I've been a fickle blogger of late - only writing bits and pieces as I felt like it or as the mood hit. It's not that I've not been writing -- it's just that I've not been blogging. I think I said once before in this blog that sometimes it is not that you don't have anything to say, it's that you have too much.
We took our daughter to tour her very first campus visit. Again I underestimated the emotional whallop this would take on me. Like her dad, Ellen is a great student who leans towards disciplines such as science and math. As we toured the bio chem department Ellen and Dan were completely engrossed and acted as if they understood all the five-syllable words that the professor was telling them. As for myself, I got that same twitchy, nervous feeling that I often had in my chem labs in college. Give me an essay exam any day over numbers or chemical strings.
There are moments as a parent that you get caught up short, that you realize that your job is nearing completion and that while you know you have had some influence in your kid's life, you also know that they are who they are by some ingenious mix of DNA and divine hand. And you marvel at that thought, at how this person can be so much a part of you and yet so much their own person. As I watched Ellen begin her own journey towards her new life I was struck with just how much she has it together and I had to wonder, "how the heck did that happen?"
I called an old friend this past week who also has kids leaving for college. She was the one who gave me some good advice once. When we were getting ready for Ellen to be born, I worried that I could not love another kid as much as I did our first. I asked her, "can you love two kids the same?" And she said, "Of course not. You love them differently." At the time I don't think I understood what she was saying. Now, 18 plus years later, I think I am beginning to understand.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Going to State
This post will reek of "mom'isms", I'm afraid. I am just so proud, I could pop.
I could be proud that her team won and is headed to State Playoffs. I could be proud that she played through some difficult pain in her shoulder, but you had to look carefully to know it, if you noticed it at all.
But what I'm most proud is how she handles herself both on and off the field. She plays to win but not at all costs. She cares about her team and she plays unselfishly. And when confronted with players from other teams that may lack maturity, she plays her own game and refuses to be embroiled in showmanship or talking smack.
She continues to be a good student with numerous awards but again, it isn't what SHE DOES that makes me so proud. It is who she is and who she is becoming.
Go get 'em Rams!
I could be proud that her team won and is headed to State Playoffs. I could be proud that she played through some difficult pain in her shoulder, but you had to look carefully to know it, if you noticed it at all.
But what I'm most proud is how she handles herself both on and off the field. She plays to win but not at all costs. She cares about her team and she plays unselfishly. And when confronted with players from other teams that may lack maturity, she plays her own game and refuses to be embroiled in showmanship or talking smack.
She continues to be a good student with numerous awards but again, it isn't what SHE DOES that makes me so proud. It is who she is and who she is becoming.
Go get 'em Rams!
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Regionals
Occassionally, I am able to see my kid's somewhat objectively and, though I love them to death, I try not boast too much.
Today is not one of those days.
Saturday, my daughter's bball team dominated a well known team and took away the Regional Championship, a feat not done in a decade. I am more than proud of her and her teammates, not only for the score but more importantly how they handled themselves on the court. Even when they had the trophy, they waited until they were in the locker room before the hooting and hollering really started. And, they kept their cool even when the other team threw a few intentionals their way late in the game.
Some of the teammates have played together for over eight years and the synchronicity of their playing time together is a big advantage.
Next report: Area on Thursday against another tough team.
Today is not one of those days.
Saturday, my daughter's bball team dominated a well known team and took away the Regional Championship, a feat not done in a decade. I am more than proud of her and her teammates, not only for the score but more importantly how they handled themselves on the court. Even when they had the trophy, they waited until they were in the locker room before the hooting and hollering really started. And, they kept their cool even when the other team threw a few intentionals their way late in the game.
Some of the teammates have played together for over eight years and the synchronicity of their playing time together is a big advantage.
Next report: Area on Thursday against another tough team.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Sunday Movie
Some friends and I went to see "The Queen" at the cinema yesterday. It was not my kind of movie . I am always a bit suspicious of anything considered "historical" when the history in question is less than 20 years old.
Still, the royal family intrigues most of us and for my generation, the death of Princess Diana is much like the death of JFK for my parent's generation in that we all remember what we were doing when we heard the news. (For myself, I was tucking kids into bed and watching a remake of another movie, Cape Fear, when the reports came in.)
I believe there are much more important themes that underlie the death of Diana, which for all accounts and purposes is the death, if not symbolically, of the monarchy itself (a fact made real by an ingenious scene in the movie. See if you can find it). I don't pretend to understand the enigmatic charm that Diana had over us but I do believe that she was the one last chance my generation had to believe in romance and fairy tales. And believe we did. We believed with our whole hearts. We cut our hair to look like her, we wore ridiculous bows on our dresses to be like her and we dreamed of having her life.
What I like about the movie is that it avoided cartoon-ish images of the royal family and a particularly generous profile of Tony Blair is given throughout the film. The character in the film that is least likeable - and least understandable - is Prince Philip (played by the best evil man working in Hollywood, James Cromwell). We don't understand Prince Phillip's rage or bitterness, but a quick study of history helps. Who amongst us would like to marry a queen only to be given a dumpy old castle and not the kingship itself?
At any rate, I cannot recommend the movie on the merits of acting nor on storyline. The few moments when the film really starts to gel for me are edited quickly for another montage of flowers and bows and that smile that haunted us all.
Still, the royal family intrigues most of us and for my generation, the death of Princess Diana is much like the death of JFK for my parent's generation in that we all remember what we were doing when we heard the news. (For myself, I was tucking kids into bed and watching a remake of another movie, Cape Fear, when the reports came in.)
I believe there are much more important themes that underlie the death of Diana, which for all accounts and purposes is the death, if not symbolically, of the monarchy itself (a fact made real by an ingenious scene in the movie. See if you can find it). I don't pretend to understand the enigmatic charm that Diana had over us but I do believe that she was the one last chance my generation had to believe in romance and fairy tales. And believe we did. We believed with our whole hearts. We cut our hair to look like her, we wore ridiculous bows on our dresses to be like her and we dreamed of having her life.
What I like about the movie is that it avoided cartoon-ish images of the royal family and a particularly generous profile of Tony Blair is given throughout the film. The character in the film that is least likeable - and least understandable - is Prince Philip (played by the best evil man working in Hollywood, James Cromwell). We don't understand Prince Phillip's rage or bitterness, but a quick study of history helps. Who amongst us would like to marry a queen only to be given a dumpy old castle and not the kingship itself?
At any rate, I cannot recommend the movie on the merits of acting nor on storyline. The few moments when the film really starts to gel for me are edited quickly for another montage of flowers and bows and that smile that haunted us all.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
From every angle...
Last weekend, we drove to OSU to visit Nathan and he showed us his latest projects. It is impossible to view anything your child does with any objectivity and so I won't even try. Here's some pics of his brilliance.
While his father can fully appreciate the complexity of the math/physics/geometry entailed, I had but one question: "Where's the kitchen?"
Friday, February 09, 2007
Download
I've been putting off blogging. Not because I don't have anything to say, but because I have so much. It's hard to know where to start, really.
I've been working on a new project that has been taking a lot of my time. I hope to share more about it soon.... it is very exciting and I'm working hard on it. For now, that's about all I can say.
Last weekend I saw, "Notes on a Scandal" and was bewitched by the deliciously evil Judi Dench. Her performance held me despite a storyline that failed. I've put her on my "Most Want to Meet List".
Basketball season is now in full swing and so a lot of my free time is invested watching my amazing daughter do her thing on the court. This topic has kept me busy writing in my personal journal because I just want to capture every moment of this time...soon she'll be packed away at college like her brother - a thought that immediately shakes tears from me.
And, I continue to fall onto the couch to watch reruns of my newest viewing addiction, "Scrubs". I absolutely love this show...I get completely absorbed by its lunatic poignancy. My favorite character is probably "Jordan" who is played by the the director's wife. Whatever - the alchemy of the script and actors is for me, first rate and a lot of fun.
I've been working on a new project that has been taking a lot of my time. I hope to share more about it soon.... it is very exciting and I'm working hard on it. For now, that's about all I can say.
Last weekend I saw, "Notes on a Scandal" and was bewitched by the deliciously evil Judi Dench. Her performance held me despite a storyline that failed. I've put her on my "Most Want to Meet List".
Basketball season is now in full swing and so a lot of my free time is invested watching my amazing daughter do her thing on the court. This topic has kept me busy writing in my personal journal because I just want to capture every moment of this time...soon she'll be packed away at college like her brother - a thought that immediately shakes tears from me.
And, I continue to fall onto the couch to watch reruns of my newest viewing addiction, "Scrubs". I absolutely love this show...I get completely absorbed by its lunatic poignancy. My favorite character is probably "Jordan" who is played by the the director's wife. Whatever - the alchemy of the script and actors is for me, first rate and a lot of fun.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Birthday with Brian
Today I turned 43 and so, luckily, the Brian Regan (www.brianregan.com) concert was tonight - -postponed from a couple of weeks ago because of the great ice storm.
The concert was held at the "historic" brady theater. Let me say something about this. Oklahoma became a state in 1906, therefore Tulsa is about 100 or so years old. 100 years, in the life of the cosmos, is not necessarily old. Yet, the "historic" brady theater sits in relative abandon. It does, in fact, make Roman catacombs look somewhat contemporary. The site could be one of Tulsa's most unique and artsy destinations, once it gets heating and hot water, which it did not have on Friday night
Despite being huddled under my husband's jacket, I could not stop laughing at this performer whose ability to handle hecklers--along with passing of distant freight train - hit every mark. I have seen many comics who cannot deal with interruptions in their act but Brian's best moments came at times when he ad libbed getting off stage and handling a freight train's whistle that happened mid-way through his act.
Another impressive component of Regan's act -- I heard nary a curse word nor one reference to any body part. It's not that the crowd was old ladies, either. I was probably one of the oldest there with many looking to be about my kid's ages. Brian takes ordinary life and spins it, twists it and makes it hilarious.
I have watched Regan a lot, have a couple of his CD's and seen him perform on Comedy Central. Still, most of what I saw on Friday was new material to me. Clearly he continues to work on his act in spite of 25 years of stand-up experience. This is refreshing in a performer where many in his league often re-hash old bits time and time again.
Regan can make even turning 43 a fun night.
The concert was held at the "historic" brady theater. Let me say something about this. Oklahoma became a state in 1906, therefore Tulsa is about 100 or so years old. 100 years, in the life of the cosmos, is not necessarily old. Yet, the "historic" brady theater sits in relative abandon. It does, in fact, make Roman catacombs look somewhat contemporary. The site could be one of Tulsa's most unique and artsy destinations, once it gets heating and hot water, which it did not have on Friday night
Despite being huddled under my husband's jacket, I could not stop laughing at this performer whose ability to handle hecklers--along with passing of distant freight train - hit every mark. I have seen many comics who cannot deal with interruptions in their act but Brian's best moments came at times when he ad libbed getting off stage and handling a freight train's whistle that happened mid-way through his act.
Another impressive component of Regan's act -- I heard nary a curse word nor one reference to any body part. It's not that the crowd was old ladies, either. I was probably one of the oldest there with many looking to be about my kid's ages. Brian takes ordinary life and spins it, twists it and makes it hilarious.
I have watched Regan a lot, have a couple of his CD's and seen him perform on Comedy Central. Still, most of what I saw on Friday was new material to me. Clearly he continues to work on his act in spite of 25 years of stand-up experience. This is refreshing in a performer where many in his league often re-hash old bits time and time again.
Regan can make even turning 43 a fun night.
Why I Volunteer
I found this article on a Fox 23 online site this morning. It is interesting that this article ran a day after another article ran in my little town which described a nasty town official meeting this past week. The issue on the table was whether or not my town would allow an addiction treatment facility to be built within city limits. Sadly, it was voted down because of comments such as "how can I keep my kids safe if these "crazy" people are running around?" The reality is, in Oklahoma (as in many states and communities) addictions of many kinds are rampant. And, other studies suggest that chemical addictions (including alcohol) are inevitably related to domestic and child abuse.
The reality is that people with addictions are just like you and me. I had a friend of mine once say, "I don't think I've ever known anyone with a drug problem." And I said, "Sure you have, you just don't know it." The stereotypical "drunk falling down" or "crazy meth head" around town are just hollywood inventions. I hope that someday, Oklahoma will arise to the fact that our state is in dire need of treatment programs and resources to assist those who are struggling so desperately.
Once a week I invest time with a local facility where I teach nurturing parenting to families who are making the courageous steps to put their families back together. I haven't written much about this experience yet. The experience humbles me in ways that I cannot put into words because of the persistence and bravery of those that are working through unbelievable circumstances to have healthier families. While I hope that I, along with trained therapists and counselors, do provide some resources for those in the class, the class participants teach me every week with their courage. I hope I can write more about these experiences at some time.
Here's the article from local news web site:
OKLAHOMA CITY (AP) - A study suggests that bad childhood experiences, from neglect and abuse to domestic violence in the home, contribute to Oklahomans' overall poor health. Anne Roberts, executive director of the Oklahoma Institute for Child Advocacy, says findings of the Adverse Childhood Experience Study represent a "ticking timebomb" for the quality of Oklahomans' future health. Roberts says if the state doesn't intervene on behalf of abused children, chronic health issues will only escalate. Oklahoma ranks Number 1 in the nation in deaths due to heart disease. And the state recorded more than 24,500 domestic violence cases to law enforcement agencies in 2004. In 2005, there were more than 13,300 cases of child abuse and neglect in Oklahoma
The reality is that people with addictions are just like you and me. I had a friend of mine once say, "I don't think I've ever known anyone with a drug problem." And I said, "Sure you have, you just don't know it." The stereotypical "drunk falling down" or "crazy meth head" around town are just hollywood inventions. I hope that someday, Oklahoma will arise to the fact that our state is in dire need of treatment programs and resources to assist those who are struggling so desperately.
Once a week I invest time with a local facility where I teach nurturing parenting to families who are making the courageous steps to put their families back together. I haven't written much about this experience yet. The experience humbles me in ways that I cannot put into words because of the persistence and bravery of those that are working through unbelievable circumstances to have healthier families. While I hope that I, along with trained therapists and counselors, do provide some resources for those in the class, the class participants teach me every week with their courage. I hope I can write more about these experiences at some time.
Here's the article from local news web site:
OKLAHOMA CITY (AP) - A study suggests that bad childhood experiences, from neglect and abuse to domestic violence in the home, contribute to Oklahomans' overall poor health. Anne Roberts, executive director of the Oklahoma Institute for Child Advocacy, says findings of the Adverse Childhood Experience Study represent a "ticking timebomb" for the quality of Oklahomans' future health. Roberts says if the state doesn't intervene on behalf of abused children, chronic health issues will only escalate. Oklahoma ranks Number 1 in the nation in deaths due to heart disease. And the state recorded more than 24,500 domestic violence cases to law enforcement agencies in 2004. In 2005, there were more than 13,300 cases of child abuse and neglect in Oklahoma
Monday, January 22, 2007
Today's reading
With our unexpected "winter break" I have been reading many books. Too many, perhaps. Is that even possible?
I picked up "Reading Like a Writer" by Francine Prose and am finding it helpful beyond, well, words. Here's a great reason why:
'A novelist friend compares the rules of grammar, punctuation, and usage to a sort of old-fashioned etiquette. He says that writing is a bit like inviting someone to your house. The writer is host, the read hte guest, and you, the writer, follow the etiquette because you want your readers to be more comfortable, especially if you're plannign to serve them something they might not be expecting.' (p. 43).
I picked up "Reading Like a Writer" by Francine Prose and am finding it helpful beyond, well, words. Here's a great reason why:
'A novelist friend compares the rules of grammar, punctuation, and usage to a sort of old-fashioned etiquette. He says that writing is a bit like inviting someone to your house. The writer is host, the read hte guest, and you, the writer, follow the etiquette because you want your readers to be more comfortable, especially if you're plannign to serve them something they might not be expecting.' (p. 43).
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Movies
I saw two movies this weekend. The first one, "Little Miss Sunshine" on DVD and the other, "The Last King of Scotland" at the box office.
I was drawn to "..sunshine" because of Toni Collette who is a great character actress. I've loved her in every movie she's done and I admire the fact that she plays varying roles and those roles are generally complex characters, not always beautiful. I love her transparency and the fact that when I'm watching her I see the character, not Ms. Collette. Other actresses should be so talented. What I liked about this movie is the transformation of a fragmented family into something more whole.
"..Scotland" was such an intense movie, I left the box office shuddering and soothed myself in a nearby bookstore. Something about a bookstore on a rainy Sunday afternoon can be soothing, I think. "..Scotland" is a film based upon true events which is what makes the movie so frightening. I was drawn to the film because I had once met a man, a doctor, whose family had fled Uganda under Amin's reign of terror.
The rumors mills regarding the performance of Forrest Whitaker are absolutely true. His take on "Amin" makes a frightening character at least understandable if not likeable and the movie does what a good historical movie can do - -it allows the viewer to see the clash of the historic components. It is characters such as Amin (and Hitler and so many other leaders) that encourage me to believe that each of us live on a bubble that wobbles between evil and good and that a set of decisions can propel us down a path of either. I think movies such as this are valuable when done well, and this one is done well.
I was drawn to "..sunshine" because of Toni Collette who is a great character actress. I've loved her in every movie she's done and I admire the fact that she plays varying roles and those roles are generally complex characters, not always beautiful. I love her transparency and the fact that when I'm watching her I see the character, not Ms. Collette. Other actresses should be so talented. What I liked about this movie is the transformation of a fragmented family into something more whole.
"..Scotland" was such an intense movie, I left the box office shuddering and soothed myself in a nearby bookstore. Something about a bookstore on a rainy Sunday afternoon can be soothing, I think. "..Scotland" is a film based upon true events which is what makes the movie so frightening. I was drawn to the film because I had once met a man, a doctor, whose family had fled Uganda under Amin's reign of terror.
The rumors mills regarding the performance of Forrest Whitaker are absolutely true. His take on "Amin" makes a frightening character at least understandable if not likeable and the movie does what a good historical movie can do - -it allows the viewer to see the clash of the historic components. It is characters such as Amin (and Hitler and so many other leaders) that encourage me to believe that each of us live on a bubble that wobbles between evil and good and that a set of decisions can propel us down a path of either. I think movies such as this are valuable when done well, and this one is done well.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Day 5 of the Ice Age
It continues to be icy with dangerous road conditions. Today, I ventured forth to meet with my accountant -- that story later. For now, I'll rage against the stupidity of drivers. The ones that forget that more than half of the road (my half, thank you) is still covered in slick ice and who drive fast -- clocking speeds that rival Nascar races. Do they forget the danger of passing me in my "lane", honking and flipping me off? Do they think that one small fish-tail won't take us both out? Do they think that the crags in the road that I'm forced to drive on is going to suddenly melt under my tires so that there is no danger to them? Why are they so angry that I'm going a mere 45 mph on Tulsa's death road (HWY 169) while they top out at 70 plus?
Oh, I get it. They want to be the first to hit the ditch about a mile up the road. First to the auto repair. First to the chiropractor or hospital. First to be a thoughtless pig.
People are crabby because of the cancellations I guess. Five days of watching TV and ridiculous shows like the "Golden Globes" will do that. One cancellation I couldn't get out of: the annual meeting with the Tax Guy. (Strike up the scary music...)
Meeting with the Tax Guy is a lot like being held up -- only it's legal and no gun is required - except the gun that if you don't pay you lose your house, your wages, your job. It's a friendly fleecing, I guess. You make money? You pay.
Still, I can't complain about paying taxes. I really cannot. No one in my neighborhood had their car explode from a car bomb this week. And my drinking water is safe, more or less. The roads in my city are full of potholes but they will be fixed eventually. And no one has arrested me or any members of my family for saying demeaning things about the government. The fact that we can talk about the "worst dressed list" from the Golden Globes Ceremony and act like it means something is a tribute to the fact that we live in America, where our royalty waltz down a red carpet, accept commendations from their peers while a senseless war wages on in a country far away.
God, I love this country. I love that I can pay taxes because there have been days in my life when I stood in the FREE LUNCH line at my school and was laughed at by kids whose parents' income - and their paying taxes -- made that possible. I love that I can volunteer at a local organization, giving my time and energy to people not unlike me and that my tax dollars -- in part -- make that organization and its services possible. I love that I can rant against a school system that is fallible in most every way but still remains one of the best ways to educate worldwide.
Still its sobering to look at a year in pictures, painted in the language of numbers and neat columns. The Tax Man looked at me after I recovered from the anxiety attack that came from the "Pay here.." column...and said, "What does success look like to you?"
His question didn't surprise me. It's one I've been asking myself a lot lately. I looked at him, square in the eyes, and said, "The problem with success is that the definition keeps changing." He must have read some book on talking to clients because he acted like he might actually care about me past the W-2's and all. I told him that the greatest moments of joy for me this past year were when I saw my son graduate, my daughter hit a 3-pointer, laughing with my husband on our anniversary. And I found the courage to answer his next question which was, "What would you do if you could do anything?"
And to that, I felt my stomach quiver and my strength slip. Do I tell him that my most satisfying moment this year came from the weekly class I teach at the Parent Child Center? Or that the moment when I danced in my office is when I got my first letter from an editor, telling me the submission was all wrong but to keep trying. To me, these were really important moments, moments that were made from that place deep inside that says, "This is what you were really made to do."
In many countries, following a dream takes a backseat to surviving the daily war lords and their brutality. In many countries paying the bills means working years with nothing remotely looking like "minimum wage" or health care. In many countires, studying a painting or reading a book isn't lawless, just non-existant.
It's imperfect, sure. But it's my country and it's worth paying for. Who do I make this payable to...?
Oh, I get it. They want to be the first to hit the ditch about a mile up the road. First to the auto repair. First to the chiropractor or hospital. First to be a thoughtless pig.
People are crabby because of the cancellations I guess. Five days of watching TV and ridiculous shows like the "Golden Globes" will do that. One cancellation I couldn't get out of: the annual meeting with the Tax Guy. (Strike up the scary music...)
Meeting with the Tax Guy is a lot like being held up -- only it's legal and no gun is required - except the gun that if you don't pay you lose your house, your wages, your job. It's a friendly fleecing, I guess. You make money? You pay.
Still, I can't complain about paying taxes. I really cannot. No one in my neighborhood had their car explode from a car bomb this week. And my drinking water is safe, more or less. The roads in my city are full of potholes but they will be fixed eventually. And no one has arrested me or any members of my family for saying demeaning things about the government. The fact that we can talk about the "worst dressed list" from the Golden Globes Ceremony and act like it means something is a tribute to the fact that we live in America, where our royalty waltz down a red carpet, accept commendations from their peers while a senseless war wages on in a country far away.
God, I love this country. I love that I can pay taxes because there have been days in my life when I stood in the FREE LUNCH line at my school and was laughed at by kids whose parents' income - and their paying taxes -- made that possible. I love that I can volunteer at a local organization, giving my time and energy to people not unlike me and that my tax dollars -- in part -- make that organization and its services possible. I love that I can rant against a school system that is fallible in most every way but still remains one of the best ways to educate worldwide.
Still its sobering to look at a year in pictures, painted in the language of numbers and neat columns. The Tax Man looked at me after I recovered from the anxiety attack that came from the "Pay here.." column...and said, "What does success look like to you?"
His question didn't surprise me. It's one I've been asking myself a lot lately. I looked at him, square in the eyes, and said, "The problem with success is that the definition keeps changing." He must have read some book on talking to clients because he acted like he might actually care about me past the W-2's and all. I told him that the greatest moments of joy for me this past year were when I saw my son graduate, my daughter hit a 3-pointer, laughing with my husband on our anniversary. And I found the courage to answer his next question which was, "What would you do if you could do anything?"
And to that, I felt my stomach quiver and my strength slip. Do I tell him that my most satisfying moment this year came from the weekly class I teach at the Parent Child Center? Or that the moment when I danced in my office is when I got my first letter from an editor, telling me the submission was all wrong but to keep trying. To me, these were really important moments, moments that were made from that place deep inside that says, "This is what you were really made to do."
In many countries, following a dream takes a backseat to surviving the daily war lords and their brutality. In many countries paying the bills means working years with nothing remotely looking like "minimum wage" or health care. In many countires, studying a painting or reading a book isn't lawless, just non-existant.
It's imperfect, sure. But it's my country and it's worth paying for. Who do I make this payable to...?
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Ice and wind in Redneckville
You know it's bad weather when the OSU-Nebraska basketball game is postponed.
And indeed it is bad weather. Here in T-town, we are now bracing ourselves for the third wave of ice and sleet. For those that may live in other parts of the country and only see ice in their mixed drinks or refrigerators, this may sound like a typo. Ice? Falling from the sky?
What makes this really amazing is that a day before the first wave of ice and sleet (yes, there is a difference in the two) we had temperatures of 66 degrees. I barely used a coat while on deliveries. This is why I believe here in the midwest we believe in the stories of the bible, like Noah and that big boat thing -- we understand that weather conditions of biblical proportions can happen suddenly, cancelling important things such as school, churches and when it it gets really bad -- collegiate basketball games.
I'm pretty steamed that my date with comedian Brian Regan was postponed because of all this weather. (OK, it wasn't exactly a date - -2400 other people would have probably been there AND my husband who was suppose to go with me celebrating that 21 years of marriage thing...) So I have hunkered down and done what most obsessive compulsive types do when there is nothing that they can do -- started cleaning out closets, surfing the web and of course, watching endless hours of my favorite TV shows. (And a few of my not so favorite).
Dan and I did tromp out to the local home/garden store in the midst of the calamity. I claimed I needed to get laundry detergent (washing clothes becomes a bigger priority when you're stuck at home for endless days) when I really was looking for exterior lights for patio. A project that seemed remote and unimportant began to haunt me with an urgency so intense, I found myself surfing the web at odd hours of the night looking through images of lights, chandeliers, lamps.
The mind works strangely when the fear of being house-bound takes hold. I started noticing every stain on the carpet, every dust bunny in the house and have started a cleaning campaign that will no doubt entail the need for a new Dyson vacuum cleaner and a truckload of cleaning supplies.
Getting back to work will be a relief for all of us.
And indeed it is bad weather. Here in T-town, we are now bracing ourselves for the third wave of ice and sleet. For those that may live in other parts of the country and only see ice in their mixed drinks or refrigerators, this may sound like a typo. Ice? Falling from the sky?
What makes this really amazing is that a day before the first wave of ice and sleet (yes, there is a difference in the two) we had temperatures of 66 degrees. I barely used a coat while on deliveries. This is why I believe here in the midwest we believe in the stories of the bible, like Noah and that big boat thing -- we understand that weather conditions of biblical proportions can happen suddenly, cancelling important things such as school, churches and when it it gets really bad -- collegiate basketball games.
I'm pretty steamed that my date with comedian Brian Regan was postponed because of all this weather. (OK, it wasn't exactly a date - -2400 other people would have probably been there AND my husband who was suppose to go with me celebrating that 21 years of marriage thing...) So I have hunkered down and done what most obsessive compulsive types do when there is nothing that they can do -- started cleaning out closets, surfing the web and of course, watching endless hours of my favorite TV shows. (And a few of my not so favorite).
Dan and I did tromp out to the local home/garden store in the midst of the calamity. I claimed I needed to get laundry detergent (washing clothes becomes a bigger priority when you're stuck at home for endless days) when I really was looking for exterior lights for patio. A project that seemed remote and unimportant began to haunt me with an urgency so intense, I found myself surfing the web at odd hours of the night looking through images of lights, chandeliers, lamps.
The mind works strangely when the fear of being house-bound takes hold. I started noticing every stain on the carpet, every dust bunny in the house and have started a cleaning campaign that will no doubt entail the need for a new Dyson vacuum cleaner and a truckload of cleaning supplies.
Getting back to work will be a relief for all of us.
Friday, January 12, 2007
Addicted
It began simply as most addictions do. Late at night, I was bored and while everyone was asleep I indulged. Before too many nights, I started planning my day around when I'd get a hit and soon I was scouring the day for times when I could fuel the fire.
Like many people, I thought I wouldn't fall so easily. I use to laugh at others who told me about their battles and I would laugh self-righteously at them. Now I know better.
Weekend like this one -- with cold, icy weather only makes me want more, more, more...
So this weekend I'll be camped out on the sofa, scarfing down leftovers and watching all the seasonal reruns of "scrubs" I can find.
I love J.D but Dr. Cox is my favorite. And Jordan! I love that character. I love the silliness and the mythical and literary references and I can get lost in my cable stations reruns.
Almost more than Law and Order but maybe not quite....
Like many people, I thought I wouldn't fall so easily. I use to laugh at others who told me about their battles and I would laugh self-righteously at them. Now I know better.
Weekend like this one -- with cold, icy weather only makes me want more, more, more...
So this weekend I'll be camped out on the sofa, scarfing down leftovers and watching all the seasonal reruns of "scrubs" I can find.
I love J.D but Dr. Cox is my favorite. And Jordan! I love that character. I love the silliness and the mythical and literary references and I can get lost in my cable stations reruns.
Almost more than Law and Order but maybe not quite....
Friday, December 29, 2006
On my bookshelf
This New Year's I have a stack of books that I'm enjoying:
"Thirst" (poems by Mary Oliver)
"Traveling Mercies" (Anne Lamott)
"Keeping Faith" (Jodi Picoult)
"The Bourne Ultimatum" (Robert Ludlum)
"Moby Dick" (Herman Melville)
As long as I have books to read, it is a good year.
"Thirst" (poems by Mary Oliver)
"Traveling Mercies" (Anne Lamott)
"Keeping Faith" (Jodi Picoult)
"The Bourne Ultimatum" (Robert Ludlum)
"Moby Dick" (Herman Melville)
As long as I have books to read, it is a good year.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Christmas Eve walk in my garden
I take a subscription to "Fine Gardening" which is the best periodical on the market for gardeners. I like it because it gives more than just glossy photos of gardens, it also gives a map of what makes up a great garden along with expert tips. Additionally, the articles transcend more than the usual garden "how-to's" even giving advice on creating what I call "sacred space".
Still, my favorite magazine arrives about the time I feel sucker-punched by my garden and this past week was no exception. Gardening is like parenting, wimps need not apply and I have been feely particularly grumpy regarding my garden of late. This past year was harsh because of the lack of rain fall and I have determined that I will add nothing to my garden this year until I have sufficient water that can sustain the life that I try to keep going.
I ignored the publication for several days, excusing myself because I was busy with holidays and such. But I was really angry at my garden for many reasons. First I was angry that it didn't look like the gardens in the magazines. My husband's reply didn't help. "What, you think I'd be mad at you because you don't look like the girls in Vogue?" I stomped outside to think about it some more.
I was mad at my garden mostly because of the tremendous disappointment it had become. After months and years of watering and care, this past year it looked weedy and untamed and I had given up in late June, cursing the moles and the bugs and the bermuda worse than ever before.
As I browsed the gardening magazine I came across a really terrific article that may help save me: "6 Essential garden elements" and as I read the article, I remembered that this is why it's good to have expert opinions to guide you -- when you are most discouraged is the time for someone who's been there before to help you along. Here are the Six Essentials:
1 - Shelters: structures such as arbors, pergolas, gazebos.
2 - Ornamentation: decorative embellishments such as sculptures, found objects or arranged beach stones.
3 - Pathways: areas used for passage that direct the visitor and influence the experience
4 - Water: features such as ponds, streams, fountains or birdbaths used to stimulate the senses
5 - Gates: garden entry points or portals that indicate a beginning and end.
6 - Borders: physical boundaries - such as fences, walls or hedges that divide spaces.
What is exciting about these components is that they can be on a table top or an acre of space. Gardens can be wherever they need to be and I'm a believer that there needs to be more.
Valerie Easton, author of "A Pattern Garden" also wrote in this article that a "garden is a metaphore for change" which is why I enjoy walking my garden at all seasons. Seasons are a benchmark for change and there is no better way to find that personally or organically than in a garden.
Still, my favorite magazine arrives about the time I feel sucker-punched by my garden and this past week was no exception. Gardening is like parenting, wimps need not apply and I have been feely particularly grumpy regarding my garden of late. This past year was harsh because of the lack of rain fall and I have determined that I will add nothing to my garden this year until I have sufficient water that can sustain the life that I try to keep going.
I ignored the publication for several days, excusing myself because I was busy with holidays and such. But I was really angry at my garden for many reasons. First I was angry that it didn't look like the gardens in the magazines. My husband's reply didn't help. "What, you think I'd be mad at you because you don't look like the girls in Vogue?" I stomped outside to think about it some more.
I was mad at my garden mostly because of the tremendous disappointment it had become. After months and years of watering and care, this past year it looked weedy and untamed and I had given up in late June, cursing the moles and the bugs and the bermuda worse than ever before.
As I browsed the gardening magazine I came across a really terrific article that may help save me: "6 Essential garden elements" and as I read the article, I remembered that this is why it's good to have expert opinions to guide you -- when you are most discouraged is the time for someone who's been there before to help you along. Here are the Six Essentials:
1 - Shelters: structures such as arbors, pergolas, gazebos.
2 - Ornamentation: decorative embellishments such as sculptures, found objects or arranged beach stones.
3 - Pathways: areas used for passage that direct the visitor and influence the experience
4 - Water: features such as ponds, streams, fountains or birdbaths used to stimulate the senses
5 - Gates: garden entry points or portals that indicate a beginning and end.
6 - Borders: physical boundaries - such as fences, walls or hedges that divide spaces.
What is exciting about these components is that they can be on a table top or an acre of space. Gardens can be wherever they need to be and I'm a believer that there needs to be more.
Valerie Easton, author of "A Pattern Garden" also wrote in this article that a "garden is a metaphore for change" which is why I enjoy walking my garden at all seasons. Seasons are a benchmark for change and there is no better way to find that personally or organically than in a garden.
Monday, December 18, 2006
My Parenting Top 10 List
(Author's note: This kind of list is only undertaken by the very brave or the very stupid or by those who have been up all night working deadlines and feeling a little fuzzy-headed due to too much caffeine and too much chocolate. There are no "parenting experts" and those that claim to be experts in the field of parenting have probably never had a colicky baby or a rebellious teenager. Nonetheless, I believe that all parents have a responsibility to share what they do know with the idea that better parents make a better world. With the idea that parenting is more mystery than fact, more art than science, I reserve the right to change my list as new "opportunities" present themselves.")
My Parent Top 10 - December, 2006
1 - Say "yes" as much as possible. Saying yes does not mean no limits. You can say, "Yes, you can have a cookie AFTER you eat your dinner." or "Yes, you can play with your friend AFTER you clean your room."
2 - Hold on loosely but don't let go. Sure, it's a rock song, but it really works in most relationships especially parenting. The goal of parenting is to make dependent people independent in every way: socially, financially, spiritually, emotionally. I like to think of parenting like a sledding slope. The first 5 years you are getting the gear out to do the gig. The next 5 years is the trek up the mountain, the next 5 is the trek down where it is all about just guiding and enjoying the ride and recovering from any wipe outs. The next 5 years is sharing the excitement over a cup of cocoa.
3 - Know the difference in covenant and contract. A covenant is an agreement based upon one person whereas a contract is an agreement based upon two people. Parenting is a covenant in the sense that love is there for children at no cost, expense or effort on their part. My children cannot earn my love, it is mine to give. There are things in the relationship, though, that need contractual agreements, not necessarily in the legal sense but in the agreement sense. "When you finish your homework, we'll go to the movie." and the like.
4 - My children are not "mine". I'm grateful I was a part of the process of creating my children but they are not mine. I do not own them and in fact, the role I have is to provide them the opportunity for them to be the "boss of themselves". They are a gift that I have been allowed to share for about 18 years.
5 - My children are not to carry on my dreams. - I want my kids to have their own dreams, not be burdened with unmet dreams of my life. That means that when they are on the playing field of life -- either metaphorically or physcially - my role is to cheer on my kid and their team. My kids are not there to struggle under my past no matter how glorious or pathetic.
6 - Speak truth into theier lives whenever possible - Parenting is like a great "reveal" where you can literally speak what can be into their lives whenever possible. Sometimes it may sound like a fiction story when you day, "I know you can accomplish _____ goal!" And sometimes it may be the impossible dream. The goal of dreaming is to create a new reality that can be accomplished simply by seeing possibilities over obstacles, the good in the bad, the possible in the impossible.
7 - Be a screw up - I believe that kids need guidance, not perfection. In fact, I believe the role of parenting is to create completion not perfection. Parenting, by divine design, is as much about parents formation as it is the kids. This humble approach to parenting is transformative in that parents will learn as much about themselves and the world through the process of good parenting as the kids will.
8 - Companion to #7 - Say "I'm sorry" quickly - I have no problem saying "I blew it!" to my kids when appropriate and the sad fact is, I blow it everyday. I don't have all the answers on any subject which is good because what my kids need to know is that I care and that I can listen and that together we can face the day.
9 - Have a partner - Whether married or not, parents need support. I am grateful for my husband of 21 years who is gifted in ways that I cannot ever be. There are days when I call and say, "Your kid needs you today." which is a way to say, "you're gifted in this area -- I am not." Especially as our kids have grown up I have been amazed at how my husband can untangle a knot with our kids. And there are times when my style of parenting is best suited to a given situation. This is not a competition but a team goal.
10 - Pray a lot - I believe that kids are part of a divine design with a creator that knows everything they need before they ever take a first breath. In fact that is my prayer in the murky days of parenting, "YOU know what they need, help them in spite of me."
This is a good time to say "you're the best" to a couple of people who make my world shine, my kids, Nathan (18) and Ellen (16) who are better people most days than I'll ever be. Thank you for the gifts you give me this season and everyday. Why God gave you to me is the testimony that He has a terrific sense of humor and endless grace.
My Parent Top 10 - December, 2006
1 - Say "yes" as much as possible. Saying yes does not mean no limits. You can say, "Yes, you can have a cookie AFTER you eat your dinner." or "Yes, you can play with your friend AFTER you clean your room."
2 - Hold on loosely but don't let go. Sure, it's a rock song, but it really works in most relationships especially parenting. The goal of parenting is to make dependent people independent in every way: socially, financially, spiritually, emotionally. I like to think of parenting like a sledding slope. The first 5 years you are getting the gear out to do the gig. The next 5 years is the trek up the mountain, the next 5 is the trek down where it is all about just guiding and enjoying the ride and recovering from any wipe outs. The next 5 years is sharing the excitement over a cup of cocoa.
3 - Know the difference in covenant and contract. A covenant is an agreement based upon one person whereas a contract is an agreement based upon two people. Parenting is a covenant in the sense that love is there for children at no cost, expense or effort on their part. My children cannot earn my love, it is mine to give. There are things in the relationship, though, that need contractual agreements, not necessarily in the legal sense but in the agreement sense. "When you finish your homework, we'll go to the movie." and the like.
4 - My children are not "mine". I'm grateful I was a part of the process of creating my children but they are not mine. I do not own them and in fact, the role I have is to provide them the opportunity for them to be the "boss of themselves". They are a gift that I have been allowed to share for about 18 years.
5 - My children are not to carry on my dreams. - I want my kids to have their own dreams, not be burdened with unmet dreams of my life. That means that when they are on the playing field of life -- either metaphorically or physcially - my role is to cheer on my kid and their team. My kids are not there to struggle under my past no matter how glorious or pathetic.
6 - Speak truth into theier lives whenever possible - Parenting is like a great "reveal" where you can literally speak what can be into their lives whenever possible. Sometimes it may sound like a fiction story when you day, "I know you can accomplish _____ goal!" And sometimes it may be the impossible dream. The goal of dreaming is to create a new reality that can be accomplished simply by seeing possibilities over obstacles, the good in the bad, the possible in the impossible.
7 - Be a screw up - I believe that kids need guidance, not perfection. In fact, I believe the role of parenting is to create completion not perfection. Parenting, by divine design, is as much about parents formation as it is the kids. This humble approach to parenting is transformative in that parents will learn as much about themselves and the world through the process of good parenting as the kids will.
8 - Companion to #7 - Say "I'm sorry" quickly - I have no problem saying "I blew it!" to my kids when appropriate and the sad fact is, I blow it everyday. I don't have all the answers on any subject which is good because what my kids need to know is that I care and that I can listen and that together we can face the day.
9 - Have a partner - Whether married or not, parents need support. I am grateful for my husband of 21 years who is gifted in ways that I cannot ever be. There are days when I call and say, "Your kid needs you today." which is a way to say, "you're gifted in this area -- I am not." Especially as our kids have grown up I have been amazed at how my husband can untangle a knot with our kids. And there are times when my style of parenting is best suited to a given situation. This is not a competition but a team goal.
10 - Pray a lot - I believe that kids are part of a divine design with a creator that knows everything they need before they ever take a first breath. In fact that is my prayer in the murky days of parenting, "YOU know what they need, help them in spite of me."
This is a good time to say "you're the best" to a couple of people who make my world shine, my kids, Nathan (18) and Ellen (16) who are better people most days than I'll ever be. Thank you for the gifts you give me this season and everyday. Why God gave you to me is the testimony that He has a terrific sense of humor and endless grace.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Quote for the day
"There lives more faith in honest doubt,
Believe me, than in half the creeds."
---Tennyson
Believe me, than in half the creeds."
---Tennyson
Sunday, December 10, 2006
This week's movie
This weekend I saw, "Blood Diamond" and would recommend it first for the storyline and second for the acting. I generally am less attracted to films with big name stars because generally the story line is sub-par. This time, though, it is good story meets good acting, a welcome change of pace for holiday movies.
I've tried hard to not like Leo but he has won me over with the diversity of his movie roles and the ability he has to make likeable the most wayward of characters. In this way, he reminds me a good deal of early Pacino and DeNiro. I admire his ability to make the progression from child actor to actor well, a feat that is not easily accomplished.
I am also a big Jennifer Connelly fan because I love any actress that seems more concerned about her acting than her hair and appearance.
But the really good news about this movie is how it puts vapid american consumerism on display right smack dab in the middle of the season of excess with its story of global conflict and some of the underbelly of the diamond trade. After watching this movie and reading about the diamond trade, I think most will be like me, hesitant to wear anything resembling diamonds.
Google "blood diamond" and check out more about this with the movie's official web site.
I've tried hard to not like Leo but he has won me over with the diversity of his movie roles and the ability he has to make likeable the most wayward of characters. In this way, he reminds me a good deal of early Pacino and DeNiro. I admire his ability to make the progression from child actor to actor well, a feat that is not easily accomplished.
I am also a big Jennifer Connelly fan because I love any actress that seems more concerned about her acting than her hair and appearance.
But the really good news about this movie is how it puts vapid american consumerism on display right smack dab in the middle of the season of excess with its story of global conflict and some of the underbelly of the diamond trade. After watching this movie and reading about the diamond trade, I think most will be like me, hesitant to wear anything resembling diamonds.
Google "blood diamond" and check out more about this with the movie's official web site.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Who's in? Who's out? And who's keeping score?
I have a friend who recently converted to Judaism upon marrying her husband. She isn't jewish by lineage. Her mother is Catholic, she doesn't know her dad.
She was sharing with me recently that she had been told, by a conservative jewish woman, that she wasn't "really jewish" because she was not born into the faith. My friend told me all the details, most of which just hurt my head and most of which seem infinately trivial as most religious disputes tend to be. This allegation, of course, broke my friends heart and mine. While I am not jewish, I know all too well the stings of religious elitism.
The jewish faith holds no patent on this.
While business and social circles have well defined codes of conduct and long lists of "Who's Who" I find those much easier to stomach than the often subjective religious mandates. Most of the time, business, academia and social elitists can point to talking points printed on expensive papers on the entrance exams to their individual realms. However, there seems to be nothing so insidious as religious elitism which is often based on obscure and trivial points that when pressed hold nothing more than tradition vamping as doctrine. I often find that those most committed to their ideals are also least likely to be able to define them -- or defend them.
When faced with the cutting remarks of those whose arrogance supercedes their manners I like to remember these facts:
2/3 of what we call the bible was written by murderers (Moses, David, Paul)
Those who began "the christian movement" were yahoos living in caves, not cathedrals
God has used prostitutes, accountants, lawyers, even donkeys to achieve a purpose. Who, in God's name (literally) do you think YOU are?
Most of the characters in the christian bible are nothing more than deeply flawed individuals who, in spite of themselves, often found their faith through a bumbling series of accidents. While I have no illusions about the Abrahams, or the Paul's I find that their inclusive in a community of believers both deeply disturbing and deeply reassuring.
"The opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty" - Anne LaMott
"I'll strive for excellence and leave perfection to God" -- Michael J. Fox
As I've said before in this blog, there are a very few things that I would take a sword for. Here is one of them: There is a God and I am not Him. And two, I'll let him decide who's on his list.
She was sharing with me recently that she had been told, by a conservative jewish woman, that she wasn't "really jewish" because she was not born into the faith. My friend told me all the details, most of which just hurt my head and most of which seem infinately trivial as most religious disputes tend to be. This allegation, of course, broke my friends heart and mine. While I am not jewish, I know all too well the stings of religious elitism.
The jewish faith holds no patent on this.
While business and social circles have well defined codes of conduct and long lists of "Who's Who" I find those much easier to stomach than the often subjective religious mandates. Most of the time, business, academia and social elitists can point to talking points printed on expensive papers on the entrance exams to their individual realms. However, there seems to be nothing so insidious as religious elitism which is often based on obscure and trivial points that when pressed hold nothing more than tradition vamping as doctrine. I often find that those most committed to their ideals are also least likely to be able to define them -- or defend them.
When faced with the cutting remarks of those whose arrogance supercedes their manners I like to remember these facts:
2/3 of what we call the bible was written by murderers (Moses, David, Paul)
Those who began "the christian movement" were yahoos living in caves, not cathedrals
God has used prostitutes, accountants, lawyers, even donkeys to achieve a purpose. Who, in God's name (literally) do you think YOU are?
Most of the characters in the christian bible are nothing more than deeply flawed individuals who, in spite of themselves, often found their faith through a bumbling series of accidents. While I have no illusions about the Abrahams, or the Paul's I find that their inclusive in a community of believers both deeply disturbing and deeply reassuring.
"The opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty" - Anne LaMott
"I'll strive for excellence and leave perfection to God" -- Michael J. Fox
As I've said before in this blog, there are a very few things that I would take a sword for. Here is one of them: There is a God and I am not Him. And two, I'll let him decide who's on his list.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Season of Giving
We are officially snowed in, perhaps for several days. It's the kind of snow that makes for great holiday cards - all swirls and mounds and ice. Beautiful but deadly - I'm staying in until I can see the street again.
So today was a snowy day to hang out with daughter, talk about ACT scores and college visits. There was plenty of time to make decadent chocolate cookies, drag out the christmas decorations and watch "Gilmore Girls" until our eyes fell out of our heads. I have a major caffeine buzz, my head hurts with thinking so hard (she's way smarter than me) and my sides ache from laughing. A perfect day.
I spent the last few days collecting gifts for some area children. This kind of activity both inspires me and disgusts me. I'm inspired because of the spirit and resiliency of children who are surviving amazing situations. It disgusts me that so many of us give so terribly.
There is something wrong with our culture which can spend more on electronic gadgets for their music than they can for children without parents. I'm especially touched by those who profess some sort of faith but show up with used clothing and broken toys which no one would want. Sometimes I think this season of giving is more about cleaning out closets and salving our conscious than about giving to others. The sentiment seems to be, "Jesus loves you, now here's a torn t-shirt to wear. I was just going to throw it out anyway."
Giving is the quality that forces us to look out ourselves and see what we trust, what we value and who we are. And sometimes, what I see when I look closely is how much I have to learn about giving. I hope this upcoming year I can learn how to really give.
So today was a snowy day to hang out with daughter, talk about ACT scores and college visits. There was plenty of time to make decadent chocolate cookies, drag out the christmas decorations and watch "Gilmore Girls" until our eyes fell out of our heads. I have a major caffeine buzz, my head hurts with thinking so hard (she's way smarter than me) and my sides ache from laughing. A perfect day.
I spent the last few days collecting gifts for some area children. This kind of activity both inspires me and disgusts me. I'm inspired because of the spirit and resiliency of children who are surviving amazing situations. It disgusts me that so many of us give so terribly.
There is something wrong with our culture which can spend more on electronic gadgets for their music than they can for children without parents. I'm especially touched by those who profess some sort of faith but show up with used clothing and broken toys which no one would want. Sometimes I think this season of giving is more about cleaning out closets and salving our conscious than about giving to others. The sentiment seems to be, "Jesus loves you, now here's a torn t-shirt to wear. I was just going to throw it out anyway."
Giving is the quality that forces us to look out ourselves and see what we trust, what we value and who we are. And sometimes, what I see when I look closely is how much I have to learn about giving. I hope this upcoming year I can learn how to really give.
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