be able to sit but that is a reversal of the true order. Our natural reason says, IF we don not walk, how can we ever reach the goal? What can we attain without effort? How can we ever get anywhere if we do not move? But Christianity is a queer business! If at the outset we try to do anything, we get nothing. If we seek to attain something we lose everything. For Christianity begins not with the big DO, but with the big DONE." (Watchman Nee, "Sit Walk, Stand"

2 days to Meet the Fockers...

I spent most of the day on "detailing", what I call closing up loose ends of household and business. I am now fully in the process of cleaning out closets, drawers as well as laying plans and dreams for new year. I have successfully learned how to download not only music but audio books to my dream treo. I think I've become addicted to it..one of my friends calls her palm device her "crack-berry" because of the addictive qualities of having so much in the palm of your hand.

I found a new artist (to me, anyway) called David Lanz which has clear, translucent melodies that are both relaxing and invigorating. I am listening to one of the albums that I've downloaded while Dan relaxes by watching Monday Night Football. I call football a modern day "gladiator" game.

Frank Caliendo (www.frankcaliendo.com) is the comic that mimics John Madden (among many others) and now I can't listen to John Madden without thinking of the comic that spoofs him.

I am reading several books, including two by Watchmen Nee, on prayer. Fascinating stuff and I'm trying to get my feeble brain around the ideas...kind of transports me to a new place to explore. I'll comment more on his ideas in upcoming blogs.

"Flight of the Phoenix"

Overall, disappointing. I was hoping to find some elements of truth in this parable about being lost and finding one's way out of the much. I did find a few gems, but mostly rather predictable film nuances.

The one performance that I truly enjoyed was Giovanni Ribisi who plays "Elliott". I think he is one of the most versatile actors in Hollywood and I hope to see more of him. As I watched his character in this movie, I found myself really caring about him -- which is the entire point of a great actor---play someone that may be unlikeable but you still care about him. You want to figure him out and figure out what makes him "work", or what motivates him. I found myself doing this with his performance. For more on Mr. Ribisi:

Date of birth (location)
17 December 1974Los Angeles, California, USA
Trivia
Won the ShoWest Newcomer of the Year Award in 1999. (show more)
Sometimes Credited As:
Antonino Giovanni RibisiVonnie RibisiVonni Ribisi

Also, for DeNiro Fans, Bobby boy hosted SNL last night. From what I've seen/heard with Hollywood gossip, DeNiro is notoriously self effacing and shy. He's also a method actor, not a spontaneous comic. He seemed to struggle with the live format of SNL. The best part was his monologue with Kermit the Frog. The irony of Mr. Goodfella and the muppet icon was ironic and well, sweet. It was almost like watching my grandfather sing a song to a kid. DeNiro is one of my all-time favorite people, someone I'd love to have lunch with and just talk.

The countdown continues...a mere three days to "Meet the Fockers". There's no way at this point that this film will live up to my hype and expectations, but I still can't wait to go.

A funny thing happened on the way to the mall

I had a wonderful day with one of my all time favorite people -- my daughter. She and I browsed some boutiques for the "perfect purse" (we finally found it!) and had lunch. It wasn't hurly burly holiday shopping, just enjoyable time together.

It's hard for me to articulate how I feel about my daughter. She is the best of her parents -- her methodical, reasonable, practical side (her dad) and her big dreams and persistence (me). She is not only fun to be with around, but has a deep sensitive side that feels for others.

I remember when she was little and not yet walking. She would see her brother walking around and it seemed she was distraught that she was not walking. She would cry and moan and seem to act as if she wanted to move like he did. Before she could even sit up, we'd prop her up in a small chair -- the kind that "hooks" onto the side of a table (probably outlawed now) and she'd fight to sit up and then fight even hard to lift her "sippy cup" (the kind with the lead in the bottom) and drink out of it. If we tried to help her, she'd grunt and cry...she wanted no help.

When I see her tackle tough situations, I see this same fiery determination in her. She takes charges in basketball games by girls that outweigh her 75 pounds. She works for hours on science and math problems. She doesn't like to not "get something" on the first try and can often be demanding on herself and others.

And yet there is a tenderness, a vulnerability to her that I find hard to describe. Not gullibility but a transparency that I can only pray isn't destroyed by the knocks of high school.

She wants her own style, bucks trends for her own identity. Loves her father with blinding devotion and laughs at all my jokes (even when they are truly stupid).

She told me today that her friends often tell her that she has the "neatest mom". That's flattering to hear, but it's easy to be a fun mom when you've got a jewel for a daughter. She makes it fun. We're still in the early years of teenage-dom, but I have to stop and thank God for the relationship and the person that we have with her.

Another step for mankind...

Today I took the "leap" into the online teleconferencing world. I am quite jazzed about this opportunity as the online world becomes more and more a part of the world.

I think the online possibilities for industries like mine -- sales -- is one that is almost neglected. I wonder if there is any other world, except for the church-world, where more 'sacred cows' live and breathe. There are paradigms that are ages old and virtually unworkable, still they continue because of tradition.

In fact, many things in watching the church world "work" (so to speak) has helped me understand why so many people are so prone to incorrect beliefs about change. It has encouraged me to see a broader picture of humanity -- few of us deal well with change. Even those of us that embrace it (sometimes called "early adapters") have our own anxiety about changes that create more anxiety for those that are resisting it.

I truly believe that online meetings with graphics and more "artsy fartsy" capabilities can be the wave of the future. I think there is a big difference in having conferences and having successful and worthwhile conferences.

The last any of us desire or need is more unproductive time spent regardless of the "bells and whistles".

The company that really has a "heart" for online communication is WEBEX (www.webex.com). They are the industry leader and for good reason -- they do it really well. I have visited others companies and experimented but by far Webex has the ticket.

So here we go --- into a new year and a new era.

Today's Quote

Laughter is the closest thing to the grace of God.-Karl Barth

Merry, merry, merry

Good things came my way today. One of the best aspects of being in business for yourself is that you get clients that you really LOVE and they become like extended family.

I have been making a list of all the good friends that I've been blessed with this year which has been very encouraging. Think I'll keep it handy when I have one of those "Nobody likes me" days.

I went to church tonight and found it very uplifting. The teacher led us in some contemplative prayer, something that I have been practicing myself. I feel this has been one of the biggest blessings this year. Contemplative prayer is like looking at a painting from a distance and then, through meditation, you move closer to see the intricacies of the artist and the work. It's like beholding a masterpiece and "breathing it in". It allows me to see things that I never have seen before. My mentor for this has been Richard Peace in his book "Contemplative Bible Reading". I am truly an amateur, crawling in this new discipline and am finding it fascinating and truly spiritually fulfilling.

My christmas present to myself

I gave in and bought myself the amazing 24 color fine-point Sharpie pack. Hey, I got free silver sharpies.

I am a sharpie-nut. I love to doodle with them, write with them, just like to have them on my desk. I guess it is a carry over from all those art classes in college. Somehow, I just feel more artsy when I have them around.

So I went for the equivalent of an adult 164 crayola crayon set instead of getting the sharpie's that click.

I bought it home and showed Dan and he said, "Happy Anniversary". We celebrate 19 years of married bliss on Jan 4. So, maybe I'll color in a new wedding band for myself.

8 days to "Meet the Fockers"..

Yes, the countdown continues. This weekend, I'll be excited to see some other shows, though.

This is the end of the year, clean out, get systems in order, get ready for a clean slate in January.
I am on my way to Office Depot to get what I need to clean/organize/get rid of stuff in my office and in my storage room. Although I usually dread it, I liven it up with endless movies and other things and in January I have a clean slate in which to work. I cannot work in clutter.

I'm trying to convince my sweet-pack-rat-husband to let me do some wonderful things in his office...but I don't think I'm closing the deal. He sits in the middle of his office with a round circle of piles of paper, swearing that he can find anything he needs. I have been given warnings that if I come near his stuff it could be the end of civilization as we know it. Still I try. I'd like to paint and really clean it up but I think the new year will find that part of the house still in shambles with unidentifiable clutter and piles of paper.

I haven't been doing much reading and it is beginning to show....I feel out of sorts without reading a few books..so tonight I'm going to download some things and get some other books ordered online so that I can complete my year end celebration in style. Movies, books, music, the people that I love, and great food -- my life is complete.

Oh, yeah. I gotta go to the grocery store. Rats.

The Great Parent

OK, for those of you keeping track..only 9 more days until "Meet the Fockers" is in theaters!

I want to say something about parenting here. Maybe its because my son starts his senior year in a matter of months. Or that I'm finallh getting to enjoy my kids and their teenagers years (it honestly is the best time of my parenting life...no kidding!)

I had an encounter with a young woman a few days ago and she shared with me that she felt often very overwhelmed in her parenting -- her kids fight, etc. I listened and felt for her. I remember often the crushing feelings of parenting, the sense of being too tired to care after sleepless nights, the sense that I was losing who I was in the process.

I look at my kids today and see two things - 1- the complete and utter commitment of God's faithfulness and 2 - the result of having an excellent father in their lives.

I can take credit for none of the above naturally, but I will share a few things I've learned along this short journey which will serve as a good reminder to me as I prepare to launch my children into lives of their own. These re things that have served me.

1 - There is ONE parent - God, and He inexplicably shares his creations with us for a few brief years. Remembering this caused me to pray prayers such as "God, you know these small souls better than I ever will. Parent in spite of me...help me not to do much damage and be there for my kids when I do."

2 - Parent as if your job was simply to make yourself not needed. I know I may step on a few toes here, but our job as parents is simply to make ourselves not needed. This takes courage and a realization that it really isn't "all about you".

3 - Share their dreams, plant their feet. Kids dreams are THEIR dreams, not yours. Too often I see parents at sporting events, at school events and I think "what is/who is this about anyway?" Too often I think events are more about the parents and their pathetic egos than about kids finding their own way.

While I want my kids to reach for the stars -- and they both do! I have to be honest and say, "they will get most of their "dreaming" from me...how am I dreaming today? How I am modeling what I want my kids to do...do I "go for things" in my life..do I stand up for injustices? Do I push myself into new ways of thinking, challenging myself?

Because if we don't our kids will listen to our words and hear them for what they are -- hollow, meaningless bunk.

4 - Let your kids hear it from you --- whom they know LOVE THEM no matter what.

I want my kids to know from me what their strengths are -- they know I love them no matter what, so it's important for them to hear from me every day "I'm proud of you." When my son recently got his driver's license...I made a point of buying him a small but significant key chain and said to him "This is an important day. You are going in new directions and I trust you. YOU ARE very trustworthy." My big 16 year old hugged me and cried, too. It was a small thing, but it meant a lot.

Kids simply need to hear that you love them, you believe in them and yes, you'll take away those privileges the minute that they cross the line. (Which he did and we as his parents didn't disappoint. He did it once..and he saw the line..he knows it is there.)

5 - Don't hover. I am not a cookie-baking mom, although I'm a great cook. I'm the kind of mom that expects kids this age to cook sometimes for themselves, pick up their own laundry and suffer the consequences if they do not. I do not make runs to school when they forget stuff. I do not feel guilty when they have nothing clean to wear and their dirty clothes bag overfloweth.
I do however, at times, do these things simply to show them that I love them..and I'll say, "I'm going down anyway, so I'll take your clothes..which usually merits a "THANK YOU!" which is exactly, I believe, how it should be.

I am neither their crutch nor their excuse. I am their parent. I am not their buddy, their friend. My "quality time" is spent in whatever way -- however ways -- I can show them that I care, that I'm their mom, but that their lives are seperate from my own.

The jury is still out on this parenting experiment. I don't feel that I have all the answers. I could make a great case for the fact that children need both a mom and dad at home 24/7...which Dan and I have done (well, not 24/7...but one or both of us is usually home..) for about the past 6 years. I see the impact of Dan's presence and his active parenting every day...and my kids are more whole because of it.

So in this season of joyfulness and thankfulness, I need to stop and thank two incredible people that have journeyed with me in the all consuming, at times frustrating, but always rewarding task of bringing two people into the world and assisting them in finding their own "voice" in creating their lives...my husband Dan who is an amazing parent and the Great Parent, God from whom I am amazed that could share in this process.

Thanks, guys.

More Holiday Merriment

I'm really looking forward to "Flight of the Phonix" in theaters this weekend (Dec 17). I have this theory it will serve as a metaphor for business and relationships.

My theory is this and it isn't new -- I believe that our culture is hung up a bit on changes in life, whether it be in relationships or changes in organizations. I am one to thrive more on the changes -- I get a little uncomfortable when things become too comfortable. What I mean is that I view change as intrinsically necessary, if a bit difficult, for the life of relationships and organizations.

I know, I know, everything and everyone is suppose to "live happily ever after" as if we all search for this perfect "status quo" to achieve life's purpose. But I think there are many "ever afters" in the average life of a person or organization.

I can think of several destinations in my marriage where we both had to come to terms with a part of our relationship that was indeed "dead" before we could embrace what was now new in our journey together. In a culture that usually stops at the end of the rainbow, that is sometimes a difficult concept to understand and accept. When Dan and I realized that we could grow independently of each other and not only remain intimate but even become closer when we explore new opportunities independent of each other, it was a huge step for us (about 7 years ago).

I think the same is true of business organizations and or other organizations, too. The church in which I attend I think is in the process of coming to terms with a part of its life that is no longer "workable" and "valid". Before it can have a new breath, lease on life, it must soon come to closure on what it is "not" before it might have a chance to be what it "is".

Indeed, until this can happen then the only thing that could possibly be true is the death of its current form. This is where we have to be really courageous and realize that death is the end of somethings but the beginning of new things...it can be really exciting in some ways, though bittersweet in others.

I guess I want to look for the opportunities rather than be burdened too much by "what use to be".

Like they say, "change or die"...and it really is a choice.

Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus or- 10 day to "Meet the Fockers"

DeNiro fans will be happy to know that he is hosting Saturday Night Live on Dec 17.
Bobby will no doubt be touting his new movie "Meet the Fockers".

I heard some movie trivia about the title...that there are actually people whose name is Focker and that they have had mixed feelings about having their name so famously used in the movie. And that the name itself came from a conversation between Jim Carrey and the director...so that actually Jim Carrey came up with the idea for the family name, etc.

Public Service Announcement

I feel it is my duty to warn you -- do NOT waste your money on "Closer".

I cannot find one redemptive quality of this movie. Great actresses and actors, maybe. And sure, it'll make you think about relationships and what they are and are not...but there has to be some redeeming quality in the story itself.

Dan and I redeemed it by having our favorite "after date" dinner with which we had Coney Islanders and Pepsi. It's almost a family tradition.

Hey, and there is only 11 days until "Meet the Fockers" is at the theaters!

Mario Puzzo

"I didn't have the guts to be a criminal so I became a writer instead." --- Author Mario Puzzo, of "The Godfather" series.

It is interesting to note that the word "Godfather" wasn't used by Italian families or the mafia until AFTER Puzzo used it in his books. Puzzo grew up in an illiterate family who viewed his library card with horror and disdain.

The phrase "make him an offer he can't refuse." came into play after the Godfather, again one of Puzzo's creations in his mafia-family saga.

Surreal encounter

"You can see the sunset from here."

I looked up from my book to see a tall gentleman, standing in front of the large plate glass which looked out over the parking lot. The sun had set a few minute prior and all that was left was a cool gray sky with cirrus clouds in the distance.

"Yes", I said. "you can".

I went back to reading my book. My 5 PM was running late, I was hungry and wanted to get home before the traffic got any worse.

A few minutes later the same guy is sitting at a table not far from me and he's talking again. I try to be polite, answer a few of his questions, keep reading my book, watching the time all along.

"Not much to do around here, is there?" he asks. "I mean, I'm from Minneopolis and the culture there is great."

Now here's something I can talk about. Growing up in Oklahoma I ran away to the big city -- New York -- for a few years, until the red dirt and grandmother's pot roast called me back. Still I miss the museums, the shows, the grit of New York.

"No" I agreed. "Not much. But it has a certain provencial charm."
"Reminds me of Arkansas" he said, taking a drink of his coffee.

Wierdo, I think. I look again at my watch. I've obviously been stood up, not uncommon during holidays. Which is why, I think, I dislike them so much. No one wants to do anything but party, shop, two talents for which I share no passion.

"So I travel a lot -- here six months on a contract."

And then, he dropped the bomb. "But my faith in God sustains me."

I start to gather my stuff. I can see where this is headed. Another quack on the bible bandwagon. I gotta go.

He watches me, a bit sadly and then, "So, are you a Christian?"

I stop. I think. "I, well, uhm, yes, I think...yes. I am" I stagger through it, not meeting his eyes. I really, really need to go.

"So are you or aren't you?" He truly is beginning to worry me.

I say nothing. I'm now a bit afraid. Why is he creeping me out so much?

He leans forward, elbows on knees. "When I said that, you got really uncomfortable. Why?"

I stop, put down my keys, look right at him. "Because living here, being a christian isn't always something I'm proud of." I say. "My experience with those that say "christian" isn't always a good thing." There, I've said it.

"Can you wait just a minute, I have something I want to give you."

Oh, God, a real holy roller, Jesus quack. I won't meet his gaze.

"Sure" I say. But I've got my bag on my shoulder, I'm clearly perched for take off.

He goes out to his car and returns with some books.

"Here" he says. "These are for you."

I take the slim volumes, by some author I'd vaguely heard of. Books always get my attention and I say, "uhm, thanks".

"I believe there are many of us who are looking for the depths of God. Read these. Pray."

He then gets up and walks away. He doesn't ask for my name. He doesn't want my number. He leaves before I do and doesn't ask for a contribution.

I think about this man, this encounter all the way home. I could write it off as some quack who just likes to ruffle people.

But I have to be honest. He wasn't intrusive. He wasn't angry. He wasn't even "preachy". He just offered and left his gift.

The books are on prayer and are very good. Would it surprise you to know that I have been praying for guidance on prayer...for how to know God better? Is it too much of a coincidence that this man would hand me these books, literally out of thin air.

Or is this just some crazy coffee shop experience?

Jon Stewart on Larry King

"If you think that posting the Ten Commandments in your kids' school is going to change behaviour, then the sign that says, 'WASH HANDS' is keeping piss out of your happy meal." -- Jon Stewart

ABC Peter Jennings - Televangelists

"Bad lanuage, hatred, murder and violence that is being thrown at us. " from tonight's broadcast.

The church wouldn't have any of that, now, would it? It doesn't frighten me that these qualities might be outside the church....it frightens me that it exists within it.

New Age Shopping

I noticed that some of the trends that we talk so much about at corporate meetings, etc., are making themselves known in retail. As I walked the mall today (something I do maybe once in decade...isn't that why God made the internet, to shop without the walk?) I visited a store that has some of my favorite products, where I could "personalize" my own aromatherapy and customize my own gift basket with scents that will do everything from energize to stimulate to invigorate. Before I left with my purchases, I was invited to enjoy a few "moment of relaxation" with a back massage. I declined...I love massages, but something about straddling the chair in the shop window of a mall, while many other shoppers watched, didn't appeal to me.

Then, I walked down a few paces and discovered that I could customize my own smoothie with whatever "add in" I might want -- vitamins, etc.

I also noticed today that cell phones were in everyone's ear or should I say BLUETOOTH is on everyone's ear, so we all walk around like some transplant from a space trilogy. People use to get thrown into psych wards for the same behaviour, talking to themselves as they walked.

We seem to be in search of comfort and peace, yet unable to connect to the moment. I stood in the store, awaiting my custom mix, while all around people were "connecting" to others via palm pilots, cell phones. You couldn't really talk to anybody, they were already in a conversation. So in the midst of a busy mall at one of the busiest times of the year, I stood there, almost alone, yet surrounded by people. It was surreal.

Whew -- DONE!

Yessiree...my holiday gift shopping is DONE DONE DONE! As of 8:39 this evening, I have completed shopping for my family and friends and colleages! And I've been wrapping a little as I go, so I am finishing that up tomorrow and then...finishing up business and enjoying some R & R.

The year is ending in a surprisingly wonderful note. Some hard work is paying off and I'm feeling good about attending Leadership next month in N'Orleans.

I now need to focus a bit on some household things -- getting those bathrooms finished is a big part of our focus for the end of the year...and we're almost ready to start painting, adding fixtures again, etc. That will be wonderful to have bathrooms that the kids can use again.

I'm in the process of making up my holiday reading list...trying some new books, including some mysteries. Usually I don't enjoy mysteries much but am learning to enjoy some new authors. And I'm trying to read in genre's that I haven't read much to broaden my reading so to speak.

Now that I've done almost two years of 2-week workouts, I'm thinking of raising the bar and adding a third workout -- Wednesday evenings -- to my schedule. I would LOVE to lose about 25 pounds in the new year and have already started some scaling back of foods, portions. It's killing me...but I know it will pay off.

Sometimes, life is sweet and possibilities exist everywhere. This is one of those days.

Technology and mere mortals

I spent the better half of an afternoon trying to navigate an online web conference system...and with somewhat disappointing results. I've decided that unless there is some standardization of equipment, it is near impossible to have a conference with any quality at this stage of the technology game. Still it's a dream that will soon come to pass..sit down at your computer, hit a few strokes, voila you'll be in a virtual meeting room in your pj's.

This brings up surprising ideas...such as how to maniupulate one's picture or presence online. I found myself holding up pics from magazines of top models and so my name --- and then under that, some supermodel in pose. It was kinda cool...only it didn't fool anyone else in the meeting. They figured I was behind, hiding.

But what if that happens? What if we start to create online personalities that look and act like our imagination...and we never leave our houses at all. You could go your entire life and never know the person who does your taxes isn't a svelt Tom Cruise look alike. And he'd never know you didn't look like Charlize Theron. A whole world built upon superficiality and illusion.

One heckuva fight

Every year or so, my husband and I have our bi-annual argument. We use to have more, but I'm a sore loser so I asked if we could plan our biggies every other year...that way, I could regain my emotional constitution and lick my wounds.

Every relationship has that moment when you realize that the person you married doesn't quite meet your expectations. And if they do, your expectations start to change. And the new expectations freak out your partner....Let's face it, marriage is hard. Relationships are hard.

When people tell me that they and their spouse never "talk about divorce" or seperation, I try to suppress my laughter. I figure they lie about other things too. Or they just aren't very honest. Or maybe incredibly naiive.

Dan and I have slugged it out (metaphorically speaking) on so many issues, we can recite, line by line what the other will say about our rehearsed lines. Dan even does a great impression of me and nails it, everytime. 17 years of being together, you do get to practice, y'know.

At that moment when its a toss up to stay or leave is a moment of incredible opportunity. There will be, no doubt, more compromise, more let-downs, more tears. Yet there is that seed of change that working through the difficulty brings. It changes both people, both organisms and fundamentally a new relationship can emerge. That seed of possibility, so ripe with opportunity and promise, is worth holding out.

I worry about relationships that are the "quick and the dead" type. I worry that the people involved never get past an important growth opportunity, destined to only repeat that scenario in a different way, with a different partner, with the same outcome...no one wins and no one grows.

I don't limit these comments to only marriage...relationships can take the form of employer to employee, friend to friend, congregant to congregation, parent to child, student to school.

Someone not meeting your needs? How would Jon Stewart say this..."Get over it." "Grow over it" Something like that?

There is more opportunity in the process of getting over it, than in rebuilding with a new "partner" on a faulty premise: that anyone one of us is perfect, that any relationship will be anything but exquisitely painful and elegantly disasastrous on many levels.

Those moments when expectations are dashed, needs are ignored are seedpods of love.

One Proud Mama

My daughter played her first varisty bball game last night. What makes this especially exciting is that she is the only freshman on the varsity team and not only did she suit up, but she played in all four quarters.

Ellen's ability to be disciplined, along with a great couple of coaches (her dad and g'dad) , she is working towards her goal of going to Duke University along with playing National Ball.

My daughter has never lived in a world where there was no WNBA. She lives in a world where the Supreme Court has always had a woman. She lives in a world where her mother's friends are doctors, attorneys, mothers, community leaders.

Her world is much different than my own world and the world of the generation before me. She sees something, she sees women making progress in those fields and she sets her sights to be among them.

"Mom are you ready?" she just called to me. I agreed to take her to practice this morning.

Yes, Ellen, I'm ready. Let's go.

Belief O'Matic

What a relief. I took the "Belief-O-Matic" quiz at www.beliefnet.com and thank God (no pun intended) I finally KNOW what belief I most "fit into".

Here are the results of my quiz:


.
Bahá'í Faith (100%)
2.
Orthodox Judaism (99%)
3.
Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (95%)
4.
Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (94%)
5.
Islam (91%)

That's really helpful. SO glad to have that sorted out. I wonder where Tulsa's "Baha i Faith" meets?

Friday Night Stand Up

My favorite way to "veg" is by watching Comedy Central and its lineup of stand up comedy. Tonight featurs comics from "across the pond" which is a much different type of comedy (usually much cleaner and a bit high brow)...One of my favorites is Sarah Kendall from Australia (not British...but still a bit far away).

What I think is interesting is that comics that perform internationally must use material that connects with all types of audiences, unlimited by borders and culture. That takes a bit more effort and brains.

Colin Mocherie, of "Whose LIne Is it Anyway" says there are three qualities that comics must have:

1 - a sense of being an outsider

2 - the ability to see the humor in everything

3 - soul-devouring bitterness

Dwayne Kennedy (a NY comic) is funny with a lot of religious overtures:

"I know bad stuff happened in the bible. Have you ever really looked? Things start going downhill about page 3."

"I'm atheist with a "B" plan...you don't want to be the only one on your block that finds out at the last minute that God really exist."

My brothers and I grew up listening to Bill Cosby records...we had them all memorized, probably can still quote them from start to finish. This was his "Fat Albert" era and a lot of things about his childhood. If you can laugh at something, you're one step closer to dealing with it.

No Surpise

Pharmaceutical companies are launching new products that are "like Viagra for women". Since the launch on Tuesday, one OB-GYN claims that his office has been besieged with phone calls saying that "one out of every five calls is asking for the 'script".

He added, "half of the calls are from men getting 'scripts for their wives."

Well, it is the holiday season. Gift packaged with misteltoe, just might do the trick.

Why Church?

Catherine of Siena, (1347-1380), twenty-fourth of twenty five children, reared in a poor but devout Catholic family in an age of class feuds and religious wars. At the age of seven she vowed her virginity to God, at fifteen she cut off her hair in defiance of her parent's efforts to see her married. At eighteen she became a Dominican nun and began to live in solitude and silence going out of her room only for mass.

At 21, she returned to her family and spend her life helping the poor, serving as a nurse in homes and hospitals. Even though her fame spread from poor beggars to powerful popes, she managed to maintain a deep interior life of silence and devotion to God. Catherine was called upon to help settle political disputes and social unrest until her death in 1380. The Catholic church granted her the title, "Doctor of the Church."

In her "The Dialogue" she gives her glimpse of the importance of Church in the spiritual jurney:

"...And the hostelry of holy Church is there to serve the bread of life and blood lest the journeying pilgrims, my creatures, grow weary and faint on the way..."

(From Devotional Classics, Foster/Smith)

Most of my experiences with any type of church have fallen short of this goal. Is it attainable? Is it worth working towards? Perhaps. But only when each of us - me -- start asking the question, "what can I do to bring this reality to bear?" will we be able to make this vision a reality.

That question can stop each of us in our tracks and force the attention to be about what we individually can contribute to creating this for others. Perhaps we spend too much time in designing grand plans to "reach" people, when the people are all around us, we simply must pick up the work and do it, each as we know how, each as we can. No other way really works, I think. It seems so simple and yet we are so bad at it.

Sappy Holiday Movie, Great Message

If you can get past the overacting, the predictable antics, the slapstick comedy, "Christmas with the Kranks" can be a holiday highlight.

Yes, the storyline is predictable. Yes, the comedic attempts are at times, overdone. Nonetheless, the ending and the message on building community hits the deep, red center. It has me teary at the end...even me, a confirmed scrooge, churlish and unforgiving in my lack of holiday cheer.

Best Scene: Jamie Lee Curtis in a string bikini ("this should be outlawed"...thanks, Jamie, for something all of us 40-something's can relate to!

Best Actor: Dan Akroyd, as the nazi-leader of merriment. His forced laughter during caroling is almost sinister-ly frightening.

Best Moment: When Tim Allen is quite literally between two realities, made real when he is standing in the street.

Blog use #1

According to Aaron Brown on CNN last night, the #1 word looked up online is the word "blog". What does that mean, really? What does it say about where our culture is headed?

Today, I heard big corporate news at 12 noon and by 2:30, I had sent email/voice broadcast to all those in my organization to all parts of the states. This normally would have taken weeks in previous experiences. That's what the internet revolution means to me...it means much more, too, but it has eased communication and created new problems, too.

Resistance is Futile
This news article at Reuters says 'Blog' Tops U.S. Dictionary's Words of the Year.

Overhead today

I was listening in on a conversation between some people on the radio while driving. The focus of the discussion was regarding the nation's homeless and the children that are in poverty.

This stirs great interest in me namely because I grew up extremely poor and always enjoy some educated, private-schooled, never-had-to-worry-where-the-next-meal-was-coming-from guy (or gal) talk about poverty. They obviously have been reading too many fiction novels, because there is nothing -- nothing -- glamorous about poverty.

There seems to be a sparkle in their eye when they refer to children and adults who exist in poverty. They seem to be like an archeologists on a dig, finding a new form of human. What really challenges me is that some of this ilk seem like it is an inalienable right that every person be given an education, be given a computer, be given benefits with their job. We live in an entitlement world that knows little of what it takes to move from poor to not so poor to managing. And rich, educated folks like I heard today don't make it any easier.

I wish that those who fantasize with their saviour-complex would ask some good questions. Like, "why?", for starters. Why? Why do people end up homeless, with no money? I have seen poverty from the inside and I can tell you, some people are as strategic as being poor -- and staying poor --- as those who are planning with their fat retirement accounts. There is a certain adrenaline rush to cutting coupons and downsizing. Like a big game in which they win when they spend less, they push and jolt others around for their sense of entitlement.

I know that there are people -- children -- that are truly innocent in the sense that they are born into poverty...I was one. But being born into a situation does not mean one has to stay there. Is it difficult to change that paradigm? Absolutely. Is it easy? Not on your life. It takes work and focus and dedication and then more work. And it takes the hardest work of all, that in reliance on a power greater than oneself to make changes in thinking and behaviour. Change is hard, it takes work and it takes grit. And it is honorable to allow someone to struggle in that process so that the struggle becomes "theirs" so that when they achieve it, it is their own and not some thin hand me down mentality.

For some, work has become a four-letter word. We believe that things should be handed to us and it should cause us no discomfort, no effort, no real investment of ourselves. The thing is, I really believe that unless something is worked for it doesn't mean squash and won't be worthwhile to anyone, least of all the one who has been "given". I believe that these kinds of gifts are much more for those that are givers, than those that are the benficiaries. It is a kind of salve on our conscious to think that we've done "something" for someone.

Giving someone a hand out is not the answer. Giving someone an opportunity to work -- and sometimes work hard -- is more spiritual and beneficial than an easy ride.

Bullseye

Just finished up November's numbers...had our best month of the year. I'm really pleased and excited how some new ideas in business have propelled our unit forward to higher and higher plateaus. I'm excited to see what the new year will bring. I've had the good fortune of having several wonderful women cross my life and the result is very exciting. Good things continue to happen in this sphere of my life.

I have a friend who teaches at a university and she called me today. I like to call her my "chocolate bunny" friend. She has it all together on the outside, but inside she seems hollow and empty. I've told her that and she agrees, so I'm not speaking out of turn here. She and I have a friendship that reaches way, way back and we both are able to be really honest with each other. She has her criticims of me, too, all of which are true. It's kind of good to have that kind of friend, but it's probably better that we don't see each other everyday.

Then, I have another friend who is in my industry -- also out of town, and she calls me almost daily just to say "hey" and cheer me on. I love it when she calls and I look forward to hearing what she's doing. She is just a person that brings out the best in people and I love her for that. She speaks Spanish fluently and I try to talk to her in Spanish, but she just always laughs at me and says, "I think you need to master English, first." Bloody right.

Sometimes its good to stop and remember the friends I have -- all different and all unique. I have been blessed with some really special people in my life and I'm grateful. I don't appreciate these friends like I should and yet they remain good friends. That's a good thing.

INTJ/DISC...what?

If you spend any time in leadership you will soon be confronted with personality profiles. There are at least 5 or more that dot the leadership landscape---Myers-Brigg, DISC among many others.

I've often been a skeptic of these profiles simply because I don't like to pigeonhole anybody into any certain category nor do I enjoy being "tagged" and labeled.. Yet, recently, I've been reviewing some of the information particularly in Myers-Brigg profile. I have taken it many times and each time it is the same -- INTJ is what I "am".

While it is helpful to understand this what I'm really interested in getting to is what I am "not". In other words, I work with such a variety of people that I often have to adjust my style to better suit theirs. This is far from easy and an exercise that I find challenging. The tempation is to discover one's strength and say, "there ya go...that's what I am and that's that" but the real purpose of such profiles is to better understand where I might improve and become more flexible.

I've been really working on this lately, particularly with some of the styles that I often find challenging. It's kind of like a new math problem, getting my brain around new ways to communicate with people. But it's also very rewarding when I find that I am growing in new ways, too.

I can see how if I had takent his task more seriously in my earlier days of leading that I might have done a much better job at relating and responding to others.

For those of you that don't know, the INTJ's mantra is "things can always be better" and this style tends to drive others crazy because we're always trying to improve something, someone. It has it strengths, but it also has its weaknesses. I'm working on building new flexibility in my style and finding it challenging, but fun.

Still working on 2500 words a day

I've been doing the discipline of writing -- just writing -- 2500 words or more a day. That is no easy order. The first few days went by fine, but then I found myself having to really dig for new ideas..which is exactly what this discipline is trying to accomplish. Then as I started with characters things really began to take off. Great therapy, too. That snippy little waitress at the cafe? I can re-write her to have a limp and a buck tooth. Friend of mine getting on my nerves? I can write him or her to have gout or some other terrible disease. Now I know why writers are probably also control -freaks...great way to control an imaginary world.

I may be upgrading my current laptop in a few months as prices on laptops continue to spiral downward. I find myself writing more and more in the times between appointments and just when I'm out and about.

I'm still trying to make sense of the after thanksgiving rushes. Today I returned to a store that was packed -- with lines out the door -- to return some items that didn't quite work. There was hardly anybody in the store, though most of the merchandise was still heavily discounted. I've about decided that the whole "after thanksging" rush is designed for those that are addicted to the adrenaline rush of having huge crowds of people push you and prod you around a crowded, sweaty store. For my money, I'll pay the extra price for any "deal" I may have missed on some special discounted day.

Still working on 2500 words a day

I've been doing the discipline of writing -- just writing -- 2500 words or more a day. That is no easy order. The first few days went by fine, but then I found myself having to really dig for new ideas..which is exactly what this discipline is trying to accomplish. Then as I started with characters things really began to take off. Great therapy, too. That snippy little waitress at the cafe? I can re-write her to have a limp and a buck tooth. Friend of mine getting on my nerves? I can write him or her to have gout or some other terrible disease. Now I know why writers are probably also control -freaks...great way to control an imaginary world.

I may be upgrading my current laptop in a few months as prices on laptops continue to spiral downward. I find myself writing more and more in the times between appointments and just when I'm out and about.

I'm still trying to make sense of the after thanksgiving rushes. Today I returned to a store that was packed -- with lines out the door -- to return some items that didn't quite work. There was hardly anybody in the store, though most of the merchandise was still heavily discounted. I've about decided that the whole "after thanksging" rush is designed for those that are addicted to the adrenaline rush of having huge crowds of people push you and prod you around a crowded, sweaty store. For my money, I'll pay the extra price for any "deal" I may have missed on some special discounted day.

Still working on 2500 words a day

I've been doing the discipline of writing -- just writing -- 2500 words or more a day. That is no easy order. The first few days went by fine, but then I found myself having to really dig for new ideas..which is exactly what this discipline is trying to accomplish. Then as I started with characters things really began to take off. Great therapy, too. That snippy little waitress at the cafe? I can re-write her to have a limp and a buck tooth. Friend of mine getting on my nerves? I can write him or her to have gout or some other terrible disease. Now I know why writers are probably also control -freaks...great way to control an imaginary world.

I may be upgrading my current laptop in a few months as prices on laptops continue to spiral downward. I find myself writing more and more in the times between appointments and just when I'm out and about.

I'm still trying to make sense of the after thanksgiving rushes. Today I returned to a store that was packed -- with lines out the door -- to return some items that didn't quite work. There was hardly anybody in the store, though most of the merchandise was still heavily discounted. I've about decided that the whole "after thanksging" rush is designed for those that are addicted to the adrenaline rush of having huge crowds of people push you and prod you around a crowded, sweaty store. For my money, I'll pay the extra price for any "deal" I may have missed on some special discounted day.

Holiday Mayhem

Despite my best intentions, the holiday this week was merry and actually, enjoyable. Yes, I spent half the holiday in bed, wracked with fever and sick, but after sleeping it off, I enjoyed the rest and rejuvenation.

The best part, my kids were amazing. Ellen got the decorations out for the trees and got us all started on the merriment. And, Dan and Nathan got the lights on outside---almost.

I even went to church today, checked my box, smiled and left. Sermon topic -- "community", which almost made me gag. Church is is probably the last place I'd look for anything remotely considered community, unless one defines community as Abugrahb prison. My theory is this -- anytime you have to talk about community, it aint happening.

Still, the house looks beautiful, we even listened to holiday songs...tomorrow, finishing out the month end and working on December numbers.

Highlights from NYT/Sunday

I read the NYT for so much more than news...it is a virtual microcosm of socitial shifts and changes. I read it as much for the ideas as I do for the inspiration. It truly has a "pulse" on the nation. I'll be posting some highlights here later throughout the day...Sunday is my day to lounge around and read..something I've been doing a great deal of lately, actually. I'm a total reading slacker, I guess.

New York Magazine -- features articles on how marketers are squeezing out childhood because of the sophistication of their techniques.."tween strategy" is on every hot marketer's lips. This is due in part to the idea that marketers have realized that this age in children is not only profitable but it is yearning to seperate itself from older consumers (parents) to create their own community and identiy. Hmmm, nothing new, really, but someone is getting very rich on this idea. And is this a good thing or not for our kids? Well, like father like son, is the articles main point...we are a nation consumed with finding our idenity through logos and gadgets.