Public Service Announcement

I feel it is my duty to warn you -- do NOT waste your money on "Closer".

I cannot find one redemptive quality of this movie. Great actresses and actors, maybe. And sure, it'll make you think about relationships and what they are and are not...but there has to be some redeeming quality in the story itself.

Dan and I redeemed it by having our favorite "after date" dinner with which we had Coney Islanders and Pepsi. It's almost a family tradition.

Hey, and there is only 11 days until "Meet the Fockers" is at the theaters!

Mario Puzzo

"I didn't have the guts to be a criminal so I became a writer instead." --- Author Mario Puzzo, of "The Godfather" series.

It is interesting to note that the word "Godfather" wasn't used by Italian families or the mafia until AFTER Puzzo used it in his books. Puzzo grew up in an illiterate family who viewed his library card with horror and disdain.

The phrase "make him an offer he can't refuse." came into play after the Godfather, again one of Puzzo's creations in his mafia-family saga.

Surreal encounter

"You can see the sunset from here."

I looked up from my book to see a tall gentleman, standing in front of the large plate glass which looked out over the parking lot. The sun had set a few minute prior and all that was left was a cool gray sky with cirrus clouds in the distance.

"Yes", I said. "you can".

I went back to reading my book. My 5 PM was running late, I was hungry and wanted to get home before the traffic got any worse.

A few minutes later the same guy is sitting at a table not far from me and he's talking again. I try to be polite, answer a few of his questions, keep reading my book, watching the time all along.

"Not much to do around here, is there?" he asks. "I mean, I'm from Minneopolis and the culture there is great."

Now here's something I can talk about. Growing up in Oklahoma I ran away to the big city -- New York -- for a few years, until the red dirt and grandmother's pot roast called me back. Still I miss the museums, the shows, the grit of New York.

"No" I agreed. "Not much. But it has a certain provencial charm."
"Reminds me of Arkansas" he said, taking a drink of his coffee.

Wierdo, I think. I look again at my watch. I've obviously been stood up, not uncommon during holidays. Which is why, I think, I dislike them so much. No one wants to do anything but party, shop, two talents for which I share no passion.

"So I travel a lot -- here six months on a contract."

And then, he dropped the bomb. "But my faith in God sustains me."

I start to gather my stuff. I can see where this is headed. Another quack on the bible bandwagon. I gotta go.

He watches me, a bit sadly and then, "So, are you a Christian?"

I stop. I think. "I, well, uhm, yes, I think...yes. I am" I stagger through it, not meeting his eyes. I really, really need to go.

"So are you or aren't you?" He truly is beginning to worry me.

I say nothing. I'm now a bit afraid. Why is he creeping me out so much?

He leans forward, elbows on knees. "When I said that, you got really uncomfortable. Why?"

I stop, put down my keys, look right at him. "Because living here, being a christian isn't always something I'm proud of." I say. "My experience with those that say "christian" isn't always a good thing." There, I've said it.

"Can you wait just a minute, I have something I want to give you."

Oh, God, a real holy roller, Jesus quack. I won't meet his gaze.

"Sure" I say. But I've got my bag on my shoulder, I'm clearly perched for take off.

He goes out to his car and returns with some books.

"Here" he says. "These are for you."

I take the slim volumes, by some author I'd vaguely heard of. Books always get my attention and I say, "uhm, thanks".

"I believe there are many of us who are looking for the depths of God. Read these. Pray."

He then gets up and walks away. He doesn't ask for my name. He doesn't want my number. He leaves before I do and doesn't ask for a contribution.

I think about this man, this encounter all the way home. I could write it off as some quack who just likes to ruffle people.

But I have to be honest. He wasn't intrusive. He wasn't angry. He wasn't even "preachy". He just offered and left his gift.

The books are on prayer and are very good. Would it surprise you to know that I have been praying for guidance on prayer...for how to know God better? Is it too much of a coincidence that this man would hand me these books, literally out of thin air.

Or is this just some crazy coffee shop experience?

Jon Stewart on Larry King

"If you think that posting the Ten Commandments in your kids' school is going to change behaviour, then the sign that says, 'WASH HANDS' is keeping piss out of your happy meal." -- Jon Stewart

ABC Peter Jennings - Televangelists

"Bad lanuage, hatred, murder and violence that is being thrown at us. " from tonight's broadcast.

The church wouldn't have any of that, now, would it? It doesn't frighten me that these qualities might be outside the church....it frightens me that it exists within it.

New Age Shopping

I noticed that some of the trends that we talk so much about at corporate meetings, etc., are making themselves known in retail. As I walked the mall today (something I do maybe once in decade...isn't that why God made the internet, to shop without the walk?) I visited a store that has some of my favorite products, where I could "personalize" my own aromatherapy and customize my own gift basket with scents that will do everything from energize to stimulate to invigorate. Before I left with my purchases, I was invited to enjoy a few "moment of relaxation" with a back massage. I declined...I love massages, but something about straddling the chair in the shop window of a mall, while many other shoppers watched, didn't appeal to me.

Then, I walked down a few paces and discovered that I could customize my own smoothie with whatever "add in" I might want -- vitamins, etc.

I also noticed today that cell phones were in everyone's ear or should I say BLUETOOTH is on everyone's ear, so we all walk around like some transplant from a space trilogy. People use to get thrown into psych wards for the same behaviour, talking to themselves as they walked.

We seem to be in search of comfort and peace, yet unable to connect to the moment. I stood in the store, awaiting my custom mix, while all around people were "connecting" to others via palm pilots, cell phones. You couldn't really talk to anybody, they were already in a conversation. So in the midst of a busy mall at one of the busiest times of the year, I stood there, almost alone, yet surrounded by people. It was surreal.

Whew -- DONE!

Yessiree...my holiday gift shopping is DONE DONE DONE! As of 8:39 this evening, I have completed shopping for my family and friends and colleages! And I've been wrapping a little as I go, so I am finishing that up tomorrow and then...finishing up business and enjoying some R & R.

The year is ending in a surprisingly wonderful note. Some hard work is paying off and I'm feeling good about attending Leadership next month in N'Orleans.

I now need to focus a bit on some household things -- getting those bathrooms finished is a big part of our focus for the end of the year...and we're almost ready to start painting, adding fixtures again, etc. That will be wonderful to have bathrooms that the kids can use again.

I'm in the process of making up my holiday reading list...trying some new books, including some mysteries. Usually I don't enjoy mysteries much but am learning to enjoy some new authors. And I'm trying to read in genre's that I haven't read much to broaden my reading so to speak.

Now that I've done almost two years of 2-week workouts, I'm thinking of raising the bar and adding a third workout -- Wednesday evenings -- to my schedule. I would LOVE to lose about 25 pounds in the new year and have already started some scaling back of foods, portions. It's killing me...but I know it will pay off.

Sometimes, life is sweet and possibilities exist everywhere. This is one of those days.

Technology and mere mortals

I spent the better half of an afternoon trying to navigate an online web conference system...and with somewhat disappointing results. I've decided that unless there is some standardization of equipment, it is near impossible to have a conference with any quality at this stage of the technology game. Still it's a dream that will soon come to pass..sit down at your computer, hit a few strokes, voila you'll be in a virtual meeting room in your pj's.

This brings up surprising ideas...such as how to maniupulate one's picture or presence online. I found myself holding up pics from magazines of top models and so my name --- and then under that, some supermodel in pose. It was kinda cool...only it didn't fool anyone else in the meeting. They figured I was behind, hiding.

But what if that happens? What if we start to create online personalities that look and act like our imagination...and we never leave our houses at all. You could go your entire life and never know the person who does your taxes isn't a svelt Tom Cruise look alike. And he'd never know you didn't look like Charlize Theron. A whole world built upon superficiality and illusion.

One heckuva fight

Every year or so, my husband and I have our bi-annual argument. We use to have more, but I'm a sore loser so I asked if we could plan our biggies every other year...that way, I could regain my emotional constitution and lick my wounds.

Every relationship has that moment when you realize that the person you married doesn't quite meet your expectations. And if they do, your expectations start to change. And the new expectations freak out your partner....Let's face it, marriage is hard. Relationships are hard.

When people tell me that they and their spouse never "talk about divorce" or seperation, I try to suppress my laughter. I figure they lie about other things too. Or they just aren't very honest. Or maybe incredibly naiive.

Dan and I have slugged it out (metaphorically speaking) on so many issues, we can recite, line by line what the other will say about our rehearsed lines. Dan even does a great impression of me and nails it, everytime. 17 years of being together, you do get to practice, y'know.

At that moment when its a toss up to stay or leave is a moment of incredible opportunity. There will be, no doubt, more compromise, more let-downs, more tears. Yet there is that seed of change that working through the difficulty brings. It changes both people, both organisms and fundamentally a new relationship can emerge. That seed of possibility, so ripe with opportunity and promise, is worth holding out.

I worry about relationships that are the "quick and the dead" type. I worry that the people involved never get past an important growth opportunity, destined to only repeat that scenario in a different way, with a different partner, with the same outcome...no one wins and no one grows.

I don't limit these comments to only marriage...relationships can take the form of employer to employee, friend to friend, congregant to congregation, parent to child, student to school.

Someone not meeting your needs? How would Jon Stewart say this..."Get over it." "Grow over it" Something like that?

There is more opportunity in the process of getting over it, than in rebuilding with a new "partner" on a faulty premise: that anyone one of us is perfect, that any relationship will be anything but exquisitely painful and elegantly disasastrous on many levels.

Those moments when expectations are dashed, needs are ignored are seedpods of love.

One Proud Mama

My daughter played her first varisty bball game last night. What makes this especially exciting is that she is the only freshman on the varsity team and not only did she suit up, but she played in all four quarters.

Ellen's ability to be disciplined, along with a great couple of coaches (her dad and g'dad) , she is working towards her goal of going to Duke University along with playing National Ball.

My daughter has never lived in a world where there was no WNBA. She lives in a world where the Supreme Court has always had a woman. She lives in a world where her mother's friends are doctors, attorneys, mothers, community leaders.

Her world is much different than my own world and the world of the generation before me. She sees something, she sees women making progress in those fields and she sets her sights to be among them.

"Mom are you ready?" she just called to me. I agreed to take her to practice this morning.

Yes, Ellen, I'm ready. Let's go.

Belief O'Matic

What a relief. I took the "Belief-O-Matic" quiz at www.beliefnet.com and thank God (no pun intended) I finally KNOW what belief I most "fit into".

Here are the results of my quiz:


.
Bahá'í Faith (100%)
2.
Orthodox Judaism (99%)
3.
Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (95%)
4.
Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (94%)
5.
Islam (91%)

That's really helpful. SO glad to have that sorted out. I wonder where Tulsa's "Baha i Faith" meets?

Friday Night Stand Up

My favorite way to "veg" is by watching Comedy Central and its lineup of stand up comedy. Tonight featurs comics from "across the pond" which is a much different type of comedy (usually much cleaner and a bit high brow)...One of my favorites is Sarah Kendall from Australia (not British...but still a bit far away).

What I think is interesting is that comics that perform internationally must use material that connects with all types of audiences, unlimited by borders and culture. That takes a bit more effort and brains.

Colin Mocherie, of "Whose LIne Is it Anyway" says there are three qualities that comics must have:

1 - a sense of being an outsider

2 - the ability to see the humor in everything

3 - soul-devouring bitterness

Dwayne Kennedy (a NY comic) is funny with a lot of religious overtures:

"I know bad stuff happened in the bible. Have you ever really looked? Things start going downhill about page 3."

"I'm atheist with a "B" plan...you don't want to be the only one on your block that finds out at the last minute that God really exist."

My brothers and I grew up listening to Bill Cosby records...we had them all memorized, probably can still quote them from start to finish. This was his "Fat Albert" era and a lot of things about his childhood. If you can laugh at something, you're one step closer to dealing with it.

No Surpise

Pharmaceutical companies are launching new products that are "like Viagra for women". Since the launch on Tuesday, one OB-GYN claims that his office has been besieged with phone calls saying that "one out of every five calls is asking for the 'script".

He added, "half of the calls are from men getting 'scripts for their wives."

Well, it is the holiday season. Gift packaged with misteltoe, just might do the trick.

Why Church?

Catherine of Siena, (1347-1380), twenty-fourth of twenty five children, reared in a poor but devout Catholic family in an age of class feuds and religious wars. At the age of seven she vowed her virginity to God, at fifteen she cut off her hair in defiance of her parent's efforts to see her married. At eighteen she became a Dominican nun and began to live in solitude and silence going out of her room only for mass.

At 21, she returned to her family and spend her life helping the poor, serving as a nurse in homes and hospitals. Even though her fame spread from poor beggars to powerful popes, she managed to maintain a deep interior life of silence and devotion to God. Catherine was called upon to help settle political disputes and social unrest until her death in 1380. The Catholic church granted her the title, "Doctor of the Church."

In her "The Dialogue" she gives her glimpse of the importance of Church in the spiritual jurney:

"...And the hostelry of holy Church is there to serve the bread of life and blood lest the journeying pilgrims, my creatures, grow weary and faint on the way..."

(From Devotional Classics, Foster/Smith)

Most of my experiences with any type of church have fallen short of this goal. Is it attainable? Is it worth working towards? Perhaps. But only when each of us - me -- start asking the question, "what can I do to bring this reality to bear?" will we be able to make this vision a reality.

That question can stop each of us in our tracks and force the attention to be about what we individually can contribute to creating this for others. Perhaps we spend too much time in designing grand plans to "reach" people, when the people are all around us, we simply must pick up the work and do it, each as we know how, each as we can. No other way really works, I think. It seems so simple and yet we are so bad at it.

Sappy Holiday Movie, Great Message

If you can get past the overacting, the predictable antics, the slapstick comedy, "Christmas with the Kranks" can be a holiday highlight.

Yes, the storyline is predictable. Yes, the comedic attempts are at times, overdone. Nonetheless, the ending and the message on building community hits the deep, red center. It has me teary at the end...even me, a confirmed scrooge, churlish and unforgiving in my lack of holiday cheer.

Best Scene: Jamie Lee Curtis in a string bikini ("this should be outlawed"...thanks, Jamie, for something all of us 40-something's can relate to!

Best Actor: Dan Akroyd, as the nazi-leader of merriment. His forced laughter during caroling is almost sinister-ly frightening.

Best Moment: When Tim Allen is quite literally between two realities, made real when he is standing in the street.

Blog use #1

According to Aaron Brown on CNN last night, the #1 word looked up online is the word "blog". What does that mean, really? What does it say about where our culture is headed?

Today, I heard big corporate news at 12 noon and by 2:30, I had sent email/voice broadcast to all those in my organization to all parts of the states. This normally would have taken weeks in previous experiences. That's what the internet revolution means to me...it means much more, too, but it has eased communication and created new problems, too.

Resistance is Futile
This news article at Reuters says 'Blog' Tops U.S. Dictionary's Words of the Year.

Overhead today

I was listening in on a conversation between some people on the radio while driving. The focus of the discussion was regarding the nation's homeless and the children that are in poverty.

This stirs great interest in me namely because I grew up extremely poor and always enjoy some educated, private-schooled, never-had-to-worry-where-the-next-meal-was-coming-from guy (or gal) talk about poverty. They obviously have been reading too many fiction novels, because there is nothing -- nothing -- glamorous about poverty.

There seems to be a sparkle in their eye when they refer to children and adults who exist in poverty. They seem to be like an archeologists on a dig, finding a new form of human. What really challenges me is that some of this ilk seem like it is an inalienable right that every person be given an education, be given a computer, be given benefits with their job. We live in an entitlement world that knows little of what it takes to move from poor to not so poor to managing. And rich, educated folks like I heard today don't make it any easier.

I wish that those who fantasize with their saviour-complex would ask some good questions. Like, "why?", for starters. Why? Why do people end up homeless, with no money? I have seen poverty from the inside and I can tell you, some people are as strategic as being poor -- and staying poor --- as those who are planning with their fat retirement accounts. There is a certain adrenaline rush to cutting coupons and downsizing. Like a big game in which they win when they spend less, they push and jolt others around for their sense of entitlement.

I know that there are people -- children -- that are truly innocent in the sense that they are born into poverty...I was one. But being born into a situation does not mean one has to stay there. Is it difficult to change that paradigm? Absolutely. Is it easy? Not on your life. It takes work and focus and dedication and then more work. And it takes the hardest work of all, that in reliance on a power greater than oneself to make changes in thinking and behaviour. Change is hard, it takes work and it takes grit. And it is honorable to allow someone to struggle in that process so that the struggle becomes "theirs" so that when they achieve it, it is their own and not some thin hand me down mentality.

For some, work has become a four-letter word. We believe that things should be handed to us and it should cause us no discomfort, no effort, no real investment of ourselves. The thing is, I really believe that unless something is worked for it doesn't mean squash and won't be worthwhile to anyone, least of all the one who has been "given". I believe that these kinds of gifts are much more for those that are givers, than those that are the benficiaries. It is a kind of salve on our conscious to think that we've done "something" for someone.

Giving someone a hand out is not the answer. Giving someone an opportunity to work -- and sometimes work hard -- is more spiritual and beneficial than an easy ride.

Bullseye

Just finished up November's numbers...had our best month of the year. I'm really pleased and excited how some new ideas in business have propelled our unit forward to higher and higher plateaus. I'm excited to see what the new year will bring. I've had the good fortune of having several wonderful women cross my life and the result is very exciting. Good things continue to happen in this sphere of my life.

I have a friend who teaches at a university and she called me today. I like to call her my "chocolate bunny" friend. She has it all together on the outside, but inside she seems hollow and empty. I've told her that and she agrees, so I'm not speaking out of turn here. She and I have a friendship that reaches way, way back and we both are able to be really honest with each other. She has her criticims of me, too, all of which are true. It's kind of good to have that kind of friend, but it's probably better that we don't see each other everyday.

Then, I have another friend who is in my industry -- also out of town, and she calls me almost daily just to say "hey" and cheer me on. I love it when she calls and I look forward to hearing what she's doing. She is just a person that brings out the best in people and I love her for that. She speaks Spanish fluently and I try to talk to her in Spanish, but she just always laughs at me and says, "I think you need to master English, first." Bloody right.

Sometimes its good to stop and remember the friends I have -- all different and all unique. I have been blessed with some really special people in my life and I'm grateful. I don't appreciate these friends like I should and yet they remain good friends. That's a good thing.

INTJ/DISC...what?

If you spend any time in leadership you will soon be confronted with personality profiles. There are at least 5 or more that dot the leadership landscape---Myers-Brigg, DISC among many others.

I've often been a skeptic of these profiles simply because I don't like to pigeonhole anybody into any certain category nor do I enjoy being "tagged" and labeled.. Yet, recently, I've been reviewing some of the information particularly in Myers-Brigg profile. I have taken it many times and each time it is the same -- INTJ is what I "am".

While it is helpful to understand this what I'm really interested in getting to is what I am "not". In other words, I work with such a variety of people that I often have to adjust my style to better suit theirs. This is far from easy and an exercise that I find challenging. The tempation is to discover one's strength and say, "there ya go...that's what I am and that's that" but the real purpose of such profiles is to better understand where I might improve and become more flexible.

I've been really working on this lately, particularly with some of the styles that I often find challenging. It's kind of like a new math problem, getting my brain around new ways to communicate with people. But it's also very rewarding when I find that I am growing in new ways, too.

I can see how if I had takent his task more seriously in my earlier days of leading that I might have done a much better job at relating and responding to others.

For those of you that don't know, the INTJ's mantra is "things can always be better" and this style tends to drive others crazy because we're always trying to improve something, someone. It has it strengths, but it also has its weaknesses. I'm working on building new flexibility in my style and finding it challenging, but fun.

Still working on 2500 words a day

I've been doing the discipline of writing -- just writing -- 2500 words or more a day. That is no easy order. The first few days went by fine, but then I found myself having to really dig for new ideas..which is exactly what this discipline is trying to accomplish. Then as I started with characters things really began to take off. Great therapy, too. That snippy little waitress at the cafe? I can re-write her to have a limp and a buck tooth. Friend of mine getting on my nerves? I can write him or her to have gout or some other terrible disease. Now I know why writers are probably also control -freaks...great way to control an imaginary world.

I may be upgrading my current laptop in a few months as prices on laptops continue to spiral downward. I find myself writing more and more in the times between appointments and just when I'm out and about.

I'm still trying to make sense of the after thanksgiving rushes. Today I returned to a store that was packed -- with lines out the door -- to return some items that didn't quite work. There was hardly anybody in the store, though most of the merchandise was still heavily discounted. I've about decided that the whole "after thanksging" rush is designed for those that are addicted to the adrenaline rush of having huge crowds of people push you and prod you around a crowded, sweaty store. For my money, I'll pay the extra price for any "deal" I may have missed on some special discounted day.