Totally boring, rocking Saturday

Cook a large breakfast, color the hair, shop online, all while listening to some new tunes. I downloaded a new album (Zero 7) and I like it OK.

Time to evaluate the spring wardrobe. I'm a bit disappointed, LandsEnd sent me a "Plus Size" catalog. I think I'll write them and give them a piece of my mind. Still,they have some great stuff at great prices. Even though they are owned by Sears, to me they are foundational pieces of a wardrobe. Great stuff at good prices, good quality to supplement the more trendy pieces. Today I invested in a new spring trench, have had my mind on getting one to go with lighter weight things. I don't enjoy coats much, but light weight coat is almost a necessity with the best part of winter still ahead.

I enjoy Dallas shopping at the Allen Outlet Mall right off 75 South. Over 90 stores and I always hit the Addidas, Puma, Reebok outlets for my kids. I hope to get Dan there during spring break -- it's only 3 1/2 hours, really closer to me than KC, so its a good alternative to the rather bleak shopping options here in T-town. The ONLY place to shop in T-town, Stein Mart and maybe Target. Yeah, like a said, pretty bleak.

I also gave myself a late b-day present and purchased Storyweaver software so that I can make some sense of the huge collection of notes, story outlines that I have at my journal. I have been inspired by a new acquaintance who is actually working on a screen play with a buddy from L.A. This kind of big thinking totally inspires me. Thanks, Chris and Lindsay.

Current book

I am also reading a novel by one of my favorite author's - Margaret Atwood - Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood...this is one funky novel, almost apocalyptic in its tone, weary fatalism and futuristic mood to it. I'm not all the way finished with it yet, but am enjoying the stretching...I'm not a big sci fi fan (or futuristic or whatever this genre might be) but Atwood is masterful in her storyweaving. I'll try to post my own review of it later.

All my favorite things -- my kids, family, books, music and writing. There, that's my life in a nutshell. If, as Atwood predicts, the future ends here rather soon, I can rebuild my life with these things.

Chocolate cake, like the kind my daughter makes, would also be nice to have.

Home

"Maybe that's all a family really is; a group of people who miss the same imaginary place."

This is one of the great quotes from "Garden State"...which I am now proud to say I own the soundtrack...am listening to it as I write this. Heady stuff.

I have been immersed in music since I've been on the road...picked up the Los Lonely Boys grammy-winning album, and dug through some of my older CD's that I've had at the bottom of my listening bag. Music feeds my soul...not always healthy food, true. But good stuff.

I stayed in Dallas with a friend, where I think I was the only 40 year old or over in a 3 mile swath. Everyone in her neighborhood is a "hottie"...young, urban, wouldn't know a facial wrinkle if they had one, well, right under their nose. I remember those days -- wouldn't go back if you paid me -- but does make one feel really ancient to be around a bunch of "under thirties".

Reaching 40 gives one the right to say "this is my life, and I'll live it how I please, thank you, even if that means that I'm not the most fashionable place, dress the most fashionably..." Wonder what 50 will bring?

Heard from an old friend on the phone on the way home...he sounded sad, and he was, I miss him.

It's just good to be home. Will turn up the stereo and bask in the lovliness of being home with those that I love.

Novel recommendation

1.

Upstate : A Novel

I was up until 3 am this morning finishing this book...and crying all the way through, which is unusual for me...maybe I was just tired, but this book (listened to on audible) was hauntingly beautiful. It had a good ending, but not a fairy tale ending, which always is more credible to me...life just isn't usually a fairy tale, so stories that end with somethings unresolved always seem more relevant to me.

At first the novel was a little too edgy, lots of language to get through, but it is about a couple of Harlem teenagers, so it is "real"...but don't read it if you are easily offended by the antics of teenagers in love.

Something that I think the book does a good job of is showing how lives that intersect -- though may not always stay in sync, still can profoundly influence. I also like the idea that the most broken in our society still have something--sometimes more -- to give to more "healthy" members. In fact, that theme has struck me several times in some other readings so I'm going to think on it more...

I have a friend in KC who is a theologian who is offering me a helping hand on some heavier, weightier things and I'm so thankful for his guidance. I have some gnarly questions that are tugging at the edge of my mind -- specifically the ideas of wealth in America and how that works -- or doesn't work -- with so many in the world living such poverty ridden lives, I've starting rethinking some things.

Tomorrow, road trip to Dallas -- really quick, and I'll be jammin to my new CD's...

Getting ready

I'm saving a lot of tracks into my computer so that I can have my favorite songs at my fingertips. I'm getting ready for the next 5 months...with a top trip on the line.

I've not yet taken a top director trip and I really want to take Dan on this trip...it's to Greece, a cruise, and we both love history, so it would be a lot of fun. Also, we're celebrating 20 years of being married this year and what a way to celebrate...free! On a top trip, with no holds barred.

So, I've been working on my plan...and its starting to take shape... it's different than I thought it would be, it's better. I am constantly amazed at how short sighted I am and how bigger things are always better...and ways that I can't always see.

I've also been working on some reading...I've been doing more readings from classical theologians (Nouwen, Watchman Nee) and current, including NTWright
http://www.hornes.org/theologia/content/travis_tamerius/interview_with_n_t_wright.htm

I don't know if I agree with all his destinations and conclusions, but that's not really the point...he has a lot of good things to say, and I'm trying to get my mind around them.

I find that when I'm immersed in music, art, writing, my life hums along better. Sometimes, I forget to feed my soul, and then I experience a poverty of spirit that is like desert in August...and all it takes is a poem, a book, an album to turn it around. God speaks in so many ways -- I see Him in great movies, great literature and in music. Not any of the "official" places, maybe, but ways that I see Him.

And yes, it does make sense that i see Him where I'm looking...and that is both enlightning and convicting.

Usher --

I went out and purchased "Usher's" new album...my favorite songs, "Caught up" and of course, "Yeah"...so I am jammin' to that new sound (for me). I still want to get Los Lonely Boys album...I dug out my Alicia Keys stuff and am re-listening to it...all great stuff and I'm really enjoying listening to my new tunes.

Valentine's Day

I'm sitting in my office surrounded by a big stuffed teddy, about 100 Snoopy cards, candy litters
my desk and flowers are sitting in a vase. I walked in and my study had been transformed
into a den of love. My husband has learned that on this day-- only two things matter...lots of chocolate and lots of flowers. He got it perfect this year...and snoopy cards were just an
extra fun touch. I wonder if I'll ever find all of them..they are hidden everywhere!

Last night my daughter and I made her first every "from scratch" chocolate cake -- absolutely
divine. It is a two-tier cake and it quite literally melts in my mouth. She doesn't like the
"sissy" box cakes, she says.

I gave a speech today for a speech contest -- and won-- my topic: Modern Love. I pulled
from over 20 years of relationships with Dan and the kids. I get to "re-do" it for a regional
contest in May -- hope the kinks are worked out of it by then and Dan can hear it.

I am basking in the love of those that mean the most to me...and it feels great. When I was young and my family was a mess, I would dream of having the kind of family that I have now...today is a good day to celebrate that gift.

Great moments from the Grammy's

Great lyrics from Kenye West:
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/kanyewest/jesuswalks.html

I'll be buying everything I can from USHER...what a great performer. http://www.usherworld.com/

My new love

Check him out..

http://gardenstate.typepad.com/zach_braffs_garden_state_/2005/02/tsunami_relief.html

Sunday before Valentine's Day

I'm getting ready to watch "Garden State" for the second time....LOVE the movie...Dan and I watched it together yesterday...he's a lot of fun to watch movies with..he always "sees" the movie before I can get the whole point of it ...and he is eloquent and understanding when he reviews the characters...always giving the benefit of the doubt. We don't always agree on the movie and their stories and he may be less charitable in some of his reviews than me, but he is fun to go to movies together.

Yesterday was a day filled with lots of funning around with kids basketball and soccer games.. fun to watch...last night was Basketball Homecoming...and it is there that I think I most experience "community" in the sense of the word...my kids are involved, we see community friends, we have a purpose, we are all joined together in one aspect...I really enjoy this about our life here in Oklahoma.

My review "Garden State"

I watched Garden State on a rainy Saturday afternoon which made the poignant scenes all that much more deep and real.

Garden State is the 20's generation coming of age movie. I'm not twenty, but I felt 20 while I was watching it bacause it captures what most "coming of age" movies do..that bittersweet abyss (?) between what was and what is. In short, it captures what any transition in life can be for us...scary, boring, exciting, exhilerating, confusing.

There are important scenes which the movie uses along with its well rounded sound track and great artsy shots that build the story of a young man (Zach Braff) who is finding his way after his mother's death. So well done are these moments that I felt myself feeling, "I have BEEN there!"

I didn't see this movie in the theater which made the discovery of it that much better...like a treasure on a damp Saturday that one doesn't expect, it's suprising and fulfiling.

Funniest thing I heard all day

I spend a lot of time on the road -- too much -- I've recently resolved to travel only during weekdays and not at all on weekends, which means, sigh, I'll be giving up some fun trips...
Though I try to use the time well -- listening to books, music, motivational tapes, every now and then I give in and just veg...today I was flipping around on the dial and heard this..

"If quiz are quizzical, then what are tests?"

Chuck and Cammi

You know its an imbalanced world when more press time is devoted to The Royal Wedding, Part II, than the terror threats from North Korea.

Do we really care more about what she'll wear down the aisle than how we might defend ourself against a nuclear threat.

For my money, I think it's swell. After all, after reaching mid-life myself, its kinda neat to see a love that evidently has outlived a fashionista and triumphed over polls. Old friends that made all the wrongs moves, only to end up together to live out their lives and find real love.

Thoughts on transition

I started thinking today about an idea...how does a church -- or any organization for that matter -- die? Not "how" does it die, but in what way. At some point every thing dies...and I think dying with dignity is important.

I've never heard any "rules" about how to do it...yet it must happen all the time...but with less success than I think it could be, if some thought were given to it. Maybe, the time comes when we have to say, "this has had a good run...it's time to call it a day.." and then, allow something -- an event, an idea, an organization to laspe into that great unknown, gracefully.

How do you do that? How do you let go of dreams and ideas so that new ventures, ideas can begin to emerge from the ashes? How do you close out what is so that what can be occurs?

I'm just asking...I have no concrete ideas on that...but the idea that it can be done -- done well - is intriguing to me.

Totally impressed

My son returned home with a new "X-BOX" in hand. He reported that he has "won" it at a church function with some of his friends.

"Wow" I thought. Pretty impressive gift.

What really impressed me, though, was the home visit that was shared with us by some of the members of this church. There were 2 teenagers (who my son knew) and a woman, just letting us know they appreciated my son being at their event. They brought some other info, along, too, didn't stay long..just said, "thanks".

It's a small gesture, but very impressive to me.

www.cbs.cbcowasso.org

Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Insist on yourself; never imitate. Your own gift you can present every moment with the cumulative force of a whole life's cultivation; but of the adopted talent of another you have only an extemporaneous half possession...Do that which is assigned to you, and you cannot hope too much or dare too much." Ralph Waldo Emerson from "Self-Reliance"

Giving into the flu

The bug that I've been avoiding has increased its potency today and I'm seeking refuge here at home, in front of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and lots of hot tea. Dan is fetching me some hot/sour soup and several egg rolls -- my favorite comfort food.

Today, though, is a red letter day...I was celebrated as #1 director at an area conference...I'm very excited, but more excited for the renewed vision that I've discovered these last few months.

Some decisions you find yourself making with little or no thought...like what entree to order or what drink to have. They seem meaningless, but over time they create habits -- good or bad -- and they continue. I've identified some really bad habits -- destructive habits -- that I've had and am forced to make some changes. This will be extremely hard, but I've already taken the first step...deciding upon a new change that I will start tomorrow. Stay tuned.

"The Kite Runner"

I'm finishing the book, "The Kite Runner" and it is a wonderful experience. I've not been feeling well the last half of the week and while I've been plodding around in my office, getting out from under the month end avalanche as well as preparing for new month, I've been listening to this story. It has taken my mind off being sick.

Some truly amazing things have begun to happen in my business and I'm so thankful that I stayed in the mode during some challenging times. I like to say that the true measure of a leader is how well things go when they are not around...To that end, I assisted in developing a local workshop that now has a life of its own. It is very gratifying to see a project not only get off the ground but take on its own form and its own life after one has "let go" of the leadership strings. To me, this kind of success gives me great joy because I believe it says that others are being used in their gifts and their own success.

I am able now to firmly look to the year end goals that I have projected. We still have a lot of work to do, but I'm feeling more rejuvenated and more excited than in a long time. I truly feel that the first decade of my professional life has brought its share of success and challenges and that all can be learned from. I tend to make the same mistake a few times before I learn the lesson, though.

The next five years are important years as I take new steps in my professional life, launch my children into their own lives and celebrate almost a quarter centennial married to Dan. I do expect there to be some challenges to these important milestones and yet I welcome the challenges and the inevitable lessons that will come.

In short, bring it on.

Parenting for Dummies

We're at full-tilt teenage cruise. That is, my kids are now fully teenagers and the fun has just begun.

I find myself sitting back and thinking a lot about my own teenage years. It humbles me a bit before I get too much in their faces. It brings me back short to remember "when".

Still, my job as a parent is to provide less of a guide at this point and more of a direction. I liken it to sledding. The direction is not always the question, but avoiding obstacles is. It's as if I sit behind my kids, with my arms around them, ticking off debris and pulling back or forth for the right momentum. Yes, that is it exactly.

We are fully discovering the art of maniupulation by young people intent on having their way. The performances are lively, interesting and always challenging. Like when they were little, I always get requests when I'm involved in other conversations -- on the phone, especially -- so now the rule is, "If you want a quick 'no', ask me when I'm on the phone (or otherwise engaged)."

There is no job that puts you more in front of yourself, with all your demons, ambitions, desires and dreams than the job of being a parent. You confront yourself and your fears each time they walk in the door, or worse, when they leave. I use to think that all the rules at church, work, school were created by adults that clearly had their own childhood/adolescence in mind. Now, I'm sure of it. Being a parent means that you realize not only the magnitude but also the potential for major life mistakes...and probably, you've already experienced them.

I believe good parenting is like renting a house...you know your role isn't permanent and that you have to keep it nice for the next folks that move in. My kids are now well on their way to their own lives and the people with whom they "do life with" will more or less, pick up the slack on what I did -- and did not -- teach them. I've thought a good deal about situations that we might encounter as they make their own life choices.

I hope to be the kind of parent that communicates love regardless of lifestyle or profession. I hope that my kids know that their life is THEIR LIFE, and not some version of my own. I hope most of all that my own demons don't haunt them or hold them hostage. In short, my job as their parent is to make myself unneeded and, hopefully, unwanted. I would not want my kids to "miss me" too much when I'm gone...I hope that they remember good times and funny times but I want them to move on with their lives with what they rec'd from me, not running from some tyrannical idea of what they might think I would want.

Every job I've ever done pale in comparision to the energy, committment, joy and pain with parenthood. I pray that God raises these kids in spite of me.

Target acquired

We did it. We hit the mark. I'm taking the day off to plan, write and enjoy the moment.